Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance.
All you could register was fear. Utter, clawing, desperate, raw fear.
You thrashed, tears streaming down your cheeks, voice screamed hoarse. You were alone and helpless and drowning and then suddenly he was there, and you were no longer alone but you were still screaming.
“Y/N!” He gripped your shoulders tightly, shaking you, attempting to wrench you from the living nightmare. You could not hear him, could not feel him, unreachable to the touch of the outside world.
Charles hissed a hot sigh through his teeth. He bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut.
He promised. The memory was clear in his mind, the exact moment he’d promised you he’d never intrude your mind without your permission.
You screamed again, a heart-wrenching sound that sent his mind into haywire and his heart shriveling behind his ribcage.
He had promised but that was then and this was now, and you were starting to tear the sheets underneath your fingertips.
“I’m sorry,” He whispered into the air before he touched his forehead to yours and he was gone, only to be swept into a current.
Charles inhaled a deep breath as he stood knees deep in the ruins of your mind.
“My God,” The murmur escaped his lips. The emotions slammed into him all at once. An angry tide of rage nearly knocked him over, sweeping him into the waves. The barriers of your mind were weak, plaster, failing to keep the contents in their confines. Your reality was bitter chaos, and there was wind in his ears and insanity lurking on the edge of the horizon, terror weaving through the broken remains of whatever was holding you together. And there you were in the middle of all of it, high above the ground, suspended in the monsoon, eyes wide and mouth opened in a silent scream.
Charles watched with swirling blue eyes, impossibly calm in the midst of the hell.
He bent slowly, touching his fingers gently to the sea floor of your mind. Then his entire palm came to rest down, spreading his fingers out till he was threading roots, stabilizing.
“Y/N,” He exhaled shakily, eyes fluttering closed, lips parting. “Come back to me.”
His voice was snatched up into the tornado but it was like it was the voice of God, and the turmoil was cut through like a knife in thick sludge. He raised another hand, mending the broken pieces, cooling the hurt, settling your thoughts. Surely you started to descend, no longer stuck in a perpetual state of horror but staring up into the white blankness as if seeing into the universe. Charles slowly rose to his feet just in time to catch you just as you fully returned to the ground.
Your eyes opened with a snap, greeted by his unnatural blue, the deep pigment of the rolling sky on a summers day, arms steadying you, anchoring you to his body and in a way to sanity.
“Y/N,” He repeated again, searching your eyes as if he could see through to your soul. There were so many questions to be asked. What were you so afraid of? Were you okay? What would you do now?
You expected all of these questions and none of them at the same time, but all he did was squeeze your shoulders.
“Hello,” It was a grounded, serene sound that filtered through you to weaken your knees.
“Hello,” You replied, softly, so soft he wouldn’t have heard you if it wasn’t for the fact that he was in your most private place, and your thoughts were literally humming in the walls. You gazed at him, perplexed, weirdly calm for the events that had just passed. Your gaze traveled his features, settling on those eyes. “You are in my mind.”
“I am,” He replied, carefully, treading lightly as if you were porcelain that would break any second lest he do the right thing, say the right words. He looked around at the surroundings and couldn’t help but smile.
He knew where you were. It was the place you’d first met Charles, a tiny bar down the road where you had worked as a waitress for nine months. The setting was spot on, right down to the counter dusted with cheap red paint. At the moment you both stood on the stage, the instruments unused and gathering dust beside you.
You furrowed your eyebrows. Why were you so okay with this? Something nagged at the forefront of your mind, but it was like it was being laid over, covered with this false sense of peace.
Then you were breaking free from his hold, and the memories were coming back.
“You…” You gasped as if you had never breathed fresh air and stepped out of his hold, shaking. “…entered my mind?” Anger quickly overcame you. “But you promised.”
Charles winced, but did not attempt to step forward, knowing it would seem like he was cornering you. Right now you were a frightened animal and he needed to keep his distance.
“I did,” He reluctantly agreed. “But-”
“But nothing!” You said, in disbelief, in betrayal, and you could feel yourself retract from the man you had learnt to trust for years. “How could you?”
