I got to the part in Caliban’s War (pg 325-327)where Amos talks about his past a little bit and-
There’s knowing about his past and then there’s reading it in his words. There’s knowing what horrors lie in humanity’s darkest corners and then there’s seeing someone that clawed their way out of there talk about it. No matter how many people I meet who’ve been touched by that darkness, their stories are always a punch to the gut and this was no different. If you want to know why I care about a fictional character so much: I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again - he’s fictional. His story is not.
What really got to me though is that he didn’t share that part of himself for his own sake. Amos could’ve kept it buried forever, no problem.
But Naomi wanted to understand why he beat the shit out of a kid for shaking Prax down for more food to get video footage of his daughter. Because anyone who knows Amos knows he doesn’t instigate violence. He won’t start a fight, he’ll finish it. So why does some kid asking for more food got him torqued? It has Naomi shaken.
“And you,” she continued. “I depend on you. I know you’ve always got my back, no matter what. Except maybe not now, because the Amos I know doesn’t beat a skinny kid half to death, no matter how much chicken he asks for. I feel like everyone’s losing themselves. I need to understand, because I’m really, really, frightened.”
It’s been 25 years and he f i n a l l y cracks. And it’s not even a crack. It’s not a breakdown brought on by an event triggering these memories. He’s opening himself up for Naomi. For her to understand him better. To soothe her fears. I just. My f e e l i n g s. FUCK.
I cannot tell you what it means to me to have this relationship with Amos and Naomi. One of the most intimate relationships I’ve ever seen and sex and romance have zilch to do with it. Not that I’m not a huge shipper because I totally am but with these two … I just wanted to see two people love and support and protect one another without romance or blood relation being a part of it. Because, oh yeah, friends exist. And they love, support, and protect you too. And these types of relationships are possible between men and women.
Anyway, in this convo with Naomi, it’s not like he’s directly talking about himself. He’s talking about Baltimore and the squeeze trade and what happens to the children that are a result of that … “trade.”
But Naomi sees straight through his bullshit because of course she does. He beat the shit out of that kid because he knows what happens to lost children. He knows because he was one. She directly asks him and he skirts right over it.
“Some wind up finding a way to ship offworld, and they never go back?” Naomi asked, her voice quiet.
“Maybe,” Amos said, his voice flat and conversational as ever.
She tries to be sympathetic and he’s just like NOPE. NOT TODAY. DO NOT WANT.
“Amos,” she said, her voice thick. “I never–”
“So I’d like to find this little girl before someone uses her up, and she disappears.”
Anyone else feel like they just took a kick to the gut? Holy fuck man. He’s still talking about himself. He was used up. Whoever he could’ve been is gone. Disappeared. Buried under layers and layers and layers of trauma. Who he is now is defined by that brutal childhood. Can you even call it that? When was he ever a child? A lot of the way he acts is due to that trauma - the way very little rattles him, his voice always flat/conversational, dissociation, his inability to divulge right from wrong on his own, etc. When you’re in the middle of experiencing a traumatic event, your brain shuts down a lot of unnecessary functions (unnecessary in terms of surviving the event). And when you experience trauma long term, those things get shut down permanently. Your brain gets tired of flipping the on and off switch because what’s the point? Your brain is permanently re-wired into survival mode. That’s Amos. And my feels shatter for the ten billionth time today goddammit why am I always drawn to the broken ones? But he’s not completely emotionless or without caring for others - we’ve seen him smile and laugh and get irritated. He clearly cares about Naomi, and Alex and Jim now. But when the ugly rears its head? He’s pretty much “Yeah, and?” The ugly was his stomping grounds. It doesn’t hurt or surprise him anymore. I think he’s right there with Miller in being surprised that Eros hadn’t happened sooner.
I think there are really only two ways to hurt Amos at this point - if you’re someone he trusts and you don’t return that trust (remember when he realized Naomi was afraid of him?). Or the thought of a child being put through what he went through is probably painful to him.
The one time he gets emotional in this convo is when he’s talking about getting Mei back to her father.
