fleet & flotilla

So I saw this perfectly delightful post, and my immediate response was “oh yes, of course Tali writes fanfic! She just doesn’t tell anyone because she’s afraid they’d never let her live it down.” (And as regards Garrus she’s probably right.)

Because obviously what Tali writes is schmoopy self-indulgent Shallicus, mostly for her own pleasure/comfort, and the prototypical Tali fic is 90% romantic fluff and 10% incredibly accurate and detailed descriptions of hacking. Shalei and Bellicus might spend most of the fic having a long romantic walk around the Presidium, but with amazing regularity they discover that they need to hack a terminal during said walk.

Tali is also that person who writes impassioned essays about how misrepresentation of quarian culture by the non-quarian parts of the fandom (which is most of it) is offensive, and that they either ought not write anything set on the Migrant Fleet for the fandom or at least ought to do a modicum of research. (She’s not wrong.) She does this all under the pseudonym Chatika63, because of course she does.

But my next thought was… you know who else I could see writing fanfic?

Legion.

We know Legion plays MMORPGs. And we know that they have an interest in attempting to understand how organics think (in part, in the hopes of convincing organics not to attempt to destroy them on sight). And what better way to get inside of someone’s head than to… well… get inside their head? Write from the perspective of an organic? Given how awful they were at the Fleet and Flotilla visual novel (”Hopeless”), they probably have some awareness that this understanding is not a strong point, and trying to work it out via fanfic is certainly less risk-prone than trying to work it out via interaction 

At first, Legion just downloads the 100 most popular fanfics for Galaxy of Fantasy and Fleet and Flotilla and analyzes them, breaking them down in terms of both general plot structure, scene structure, and even all the way down to sentence structure. Then they use that analysis to generate new fics, dump them on Space AO3 under a variety of pseudonyms (the sheer volume of Legion’s output would make posting under a single name look awfully suspicious–even the notably prolific salarian writers don’t write that fast), and wait.

(Space AO3 is a fascinating place. Some of the asari-written WIPs have been going on for centuries now, Support has to spend something like half its time mediating all the times when krogans write thinly-veiled bloodthirsty revenge-fic against anyone who posts critically about their stories, and the hanar fandom gift culture is… unique, to say the least. But that is another post for another time.)

Anyway. Those first attempts of Legion’s basically read like Mad Libs written by someone unclear on the concept, which, in effect, they are. But the thing about Legion is that even though they don’t have a great grasp of how shipping and etc. work (see above re: the Fleet and Flotilla visual novel), they are in fact not a mindless computer process but a highly intelligent AI. They learn.

In this case, they learn by analyzing feedback, hit counts, and upvotes. They break the stories down again, analyze what they discovered worked and what didn’t, and adjust, and post again.

Story quality actually takes a dip for a bit–it turns out that chasing popularity doesn’t necessarily translate to quality–but then begins to rise, slowly at first and then steadily. They learn what works and what doesn’t, what rings true to readers and what feels stilted or artificial. They store witty quips and bits of banter and felicitous turns of phrase between crewmates in long-term memory to slot into stories later. When they’re performing a task that doesn’t require the attention of all 1,183 programs, they let some of the idle processes spin out projections for how this or that scenario might be received, based on the current databank of information.

(In short, like all authors, they begin to eavesdrop, and to daydream, and to treat everything as grist for the mill.)

They rapidly become well-known, under several different pseudonyms (having ditched the early pseuds with their hideously awkward mix-and-match prose). Under the pseudonym VarrenRider13, they’re known for an epic romance set in the world of Galaxy of Fantasy, which is well-known for its sensitive portrayal of asari romance and its detailed worldbuilding. Under the pseudonym MorningWanderer, they’re known for a number of Shallicus fics for the Fleet and Flotilla fandom, including the fandom-famous “And Stars Danced” series and the underappreciated standalone “Breaking Bread.”

tl;dr: The One Where Tali’s Favorite Fleet and Flotilla Fic Writer Is Actually Legion.

(She never has a chance to find out before Legion’s death.)