The stirrings of your turmoil began to reappear, whirling at your feet, lightning striking above your heads. Charles shot forward, wrapping his arms around you before you could fully realize it. You thrashed, scratching at him. Charles grimaced but did not let go.
“I’m sorry,” He brought you closer. “But there was no other way.”
“What an excuse,” You said with malice weaved in your tone. You knew deep down you were being insensible but you didn’t care. “I hate you.”
“Then I shall be hated,” He smiled sadly. You scowled.
“No,” You said, shoving him off roughly. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say that and attempt to try and distance yourself from me. I know how you are. You don’t get to do that after you save me.”
Charles smiled again at you, this time with a glimmer in his eyes and you groaned when you realized what you had done.
“I still hate you,” You said halfheartedly, irritated but no longer pissed off.
“You are aware I am in your mind, right?” Charles let a slight chuckle vibrate through his chest. “You cannot lie to me.”
You glared at his handsome face, annoyed. He could be a brat at times.
Charles’ eyebrows went up in surprise before they settled on an unreadable expression. “Did you just call my face…handsome?”
Embarrassment rolled off you in waves and you shook your head vehemently. “I did not.”
“I’m sure you-?”
“No,” You said, but your thoughts were honest, and you heard your own self think off of the walls. You are the most attractive man I have ever met.
You wanted to die.
You backed away, voice catching in your throat, choking as Charles’ mouth fell open.
“Y/N,” He took one step forward for every one you took back, following you. “Wait.”
You were forced to stop when he caught your wrist in his hand. He gingerly took his place back in front of you.
He said nothing, merely looking at you, searching every imperfection of your face, the dip of your chin, the curvature of your features. His hand came up to delicately tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch lingering there and sending shivers through you in every place it passed. He cupped the side of your jaw, thumb brushing your cheek with a reverence you didn’t deserve.
“I,” He smiled nervously. “I also…” One minute his eyes were on yours and then they were rolling along your mouth and his thumb was just barely touching your bottom lip.
The implication hit you like a boulder, sending you spiraling down into a concordance of bursting emotions, flowering everywhere your skin touched his. He leaned forward, slowly - too slowly you were boiling from the inside out - until his breath intermingled with yours and you could feel his presence on your senses. He hesitated, and you knew he was asking for your permission. His eyes showed that he would back off if this was not what you wanted, but the intensity held behind the gates let you know that he desired your connection.
You held his gaze for a second more, closing the distance so that your lips just grazed his, shakily, inexperienced, but compliant. This was all the confirmation he needed and he held you against him to finally, finally press his lips to yours.
You almost moaned at the long awaited contact, above the clouds as he grabbed at your waist with gentle but strong hands. It was there and then it was over too soon, and he was looking back at you with swollen lips, trepidation and desire sparking the air, running through your veins.
“Again,” You whispered, and he had no argue.
Your nerves ignited at every place he touched you, and you exhaled raggedly into his mouth when he cupped your face lovingly, your hands grabbing at him everywhere, unable to stay still.
“L-Let me,” He gasped, killing any space left between your bodies, tangling a hand in your hair, nose digging into your cheek. He was out of breath, licking his lips. “Let me try something, Please.”
Do it, you thought. You did not know if he heard you or if he could just read your face, but he reacted immediately, bringing you back into the embrace. Except this time it was different. Oh was it different-
His forehead pressed to yours, and suddenly you were no longer you but you were him as well. You could see from his perspective, feel the admiration that coursed through his blood whenever he saw your face, feel his pleasure when you tightened your grip in his hair. He strengthened the telepathic connection and it amplified everything else so that you were on a high.
You broke from the kiss, struggling to breathe. Your eyes flew open and you were no longer in the bar you had first met Charles but in your own bedroom, back in reality, the lamp burning in the corner and the darkness pressing onto your eyelids. But Charles was not a dream, he was still there, and you were brought back into another passionate kiss not even two seconds later, your abdomen dissolving into butter, minds delving and mixing with each others till you could feel not just his lips but Charles himself, everything that made him who he was on your tongue as he bit gently down on your lip.
