food mention ;;;

My parents were the Dursleys (from Harry Potter). but the dad was Kanye West. They were playing basketball in the driveway, and making me retrieve every ball that rolled away. One time, I saw my friend chillin’ at a frozen yogurt stand and she urged me to join her, and I did. When I came back, Kanye was angry. He challenged me to a basketball-off and we were suddenly in a huge stadium. The whistle blew and I grabbed the ball, dribbled it for a bit, and dunk on Kanye, and therefore won my freedom.

Concept: a 100% historically accurate TV show set in Ancient Rome that deliberately plays up all the incongruous similarities with modern life. Famous gladiators getting mass-produced action figures and starring in ads for olive oil. People taking their ox-drawn carts to buy hamburgers at drive-through restaurants. The works.

keith: if you put icing on a muffin, then it’s a cupcake. like, i’m not saying that all muffins are icing-less cupcakes, but once you slap icing on a muffin it becomes a cupcake. that’s just how it works!

hunk: they’re completely different recipes, you have no idea what you’re talking about!

keith: i don’t have to be a baking god like you to understand this because it’s honestly not that hard! like, okay- pidge! pidge, come here (she reluctantly comes over)

pidge: please don’t involve me in your lovers spat

keith: what do you call a baked product with icing on it?

pidge: a… cupcake?

keith: see? it’s a generalized definition! it can apply to a lot of things!

hunk: that doesn’t prove anything, that was a subjective opinion! good in theory but not in actual application, keith! if pidge understood the actual basis of the argument, there’s no way she’d agree with you!

(they glare at each other)

pidge: can i please just go now

both, without breaking eye-contact: no.

I was in charge of delivering some food to a certain woman, but her order was impossible to do. She wanted slime tacos, but the slime was too big and heavy for any taco shell to withstand. I couldn’t even tell her what the problem was because she wouldn’t stop yelling at me.

single dad!jack meets pig-owning neighbor!bitty

<<Papa, look, a pig!>>

Jack straightened up from setting down the stack of moving boxes and followed Chloe’s line of sight. <<Is that…a leash?>> He asked, bewildered. Because, yes, in fact, the large, snorting pig was being walked down the sidewalk by a rather handsome man in a dirt-covered shirt and pants.

<<Can I pet it?>> Chloe asked, tugging at Jack’s shirt harder than he would have expected from a eight-year-old. She was, however, a Zimmermann, and thus could be moved to great feats of strength when properly motivated. <<Please?>>

“Alright,” Jack relented, taking her hand before she could dash across the street. “But you have to ask the man for permission–and introduce yourself. I know your mother taught you better manners than that.”

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