flute jokes

Band instruments as things I've heard them say
  • Piccolo: .... (I don't think I've ever heard them speak. Thinks they're better than everyone and doesn't talk to other band kids)
  • Flute: guess what 'band director' said about 'piccolo'
  • Oboe: *quietly playing a solo, very concentrated*
  • Bassoon: *squeak*
  • Clarinet: we're gonna play those two notes ff instead of p so it sounds like 'DOOT DOOT' wanna help
  • Bass clarinet: I don't think I play here
  • Alto saxophone: I can fit my whole mouthpiece down my throat I'll show you
  • Tenor saxophone: we either play 4 half notes the entire song...or constant 32nd notes....I don't understand
  • Bari saxophone: so do I do sectionals with the trombones, or...?
  • Trombones: *screams into instrument*
  • Tuba: why am I even here
  • French horn: (secluded, doesn't speak much. Very put together. Know what they're doing)
  • Trumpet: *clearly plays wrong note* that wasn't me
  • Percussion: *screaming* RATCHET SUPREMACY
Beginner Musician Guide: Instrument Names
  • Flute: Fruit
  • Oboe: Oblow
  • Clarinet: Squidward
  • Saxophone: Sax
  • Alto saxophone: Tall sax
  • Tenor saxophone: Ten saxes
  • Baritone Saxophone: Berry Sax
  • Bassoon: Bass soon
  • Trumpet: House pet
  • French horn: Drunk trumpet
  • Trombone: Slide trumpet
  • Tuba: Giant trumpet
  • Euphonium/Baritone: Mini tuba
  • Percussion: Concussion
A Day in the Life of Band #2
  • *at a festival (a competitive concert), everyone's getting ready before the judges come on. It's hot, and we're on stage*
  • Director: Alright, talking to the guys here, I know it's hot in here, so if you want to, just unbutton your top button on your shirt, and just hide it with your tie.
  • Director: Don't want you choking up here.
  • Me: *about one second away from saying 'that's kinky'
  • Director: Unless you're into that.
  • Half of the band who understands the innuendo: *gasps and starts giggling*
  • ME, OUTRAGED: i WAS LITERALLY JUST ABOUT TO- NOH MY GOD
  • ~~~~~~~~~Later about five seconds before the judges come on
  • Director: *whispers* Fifty shades of band.

Grounded. Not relevant to here, don’t worry—but some people just really have to stop. Something that you may deem funny could actually hurt someone’s feelings. That’s why I’ve been mostly silent for today. And I’ve been sick since Saturday night. 

IN OTHER NEWS, less depressing news, I AM WORKING ON A FEW NEW VERSES FOR LUX.