flock me

“I can’t believe I actually have people upset with me for being a talented writer? Like I should feel bad for being good? They’re mostly duplicates so I guess they feel threatened by me, and most of the fandom flocks to me for interactions with this canon muse, so I can see why they might be jealous… but I’m not MAKING anyone come to me. I wish people would stop blaming others for their insecurities. Maybe talk to your partners instead of getting hostile at your perceived ‘competition’?”

  • guanlin: *accidentally bumps against a door*
  • dongho: are you okay?!?!?
  • guanlin: it's okay hyung i'm fine
  • dongho, facing the door: you stand in guanlin's way one more time and i'll make sure to take you down
my flock: treats
  • me: *throws whole piece of bread onto the ground*
  • chickens: jesus CHRIST we gotta consume this as quickly as possible and shove the LARGEST pieces down our throats lmao what is pacing??? what is choking??? what is tearing off a small piece supposed to do??? waste of time
  • me: *throws down whole strawberries, blueberries, chunks of broccoli*
  • chickens: exCusE mE???? the fuck is this??? did your dumb ass forget how to cut food down to size??? why have these not been carefully sliced to accommodate our delicate throats and beaks??? you forget your purpose here, human

anonymous asked:

Hey! I love your Voltron headcanons. May I ask (if it hasn't been done already) for either Pidge-Allura friendship or Allura-Shiro friendship? I just love Allura and your hc for her!

at last someone has requested these beautiful disasters 

  • team “look like they’ve slept eight hours, are lying to you”
  • they have two very different internal reactions when others look to them for guidance
    • shiro’s like “yikes” while allura’s like “haha yes children flock to me, follow me into the pits of adrenaline and danger”
    • they balance each other out
  • neither of them can cook to save their damn lives
  • *allura picks shiro up* “…do i even weigh anything to you” “no it’s like holding a couple of grapes”
  • one time shiro had a nightmare where allura went on a mission with keith and pidge and they blew up a whole planet and anyway whenever the three of them are in a room together he feels the need to supervise
  • shiro’s uncle iroh, allura’s zuko
    • shiro: *gives heartfelt advice about being your best self and achieving your goals*
    • allura: “you gotta. just. take a bite of the silver sandwich”
  • together they make one (1) fully functioning adult
  • “allura stall that soldier for a little bit” allura, leaning up against the doorframe and blocking shiro from view: “so uh you come here often”

