flip-of-a-coin

the best way to find out what you want out of two options is to start to ask someone which one you should do. for example, i started writing out a post asking which of two prompts i should write for nanowrimo, and as i did i immediately thought ‘man i really hope they pick the second one’ and so now i know to go with the second one 

When you die, you are given the chance to flip a coin. If you call the toss correctly, you are allowed to keep living, while resetting to the age of your choice. You’ve been doing this for a couple centuries now. Death is starting to get pretty pissed.

ok so this new thing taylor swift did is problematic because *flips a coin* it gentrifies *spins wheel* snake culture and blatantly disregards *rolls dice* world hunger in light of *throws dart* the 2016 election and exudes *picks card out of a card* white privilege in the judicial system

Loki and Children

I have been having some thoughts about the original mythological Loki and the thought that has been on my mind most is this:

Loki is

1. Surprisingly great with kids

2. Is addicted to parenthood

Let me explain.

As to the first bit, well, yeah, it’s surprising. Or it should be at first glance. Because, seriously, this is fucking Loki. Standing in close proximity to him for longer than a minute is bound to result in theft, arson, a splash of bloodshed for color, and at least one confused party waking up in bed with the fucker. He’s a chaotic, manic, and generally hazardous force to be reckoned with.

To us. That is, adults.

Mortals, gods, giants, trolls, dwarves, et cetera–but only those who are mature.* *Read: there is Something to be Gained from conning, seducing, or otherwise messing with us. Whether it’s to save his own skin, or to get some sweet petty vengeance, or to steal a bauble, or to satisfy some carnal itch, or to just fuck up somebody’s day for the Hel of it, Loki only ever targets those he can take something worthwhile from. 

And what is there to take from kids? 

Plenty of folks on his extremely extensive Enemies List have children, of course. No one in the Norse mythos was especially mindful of dropping their seed. So. Children.

Children–easy to fool, easy to make a hostage, easy to charm and siphon their parents’ secrets and treasures from–should be great big bullseyes to the God of Mischief and Trickery and Assorted Other Unscrupulous Things. Yet there isn’t a single Edda or snippet of lore in which Loki makes cruel use of them. Not once. 

But what’s the big deal? Most of the rude and/or villainous characters in Norse mythology don’t bother with harassing kids either. Except in the case of stories like Loka Táttur.

Loka Táttur is a tale about how a farmer loses a bet with a vicious troll who swears to kill the farmer’s little boy. The farmer calls upon three gods in turn. Odin, Hoenir, and Loki. Odin and Hoenir both disguise the boy and hide him away, but the troll is too clever and each time manages to sniff out the boy’s hiding place. Ultimately it is Loki who hides the kid–pulling an Idunn-in-a-Nutshell gag and hiding him as a speck on the eye of a flounder in the water–and then, rather than stepping back as Odin and Hoenir did from their work, he sits in his boat and lets the troll see him.

The troll, being suspicious, asks what Loki’s business is. Only fishing, obviously. The troll demands to join him. Lo and behold, they bring up a wealth of flounders, including the one where the boy’s hidden. Loki manages to change the boy back to his true shape and hide the kid behind his back without the troll noticing. As Loki brings the boat back to shore, and to the farmer’s boathouse with the latter’s doors open, Loki tells the boy to run through the boathouse. He goes, the troll gives chase, and the troll becomes wedged in the entryway. 

At which point Loki proceeds to chop off the troll’s legs and stick an iron stake in the bastard’s skull. Then he walks the kid back home. The grand payoff for Loki after all this? 

The boy is safe. The troll is dead. The End.

Huh.

Now, much as Loki may have been the catalyst for a lot of corpses pre-Ragnarok–see his business with Thor getting his hammer back and leading more than one giant into a death trap–Loki is actually very rarely, if ever, one to get his hands dirty by killing a victim himself. Even Baldr was done in by an arrow he aimed with blind Hod’s fingers. So why did Loki personally orchestrate this plan in such a grisly way? For what gain?

What, other than the satisfaction of personally slaughtering the would-be child-killing prick troll?

