food allergie

Storytelling Sunday

She found herself in the food stamp line. She got work through a temp service. Her baby started getting sick ALL the time after starting day care. She just couldn’t stay healthy. She ended up having to admit her to the hospital. Such a nightmare! She didn’t leave her side, she kept a 24/7 watch. That nightmare became a lifetime of reading food labels. She wasn’t sick from daycare, it was a food allergy. To this day , she reads all of labels to anything she gives her.


4 Ways to NEVER get Sick or Con Crud Again!

New video for those who happen to give a F*ck. Flu season is passing but a ton of folks are still catching Colds and going to conventions getting Con Crud. And being sick is never any fun so I decided today to give you 4 steps to prevent colds, Flus, and illnesses of any sort. So pay attention today


different headcanon questions!!

1. What are three Netflix shows that they’ve rated five stars?
2. Where do they prefer to read? On the sofa, in bed, at a table, on the porch, in a cafe?
3. Do they like to play games? What kind of games: video, card, board? What are some of their favorites?
4. What’s their food weakness? What food can they never turn down?
5. Do they prefer movies or TV shows? Why?
6. What holiday is their favorite? Which is their least favorite?
7. What’s their diet like? Are they vegetarian, vegan? Do they have any food allergies that make them have a special diet?
8. What sort of toys did they play with as a child?
9. How often do they go grocery shopping? Do they tend to do one large trip, or smaller ones throughout the week?
10. Do they eat breakfast? What’s a typical breakfast look like for them?
11. Do they like going to museums? What type of museums do they like to go to? Art, science, historical; interactive, quiet, a mix?
12. How do they organize their books? Alphabetical by author, by title? By size, color, date published? Is there any rhyme or reason?
13. Have they ever been do Disney World/Land, or any other amusement park? What do they prefer to do at them: go on the rides, play the games, eat the food?
14. How do they eat their popcorn? What do they put on it?
15. When do they pay their bills? As soon as the bill comes in? At the last moment? Or are most of their bills automatically taken out of their account?
16. What time do they normally go to bed? How many hours of sleep do they usually need to function in the morning?
17. Do they have cable, or do they rely mostly on Netflix, Hulu, and other streaming services?
18. What is their preferred weather? What would be a perfect weather day?
19. Are they more of a snacker throughout the day, or they eat three meals and call it a day?
20. Have they ever had an imaginary friend?
21. What were they a part of in high school/college, if they went? Were they a part of any clubs, did they play any sports? What clique would they have been considered a part of?
22. Do they have a favorite restaurant? How often do they go to it, and what’s their usual order?
23. How do they prefer to watch movies? In the theater, on a streaming site, from an owned DVD/digital download, rented from somewhere?
24. Do they watch any sports? What are they a fan of, and what teams do they root for? Do they watch the games/matches on TV or do they try to be there for some in person? Do they just catch the highlights on their phone later on?
25. What do they prefer to do in the summertime? Do they like going to the beach, do they prefer camping, staying in the city? Do they like to stay indoors and away from the heat?


Please help my cats.

As my previous post indicated, I am gone. I have left behind six cats, all rescues, and my inability to assure them of lifelong safety is my biggest personal failure. 

If you or anyone you know is near the Damascus MD area and can help them, they are:

Kala [Kalanchoe] (tabby female, 8 years old): Food allergies require a grain-free diet. Can be somewhat reactive when scared, but overall very affectionate and attentive. Tolerates other cats. Thinks you should stay home and nap with her.

Caliel (tabby male, 4 years old): very shy of strangers, obnoxiously affectionate once adjusted. Great-grandson of Kala. Leash trained. Prone to pouncing on other cats. No medical issues, but is frankly a bit dim and can only be fed wet food, as both dry food and water bowls end up scattered across the floor

Jasper (dilute tortie female with more orange, 12 years old): shy, no health concerns. Mildly fond of her sister, Jaimie. Talkative and affectionate. Would like to sleep on your head.

Jaimie (dilute tortie female with more grey, 12 years old): shy, no health concerns. Mildly fond of her sister, Jasper. Talkative and affectionate. Would like to sleep by your side.

Jessie (all black male, 12 years old): Very shy, affectionate once acclimated. Sibling to Mia. No health concerns. Will sneak up on you for a cuddle.

Mia (all grey female, 12 years old): Very shy, affectionate once acclimated. Sibling to Jessie. No health concerns. Will sneak up on you for a cuddle.

If you can help them, please write to my family username  balladry at my website,

Thank you.

so your waiter makes a mistake..they might still have kids at home? paying off student loans? need to make rent this month? need to eat, need to survive? human error is no reason not to tip 

The realization that I’ll likely never eat a donut again, coupled with the knowledge that I can’t eat gf donuts because of food allergies to certain things used to make the flours, just hit me, and I genuinely feel like having a bit of a cry.


I meant to ask… if any of you had food allergies… so I might’ve informed the chef… who certainly would not want anyone to have an allergic reaction… that would force them to leave the restaurant.