You weren’t sure when it started but one moment you had been in the throes of passion and the next you were giggling, flushed, losing it. Charles was laughing too, your eyes were wet, and you realized it was complete joy you were feeling.
“I love you,” Charles said, and whatever had been going on was put to a stop as he rolled next to you to bury his face into your hair.
“I know,” You replied breathlessly. And you did know, because he had let you in on his entire being. “I love you too.”
“I know,” he responded just as sassily and you laughed some more, intertwined your legs with his, sunk into the pillows.
300+ followers to celebrate! I never have been one to care for keeping track but there are just too many of you that I appreciate for any of you to go unnoticed. I thank you all so much for sticking with me and my muse for Tamaki as we venture through Tumblr together. Now let us celebrate with a few notable shoutouts to my baes!
Welp. Here we are. I legitimately thought this day wouldn’t be coming. Like Who would ever think that I, a strictly traditional artist with a strange sense of humor, would ever make it to 1,000 followers?? And yet… here we are. At 1,000 (actually as I write this it’s 1,004) followers.
I’ve done a LOT of stuff over these past like 7 months, I’ve taken sketch requests, done art challenges, doodled, screeched, flipped tables, worked on the Undertale graphic novel, laughed cried, and gaped in AWE when another 100 people showed up here in the dumpster.
Every single person who has joined has meant SO MUCH to me. The fact that more than 1,000 people want to see my work as I make it, want to join me for these crazy times down here in the dumpster… it means a lot. I’ve never had a lot of a sense of self-worth or self-esteem, in fact, to be perfectly frank with you guys I have a pretty deep loathing for myself. But getting to share my work with hundreds of people every day, people who WANT to see it, has helped me realize that maybe I’m not as worthless as my brain seems to like to tell me I am. So…thank you. Thank you all for joining me in this crazy mess we call Tumblr, and this hectic adventure we call life.
Now, it’s only right that I call out some people who have made a HUGE difference in my experience here. When I first started out on this site I didn’t expect to really interact with people or make any friends, but BOI was I wrong.
✨First and foremost, I want to give a big shoutout and thank you to my friend @rabbitpietale. Rabbit was the first person to take notice of and reblog my graphic novel, like, from the BEGINNING. That was back when I had 19 followers and appreciated every single one of them to all get out and back again. We’ve done an art trade together, we’ve shared silly ideas and gripes, and I’m so happy that we met each other and became friends.
✨SECONDLY, a big shoutout and enormous thank you to my buddy @reye-chan. He has ALSO been there ever since I was starting out with the graphic novel and such, and has been a huge support and an amazingly friend ever since we started chatting with each other. I appreciate every conversation we have, and he has given me some of the most obnoxious giggle fits in my life. I love running @flowisk-appreciation with him, and sharing art, and SO many things.
✨The next person who has made a big impact on my time here is @kanaking. He showed up here in the early days too, when I was just starting sketch requests. We would send asks back and forth wishing each other good days, and then finally we took it to the IM chat and a fantastically hilarious friendship started out from there. We’ve done SO MUCH together and have had such weird talks, it’s been so much fun.
A big thank you to everyone who leaves notes on my work. A big thank you to everyone who reblogs and leaves comments and really nice tags (*cough* @messedupessy@kazzouli *cough*). A big gosh dern freaking thank you to ALL 1,004 OF YOU for coming here to the dumpster to follow me. I love sharing my work and my thoughts with you every day, and I am blessed to have such a large and supportive follower base.
Thank you for everything. I love you guys.
Thanks for 1,000, and here’s to many more!! You guys rock.✨
&&. — hello, everyone ! blaire here. because i recently reached 500 followers, i wanted to give back to each and every one of you that support my blog. i am very, very grateful for the approval. so, as thanks, i decided to hold a giveaway.
( keep in mind, this is my very first time holding one of these so, please, forgive me in advance for not getting this quite right or for any mistakes i might make. )
Prompt: A boy at your high school, named George, has asked you out; not because he likes you, but because you were his last option. Obviously, you turn him down since you have a turtle boyfriend who was going to meet with you behind the school. On the night of prom, you go outside to wait for your secret love. But the boy who had asked you out corners you outside and acts aggressive…
The whole situation still had you shaking from nervousness. No human boy had ever asked you out before, let alone spoken to you. So for George to not only approach you while you had been on your way to the lair, but to then ask you out had shaken you to the core. Obviously you had rejected him, but somehow you still felt guilt swimming in your gut; not because you had rejected the boy, but because you felt like you had somehow betrayed Leonardo.