oh god oh god oh god i’m not ready for the last episode tomorrow :’(((

SNK Chapter 90 In A Nutshell
  • Soldier: So obviously we shouldn't tell the public about, you know. *Gestures at the basement*
  • Pixis: If we keep secret from the public doesn't that make us as bad as the guys we just overthrew?
  • Historia: Baldy's right. We're going public.
  • -----------------------
  • Newspaper guy: So basically we're the descendants of a minority race who can turn into titans and outside of the walls is a giant military that wants us all dead.
  • Levi: Hit the nail on the head. So how are people taking it?
  • Newspaper guy: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
  • Citizen 1: Well hey this is pretty interesting. It explains a lot.
  • Citizen 2: HA! You expect me to believe this?
  • Citizen 3: The government is spreading lies about an upcoming war so they can put us all in labor camps and fuck our wives while we're away.
  • Newspaper guy: Mixed reception.
  • ------------------
  • Hitch: Sup bitches, heard Marlow died a hero's death.
  • Flock: Yeah he ruled. When Erwin went down, he led the charge that let us take down the beast titan.
  • Flock: But in his dying moments, I'm pretty sure all he felt was regret.
  • Jean: Dude what the fuck.
  • Flock: Hey man I'm just spitting facts.
  • Flock: OH AND ANOTHER THING.
  • Flock: I still think the commander should've survived, not Armin. You know who else thinks that?
  • Flock: Literally everyone but Eren, Mikasa, and Levi. You know, the fucking assholes who put their emotions above common sense?
  • Eren: I will fight yo-
  • Flock: Oh shut the fuck up, Eren. I get that you're the main character and shit, but more matters than just what YOU feel. You should've given up and sopped pestering Levi, like Mikasa did.
  • Mikasa: *Shame*
  • Jean: We get it Flock, you have a small penis. Just let it go, alright?
  • Flock: OH, AND ANOTHER THING.
  • Flock: Jean, Connie, Sasha, none of you stopped Levi or Eren and Mikasa from fucking us all up the ass. You just stood there like a bunch of people with smaller penises than me.
  • Flock: Come on, I signed up to save humanity. If that's not what you're about, let people know before they join this organization.
  • Armin: ...Yeah, Flock's right. Commander Erwin should've lived.
  • Eren: You don't know that, Armin! Come on, we still know nothing about the world out there! You still haven't seen the ocean, right? There's so much to learn about the world, you can't give up! If we just go beyond the walls-
  • Eren: *Flashback to what happened to Faye when she went beyond the walls*
  • Eren: Fu-
  • ----------------------------
  • *Ceremony where Historia gives out rewards commences*
  • Eren, in his thoughts: I know that our situation is bleak, and if I can change I'd be willing to sacrifice my life. And yet, I can't bring myself to sacrifice Historia.
  • Note: This is a reference to how Eren know that, when he activated the coordinate, he was touching a titanized royal (Dina), so they might be able to activate it by titanizing Historia. But he didn't tell anyone.
  • Eren: *Kisses Historia's hand*
  • --------Memory is awakened in Eren----------
  • *Back when Grisha was confronting Freida, before he ended up killing them all*
  • Grisha: Come on guys just use your powers to kill everyone trying to kill the people I love so the people I love don't have to die.
  • Freida: *Glares at Grisha*
  • ---------------------
  • Narration: Anyways so the guillotines pretty much got rid of all the titans and they retook wall Maria. And there's almost no titans left on the island.
  • Narration: So I guess all the titans are killed. One thing off Eren's bucket list.
  • Narration: SO a lot of months passed and they set off to find the ocean.
  • Survey Corps: *Reaches Ocean*
  • Narrator: Another one off the bucket list. Productive day.
  • Everyone: *FLIPS THE FUCK OUT*
  • Eren: *Somewhat sullen, contemplative*
  • Eren: So... on the other side of that ocean, there's people who are going to try to kill us.
  • Eren: We aren't free yet. Is killing the people who oppose us what it takes to finally be free?
  • Fandom: Dude chill.
  • Fandom: Also who does your hair it's fabulous
  • ------------------
  • Sorry this wasn't as funny. hopefully it's easy to understand, at least.
The Pawns And The Kings

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Originally posted by bangtanbtsmut


Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Smut

Plot: The reader is kidnapped, left alone in utter darkness. Once the day of her auctioning comes, she’s given to the head of one of the worlds most powerful gangs, Jungkook. She was nothing but a gift to him. But her little soul turns out to have the power to turn the tides in the worlds angriest ocean. And it turns out, Jungkook isn’t the only man whom eyes have settled upon her.

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Young Justice Batmom: Part 8

AN: It has been forever and a day since I last updated this. I love how it turned out and I’m happy this got voted number one! For those of you who don’t know I held a poll on twitter to decide which series update I should post to day and YJ Batmom won! Make sure to follow me on twitter for more polls, and previews! Click Here to go to my twitter!

This chapter is dedicated to @audreythetealovingcat she’s been working on some super top secret stuff for me, and It’ll be going live soon! Thank you again so much, you continue to astound me!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7


    You complete the obstacle course without throwing up, which in your book… is a win. Especially since you’d thrown up the last two times you’d done it. If your father could see you now he’d be screaming.

           Years of physical training had gone down the drain in the years since you’d left your father’s organization and married Bruce. You’d never thought you’d have to fight again, and yet … here you were.

           “You’re getting better.”

           You crack open an eye to stare at your son, he’s balancing on his hands, on top of a ball. For a minute, you consider the possibility of him being part seal. You dismiss this as you heave your upper body into a sitting position. “I’m too old for this stuff.”

           Dick cracks a grin, “You’re in your twenties.”

           You nod, “My point exactly. That, and the fact that my husband is a task master.”

           Your eyes slide over to your husband. He’s standing in the corner writing notes on a clipboard. He glances at you for a second before writing something else down. Then without looking at you he says, “You’re the one who wanted to get back in fighting shape. I told you I wouldn’t go easy on you, and compared to Ra’s, I’m a freaking walk in the park. Now then, let’s go again.”

           You stare at him, “I want a divorce.”

