I’ve mentioned to you all before how I badly needed to start learning how to cook!! Well, in this premiere installment of Awkward Adventures, I not only go on a quest to learn how to cook, I also decide to test my skills in a Cooking Competition!! This was definitely a venture outside my comfort zone!!
Fic idea: Somebody who absolutely should not have touched the stove touched the stove, and now the entire kitchen is destroyed and has to be repaired.
In the meantime, the IPRE crew is forced to find other places to eat, and are collectively horrified to discover that the twins’ quality cooking has turned them into food snobs. The quest to find a decent meal grows increasingly desperate.
They try a steakhouse, and Magnus isn’t sure the steak is even beef because beef doesn’t usually bounce like that. Lucretia asked for macarons at the little bakery and was presented with macaroons - no one has any idea what she’s talking about when she explains the difference. Merle would kill for one actual fresh vegetable, just one. Davenport caves and decides to take the crew to the fanciest restaurant in the area, but the choice of wine paired with the meal is atrocious and he gives up. Barry tries to find the hole-in-the-wall local places on Lup’s advice, but all he finds is disappointment.
In show of supreme irony, the twins will eat practically anything. The food sucks, sure, but they’ll eat it. They are used to eating food that’s not as good as theirs, they have learned the art of eating to survive. They tell the crew to suck it up and the crew looks on in nauseated horror as they down every atrocious meal with relish.
If you are fasting tomorrow and you feel yourself getting sick, eat something.
If you are fasting tomorrow and you are so light-headed you can’t stand up: drink some water.
If you are fasting tomorrow and you take meds regularly, take them and the water you need to wash them down.
Yom Kippur is about reflection, atoning, and becoming a better person. Fasting is meant to take away distractions from that, and to keep us mindful for the rest of the year. It’s not meant for you to get to the point where you can’t make it through the day.
Like a lot of mizvot, fasting isn’t the destination — it’s the guide rail. Repentance is the observance of the day, not fasting. And to keep yourself healthy and alive and functional is the most important commandment, taking precedence over any other. There are many ways to reflect, to stay mindful, to atone, to filter the past year and approach the next; if you aren’t able to do it with your body, you can still do so with your heart.
Shana tova, all. May you be inscribed in the Book of Life.
As it may be glaringly obvious now, we started listening to The Adventure Zone on the drive down to Dragon Con. This in turn has inspired us to start D&D ourselves…we may have made a grave mistake. D&D is like that nerdy precipice where - once you go over - there’s no going back. We’re all lost causes once you start rolling those dice and making perception checks.
Between the crew and the Fantasy-Cutthroat-Kitchen-style situations from world to world, no one anywhere is as uniquely talented in a kitchen as Taako and Lup.
Barry is lactose intolerant. Barry still likes milk, though, and while milk alternatives are available, it’s always a gamble. Will it be the actual milk or the almond milk that he can’t have on this world? No one ever knows. Definitely not Barry, who has taken that gamble far too many times.
It doesn’t matter what world it is or what kind of food it is, if it’s green Magnus won’t eat it. The twins get sneaky and hide the greens under other food. Sometimes they enlist Lucretia and Merle to hold him down while they force-feed him salad.
There’s a world that has a food that looks a lot like peanuts. They taste a lot like peanuts, too. Taako gets very, dangerously sick when he eats them - he’s the only one who does. Their best guess is that he’s allergic, and Taako is not allowed to eat anything resembling a peanut ever again on any world (Lup enforces this rule).
Everyone has their own favorite dish, and their own favorite dessert. Sometimes it takes a while before the crew reaches a world that has enough comparable ingredients to actually make them, but Taako and Lup always like to try. It’s fun to see how close they can get, even when the food is unrecognizable. The others have learned to trust their taste even when supper looks like some kind of strange, purple goop.
Sometimes the strange, purple goop is actually inedible, and Taako and Lup laugh at the expression on everyone else’s faces; the others have learned to not always trust the twins’ taste.
There are worlds that have food that’s almost like theirs, and there are worlds with food that’s barely like theirs. There are worlds with barely any food at all, and Taako cycles through spell slots daily changing other things to things they can eat while Lup goes out searching. It’s worrying, but it’s not the first time they’ve had to do this to survive. They’re prepared; these aren’t skills they anticipated needing for their mission, but that doesn’t matter. When times are desperate, they do what they have to.
There’s one world where the water is acid to its inhabitants but not to the crew; the crew is looked on with awe and fear, but there’s plenty of water for them.
The rule is that everyone gets a treat on their birthday. The group needs something to celebrate sometimes. If someone misses a birthday they get extra treats the next year - Merle gets weeks of cakes and pastries after negotiations with John are over. Lucretia gets treats all the time for a whole year after her year alone.
barry: chaalupa what the fuck is this…. umbrella wand you made……..
chaalupa: barry listen, this is gonna be the next big fucking thing.
chaalupa: it eats wizards. sucks up them boys like spaghetti noodles
chaalupa: absorbs them boys like a sponge soakin up water my dude
chaalupa: my crowning achievement
barry: please don’t talk to me about this ever again
taako: gourmet dishes. knows everything there is to know about everything and makes it look good. spice maven. ten time winner of fantasy chopped. he goes to fix up a snack and returns with these tasty little bites of heaven. you are blessed if you taste his food and he will not let you forget it. he eats a lot of fast food himself, though.
magnus: can feed himself! nothing elaborate and mostly traditional dishes that he learned from steven and julia. stews, casseroles, chocolate chip cookies… he can also barbecue pretty competently! hearty food. comfort food. not the healthiest, but he’s been trying to learn healthier stuff lately so he can stay at tip-top shape!