It was such an odd feeling. You knew you had done nothing wrong or even gave the boy any hint that you knew he existed, but it something about the situation just made you feel gross. Perhaps it had been the way George scoffed at you when you had told him of you were taken already. Or the accusatory tone he had when he asked who you were dating. You had told him it was none of his business and quickly made your way to the sewers the moment he had stormed off.
The moment you entered the lair you made a beeline for the dojo. Leonardo had a habit of starting training as early as possible so he could hang out with you more, and it looked like you had arrived just as he was finishing up his session.
The blue turtle did not look at you as he struck at his imaginary opponent, his swords glimmering in the light. “Hey!” He said, acknowledging your presence as he struck again.
“Hey,” You returned the greeting, sitting down to watch him work.
Leonardo did not pause but he did glance at you. “You okay?” He asked. There had been something in your tone that sounded off. Clearly there was something on your mind.
At first you hesitated, but then reminded yourself that it was Leonardo. If anyone would be able to help, it was him. “Some boy called George asked me out to prom today.”
The turtle paused at the confession, his fingers gripping the katanas tightly for a moment before he resumed the form. “What’d you tell him?”
“That my boyfriend was taking me,” You couldn’t help but smile at the mutant, your eyes never leaving his body. “It didn’t sound like he believed me though. Either way, he left. But I thought you should know.”
Leonardo couldn’t help but smirk, feeling his chest swell a little at the idea of you rejecting someone for him. He finally relaxed and sheathed his swords, panting a little as he made his way to you. “Thank you for sharing that with me,” he smiled before taking a seat next to you. “Though it sounds weird he didn’t believe you.”
You nodded, hugging your knees to your chest. “The whole thing’s weird. I only have one class with him and even then I’ve never spoken to him. I don’t even think we’ve been in a group project together.”
At that information Leonardo frowned. Now something definitely sounded weird about this Chris character. “But he still asked you out?”
“Yeah…” You mumbled as your brain tried to think of why George picked you. “I think…he just didn’t wanna go alone. But he couldn’t find anyone else to go with him so he tried me?” You shrugged and continued, “I mean, I don’t really talk to the guys in my school because I got you. So maybe he thought I was single because of that?”
He hummed and tapped his chin in thought, “Maybe.” Although he did not have any social experience with other teenagers outside of his family and you, there was something about the exchange you had with George that just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that he was jealous a human boy found you attractive, you were gorgeous after all, but he never once felt threatened or worried that you would leave him for someone else.
Leonardo knew you had a life on the surface and sometimes that would involve you interacting with the opposite sex. If he got angry every time you spoke to a human boy, he would have blood pressure issues. No, it was something else entirely that sounded threatening. Perhaps it was the way that Chris reacted when you had rejected him.
“Well I’m definitely going to your school now,” he finally spoke. Anytime his gut gave him a hint that a bad situation was about to appear, he listened and took no chances. It was a skill he had learned to master quickly, especially as leader. Now that this involved you, there was no way in hell he was going to take any chances.
You frowned at him. When they had announced the prom date you had asked the turtle if he would be willing to go. Obviously he wouldn’t be able to go into the building, but if he could meet you outside or on the roof top, then the two of you could have your own private prom night. The mutant turtle had been hesitant about it for a while, but now that he was confirming his attendance it made your gut twist in guilt. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to go because you feel like you have to, Leo.”
“I’m not,” He admitted, staring you in the eyes to show off his honesty. “I was going to surprise you today by telling you I was gonna go anyway.” He grabbed your hand and squeezed it, “Besides. I really want to see what you’ll look like in a dress.”
“Aww, Leo.” You smiled before planting a kiss on his cheek. “I know you’ll like the color,” you hinted with a wink.
He gave you an incredulous look and smirked. “It’s blue isn’t it?”
