fleurys

vegas golden knights: this is our goalie marc-andre fleury. you know him, you love him, we love him, he’s the bes– wait hang on one second

vegas golden knights: this is our goalie malcolm subban. you might have seen him with the bruins. you don’t know him, but he’s played in the nhl before, we love him, he’s the b– wait no

vegas golden knights: this is our goalie oscar dansk? he’s an nhl rookie but played in the swedish pro leagues, we love him, he’s th– SHIT

vegas golden knights: this is our goalie? maxime lagace? he’s a rookie? but we love him and we’re very proud of him? 

(officials voice) you need to have a backup too

vegas golden knights: fuCK THIS IS OUR BACKUP DYLAN FERGUSON HE’S NINETEEN AND WE DRAFTED HIM THIS SUMMER HE’S THE ONLY ONE WE HAVE LEFT UNDER NHL CONTRACT PLEASE STOP DOING THIS

Next time there’s a lockout because Bettman et al. have decided to throw another tantrum, I hope the NHLPA just sort of goes “well alrighty” and sets out to prove that the NHL needs the players more than the players need the NHL

What I mean is that they hire a few camera people and do things like:

  • Trying to play Sports That Are Not Hockey on ice. Personally I think Auston Matthews would be very entertaining at ice baseball
  • Buying a literal punch bowl and calling it the “Steve Cup” or something
  • Short reality-TV episodes following the lives of Tyler Seguin’s dogs
  • Roller hockey
  • Underwater hockey
  • Players launching a public health campaign about the importance of dental care
  • A Hockey with the Stars type show where they try to make hockey teams with celebrities who do not know how to skate
  • Going to the Olympics
  • Lots of PK Subban style charity stuff. In fact, just lots of PK Subban. He doesn’t need hockey to have fans
  • Helping out with other union disputes. Just. News articles about fast-food worker strikes in Pittsburgh and there’s Evgeni Malkin and Marc-Andre Fleury holding up signs
  • Zdeno Chara could get a job retrieving things off high shelves or something
  • Disney on Ice
8

When Pens winger Phil Kessel arrived at Ricoh Coliseum for Pittsburgh’s optional practice on Friday, he was met with a surprise.

Instead of finding his gear in a locker stall, it was set up on a chair outside of the locker room, complete with a case of Coke-a-Cola, cups for coffee, some signs and a big sign above it all reading “The Phil Zone.”

The prank was the brainchild of center Evgeni Malkin and head equipment manager Dana Heinze.

The backstory is this. On Thursday the Pens were playing against the New Jersey Devils at Prudential Center. However, there were only 24 locker stalls available and 25 players in attendance.

Heinze approached Malkin out of respect and asked if he would mind being placed in a chair, since he was not playing that evening against the Devils. Malkin, of course, was fine with it.

Heinze set out to find “the nicest chair possible,” and set up his gear on the seat. As the team arrived for the morning skate, Kessel began chirping both Heinze and Malkin. He even tweeted a pic of the seat saying: “Pigeon couldn’t even get a regular stall.”

So Malkin and Heinze put their heads together for some payback.

“It wasn’t my idea. It was Dana. He said we need to answer,” Malkin said. “I wanted to answer today and Dana helped me.”

04/07/17: Phil Kessel gets pranked + Inside Scoop: Payback for Phil