On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions of Gonzo the Great: Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it.
But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?
Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.
Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.
Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.
If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.
This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.
Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.
Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.
Ampleforth/Lay Me Low by The Albion Band (this was written in the ‘70s, but The Albion Band, and this album in particular, is made up of a bunch of old Fairport Convention members with vocals from people like Martin Carthy and Maddy Prior of Steeleye Span, and you really don’t get more Traditional English Folk than that)
Welcome to Kappa Kappa (originally Kappa Kappa Beta but that last part fell off), Lake Lilac University’s first and only co-ed fraternity!
I’m literal trash and also a community college student who still lives with their parents so I’LL TRY NOT TO MESS THIS UP:
Max-Everyone is sure he should have graduated by now, but he’s been in the dorm for so long and still has his major as “undeclared”. No one knows if he actually goes to LLU or not, he never attends class. He’s also somehow behind every out-of-control party or riot that happens on campus or in the dorm, or least DJing. Has been living in Kappa Kappa because it’s the cheapest but he hates everyone, especially the RAs. Nikki did his tattoo.
Neil-STEM Major. Actually does his work and attends classes and was dead-set on not becoming a party kid, but is always the first one to get absolutely smashed at every party. Max’s roommate.
Nikki-No one knows what her major is. Like Max, no one is entirely sure if she actually goes to LLU, but everyone seems to have a class with her. Often climbs in through peoples’ windows because she got “locked out again”, although no one actually knows which room is hers or if she actually lives in the dorm. Got kicked out of Gamma Lambda Sigma (AKA college Flower Scouts idk man) for being the wild child she is. Has been stopped by security/police multiple times because they all keep thinking she’s on drugs. Nah, it’s just Nikki. Good thing LLU has a rugby team (She’s really good but no one is sure if she actually plays for points or for the sake of beating people up).