Your smile grew wider, “Maaaybe.”
The turtle chuckled and pulled you in close. “Well, how’d you know I wouldn’t prefer green? Or yellow?”
“Because I just do,” you smacked his arm playfully and pulled away from him. “Go shower, you’re all sweaty.”
He grinned mischievously before wiping his moist head against your neck. When you recoiled and tried wiping his sweat off your skin he shrugged. “Oops. Guess you gotta go with me.”
You laughed and tried to push him but he hopped out of the way. “All you had to do was ask!” You called after him as you chased after the turtle through the lair.
The glorified party had been going on for a few hours before you started to feel lonely. You had gone with your friend, but seeing all the dancing couples made you long for your own secret date. As if on cue, your phone buzzed, revealing a message from Leonardo.
“I’ll be outside. Come out when you’re ready,” It read.
You smiled from ear-to-ear and went to get one more cup of punch. The moment the drink hit your tongue it tasted bitter. “Euch!” You managed to swallow the tiny bit you had tasted, but held the rest of it out as if it were moldy. “What’s wrong with this?”
Your friend overheard you and poured herself a glass, taking a sip. “Oooh!” Her eyes widened in realization and she pointed at the beverage. “It’s spiked! Someone put alcohol in the punch!”
You looked down at the drink, completely perplexed. It had been fine when the party started; someone must have added the alcohol recently. A sudden cold chill ran over your body and you could feel someone’s eyes on you. Every fiber of your body told you not to look for the source, but a part of you wanted to confirm your suspicions.
Staring at you through the crowd of teenagers was George. Your blood ran cold and your knees tightened as if preparing for a long sprint. The human boy did not break the gaze as he took a long drink from his red solo cup. Although you couldn’t prove it, your gut told you he was the one who had altered the school’s beverage. Any hint of fear from you would give him the upper hand. You had to take a stance to show some courage or else he may not let this up. Unfortunately, the only thing you could think of was deliberately throwing the drink out before you finally turned away to break his stare.
As you walked towards the back of the school, dipping underneath any block they had set up to keep the students out, you couldn’t help but feel like you were being followed. Every time you looked back, however, no one was there. The only thing that kept you calm was knowing who was waiting for you outside in the shadows.
Leonardo had perched himself on one of the few trees behind the large building. Every part of him felt giddy as he waited for you to appear. Although the risk of getting caught was high, when it came to you he was willing to take the risk. Besides, it was just one night and luckily the school had planted a few trees; if he needed to, he could hide among the leaves.
The sound of an old door creaking open caught his attention. The light from the building spilled out on the blacktop and his heart raced at the sight of you. He had never seen your hair done that way before and the blue dress you wore seemed to accentuate your features. The smile on his face quickly turned to confusion when a second figure followed you.
“First you don’t like me, now you don’t like my drinks?”
When the human boy barked at you, Leonardo wanted nothing more than to jump down and sucker punch him. However, the ninja trusted you could handle yourself and kept himself planted on the branch. Only when you needed help would he interject.
“I don’t even know you,” You answered, trying to sound as bored as you could. The boy had followed you out so quickly and quietly. Had you been so focused on seeing Leonardo that you didn’t notice the boy following you?
George scoffed and smiled. “When does that matter? Everyone is here with someone. My friend is with some chick he never spoke to. Stop being stuck up!”
You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms. “First off, I have a boyfriend. And even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be caught dead with a prick like you.” Your own tone surprised you, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins was giving such a boost of confidence. You hoped it would be off-putting and that the boy would back off.
Unfortunately, the alcohol was potent on his breath and he stepped forward. “Who are you, huh? Thinkin’ you’re better than me?” The boy grabbed your arms and squeezed tightly as he began to shake you.
The moment Leonardo saw the boy grab you he acted. He landed behind the boy and kicked the side of his leg, striking the nerve that made it temporarily useless. Once his body began to cripple and bend forward, the mutant grabbed his arm and turned him so his knee could collide with his soft gut. The impact not only knocked the wind out of your attacker but it made him pass out. Very swiftly, he scooped the limp body in his arms and carried him back to the school, tossing him inside the hallway before closing the door.
