flyers!

do you ever look at something you made and hate it so goddam much 

My favorite Flyers fun fact is that Taylor Leier was always known as a skill player but last year, in the AHL, he absolutely destroyed an enforcer in a fight. When asked where he learned how to fight like that he told the reporter that he took boxing as a kid because his little brother, Keaton, was a ballerina and older kids would make fun of him, so Taylor learned how to kick all of their asses. 

Hockey Phrase Definitions

  • Assist = I gotchu boo, have a goal
  • Blew a tire = ice much slippery
  • Boarding = wall for safe, not for face.
  • Breakaway = quick like a bunny
  • Chirping = much insult
  • Crashing the net = up close and personal, goalie edition
  • Delay of game = dumb
  • Dropping the gloves = gloves off, better for hugs
  • Empty net goal = participation award
  • Flow = to the fella over there with the hella good hair
  • Goaltender = marshmellow optimus prime
  • Holding = now is not the time for hug
  • Icing = belongs on cakes, not in sports
  • Jock strap = under the butt nut hut
  • Line brawl = much hugs
  • One timer = couldn’t do that again if I tried
  • Own goal = woo goal for the other team
  • Penalty box = pout place
  • Referee = not Denis Widemans friend 🐸🍵
  • Spearing = hockey players are not hot dogs

idk why but I really want to see some nhl teams go into a haunted house. can you imagine how funny that would be. nhl make it happen.

thereisnoheterosexualexplanationforthis.jpg

If only there was an international event that NHL players wanted to go to.

Originally posted by nansgifs

Main rivals of each NHL team

Metropolitan Division
Hurricanes - the inability to get over Eric Staal (please punch somebody)
Blue Jackets - Penguins
Devils - Rangers
Islanders - Rangers
Rangers - Devils
Flyers - Penguins
Penguins - Flyers
Capitals - Penguins
note: everyone will fight the Penguins

Atlantic Division
Bruins - Canadiens
Sabres - Maple Leafs
Red Wings - Avalanche (will fight the Lightning, Blackhawks, Leafs)
Panthers - Lightning
Canadiens - Bruins
Senators - Maple Leafs
Lightning - Panthers (will fight the Pens)
Maple Leafs - Canadiens

Central Division
Blackhawks - Blues (will fight the Red Wings)
Avalanche - Red Wings (will fight the Blackhawks)
Stars - no one can decide on a rival so they’re invalid
Wild - Blackhawks (will fight the Jets)
Predators - Blackhawks (beef with the Blues) (will fight Sidney Crosby)
Blues - Blackhawks (beef with the Predators) (will fight Sidney Crosby)
Jets - Wild
note: everyone will fight the Blackhawks

Pacific Division
Ducks - Kings
Coyotes - Golden Knights (will fight the Kings)
Flames - Oilers
Oilers - Flames
Kings - Ducks
Sharks - Kings
Canucks - Flames (will fight the Bruins)
Golden Knights - Coyotes

After painstaking research, I’ve put together a comprehensive list to the best of my knowledge. Let me know if I’m completely off-base on anything.

Things Hockey Fans are tired of Hearing

  • “We need to put pucks in the net.” No really? I thought you scored by throwing the puck over the net.
  • “Lower/Upper body injury.” The most vague description in the world.
  • “The goalie is going to want that goal back.” Damn commentator, back at it again with the obvious statements.
  • “That’s not a penalty you want to take.” Goddamnit guys, why didn’t you get a different penalty.
  • “They win and lose as a team.” Tell that to the media who is currently blaming the goalie and maybe one other guy.
  • “That’s a goal you score when you’re the teams goal-scorer.” Brilliant Dr. Obvious, may I have another?
  • “They need to score another goal.” Do you hear that guys? YOU NEED TO SCORE ANOTHER GOAL.
  • “They need to play their game.” Alright guys, I know you wanted to play the Bruins game but tough shit, we’re the Caps.
  • “They need to stay healthy.” Well I’ll be, who knew injuries were bad for a team.
  • “You just won the cup, how do you feel?” Like I would still rather be anywhere in the world but standing here with you Pierre.
  • “The game is on his stick” that’s a puck
  • “A penalty is gonna be called, what’s it gonna be?” Friggen wait 15 seconds, they’ll announce it.
  • “Why are they fighting?” 10 grown ass testosterone riddled men are chasing a small piece of rubber.
  • “They need a win here.” How lovely, we are no longer in need of a loss. We’re fully stocked on those guys.
  • “Going between the benches with Pierre McGuire.” Oh my God, this silence is so blessed.
  • “He shoots top shelf where momma hides the cookies.” My mom hid the cookies at the store.
  • “He beat him like a rented mule.” Hi ASPCA, I need to report some animal abuse.
  • “He’s not helping his team in the penalty box.” He’s not helping out of it either to be fair.