In a less bloody narrative, we see his hand in getting Thialfi and Roskva, a pair of mortal siblings, taken into Thor’s service. While the exact ages of the two aren’t mentioned, they are young enough to still be in the care of their parents. When Thor and Loki are travelling it’s their father who invites them under their roof. Thor’s goats are slaughtered for the evening meal and–in some tellings–it is Loki who entices the son, Thialfi, into breaking a leg bone to taste the marrow. When morning comes and Thor resurrects his goats, one has a broken leg.

Thor’s visibly pissed—never ever a good thing–and so the family offers to make some compensation.

Loki, coughing through his hand: ThialfibroketheboneheshouldpledgeservicetoThor

Thialfi: Uh–

Loki, clearing his throat: Alsotakethesistertwoforonedeal

Rosvka: But I didn’t do anything—

Loki, en sotto voce: Kids, consider your options. Teensy mortal lifetime of toil on Midgard, harvesting dirt and snow on one hand. Potentially immortal lifetime, I don’t know, scrubbing giant blood off Mjolnir in Thor’s hall on Asgard on the other. Verdict?

Both: Sold.

Loki: Excellent! Really, Thor, you’re a master dealmaker, a born barterer, I’m in awe.

Thor: Wh—

Loki: AND WE’RE BACK TREKKING LETS GO

Cue laugh track.

Point being, Loki has been shown to purposefully go out of his way to help kids because…because. Yet how does this translate to the idea of him being good with kids?

I ask this purely hypothetically and am trying not to laugh as I do, because really. Really. How in the hell is a kid not going to be entertained by the Norse god of revelry and recreation?

Oh yeah, that bit’s often left off the résumé.

Loki, God of Mischief, is also God of Recreation. Play, in other words. Because playtime is a thing that is Chaotic rather than a product of Order, and so Loki is naturally all over it. There are some who even credit him with having added that trait to the first humans, Ask and Embla, while Odin, Vili, and Vé were carving them and breathing character into their souls.

On top of that, he’s also the god of flyting—poetic shit-talking.

So we have a shapeshifting, storytelling, magic-wielding, game-spinning, trickster god who can also teach young ears every bad word they could ever hope to learn, and he’s expected not to be a hit with kids? This is all without even mentioning the fact that Loki is a bit of a hyperactive attention hog all on his own. What better audience for him than a gaggle of credulous little onlookers who are too young to sneer at his antics rather than take delight in them? Children are wee balls of mischief themselves, muddled in with imagination and wonder and an eagerness to be wowed or made to laugh themselves into weeping.

All of which brings me to point number two:

Loki is a kidaholic.

Like, even though a lot of his and/or her sleeping around the Realms can be chalked up to an insane libido, there’s also just the sheer number of kids they’ve produced to factor in. Maybe more than even Odin or Thor could boast. At least half being born from Loki herself. Not because Loki was helpless against the workings of nature—it’s impossible to believe that Loki wasn’t smart enough or powerful enough to get around producing new Lokisons and Lokisdottirs with every other bedmate—but because Loki wants more kids. There will never be enough kids.

The guy’s got a case of severe paternal/maternal hoarding going on. I mean

Loki: I need another one.

Odin: You really don’t.

Loki: You’re right. I need two other ones.

Odin: I am positive that you do not.

Loki: Three. Triplets. Need them. Right now.

Odin: Loki.

Loki: Four? Four. Definitely four.

Odin: Loki, please.

Loki: Yeah, let’s go with four. I can give or get. I’ll flip a coin.

Odin: Loki, as Allfather, I am expressly forbidding you to impregnate or be impregnated for at least a century.

Loki: Fine.

Odin: …

Loki: …I’ll settle for three.

Odin: What did I just say?

Loki: Three’s a good number, isn’t it? All good things come in threes. You and your brothers—

Odin, fighting an aneurysm: You and your brothers—

Loki: So you agree!

Odin: I did not—

Loki: Three it is!

