still waiting for the scene where john finally discovers sherlock torture scars and says, “im sorry. i didnt know… i didnt even think–” and sherlock cuts him off and says, “no. you didnt think. you only thought of yourself.”
Wow you did such a really good job on the psycho-analysis of illumi, it is right along the lines (and much more) of what I've been thinking and I'm happy that there is a word for it now. One question though. In parentification, particularly Illumi's case, is the individual aware that he has a problem, or does he feel completely normal? Because for illumi, he seems to not even comprehend how his actions have been hurting killua and appears to view his extreme actions as rational choices...
Hey thank you very much for reading it ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ you have no idea how happy that makes me.
Moving along, I believe Illumi is fully aware of how ‘immoral’ his actions are, but, as it is the case with many sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists, he is really apathetic to Killua’s wishes or anyone else’s. This is all about his need to ‘care’ for Killua; his need to ‘protect’ the family. Illumi’s not doing this for the family’s safety or Killua’s safety, he’s doing what he’s doing to protect Killua and therefore protect his most loved. To protect his emotional attachment. Because it’s Illumi who will hurt the most if Killua dies. Not Killua. Not Gon - or so he thinks.
He’s also admitted it himself to Hisoka that, yes, he’s pretty fucked up (picture of that scene won’t fricking load srry), which further pushes the idea of his sociopathic/APD traits, which, frankly, I believe to be partially inherited from the long line of Zoldyck assassins, and partially influenced during his development stage, particularly during his training. He knows what he’s doing isn’t making society happy, but why should Illumi care? He doesn’t care. He doesn’t give a flying fuck if a person on the street accused him of being abusive. He’s more than likely to end up staring blandly at them and walk on, or maybe mutter, ‘is that so’ in the most indifferent way possible. In this way, he has many traits of the anti-social personality disorder (also known as psychopathy; sociopathy). Disregard for other people’s rights (Needlemen; Killua; Alluka), lack of empathy or lack of complete care for having empathy and the alike, include in his list of problems. Schizoid Personality Disorder is also possible. I can’t see Illumi becoming angry at any thing outside of the Killua/Zoldyck family range, so Schizotypal is unlikely, and so is Narcissist Personality Disorder. (This is really going off topic sorry.)
He’s a rational person as well, in all honesty. Everything he does is calculated to the T - if I kill this person these people will get mad - but the important thing is, he doesn’t care if these people get mad. He just doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about the person he killed, he doesn’t care about the people who cared for the person he killed. It’s not just that he can’t relate, he does not have empathy.
Also, the reason I would call him rational, is because the opposite of rational is emotional - using emotions to judge and act accordingly. Clearly Illumi doesn’t do that, or he would still have emotions. He uses logic to act. (Or logic in his mind for Killua.)
In conclusion, Illumi knows he’s not normal. But he doesn’t care. Illumi knows he’s disrespecting Killua and Alluka’s rights, but he doesn’t care. (This also builds on why he calls Alluka ‘he’ instead of ‘she’. He doesn’t care. Alluka is biologically male and that’s all that he cares enough to use.)