folding-screen

Our DM regrets everything

So our level 7 party was hired by a king to get an object from a dragon’s lair in exchange for an items that was part of one of our party member’s personal story quest. We got into the blue dragon’s lair, killed it’s children, then waited ambush style for it to get home. The fight basically went like this:

DM: The blue dragon flies into its lair

Party: Surprise Round!

DM: Yup… Surprise Round

Sorcerer: Hey, do you two want 150ish hitpoints and to hit like a fighter twice your level?

Bard: Sure

Fighter: Sure

Sorcerer: I use twin spell to cast polymorph on both of them. They’re both giant apes now

The party proceeded to beat down the dragon while one giant ape beat on it and the other grappled it to the ground. We then leveled, got 100,000gp each, and got magic item loot from the dragon’s hoard. Our dual-classed Arcane Archer Kensai Monk (basically Zen archer for 5e) got the Oathbow.

A few encounters later, our party is now level 8. As a level 8 party of 7 characters we decide to fight the Pit Fiend in front of us instead of run away. Here’s how that fight went:

DM: The Pit Fiend hasn’t noticed you yet.

Party: Surprise Round!

DM: Yup… Surprise Round

Sorcerer: Who wants to be giant apes?

Bard: Sure

Fighter: Sure

Sorcerer: I do the thing.

The party then proceeds to fight the Pit Fiend. The Pit Fiend knocks the bard out of giant ape form and knocks him unconscious, and the fight is getting pretty rough. That’s when our SuperArcher decided this had gone on for too long…

Archer: So it’s taken 5 rounds of great apes, paladin smites, chromatic orbs, and oathbow shots right?

DM: Yup

Archer: Alright. This combat is taking too long. Action Surge, Sharpshooter on all four attacks, that’s 22, 23, 21, and 21 to hit?

DM: They all hit

Archer: That’s 1d8+3d6+15 four times… 

DM: *proceeds to close his Monster Manual and start folding up his DM screen*

Archer: That’s 112 magical piercing damage total.

DM: You all triple level… yay…

flickr

Nectarine No. 9 by Blue Ruin 1

<br /><i>Via Flickr:</i>
<br />This image is from a German postcard, postmarked 1905.
Penguins, Tigers, and Elephants

“Everything alright, pet?” Frowning, he strokes over your aching back. It’s a beautiful day. The sun is shining and no clouds are in the sky. It’s the first time you can go out with a blouse and ballerinas. But you’re wearing your old sneakers because you want to walk comfortably even if you don’t feel comfortable at all.  

You’re glad that the weather allows you to go out with your daughter; the winter time was exhausting. Playing inside is not the same as playing with the other kids on the playground. You were delighted as Harry took her out for some fun in the snow. The two built a snowman, drinking hot cocoa afterwards,  and she was sad as the carrot was missing the next morning.

She’s a little whirlwind and nobody is safe, not even your vases and the Christmas tree. One Christmas ball fell victim to her. Thank god you used the old Christmas balls and not the pretty ones which your mother gave you once.

You hold your daughter’s hand as she starts to pull you forward.

“Just a little tired,”  you smile at him, closing your eyes. He kisses your forehead, sliding his hand down your arm until he grabs your daughter’s hand. She looks with surprise up to her dad as he takes her hand.

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