Odin: Loki—

Loki: Be back when I feel like it

Odin: Loki

Loki: Give my love to Sleipnir

Odin: LOKI—

Loki, pantsless, vaulting over the wall, cartwheeling towards Jötunheimr’s Ironwood forest: Bye

It’s in that Ironwood that he meets Angrboda and fathers a giant wolf, a giant snake, and the literal corpse-faced queen-goddess of the dead by her. Being that Loki’s scope of attractiveness/aesthetic acceptability is elastic enough to let all sorts of species between his legs, I find it hard to believe that his kids’ unique looks would repulse or even faze him. They’re his children. Therefore they’re great.

And we all know how that happy family ended up. Ditto his second family with Sigyn and his two little twin boys.

Enter Ragnarok, warfare, general Bad Times, and so on.

Anyway.

Comical as it is to envision a Loki who cringes at the notion of parenthood and/or fears his more monstrous children, I just don’t believe it lines up with what we know of the Loki of myth.

Myth Loki is a god who would spend hours entertaining a child, simply entertained that the child is entertained.

Myth Loki is also a god who would hunt down and methodically dismember whichever idiot thought it would be okay to make a child cry within said god’s earshot.

Flip a coin. Heads you were born a hero but became a villain. Tails you were born a villain but became a hero. Tell your story without revealing which you are until the end (or not at all.)

shoutout to ND people with Weird memory

- to the people who can remember every aspect of a situation from a random wednesday in 2013 but regularly forget their families’ faces
- to the people with great short term memory but awful long term memory
- to the people with that the other way round
- to the people who hear “if its important to you, you’ll remember it” when the only things u remember are completely unimportant
- to the people who’s brain seems to flip a coin on whether information they’re taking in will stick or not
- to the people who hear “your memory cant be bad because you remember [X], so you must be lying when you say you cant remember [Y]”
- to the people who cant retain information on their hyperfixation/special interest even though they really want to, and even though they “should” be able to
- to the people who can remember that there’s something they want to remember, but not what that thing is

shoutout to the people with simultaneously good and bad memories; you guys dont get enough recognition (feel free to add on)

To say ‘just ignore it’ only makes sense to those who are not at risk of directly experiencing violence at the hands of violent racists. The flip side of that coin is that it’s easy to ignore the KKK when your skin color doesn’t make them want to kill you.

so with the news about geoff taking a sabbatical, my brain did the “ridiculous headcanon” thing it does and imagined fake ah crew geoff getting burned out (”because organizing you assholes is like trying to herd a fucking swarm of hornets”) and deciding to go on vacation for a while to recharge

and geoff’s basically like “do not call me unless there is an emergency,” and for geoff an emergency consists of:

  • the actual, literal apocalypse
  • nothing else
  • do not call him

but geoff pretty quickly finds out that for the crew, an emergency can be:

  • “did you pack underwear” —jack
  • “i can’t find the remote” —gavin
  • “geoff please i can’t find it call me back” —gavin
  • “gavin and i are arguing about the probability of flipping three coins and the– geoff? hello? did you hang up on me?” —ryan
  • “ryan ended his murder break because of an argument with gavin and is trying to blow up everything in the tri-county area” —michael
  • “michael’s a fucking tattletale” —ryan
  • “i’m drunk and i wrote a rap about you here listen” —jeremy
  • “i’m drunk and jeremy wrote a rap about you and i beatboxed and it’s amazing please answer your phone” —lindsay
  • “i’m drunk and weepy and i miss you” —virtually everyone, on the same night
  • (“i’m sober and annoyed and please save me” —ray)

geoff bursts into the penthouse two weeks before he’s supposed to return and everybody’s basically like what the hell are you doing geoff you’re supposed to be relaxing and geoff has a conniption fit

So, I’m playing a campaign with my family where my mom is dming and I’m playing a wood Elf Alchemist’s apprentice named Kailu who’s a bar tender. He has extremely high bluff and is known for doing bottle tricks.

He was holding down the bar one night when a rich couple came in and this is what happened.

Rich guy: I’ve heard good things about this place.

Kailu: you’ve heard right.