           Dick slumps onto your back, and wraps his arms around your neck, before asking, “I can live with you, right? And Alfred will come with us, right?”

           Bruce smiles at the two of you before dropping the clipboard and rushing both of you. It’s instinct that has you hopping to your feet. Dick’s legs wrap around your waist, and then you’re running.

           You’re at the disadvantage, and you know it. You’re out of shape, and carrying a thirteen-year-old boy on your back. It’s honestly amazing that you last as long as you do. Bruce takes both of you down while taking the brunt of the fall.

           The three of you collapse in a laughing heap and just lay there. Dick is sandwiched in-between the two of you when he laughs, “We should do this more often.”

           You sigh, “Some families do a game night.”

           Bruce and Dick look at each other for a minute before shaking their heads and saying, “Nah.”

           You roll your eyes and hop to your feet, “Well I am going to go take a shower.”

           Bruce sits up, “What are you talking about, you still have laps to do. You didn’t beat your obstacle course time.”

           You glare at him, “You want to go back to being a billionaire playboy, don’t you?”

           “If he knows what’s good for him, he won’t even entertain that thought.” Alfred says as he enters the gym. “I worked long and hard to put the idea of lifelong companionship in his mind, and I refuse to go back to bimbos walking around in his dress shirts.”

           You glance at your husband, “When the hell did that happen? We got together when we were twenty. After you’d been training for two years.”

           Bruce winces, “I was sixteen, and he was supposed to be gone for the entire weekend.”

           Alfred rolls his eyes, “Like I was going to be that stupid.”

           You stare at your husband, and he stares back, before he says, “How about I forget about the laps, and we stay married.”

           You smile, “Okay, but only for Alfred’s sake.” You lean down and kiss your husband, when you pull back you whisper in his ear, “And maybe a bit for my own as well.”

           He pulls you back down for another kiss, before whispering, “Do you want some company?”

           You glance over at Dick who’s on the parallel bars, “Well we certainly wouldn’t be missed.”

           You grin at each other when the alarm goes off. He growls and you frown. Dick dismounts and simply says, “Let’s go guys.”

    You and Dick head straight for the Mountain while Bruce changes into his gear. You don’t bother with the mask or changing. At this point, the secret’s out, and you could not care less. You watch your son spar with Kaldur, and you find the Artemis at your side a moment later.

    “Hi Mrs. Wayne.”

    You smile at the girl, “Hello, Artemis.”

    The archer smiles back, “Why do you look like you’ve spent the morning getting your butt kicked.”

    You sigh, “Because I live with bullies, and I am waaay out of practice.”

    Artemis chuckles and takes a seat next to you, “So it’s possible to lose the skills, then?”

    You shrug, “I wish that were the case. Instead it seems to be more along the lines of they’re in hibernation. Then I find myself pinned and they seem to wake up a little at a time, and then my body just moves.”

    “Self preservation wins out.”

    You nod, “It would seem so.”

    There’s a moment of silence before she asks, “So does this mean you’re joining the Team or the League?”

    You snort out a laugh, “Neither. I’m a reserve member. I only go if they need me.”

    “Do you have a costume?”

    Your eye twitches, “I don’t do tights.”

    She laughs as Bruce enters, and you follow the kids to the command center. By the end of the briefing your eye is twitching, and you’re radiating anger. No one seems willing to approach you, with the exception of Bruce, and even he seems hesitant.

    “Y/N,” He says slowly.

    “Don’t you dare try to keep me from going, Bruce Wayne.” He winces at the use of his name.

    He tries again, “Y/N…”

    “I hate that damn clown, I hate him with everything I have. He needs to be put down, and I don’t want my kids near him.” Bruce stares at you, and your eyes narrow, “What?”

    “Two things. One we don’t kill, and two when did we get ‘kids’? Last time I checked we had a kid. Singular, not plural.”

    You roll your eyes, “The minute I became den mother those kids became ours. I’ve already dealt with the Joker hurting Dick once, I refuse to see it happen again.”

    “He knows the risk. We all do.”

    “He’s thirteen Bruce.”

    “And what could you do at thirteen?”

    “That’s a different situation.”

    “How?”

    “I was raised by an immortal psychopath who thought it was fun to pit his children against each other.”

    Bruce hesitates for a minute, “What would you suggest?”

    “Send two of the League with them, and I can help the League.”

