I’ve been listening to these songs 12that were cut from the musical (probably because they made it too long or because they talked about things that were later resumed in other songs) AND I’VE COLLECTED SOME THINGS:
We can consider this canon, those are facts that don’t affect the plot and were made by the authors so I’m stuck with it.
1. Inthis song Cynthia says this: ‘
The missing pills from the medicine cabinet. The missing kid found passed out in the park.’ so THANKS TO THAT WE NOW KNOW HOW AND WHEN HE DIED. Probably after that first day of school, because he was absent three days after someone found him, he grabbed those ‘missing pills’ and died due to pill overdose.
2. Also in that first song she says he ‘used to love jokes! when he was a little boy? ‘why did the chicken cross the road?’ he had a million answers to that one!’ so, like any cheerful little kid he liked jokes that probably turned to bitter sarcasm with the years.
3. There’sthis other song in which Cynthia says ‘
Saw the counselors and the clinics And the cures a mother tries Cause maybe they could take away that anger in your eyes’ which means they were trying. He probably was on meds and probably was tired of psychiatrists.
4. Both songs talk about how Cynthia and Connor fought after dinner every dinner and how Connor pulled himself away with every fight:
We went to battle every evening after dinner I thought I knew some way that I’d get through to you, Remember? In the bedroom down the hall We fought a war where no one walked away a winner Cause every day you pulled a little more away, Remember?’ and ‘
All that I’ve thought about is how hard he would slam that bedroom door, Every night after dinner. Wild-eyed and weary, from all those nights of fighting a war Where no one was the winner.’
5. Okay this is not about Connor but we now know Connor and Evan had one thing in common. Heidi about Evan: ‘In the bedroom down the hall I surprised you with that comic book collection Next Halloween, I dressed you up like Wolverine, Remember?’ and Cynthia about Connor
‘The years of trick or treating, my spiderman, he stood at 4 foot 2, such a happy child.’
THEY BOTH LIKE COMICS!!! so they could have been friends they actually had things in common and thanks to these songs now we know Connor was a human and not a monster. Sure, he was mean and that’s not nice nor forgivable but at least we know (thanks to a little bit of light) that he was really trying.
I wonder what would have been of them both if they had talked things out, Evan and Connor I mean. I know mental illnesses can not be magically cured by a lover but having someone by your side (as a friend too) really helps, and they were in the same position so maybe they would have been of help for each other.
okay listen,,, “a little bit of light” means so much to me and absolutely should not have been cut because it’s the one song that actually paints connor (the real connor) in a decent light.
“All those demons that wouldn’t let up, that kept dragging him through the dark. but there were moments he had moments with a little bit of light in those moments, he was happy he was trying still to fight and maybe the battle he fought wasn’t won but at least there were days when he let the light in in those moments, a little bit of light ….
he used to love jokes! when he was a little boy? ‘why did the chicken cross the road?’ he had a million answers to that one!
i remember picnics and little league and sundays at the zoo, i remember how he smiled the years of trick or treating, my spiderman, he stood at 4 foot 2 such a happy child but it seemed like i woke up one morning and my sweet little boy he was gone something had switched off the light and it seemed like it never really came back on”
I can barely listen to this song without bursting into tears because its just so accurate in its portrayal of what its like to develop a mental illness at a young age. connor was a good kid, he was happy, and then his mental illness developed and he wasn’t the same kid anymore. this song shows that he trying, that he was able to rally through some days and still have moments where he was genuinely happy. it fleshes connor murphy out into a better character than the entire rest of the show does, and lets you in to see the type of person he was before his mental illness took over his life. he loved telling jokes!! do you know how much it means to me to know one of things his mom remembers about him the most is that he used to love telling jokes??
obviously connor had his flaws (like every single other character in the musical) but ultimately he was just a good kid struggling with mental illness who couldnt make it through, and this song screams that point
first house - saturn in the first house can seem like a very negative placement, because the shadow of saturn is cast on your identity, outlook and personality. and it’s true, this placement can make you come across quite stern or perhaps even cold or standoffish. you may be shy or just quiet, and you’re probably very mature for your age too, which can make things tricky. but, saturn in the first house also brings a surprisingly good sense of humour, sympathy and straightforwardness that will serve you well if you can put it all to good use. you more than likely have a serious outlook on life, and this can lead to negative thinking patterns and self-confidence issues, but with self awareness, hard work and patience, you can master your troubles and learn to manage them well.