Rich guy: let’s see what you can do. *Flips me a coin*

Me (ooc): I roll to catch it on my nose *rolls a two*

DM: it arches through the air and hits you in the eye before bouncing off the bar and rolling to the opposite side of the room

Kailu: I meant to do that

DM: roll bluff

Nat 20

They bought it

Lazy Days with Tom (and Tessa)...
  • waking up, stretching, then turning around to face Tom who was already slightly pouting, wearing his signature puppy dog eyes
    • please,” he’d whine while making grabby hands towards you
    • sighing but finally giving into him
  • that day would be a designated lazy day where you’d do nothing but stay in bed and cuddle 
  • and fuck 
  • he’d have bedhead the entire day and it made him look that much more soft 
    • “mmm, you’re so warm,” he’d mumble into your neck as he draped his body over yours
  • hearing light scratching and whimpering at the door signalling that Tessa was up and not happy that she had not been fed yet
    • “she’s your dog, you feed her,” you’d argue as you both figured out who would have to get out of bed
    • “but you’re her mommy,” he’d pout and bat his eyelashes for extra effect making you roll your eyes and sigh
  • eventually you both get up because neither of you came to a conclusion 
  • Tessa jumping all over you and Tom once the door is opened
    • “c’mon, darling, this way,” Tom would coo at Tessa and you’d just swoon even harder for him
  • feeding Tessa before you even think about your own breakfast
    • “what do you feel like eating?” You ask before Tom comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around you waist and resting his head on your shoulder
    • but then whispering “you,” in your ear before lifting you onto the counter 
  • kitchen sex is a given, duh
    • “so really, what do you want for breakfast,” as you both become giggly messes cleaning each other up
  • deciding on pancakes cause its cliche and easy to make 
  • Tom eyeing the batter, wanting to stick his finger in it to smear it on your face
  • you aren’t dumb and you see right through him
    • “don’t even think about it,” while you’re in the middle of flipping a pancake
    • he just freezes because how did you know ????
  • him dancing around the kitchen with Tessa distracting you to the point of almost burning the pancakes 
  • him finally being useful and setting the table and cutting up some strawberries 
  • instead of sitting across from you, he set the table so he’d be beside you and you think it’s the cutest thing ever
    • “I just like being near you s’all,” he shrugs but you see the blush 
    • “I like being near you too,” you say, pressing a kiss to his cheek before grabbing his arm so he’d sit as well
  • having friends play in the background as you both talk about whatever comes to mind
  • he ends up smearing the maple syrup over your nose as you squeal 
    • “I’ll get it,” with a smirk and a wink before he kisses it off
  • you washing the dishes and him drying them because you’re a team™
  • Tessa getting ansty knowing she wants to go for a walk and probably go to the bathroom 
    • “we can let her out in the yard, she’ll be fine,” he promises but you see how sunny it is outside and suggest to go for a walk instead
  • even though it’s sunny, it’s pretty cold so Tom bundles you up in his sweater, pulling one of his beanies over your head, and pressing a kiss to your nose
  • Tessa almost dragging Tom around the park 
  • you can’t stop laughing at it
    • “baby it’s not my fault, she’s a strong girl,”
  • finally the three of you are getting pooped so you head back
  • where Tom pulls you into bed almost the second you’re back in your room
    • “let’s take a nap,” he mumbles 
    • he’s out before you can even reply
  • but you just play with his hair deciding on catching up on your reading since this is the only peaceful time you have 
  • Tessa barging into your room and jumping onto the bed, waking Tom up 
  • you can’t even scold her because Tom loves her so much 
    • “aw babygirl just missed her mommy and daddy,” he’d chuckle as Tessa cuddled in between the two of you
  • she’d get so many belly and head scratches 
  • best day for her hands down 
  • but then Tom shooing her away out of the room, confusing you
    • “why’d you kick her out ????”
    • “because I don’t want her seeing what’s gonna happen next,”
  • lazy, but passionate sex 
  • twice
  • Tom ordering pizza and setting a timer for when it should get there 
    • “it it’s not here in forty minutes it’s free!!” 
    • and you’d just laugh at him but it’s so cute 
  • flipping a coin to see who has to answer the door 
  • it ends up being Tom and he just grumbles about how you’re lucky I love you
  • he ordered so much pizza for two people 
    • “there’s no way we’re gonna finish all this,” 
    • “I’m a growing boy, let me eat,”
  • more sex because he can’t get enough of you 
  • but when it starts to get dark you lay your head in his lap as he plays with your hair while watching a movie 
  • you don’t realise you’ve dozed off until Tom’s peppering you with kisses
    • “I made us some tea, love,”
  • taking the mug and thanking him before cuddling into his side once again 
  • deciding to play mario kart but it just ends up in Tom whining like a little baby because he can’t seem to win against you 
  • makeup sex !!!!
  • finally you’re both getting tired
  • and Tessa’s already in bed with you, cuddling with you both as you and Tom just stare at each other in complete darkness 
    • “I love you so much, darling,” he’d whisper into your ear, sending shivers down your spine 
    • mumbling, “love you more,” in your drowsy state 
    • hearing a faint, “love you most,” from him before falling asleep against his chest with a smile on your face
  • Tom watches you drift off thinking how he’s the luckiest guy before falling asleep himself