Count Olaf is a murderous man who’s only interested in your parents’ money, while Captain Sham has expressed great interest in raising you children without touching a single penny.

We’ll see.

♦ requested by @whimsicaltoday

Please fire me. As the cook in a small restaurant, I take dietary requirements very seriously. So when people ring in and book I ask them on the phone to disclose any allergies/intolerances. Despite doing so, I still manage to get individuals (such as the following one) who show up and demand I cook them something suited to their requirements, even though when they tell me over the phone they had none. This is especially difficult when their said requirements are hard to cook for when i have no appropriate ingredients on hand.
On Saturday a lady who is part of a big group shows up, and literally squeezes her overlarge self INTO my kitchen (???) and tells me she is Coeliac, Lactose free, and has an allergy to garlic and onions, and demands I cook her a meal “just as good as everyone elses.” So I tell her not to eat any of the Share platters I put out for everyone else, and I will make her a suitable meal of her own. 30 minutes later, I personally take this meal out to this woman, to find her eating a SHARE PLATE of zucchini fritters which contain Gluten, Lactose, Garlic and Onions.

I work with 7th graders at an after-school program that services at-risk kids. Right before winter break over the course of a week, a bunch of them approached me complaining of stomachaches. 

I ran the usual gamut of questions I grew up with having been born with a neurotic 90-year-old’s digestive system: What did you eat today? Do you have any food allergies? How much did you eat? Have you eaten at all today (maybe you’re hungry)? Do you have a history of tummy problems?

After receiving unremarkable responses to the aforementioned questions, I moved on to the one that should warrant a polite whisper from most people but only elicited a slightly lowered voice from one so well-acquainted with intestinal distress and thus permanently numbed to its ravages: When was the last time you pooped?

And every single kid–Every. Single. One.–responded, on average, that they had not pooped for at least a week. One girl, whose agonized expression suggested that she was ready to welcome death’s sweet embrace then and there, said that she hadn’t done the deed for three weeks.

Three weeks.


Almost four. That is a month. An entire month poop-free.

It became clear to me that a serious discussion was in order. I’d a class full of constipated, agonized 13-year-olds who subsisted entirely on Takis and various artificial bread products. There was nary a grape or a carrot to be seen.They worshiped instead at the altar of the Hot Cheeto and whispered vespers to their lord and savior, the pan pizza.

So one day, near the end of programming, I gathered them all in a classroom. They took their seats, unsure as to why they were gathered there when they all had pressing appointments with a Snapchat filter.

They looked at me expectantly. I cleared my throat.

“When was the last time you guys pooped?” I asked.

The room erupted into cacophony.

“Ew, Miss!”

“That’s nasty!”

“Wait, ask me again–ask me again–!”

“Why you up there askin’ why we poop, Miss? You nasty!”

“This morning!”

“Say that again!” I shouted with a clap, pointing to the last student who had spoken. She looked startled.

“Yeah, you,” I said. “What did you just say?”

“I, um….I pooped this morning?”

“Okay, GREAT.” If they didn’t already, they were now fearing for my sanity. “What did you eat for dinner last night?”

“Well,” she said philosophically, “I had some chicken and some veggies like in a stir-fry.”

“Cool. Anybody have any idea why chicken and veggies are a good meal choice?”

One kid near the back hesitantly raised his hand.

“Because they…help you poop?”

I clapped again. “You got it. Why?”

“‘Cause they nasty,” someone else shouted.

“Okay, no, that’s not why. Also, they’re delicious, so reevaluate your life choices….Who knows what fiber is?”

“It’s the gross food they make you eat like fruit,” a girl in the front said.

“Not gross, but yes, fruit. Fiber is anything that acts like a brillo pad in your intestines. Veggies are full of fiber.”

“What’s that?”


“A brillo pad.”

“It’s those rough green things you use to clean the bathroom,” I explained.

"Pfft, I don’t clean my bathroom.”

I’d had a sneaking suspicion that he didn’t, but I kept that to myself, continuing, “Fiber helps move things along in your pipes. When you DON’T eat fiber, you come to me and tell me that you haven’t pooped in three weeks. Because without fiber, your body basically can only make steel poop, and then it gets backed up and gives you stomachaches.”

“This is gross, Miss.”

“Steel poop is grosser,” I said.

I spent the next ten minutes listing and discussing poop-friendly foods. In a development that should surprise approximately no one, barely any of the kids ate those foods.

“So it’s no WONDER you guys aren’t ever pooping because you basically eat modified paper products,” I finished. “Here’s your challenge. I want you to eat at least ONE of the foods listed here with every meal. And keep each other in check. Be a poop buddy.”

A few days later, six different students approached me after school. They all delivered more or less the same message, voices lowered confidentially, eyebrows quirked in pride.

“Miss,” they told me, “I pooped today.”

Even better, they began to hold each other accountable. Not all of them had joined the Poop Brigade, but recruitment into the ranks itself was a small victory.

And that is the story of how my students now habitually ask each other, “Have you pooped today?”