anonymous asked:

I once got pretty drunk at magaluf and was talking to these two hot Scottish guys who were both being flirty and I was flirting back. They asked me which one I liked more and I said I couldn't decide and that they were both great so why should I choose they looked kinda spooked by the idea of a three way but invited me to their hotel room nonetheless all three of us had our first threesome and it was great

give me a flirty-with-his-friends bittle

“So, just a warning, when I get drunk I tend to flirt a lot. I hope that won’t bother you.”

“Pff, I would be insulted if you DIDN’T flirt with me, Bits. Come on, time to do that kegstand!”

  • He tends to sit on everyone’s laps.
  • He catcalls the guys who walk shirtless in front of him.
  • He will not hesitate to tell the guys how handsome they are.
  • “Okay but Bits, who among us is more your type.”
    “Guys, I’m nineteen and you’re all tall and fit. This whole hockey team is my type.”
  • “Why are you so prettyyyy” he asks Jack, once, after drinking his own weight in tub juice. There may have been tears in his eyes with how pretty Jack is.
  • And that was just the first semester

After a while, everyone notices it’s not so much a drunk Bitty thing, but a Confident In His Own Skin Bitty. The guys love the attention.

  • He is truly honest with his friends. He thinks they’re all hot and doesn’t hesitate to tell them, because everyone needs to know how hot they are.
  • “Bits, tell me I’m hot.”
    “Ransom, if I hadn’t seen you eat that pizza from the floor last week I would be overcome with lust right now.”
  • “How do I look?”
    “Good enough that I might try to grope you after a couple of beers. Don’t worry, I won’t do it.”
    “What? Why wouldn’t you? Have you SEEN me?”
  • Once, Jack comes back to the HAUS after a run and somehow manages to be ridiculously better looking than usual. The guys at the kitchen table are all “dude” and Bitty lifts his arms in despair and just. leaves.
  • “What did I do”

He tried asking them, again and again, if it bothered them, but they were all unanimous, Bitty needed to keep it up, it did wonders for their self-esteem. He even asked Jack, and Jack laughed and said he was flattered.

  • “Bitty, fuck, marry, kill: Holster, Shitty, Jack.”
    “Oh, this is hard. Definitely kill Holster, he woke me up at seven when I could actually sleep late today. But oh, I can’t decide for the rest…”
    “You don’t know if you’d rather fuck Jack or Shitty?”
    “No, I don’t know if I’d rather fuck OR marry Jack!”
  • “I’ll drink to that,” says Shitty, raising his beer.
  • Jack is sitting next to him, being like what.

So, well, when some of the guys have doubts about their sexuality or are just curious or drunk, they go see Bitty. Bitty made out with three different guys on the team on such occasions, he will never reveal their names. The rule is: no awkwardness allowed afterwards.

  • “So? Did it help?” asks Bitty.
  • “I think it was more a Ransom thing than a gay thing.”
  • “You know, I don’t think it does it for me. But I need to know how to do that thing with the tongue.”
  • “It answered some questions,” mumbles Jack before going back to his room.
  • “You’re not allowed to be awkward, Jack!” yells Bitty after him. “Come back here and eat some pie!”

It was all fun and games until a fateful afternoon in the kitchen where a ray of sunlight hit a flour-covered Jack in just the right way and - oh.

  • Bitty hasn’t complimented Jack in three weeks.
  • Jack notices.
  • And he keeps flirting with the other guys.
  • Just. Not him.
  • Shitty asks him what’s up, he looks moody.
  • But how can you say “Bitty hasn’t told me I’m pretty in almost a month” without sounding ridiculous.

He can’t say anything anymore. Because someday he may try to say “These jeans make your ass look fantastic, Jack” and would say instead “I want to grow old with you and adopt twenty dogs.” Better to say nothing.

  • “Dude, what have you done, why is Bitty mad at you. You’re doing shirtless crunches in the living room and he walked by without even mentioning your abs. I’m straight and even I could lick them.”
  • “I don’t KNOW”

And then, Graduation happens.

The guys tell Jack that even if Bitty is dating him now, it doesn’t mean Bitty can stop complimenting their butts, okay.