WOW OK I NEED A SNACK BREAK

Bandoms: A Brief Guide
  • My Chemical Romance: mcrying and also praying that the Smashing Pumpkins theory comes true.
  • Fall Out Boy: Desperately awaiting the release of MA N I A.
  • Panic! At The Disco: Crying because Brendon can make those high heels work better than them.
  • twenty one pilots: Grinning from ear to ear because Stressed Out hit 1 Billion views!
  • Asking Alexandria: In a civil war since 2015.
  • Denis Stoff: Flipping a coin to decide if his new stuff is going to be pop or metal.
  • Paramore: Either worshipping After Laughter or their older stuff.
  • Black Veil Brides: Screaming because The Outsider is so good.
  • Andy Black: Their ovaries/brovaries exploded a long ass time ago.
  • Bring Me The Horizon: Wondering wtf happened between Oli and Hannah.
  • Evanescence: Rises from the grave because Synthesis is happening.
  • Green Day: Vehemently dissing Donald Trump.

pretty dirty pick up lines.

’ you look a lot like my next girlfriend/boyfriend. ’
’ are you a drill sergeant? because you have my privates standing at attention. ’
’ do you mix concrete for a living? because you’re making me hard. ’
’ if you’re feeling down, i can feel you up. ’
’ i’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight. ’
’ i may not go down in history, but i’ll go down on you. ’
’ are you from the ghetto? cause i’m about to ghetto hold of dat ass. ’
’ you know what i like in a girl? my dick. ’
’ are you a doctor? cause you just cured my erectile dysfunction. ’
’ i lost my virginity. can i have yours? ’
’ hey, you wanna do a 68? you go down on me, and i’ll owe you one. ’
’ you can call me cake, cause i’ll go straight to your ass. ’
’ roses are red, violets are fine. if i be the 6, will you be the 9? ’
’ i’m like a firefighter, i find ‘em hot and leave ‘em wet! ’
’ i’m hung like a tic tac. wanna freshen your breath? ’
’ you smell like trash. may i take you out? ’
’ i wanna floss with your pubic hair. ’
’ let’s have a party and invite your pants to come on down. ’
’ you’re so hot, even my pants are falling for you! ’
’ are you spaghetti cause i want you to meat my balls. ’
’ we should play strip poker. you can strip, and I’ll poke you. ’
’ do you like adele? cause i can tell you wanna be rolling in the d. ’
’ do you have a shovel? cause i’m diggin’ that ass! ’
’ damn, are you my new boss, because you just gave me a raise. ’
’ remember my name, because you’ll be screaming it later! ’
’ are you an elevator? cause i wanna go down on you. ’
’ are you a shark? cause i’ve got some swimmers for you to swallow. ’
’ do you work for papa johns? cause you’re a fine pizza ass. ’
’ are you from china? cause i’m china get in your pants. ’
’ why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight? ’
’ baby there’s a party in my pants and you are invited! ’
’ i’m looking for treasure, can i look around your chest? ’
’ if i flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head? ’
’ would you like a hotdog to go with those buns? ’
’ this may seem corny, but you make me really horny. ’
’ how about you make me the climax of your story? ’
’ that’s a nice set of legs, what time do they open? ’
’ my name is skittles… wanna taste my rainbow? ’
’ you remind me of a crop, because i wanna plow you. ’

anonymous asked:

What are you top 10 favorite Greek myths?