“…and she disappears. I’d like to do that for her,” Amos said. His voice caught for a moment, and he cleared it with a loud cough. “For her dad.”
I think Amos admires Prax. I think he looks at him and sees what it’s like to have a parent that cares. I don’t know if his mother cared, she died when he was young. And I’m not gonna touch Lydia here because wow this is already a mile long lmao. What I do know is no one cared enough to save him, to protect him. They fed him to the same monster that twisted them and spit them out.
But here comes Prax. He’s desperate to find Mei. He’s dying of starvation and the only thing he cares about is finding her, including giving up food to another for clues about her whereabouts. I mean, how do you not admire that? So I think Amos wants to save Mei for Prax. Because he’s a father that deserves to see his daughter again. I am also willing to bet that Prax’s devotion to his child makes him happy for Mei. And hella determined to protect her from the same fate he suffered.
That scene just fucked me all the way up and I needed to say a few things about it. XD
A security video from a McDonald’s in Ohio shows a woman punching two restaurant employees and smashing a drive-thru window because she couldn’t get Chicken McNuggets.
The tantrum caught on tape in Toledo earlier this year shows the customer reaching through the drive-thru window, slugging one worker and then another. She then grabs a bottle out of her car and tosses it through the glass window before speeding off.
It happened early on New Year’s Day. Police say Melodi Dushane was angry that McNuggets weren’t being served, because it was breakfast time.
Dushane says she was drunk at the time. She was sentenced to 60 days in jail last month and ordered to pay McDonald’s for the broken window.
Wake around 8am, a little earlier than I wanted but it just means I can get more done. I get a text from James after checking my emails in bed summoning me to breakfast. I go for the un healthy but satisfying pancakes with a cup of tea and we chit chat for an hour or so. Back in my room I switch on the laptop and perform my daily ritual of going through my to-do list app on my iPhone (I use ‘Clear) and writing down on paper what my top three priority jobs for the day are. Sometimes choosing three isn’t very easy, but I do this so I know what I need to get done as opposed to what i’d like to work on.
That done I rip through the first three in no time. I send a quick email out to management checking a graphic over a video, to which Richard arrives at my room a few minutes later and we make live changes in Final Cut while he stays, he says it’s good, and I export the ProRes file. One of the best things with editing in ‘X’ is the fact I can live edit and playback at the same time, it’s great for your client to see the change right in front of their eyes and it’s equally awesome for you, the editor, getting sign off on a project while they are stood with you.
I then go into another project where I need to do some sound design. I really like the Channel equaliser in FCPX, it helps me pick out voice frequencies when working on dialogue so if there’s any background noise I can find it’s frequency and pull the sound down from it. Vital if you are a ‘run and gun’ documentary style shooter.
Sound done, I nip to the restaurant and grab a latte, i’m feeling tired today, it’s most probably because I stayed up late reading last night, need to try and get to sleep earlier tonight. I get back to my room and answer a few emails, and then the hotel concierge calls to let me know a delivery has arrived and asks if they can bring it to me, it’s this…
I put it aside for a bit while I finish my jobs and then go for a meeting before we head off for the Apollo in Manchester. As soon as we arrive I get batteries on charge for the Sony FS700 I’m using tonight and tomorrow to get some slow motion footage for the DVD trailer. With the canon 24-70 on it its a beast of a setup, I shoot a few passes in sound check mainly of Tristan and then grab food from catering. Pre show me and Brad mess about with a football we found (as kids do) and then its show time. I shoot the show in 400 fps Super-Slow Motion which looks great, but comes with an issue. When you hit record, the camera buffers the footage and then when the 8 second recording maximum is reached the internal system records the buffered 8 seconds, which takes around a minute and 20 seconds. On that basis, shooting a live show, you get two 8 second super slow motion shots per song (at a push on some songs, three). So you have to make it count basically! Once the show is finished we jump on the bus and head back to the hotel where I offload footage, order food and then jump into bed to watch The Inbetweeners.