As soon as the light disappeared he was in front of you. “Are you okay?” He asked, his fingers running over your arms gingerly as he tried to asses the damage.
“Y-yeah,” you nodded and panted. Your heart was racing and your breathing became a little erratic. The whole situation had happened so fast that your mind was still trying to process what happened.
Leonardo stared down at you and recognized the behavior. He squeezed your shoulders firmly and stared into your eyes. “Hey. Are you okay?” He asked again, more firm this time.
Everything went still and you finally felt like you could think straight. George had tried to attack you; you remember smelling the alcohol on the boy’s breath. Your arms began to throb from the pain left by him; but in that pain, you recognized the three-fingered hands on your shoulders. Leonardo had stopped George before things got worse. The large mutant turtle was here, right now, with you. In the end, that was all that mattered.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” You smiled up at him.
He stared at you for a moment before finally letting out a sigh of relief. His arms wrapped around your smaller body and pulled you in for a hug. For now he just wanted to keep you close, relieved he was there to stop the human boy from going any further. There was a small pang of guilt that he should have intervened sooner, but he quickly pushed it aside. You were alive and there was no fatal injury. Everything was okay now.
“You like my dress?” You asked, trying to change the atmosphere to a happier one.
Leonardo was taken aback by the question, forgetting where the two of you were for a moment. “It’s pretty,” He finally smiled, pushing you gently back so he could finally look at you. “But you were already beautiful before you put it on.”
Your cheeks turned a bright pink at his compliment and you giggled as you were rendered speechless for the moment.
He smiled, a little proud he make you feel good with just words and nodded down to himself. “Sorry I’m a little under-dressed.”
“You’re perfectly fine, Leo.” You managed to find words. Although muffled, you could hear the slow beat and smooth voice of a song being played. You looked up at him expectantly, knowing this was the start of the rest of the night.
Had he been watching this on a screen, he would have complained about how cheesy this scene would be; after all, what were the odds of a slow song playing after such an intense moment? But life had a funny way of being cliché at times.
Leonardo chuckled and offered a hand out to you. “I’m just going to warn you now: I may have two left feet.”
Without hesitation you grabbed his hand, smiling as he slid his other hand onto your waist. “Good thing it’s a slow song then.” He was too tall for you to wrap your arms around his neck, so you resorted to putting them on his chest.
“Thank you,” you said just as the two of you began to sway in-time with the song.
He looked down to make sure he wasn’t going to step on your feet. “You don’t need to thank me for that.” He frowned and shook his head. “If I’d known he was going to come at you like that, I would’ve come in sooner. I’m sorry.”
You flicked at his rough skin to get his attention. The moment those blue eyes met yours you smiled. “It’s not your fault, Leo. The guy was crazy, you couldn’t have known.”
For a moment his mind began to reel at what could have happened had he not been there on time. What the boy could have done to you, what you could have done to the boy, if anyone would have come out to help you. When he felt the panic start to settle in he stopped and took a deep breath to calm himself. He had been there and you were safe now.
Everything was okay.
“Hey,” You tugged on one of the tails of his bandanna to get his attention. The moment he turned to you, you got on your tip-toes and brushed your lips against his. “Thanks for coming tonight.”
He smiled and bent down to return the gesture, making sure it lasted longer. “Well you know I wouldn’t do this for just anybody.”
“Oh, lucky me,” You giggled.
For the rest of the night you both were lost in each other’s company. There was no longer a George, there had no longer been an attack. It was just you and Leonardo and that made you perfectly content.
I feel like a lot of blogs are way too cool for me ?? do u feel this way if so any "too cool for you" blogs you follow that u can't believe followed you back (or haven't whatever) ?
do you mean every single one of my mutuals?
no but seriously I feel this way all the time. I cannot believe so many amazing blogs follow me (a lot of which I used to lurk on when I was just starting to like dnp and was low key obsessed but too scared to actually follow people from my main).