    Bruce stares at you, “You’ve only been training for …”

    “My whole life Bruce. I’ve been training for my entire life. I’m rusty, I won’t deny that, but I can help take down some plants.”

    He stares at you in contemplation, before sighing. Then he lifts his finger to his earpiece and says, “There’s been a change of plans, Hell Cat and I are going with the Team.” There’s a moment of silence before he barks back, “Of course I’m sure. I’d be next to useless against giant plants. Batman out.”

    You smile at him before leaning in to kiss him, “I’ll go suit up.”

    Dick is less thrilled than you are by the news. “I can’t believe my parents are going on a mission with me! I’m thirteen, I don’t need a babysitter.

    You scoff from your seat in the bio ship, “Richard Grayson, get your temper tantrum under control now, or you can wait in the ship.”

    His head turns to stare at you with the use of his full name, “MOM!”

    You raise an eyebrow, and stare back before he relents and slumps into his seat, “Let’s get one thing straight. The minute I became den mother you all became my kids. This mission is an active fight against high level villains, and I’ll be damned if I let some stupid clown hurt my kids.”

    The kids turn to face you, a bit surprised by your declaration, but no one protests. There’s several moments of silence before Bruce says, “Looks like your days of being an only child are over kid.” There’s a stunned silence before the ship bursts out in laughter.

    The mission is hard, and by the end you want nothing to do with swamps, bugs, or plants ever again. In fact, you’re even considering sabotaging Alfred’s ficus. But you consider it worth it to see Bruce punch out the clown, especially after he went after your baby with a knife.

    “Wow those mosquitos really did a number on you.” Artemis smirks.

    You try to resist the urge to scratch one of the numerous bites on your skin, “Yeah, I can’t leave the house without being doused in bug spray during the summer. Mosquitoes flock to me.”

    “You need a better suit.”

    “Oh, I have ideas for that!” M’Gann calls from the other side of the room. And before you know it the rest of the kids are all pitching in their ideas, before Kaldur says loudly, “Perhaps we should let our mother have some say.”

    You blink owlishly for a moment before, M’Gann says, “Well, Mom?”

    Artemis nudges you with her elbow, “Aunt Y/N?”

    Wally and Dick grin at you, and then Conner too asks, “Mom?”

    You glance at Bruce over their heads and he smiles at you. Smiling you open your arms and say, “We’ll talk about it later. For now, group hug!”

    Then you’re surrounded by your kids. You glance at Dick who’s hanging off your back, and he simply smiles and says, “I guess we’re one big happy family now.”

    You smile and say, “You’re still my baby.”

    He just groans.

|| needy ||

{summary: i’ve never been so needy before in my life.}

A lot of readers want more fuckboi!peter parker, so here’s || absolutely || written in his pov 👅👅👅

im also gonna put this out there but cartel’s [[the perfect mistake]] is fuckboi!peter parker’s theme song ♡

tags [permanent + peter parker]: @ghostedwolf , @fandom-flash , @babeychocolatemai , @animexchocolate, @psychicwitchphilosopher , @pharaohkiller , @moonlight53 , @literatureandimmature, @daydr3ams-away, @wannabe-weasley , @mcusebstan , @tmrhollandkay , @pepcvina , @nekonerdxox , @lokigirl18 , @fangeekkk , @kylielo22 , @wavy-ley , @lghockey , @buckysendoftheline , @1022bridgetp , @potterjamesharry

**please don’t repost/plagiarize this story. Reblogs are fine**

warnings: mentions of sexual content, explicit language & attempts at an attack

——

Despite everything that’s being said about me (even if most of them are true), I genuinely did love Liz Allan, and she was honestly the first one I have ever been intimate with.

I met her on the academic decathlon team and recall joining it solely for the purpose of getting closer her, the team’s captain. I was in love with the waves of her dark hair and constantly imagined what her smooth, mocha skin would taste like against my lips.

When we started dating, it was like a dream come for me.