second house - when saturn resides in your second house, you may find that wealth is hard to come by. and this is wealth in all its forms, not just money, but possessions, and even your sense of self-worth. you may control your spending to your own detriment, or perhaps you simply prefer to save your money and invest it rather than spend it. you can struggle greatly with your self-worth, finding it hard to appreciate your own value. it’s important that you don’t focus too much on the material side of life, though it seems so heavy; if you let it, it’ll drag you down. instead, try to work on something that will bring you a sense of fulfilment and validation in your abilities.. it’ll be so much more worth it. learn to find comfort in your surroundings, rather than coldness.
third house - this placement makes for a serious student, maybe a stern sibling. you often appear older than your age, because of your quiet, sometimes cold manner. you study hard and take in a lot from those around you, listening very carefully to your peers and family. because of this, you learn a lot throughout your younger years, and may be quite wise for your age. the only trouble with early wisdom is it can feel like a burden, making your days heavy and gloomy. it’s important that you try to find enjoyment in little things, learn about what interests you, and make the most of your amazing talent for listening; people will love you for being able to hear them out fully, and that way, you won’t have to do too much talking yourself! this placement often shows talent and wisdom but difficulty showing it, so try to trust yourself and let go a little!
fourth house - in the fourth house, saturn can cast a shadow over your childhood and perhaps leave you feeling down about your past. you may have felt that your family were cold, harsh or impersonal and that feelings and warmth were out of bounds, leaving you struggling to express your emotions healthily as an adult. there’s a tendency to shut down emotionally with this placement, and you may find it hard to connect with your own nurturing side. however, saturn in the fourth house often shows that if you can overcome your own issues with caregiving, you will find yourself to be an incredibly nurturing person; just don’t see it as a responsibility or a task! learn to experience the joy of caring for another, of loving purely and platonically, and you’ll see what i mean. this placement also makes for a sensitive and loyal individual, who can quietly commit to their home and family.
fifth house - saturn in the fifth house can bring restrictions when it comes to self-expression, dating and love, spontaneity and playfulness. this may sound like a placement that screams buzzkill, sure, but there are many positives to it too; this placement brings patience, the ability to really back a good cause, and a quiet, slightly brooding sense of humour that can really light up the room. a lot of people think this placement is doomed to a loveless life or a misery existence, but this just isn’t true; saturn teaches, and its lessons here revolve around love, creation and exuberance. perhaps you need time to discover who and what you love in life, or you need to make a conscious effort towards learning to express your passions and communicate your feelings creatively. all in all, i really don’t see this as a bad placement, it just takes some getting used to. and when you’re used to it and can put your best foot forward, you’ll find happiness in abundance.
sixth house - saturn in the sixth house can indicate a few things; firstly, that you have an enviable work ethic; secondly, that you may struggle with niggling health issues, and thirdly, that you can suffer from having the weight of the world on your shoulders. that being said though, i think this is one of the better placements of saturn, as long as you don’t give in to negativity and work addiction. you may feel you have a responsibility to do well, to work hard and achieve things, but in order to flourish, you must learn to work for your own pleasure and pride, rather than trying to get it from others. an important lesson to learn with this placement lies in recognising what is really healthy in life; the soul must be nourished as much as the body, mind and bank account, so be aware of your habits and let yourself relax once in a while!
seventh house - in the seventh house, saturn can have quite a harsh ring to it at times; but don’t worry, you aren’t doomed to a single life! in actuality, saturn here actually denotes very long-lasting, committed and comforting relationships, as long as you are willing to make some effort and learn some lessons beforehand. your relationships may be karmic experiences for you, and you may attract or be drawn to saturnian people. you may fear abandonment but push people away so you don’t have to feel the pain, you might struggle to open up to people and perhaps you’re a little cold in your relations with others. the first step to fixing any shortcoming is to be aware of it, and with seventh house placements it’s doubly important to reflect on your issues, where they come from and how to heal them and move on. and once you do, you’ll find relationships to be wonderful things, and may find you have a great head for business too, actually.