I know I literally never post about Murdoch Mysteries anymore, but I needed to get a quick rant out of my system. For YEARS now I have been so sick of the fans that live in Ontario, especially Toronto or other areas Murdoch Mysteries films at, that constantly act and think that they’re better than the rest of the fans. Why? Because you’re always watching them film when they come for a visit to your town? Because you’ve met Yannick 50 times and got a picture every instance? Because one of them follows back you on Twitter? No. Sit down. Just because you happen to live close to where it all happens doesn’t make you any more wise or a bigger fan than anyone else or all knowing. Sorry!
Once a year, on that day people remembered as the end of Geostigma, Cloud would return to what was left of Midgar; to the very place where he once had that decisive battle.
It wasn’t as if he wasn’t trying to do better, or instead clinging to a past full of battles during which time seemed to escape him like sand through his fingers, no. Those days had long faded away, just as the ruins crumbled more and more by each passing year. That was what he sought in his visits to such a place; the oddly, peaceful comfort of watching the evidence of his old troubles disappear.
We woke from quiet whispers and rose, like zombies hours before the sun.
In the twilight, we prepared. Silhouettes of my brothers shambling quietly in the moondust. Doom clutched in our hands, strapped to our thighs and heavy on our shoulders.
We were the snake with a hundred green eyes, crawling out from the steel grass, on the prowl for prey.
A prey with perfect camouflage, their cloaks made of innocence.
I used to wonder how they crafted such things, where they could possibly find innocence in this land of lies.
The truth would wound me deeply, and it will never heal. I still taste the dust and copper, the carbon and ozone. In the night I still feel my grip slipping, my hands covered in the life that leaked from his body as I lifted it; his hips like chips of porcelain, grinding in my palms.
The price for survival was eternal vigilance.
I spoke their words with a broken tongue and stripped them of their dignity. I did so without remorse, as they sowed the machinings of our destruction in the same earth on which their children played.
What they planted grew faster than any other; watered by footsteps in exchange for flesh.
Who can forget, when in panic that day, a woman covering her shame but cursing our name in crazed despair; held in her arms the broken boy who’d trode on the fruit meant for us.
Cowardice, I understand, for though we were few, we bore hearts of smoldering brimstone clutched from hell with which we were to purge those who stood to harm our own or any who could not defend themselves. We saw through darkness, moved like ghosts in the desert wind and wielded death in tight groupings; two to the heart, one to the mind.
Them, they sacrificed their own.
Infanticide. The word to forge for their sins. A murder more foul than murder can describe.
The silencing of sons and daughters; the first for vengeance, the second for seeking forbidden knowledge.
I have bloodied my hands, I have extinguished the flames of life and I seek no redemption. Not for delusions of righteousness or morality. But because we knew what we were doing. We came prepared, with blackened hearts and steeled minds.
They could not break us, not while we were together; a phalanx of will and peerless determination.
We were the sixth in the first; escorted through the garden of Nakhonay by the Bastards themselves. Lead by a woman so fierce, the Elders dared not ignore her. Every last one of us would follow her to hell and back. Some of us did.
Not all of us returned, and none of us returned unscathed.
Every last one had paid the boatman in advance before we set foot on that foresaken soil. Some crossed the river sooner than others, by their own hand. I never had the chance to say goodbye, but I forgive them for leaving without me.
I still wait on the shoreline with the damned; my sins burning on my soul, content that I tried to do not what was good, but what was necessary.
Years from now, there will be nothing left but ash.
And the blood, sweat, brass and brethren we left in that desert will be our legacy.
A legacy of a lost cause, trying to rescue those who wished to be left to drown in the strife of their own country.
Maybe, just maybe; I changed at least one life for the better.
That’s all I can hope for, with the weight of what I had to do to make it home alive.
hi friends! just wanted to give a small update. i’ve been sick so that’s why i haven’t been as active. i think i am on the mends and hope to pick up activity in the near future. i also wanted to say that i’m going to be preforming an unfollowing spree. why? this blog has once again become highly overwhelming. i love that so many people are interested in jim’s character and i wish i could follow every one of you back, but it’s become a bit much. tbh this blog is a bit disorganized. so, unless we are writing i will be unfollowing those blogs i am not interacting with. again, i’m sorry. it’s nothing against anyone. this is more for my peace of mind.