Fun Normandy Crew headcanons:
-An anonymous person sends Shepard a gift certificate allowing them to take dance lessons on the Citadel. Shepard is offended by the gift and rants about it for a week, trying to find who could have sent it. Spoiler alert: it’s Wrex, who just wanted to mess with Shepard.
-Joker keeps telling Shepard that they’re a galactic celebrity and that people would do everything for them (ridiculous Conrad Verner things!). Shepard downplays it and insists Conrad is the exception. Really, most people don’t care about what they do outside of you know, saving the galaxy. Going all “challenge accepted” Joker drops a rumor on the extranet that Shepard has lost their space hamster. There are news articles. Calls. Within a day Shepard receives more than 3000 offers for space hamsters and other pets.
Needless to say, Joker wins the argument.
-James is at Purgatory drinking with other soldiers when one of them asks him if Shepard is THE big deal everyone says they are. “They’re that and more,” James replies.
-Tali accidentally sends everyone (instead of just Shepard) gifs of Fleet & Flotilla. Turns out, those gifs convince the crew to have Fleet & Flotilla marathons and some of them become hardcore fan. There might be shippers there, too.
-Garrus stays awake way too long calibrating before the Suicide Mission. It makes him used to the “night crew” or you know, workaholics who never know when to stop and go to sleep. He often gives Miranda tea at odd hours. When he receives a brand new sniper rifle that cost a lot of credits - bought by Cerberus - he knows it’s Miranda’s way of saying thank you.
-It’s Chakwas’ birthday. There’s a cake, there are drinks. But before, there are messages. All the soldiers she has helped, who are alive and remember her, send her an email thanking her and wishing her a ‘happy birthday doc.’ She doesn’t even have to ask, she knows Shepard organized this. Perhaps Liara helped.
-Shepard ends up taking those dance lessons and it’s damn fun ;)

indicator

otherwise known as the 5 times Garrus Vakarian crushed on the Commander, and the 1 time he finally realized it. 


Glancing at her didn’t mean anything, right?

Because it was totally normal, or so he had told himself, to look at other people while they ate. He looked at Tali, looked at Samara, exchanged middle fingers with Jack, and looked – glanced – at Shepard. Took in her red hair and plump lips and rosy cheeks that were probably, most definitely, were very soft to touch and –

She shifted, and Garrus swallowed quickly through a piece of Levo steak that he hadn’t completely chewed through.

He choked a little, and shrugged off Tali’s concerned hand before lunging for the water.

And as he tossed back a glance, he saw her, from the corner of his eye, watching him, lips twisted up in now what he knew firsthand as a smirk.

He met her eyes. (Ignored his thudding heart.) Narrowed his own in a challenge.

But she merely looked away, so easily – because surely glancing at him didn’t mean anything, right?

.

The sound of a crash and a loud hiss of a very human swear caught his attention, if only because it was some ungodly hour in human standards, as he had learned being aboard a human ship for as long as he has. There was no mistaking the voice, too, and unlike her, Garrus was wide awake. So when Shepard stumbled into the mess with bedridden hair and drooping eyes, she only gave one look at him before she brushed past his shoulder.

Garrus merely tapped his fingers against the mug.

And so she began to affix herself with that human drug-disguised-as-liquid, Garrus couldn’t help it. He looked. Again.

He swore it was only because he wasn’t aware her fringe could really do that.

“Your hair,” he managed.

She only grumbled in response, before she brushed past him again – so close, it shot electricity down his spine – before collapsing into the chair opposite from her, blowing on that steaming, somewhat earthy smelling mug.

“It’s sticking up,” he continued, undeterred.

He watched as her eyes widened, and her hands abandon the mug to tug it back down into place. He knew the human tells of embarrassment – years of C Sec would do that to any officer – and yet he had never quite found the human thing of cheeks turning red, (blood, as it were) to be oddly endearing.

And when she wrestled her fringe to be normal again, and as she mumbled a half swear from lazy and half-asleep lips, Garrus found himself conflicted; almost wishing he hadn’t said something in the first place.

.

His fingers drummed against the railing, and honestly he didn’t know he was waiting for it. Didn’t realize the odd tranquility – relief? – that came with the familiar hiss and slide of the door behind him.

He flexed his fingers and turned, readying what he knew was a greeting that was a perfect blend of sarcastic, aloof, yet warm, and as he took a breath to unleash the line he’d been thinking of –

- the words died when he realized it was Joker.

The human raised an eyebrow. “Don’t look so disappointed.”

“I’m not-“ Garrus swallowed. “- Disappointed. Why are you back here anyways?” He said quickly. “Shouldn’t you be flying the ship?”

“Right?” Joker said. “You’d think that’s what a pilot should do. Hey,” he said suddenly. “Tell that to Shepard. Then maybe, just maybe, she’d let a human – who has flown several ships for her, by the way – actually do his job, instead of an AI.”