eighth house - in the eighth house, saturn can bring a lot of fears. fear of being out of control, or of being controlled, can be a major issue for you if you have this placement. you may be a very intense person who perhaps even fears yourself; the depths of your emotions and the intensity within you can be hard for saturn to handle, as chaos and control don’t mix very well. but if you can become aware of your issues, work on shedding them and becoming something new, you’ll start to see the good sides of this placement; and there are many. inner strength is a seemingly endless resource for you, and you can understand others easily because of your own deep feelings. your strength will help you to overcome whatever stands in your way, help you to heal and become powerful in whatever way you need to. transformation helps to dust off the negative side of this placement and polish its better traits.
ninth house - the lessons of saturn in the ninth house often revolve around the mind; specifically, the opening and closing of it. saturn here can indicate a practical-minded person who prefers to keep their feet on the ground than have their head in the clouds, and there’s nothing wrong with this at all! but all work and no play makes for a dull life, and by keeping your mind closed to new possibilities, you lose the chance at learning and expanding on your perceptions and experiences. saturn in the ninth house brings a brilliantly sharp mind and a huge wealth of knowledge if they let it in, as well as commendable wisdom and a steady outlook on life that can help others greatly. it takes time to build these traits, but keeping an open mind and heart will help a lot, and you’ll know when it’s working because you’ll be able to call on your intuition, knowledge and experiences to judge and advise on situations, without lecturing or preaching.
tenth house - saturn in the tenth house can seem like a very natural, easy placement, as it is in its own house. however, i think any planet close to the midheaven is under a lot of scrutiny, and saturn especially can struggle with judgement. here in the tenth house, saturn can make you a focused, patient and hardworking individual who knows what they want and isn’t afraid of a bit of effort to achieve it. on the other hand, saturn often brings fear of failure and so you can struggle to commit to any one path, or perhaps find it very difficult to put your talents to use or see results from your hard work. these things, mixed with typical saturnian perfectionism, can make it hard for you to get going with your goals for sure, but be patient; working on your self-confidence will help immensely, as it’ll help you to stop caring so much about others’ opinions of your life. you can potentially come across a little cold, but underneath any protective layers you wear there’s a heart of gold that just needs a bit of love and care to come out.
eleventh house - in my opinion, this is one of the more difficult saturn placements, especially in youth. it can bring a deep sense of otherness, of being different to everyone around you. you may be quite asocial, or perhaps you’re very lonely, but either way, it can be hard for you to establish friendships with people your own age. perhaps you had to grow up quickly and so you feel older than your peers. the thing is though, if you can find real, true friends, you’ll keep them with you for life; you’re loyal, straightforward and kindhearted by nature, you just need someone who can return what you give. you may struggle with feeling you can’t match the expectations of those around you, and this fear of failure can even extend to your dreams and aspirations. but if you can cut yourself some slack and relax your ideals a little, you’ll find that it’s okay to just do enough, and to be yourself. it takes time, but this placement does have its perks.
twelfth house - saturn here brings difficulties in accepting reality for what it is. you can be burdened by guilt and anxiety without knowing the cause, and your fears and sensitivities can leave you reeling at times. however, with time, patience and work towards understanding yourself and your wounds, you can make great progress in healing and recovering, in order to make the most of your talents. there can be a double-edged sword with this placement in that you feel lonely and cut off from others but simultaneously find it hard to open up and really talk to people. this can easily spiral, so it’s important to get your feelings out somehow; perhaps through a diary or a blog, so you don’t have to actually talk to someone to express yourself. the lesson to learn here is that, yes, life is awful and painful, but it’s also beautiful and refreshing, and you can see both at once without becoming encumbered or fearful. it’s okay to be afraid, but you mustn’t let fear control you. watch the flowers and become one yourself, open up and bloom.
Ik theres this big cringe trend lately, but if its just kids having harmless fun and arent doing any damage ( harrassing, stealing, overbearing strangers, etc) just let them be
Nothing sucks more than having a good time, that isnt distressing anyone, and to be ridiculed for it. Remember that while it isn’t your place to babysit anyone it’s also not your place to ruin a good experience