  1. the creation of the universe by eurynome and ophion.
  2. the era in which nyx was the queen of olympos before the patriarchy took over among the gods and of how she was its only ruler to renounce to the scepter willingly when her time as queen of the gods was over as the fate foretold.
  3. how the wolves helped leto and the baby artemis and apollo to get safely to lycia - and of how leto probably turned into a she-wolf to trick hera.
  4. the killing of python and the origin of the oracle of delphi.
  5. the six wishes baby artemis asked zeus sitting on his lap.
  6. how hermes spent the first day he was born - from the stealing of apollo’s cows to them becoming best friends.
  7. artemis and actaeon.
  8. the sacrifice of iphigenia and iphigenia in aulis.
  9. how apollo tricked artemis into killing orion.
  10. the rape of persephone.

can i add some? i am not done with my most favorites!!!

  1. how persephone gave back to alcestis her life after having witnessed her sacrificing it for the sake of her unworthy husband.
  2. how the sirens killed themselves after failed to take the lives of odysseus and his companions - and having failed their queen, persephone, in always taking new souls to the underworld.
  3. ariadne and asterion.
  4. the murder of the baby dionysus.
  5. the second birth of dionysus.
  6. dionysus becoming a god again.
  7. the end of orpheus, teared apart by the maenads.
  8. the fact the zeus, poseidon and hades actually flipped a coin to decide who was going to rule what portion of the world.
  9. hermes and the golden axe.
  10. the fact that zeus actually turned into a naked artemis to seduce callisto (and that says all).
Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson

    In the beginning campaign I DM for, my players were forced into a battle against Drows.  One of my players was still getting used to how to play and trying to fight effectively.  Unsure of what to do for his turn, he said: 

    “I flirt with a rock.”    He rolled a Natural 20 and thus started a relationship with it (he wasn’t too happy, but the rest of the party found it hilarious. The party keeps this going on as a running gag within the group, and this rock is now named “Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.”  

     Fast forward, due to complications, that player who was unhappily dating Dwayne discontinued the campaign, and we accepted two new members who learn of the Rock Legend.  Now, it had been a long time since they last saw Dwayne– she had disappeared for off somewhere (which my players were like, “How the hell did she move?  She’s a rock.”).  Our Ranger sent off their panther to find where she, the rock, could have gone, and the only information they got at the time was that, “She’s in a community with high position.”

      After a few chaotic events, the party traveled in the forest trying to find survivors of a destroyed village, following a trail of prints.  The trail they were following was divided into two paths– left and right.  They flipped a coin and went right.  Instead of finding the survivors, they came across a Golem society with mud-huts and a I just kept describing:

      “There’s a ziggurat with a throne on the top……….. with a rock on top.”

       Immediately I see my Ranger drop their head in their hands.  "I hate you.“

       "It’s Dwayne the Rock Johnson!“ 

     So pretty much this rock that my player’s party discovered became Queen of the Golems.

Dean and Cas don’t care much for PDA. Maybe that’s why it took Sam so long to figure it out. But if you look closely, it was always there—

Dean and Cas pressed close on their side of the booth in the diner. Sam is tired and hungry and barely paying them any attention as Dean inspects the cuts on Castiel’s knuckles. Maybe they steal a kiss when Sam gets up to go to the bathroom. The waitress beaming at them as they leave suggests they aren’t as sneaky as they think.

Dean and Cas in motel rooms. Sam and Dean used to rock-paper-scissors for who had to share and none of them mention that they don’t do that anymore. Sam sleeps alone. Cas bunks with Dean. It’s automatic, now.

Dean and Cas in the Impala. Sam’s navigating from the back seat because he and Cas flipped a coin and maybe angels are a little psychic. They sit on their respective sides but sometimes Castiel’s arm bridges the distance, his hand in Dean’s, or sometimes Dean stretches an arm across the back of the seat, his thumb brushing the collar of Cas’s jacket. If Sam notices anything, he stays quiet.

Basically I love them ok bye