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the signs as things my friend has said
  • aries: i'm gonna get your mom to dab
  • taurus: i'm EMOTIONALLY a hoe
  • gemini: maybe i love herpes
  • cancer: it gets a lot less romantic when you say it's gross
  • leo: (to our english teacher) want to see me eat an entire clementine in one bite
  • virgo: *chuckles quietly* i'm thinking about the aha music video
  • libra: don't put this on the list of stupid things i've said
  • scorpio: flip flops? are you shitting me? FLIP FLOCKS AND SOCKS?
  • saggitarius: how many chicken nuggets make up a chicken
  • capricorn: your dad is a michael cera cloning machine
  • aquarius: i am syphilis
  • pisces: my stomach's a high maintenance bitch

Today has been a lesson in intense birding. 

So to clear my head today, I went to the park early in the morning. Around dawn and around dusk are the best times to spot wildlife. Plus, the last time I was at Blendon Woods I walked past this patch of wild mustard JUST as the sun was rising- bright pink and orange sky with deep blue shadows marbled into it, bright yellow plants swaying in the breeze, deep shadows of trees in the background. It would have been a GREAT photograph. I got my camera out, lined up my shot… aaaaand… left the SD card in the computer at home. 

That was in October, so I’ve been itching to go back and try again. 

So anyway. 

I get out of my car and walk about twenty feet before I hear ‘gobblegobblegobble.’ 

I ain’t a city boy, okay? I know what a turkey sounds like. 

Turn to my left and there’s a couple turkeys hanging out over by the ranger’s station. Cool! They’ve got their feathers up, so they’re upset about something. I decide to go in the other direction. 

Start going down the hill into the woods. I hear that gobbling again, but it’s a little far off. I keep going. 

About twenty feet into the path, I see two turkeys. One male, one female. They’re a good thirty feet away. I get a couple photos of them from there. He’s all puffed up so he probably knows I’m there. I decide to let them keep going to avoid pissing him off any further. 

They go a good ten feet off the path and I figure I’m good to go. 

I start walking again. 

That’s when I hear the gobbling come from behind me. And I’m like… oh shit- the entire flock has found me. And for those of you who don’t know… a flock of turkeys ends up being like 30 of them. 

I have a platoon of wild turkeys converging on me slowly. 

Oh no. 

I have aggressed them.

The turkey that I’d been taking photos of suddenly hops back onto the path and starts chasing me.

If you’ve never seen a turkey run, they are fast motherfuckers. And you’re reminded that they descended from dinosaurs. So I have the great great great great (etc) grandson of velociraptor mongolienesis chasing after me for getting too into his personal space bubble. 

I don’t know how bad a turkey can bite. I am not adventurous enough to find out. I do not want to explain to the doctor that I pissed off Thanksgiving dinner. 

I get about a quarter of a mile down the path and I no longer hear turkeys. 

I have reached a space of relative safety. 

But listen- this is not a big park. And turkeys… there are a lot of turkeys. Every time I turn a corner, there’s at least three turkeys pecking at stuff on the ground. And even if they don’t give a crap about me,  I am now SCARED OF TURKEYS. 

Get down the path and there’s a handful of them suddenly behind me. 

Keep going forward to get away from them, there’s another six twenty feet down the path. 

I am blocked in. I am frozen. The only thing I can do is stand very still and hope that they walk past me. But every tiny little movement I make catches their attention and they all lift their heads up to see what made the noise before making that awful, awful sound. 

Some joggers come up the path and all their heads turn to see what’s going on over there. 

The turkeys part like the Red Sea to make room for the joggers. 

I was never in any danger. 

As I leave the park, gobbling can be heard in the distance. 

I really want a turkey burger. 

I was heavily bullied. I was never going to be pretty like Hermione, and my disabilities insured that I had no friends to help me since everyone thought I was a freak. So I got stronger and intimidated the hell out of them until they left me alone. None of the teachers saw a problem with the other kids actions until I fought back. The other kids who were bullied by them in other classes flocked to me after that. We were never really friends, but they felt strong with me. I felt like Voldemort.

A Condom (Seven Minutes In Heaven With Seventeen)

(A/N: I’m sorry it took me so long to get this one up. but I really think it was worth it. I feel like this part is really good. it draws on my nostalgia - the ones I used to read that I enjoyed so much. so I really hope that you all enjoy it. warning for some light groping but that’s about it, it’s really not R rated at all. enjoy !! -Tanisha<3)

The Introduction 

You were standing in the middle of the room – hovering, like a ghost. You were someone who wasn’t there. Paled out with shock, pitted with fear, stomach twisted into knots.

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