how to accurately measure one tablespoon of honey
  1. you can’t
  2. 90% of it will stick to the spoon
  3. yeah you probably think you got it all in, and then you’ll sit the spoon down and it’s still mostly full. asshole
  4. turn back
  5. it’s too late for you
  6. go make instant ramen or something.
  7. are you arguing with the plastic bear. what are you, five
  • Ahasuerus: Is there food in the house?
  • Vashti: Yes, there's vegetable salad and fruit salad.
  • Ahasuerus: I don't like salad. Is there pizza?
  • Vashti: You eat 14 pizzas in a week, Ahaseurus. It's not healthy.
  • Ahaseurus: Is there pita with hummus?
  • Vashti: You eat 11 pitas in a day, Ahaseurus. It's not good.
  • Ahaseurus: Well what are you eating?
  • Vashti: Today I am eating 13 tomatoes.
  • Ahaseurus: Vashti, where are the chips?
  • Vashti: Ahaseurus!!
roasted potatoes, chicken and leeks: WAY easier than the ultimate Fance Level implies

ok so this is a Real Adult Meal but it’s mostly putting things in pans and waiting, and is also delicious


  • a roasting pan of w/e size
  • potatoes, i used baby potatoes bc they were cheap & the right quantity for my tum. up 2 u but they gotta be roasting potatoes not baking potatoes
    • how many? How Much Pan You Got
  • leeks! i used 2. fun fact: leeks taste like v v mild onions but don’t burn eyeballs & are delicious
  • chicken thighs, skin on
    • 4 came in the package so i’m using 4. v scientific


  • start oven preheating to Around 400-450F, 200ishC
  • take ur roasting pan. wash & cut potatoes: in half if you’re using baby potatoes, the size of half a baby potato if not. (google a baby potato if u gotta) they don’t have to be exact, but sizes should be about the same so they cook evenly. put em in the pan, should a bit less than cover the bottom.
  • add to pan: about a tablespoon/a decent drizzle of olive oil, Good Spices: rosemary is really good for this, also herbes de provence, i have neither so i’m using thyme/“mixed spices”, salt, pepper. whatever u like. mix it up.
  • cover pan w tinfoil, stick in oven on middle rack, set timer for 20min
  • take out chicken. w damp paper towel, clean & dry. you want the skin to be dry especially, bc that 1. makes spices stick 2. is crispy
  • put More Spices on chicken (skin side esp), also a lil oil. rub in.
  • has the timer gone? if so, take out pan. uncover. do the potatoes look Mostly Done? if so, yay; if not, put em in for another 5-10min
  • scootch potatoes around until there’s a few mostly-clear chicken-sized spaces (layers of potato are ok now). apply chicken.
  • stick back in the oven for 30min
  • leek chopping time! you want em around 1in thick, in half moons probably. here’s a youtube video about how to clean and chop leeks
  • when the timer beeps, check. does the chicken look brown and crispy on top? if u cut into it, it should NOT be pink at ALL. there’s a temp it’s supposed to be if you have a meat thermometer but frankly i live in college housing.
  • also check the potatoes: if u stick a fork into them, they should be at least sorta soft, not raw-hard. feel free to eat one to check. don’t burn your mouth
  • if they aren’t, which they def aren’t for my oven at 30min: put em back for another 10-20 (based on how much u think they need). if there’s a lot of juices at the bottom, see if you can pour any off into a pan without spilling potatoes, but if you can’t that’s fine.
  • when the chicken/potatoes look allllmost done, start the leeks:
  • in a pan on the stove, over mediumish heat: some oil, the leeks. stir stir stir. in like 5min they should start getting softish, and also the roasting stuff should be done.
  • check on it! IF ALL IS WELL:  remove chicken and potatoes from pan, put in different dish(es). put pan on stove. add a few splashes of Deglazing Liquid (I’m using white wine but google for other options). mix around, scrape up all the goodness.
  • add that shit to the leeks
  • stir stir stir! yay for sauteeing! feel free to add salt, pepper, whatever you like. they’re done when you say they are p much, when you taste some and like it. also they’re in a sauce now that should be super delicious.

luffykun3695  asked:

Do you have veggie recommendations for people who can't do a lot of spices? I have IBS and am way sensitive to most spices, especially hot ones.

okay so i did a little googling, and although i’m not an expert, and i know everyone’s body is different, the articles i skimmed said that the following vegetables were relatively safe for people with IBS:

  • Arugula (rocket lettuce)
  • Bamboo shoots
  • Bell peppers
  • Broccoli
  • Bok choy
  • Carrots
  • Celeriac
  • Collard greens
  • Common Cabbage
  • Corn (half a cob)
  • Eggplant
  • Endive
  • Fennel
  • Green beans
  • Kale
  • Lettuce
  • Parsley
  • Parsnip
  • Potato
  • Radicchio
  • Scallions (green parts only)
  • Spinach, baby
  • Squash
  • Sweet potato
  • Swiss chard
  • Tomato
  • Turnip
  • Water chestnut
  • Zucchini

that’s a pretty good long list, and there’s a lot of combinations here! lots of these veggies (like potatoes, squash, sweet potatoes, turnips, parsnips, corn, carrots, etc) are good for roasting! and since i didn’t see garlic on either list, i’m going to suggest using it sparingly, maybe one or two cloves per dish. 

(also, some of my favorite veggies are on here!)

scallion is an excellent replacement for onions, but, if you can’t get a lot of them to make up for the lack of onion content, another option is asafoetida, a seasoning made from this plant called Ferula–it imitates (with varying degrees of success depending on the dish) the flavor of onions and garlic, so if scallions aren’t an option for you, you may want to try that. not sure abt it’s availability near you, but it’s readily available in supermarkets near me!  (try amazon or something if you can’t find it!)

sauteeing veggies on this list also offers tasty opportunities: i love braising things. it said that alcohol could be an IBS trigger, but when braising greens or veggies, you only need one or two capfuls, so if you can manage than, then braising (bok choi, green beans–fresh ones!!!, arugula, kale, chard, collards, cabbage, even turnip and radish greens!) is a good option for you. 

plain sautee/stirfrying also would be good, it’s minimal work, and with the addition of ginger, garlic, and scallion, it’s really really tasty, too! some good sautee veggies on this list are: zucchini, carrots, bell peppers (which we call sweet pepper here lol), corn, broccoli, eggplant, etc.

oh, and a side note about eggplant: some people find them tough or tasteless. a good way to avoid that is by cutting your eggplant into slices–or cubing them, or whatever, depending on what you’re doing–and then salting it, and letting it sit in a bowl for 20 minutes. thoroughly salt it, it’s okay, you’re gonna rinse the eggplant at the end of the 20 minutes. this tenderizes it, and makes it chewy and tasty. also it means you don’t add much salt during the cooking process! 


this persons barbie dolls are eating better than i am

The wolf is in my brain. I see food and I get ravenous. I can’t even walk past the meat counter at the store anymore; I see it, so red and so raw, and I stand and stare. My teeth feel sharp in my mouth. Everywhere I look I see depictions of the moon. I keep finding traces of fur.

I swear something is happening. I feel aggressive. I feel like I’m seeing everything from a distance. I watch myself acting differently, my voice coming out wrong, my mannerisms changing. The wolf is in my brain and I know that eventually it’s going to force its way out.

tonight’s dinner plan:

  • roast baby potatoes with Currently Unknown Meat (i’m about to go shopping)
  • sauteed leeks in the delicious delicious meat juices deglazed with white wine

look! a food! full and entire!