Garrus merely blinked as Joker scrunched his nose. It was an expression he didn’t typically see on Shepard, he thought, as his fingers resumed drumming the edge of the railing.

“Why don’t you tell her that yourself?” he said goodnaturedly, but the look that Joker gives him said so otherwise.

“You kidding? These days she’s only coming to see you.”

Garrus’s fingers froze.

“That’s why I came in here anyways, to get her to demand EDI to relinquish control back to me. And to tell her that imitating the Reapers isn’t funny. Well, it would be at the right times, but taking over the flying while parroting Assuming Direct Control isn’t really quality humour.”

And Joker was gone, but Garrus hadn’t been listening. He was still stuck on that first part, and truthfully he wouldn’t stop hearing those eight words over and over, on repeat, until the next day.

.

‘Business as usual’ was already a stretch when he was busting crimes daily with C-Sec; when it became the bandit attacks and wave after wave of firefights, though, Garrus never knew if he was in over his head.

But it was comforting to be lead by Shepard, who knew what she was doing, and he could follow her orders without feeling off.

In fact, it felt right.

He’d never really identified that before.

And the thought played in his mind, festering like a fire, and it’s not until a snipe that’s a little too close to his position than he would’ve liked shock him from his thoughts.

Shepard was holding the smoking pistol, too.

“Earth to Vakarian,” she barked over the comm. “Are you taking a nap?”

“No, Shepard,” he responded, and to prove it, he whipped out his rifle and began to scope out the next bandit to show their face.

“Well good,” her voice crackled into his ear. “Because they had a target on you, and you’re not allowed to hit the dust before-“

“-Before-?”

He couldn’t help it; his heart did an awkward flop and he has to bite his lip, turn up the volume of Fleet and Flotilla, to just maintain concentration.  

A sigh blew into his comm. “-Before the end of this mission.”

Bang.

He watched as the bandit in his scope dropped clean with a splash of red; the shot rang out like a pleasant accompaniment to the soundtrack oozing into his ear.

Get a room,” was Miranda’s only addition.

.

Of all the crew, it was Samara’s expression that caught him off guard.

It wasn’t until the rest of them had filed out after their mission debrief, after Samara tapped him on the wrist as Grunt was the last to leave, Shepard in tow.

It was one simple word.

“Heat?”

A cross between mortification and embarrassment shot through his spine, and at first he merely flanged in astonishment before he found his voice again. “Hea- no, I’m not eighteen Samara.”

The Justicar merely shrugged, and it was times like these that Garrus sincerely wished that, if they were to have one resident Asari on board, it should’ve been the younger one who would at least not be so upfront about it.

“My apologies,” she said, with no change in her voice at all. “I assumed. Humans and Turians are quite close in lifespans…”

He couldn’t help the involuntary flare of his mandibles as Garrus gawked. “Shepard isn’t eighteen either—“

But Samara merely gave a smile that was less reassuring and more chilling, and once again Garrus had no idea if the Asari was merely teasing or being completely serious.

“Well your voice shows it, you know?” She said conversationally. “I’ve met enough Turians in my lifetime to identify the sound. You may want to be more subtle though, especially around the crew.”

And then she was gone, or maybe Garrus was just standing there. Processing. Blanking.

What did she even mean?

.

Shit.

Shit shit shit shit shit shit.

He didn’t know when it’d hit him like a pile of bricks but it did, and it did literally right in front of her – when he was going to go off on some other funny anecdote because it was what he did, what Vakarian did to Shepard, fireforged friends who went through hell and back and may be on the verge of something and –

He, probably – definitely? – liked her. Romantically.

Terror shot up his spine – it was very clear to him that Shepard had come to him with the proposition of blowing off steam. And him, like an idiot, rolled with it. Didn’t even know, shit – since when – was that what Samara meant, did Miranda know before the two of them, was Joker kidding, were fringes ever cute –

– Was glancing ever just glancing

And the words tumbled out of him before he knew what he was saying, and the insecurities spilled revealing things he didn’t even quite know he felt, and suddenly he was questioning whether she was okay with it all because he’s a turian and she’s a human and they’re friends, best friends, and it could be awkward and bad and they need each other and, really, do they even fit together properly?

But she touched his face, thumb careful along his scar.

“I want you,” she said.

And he was flying. His heart picked up and his throat caught and he knew his mandibles flared, as they do involuntarily, as his mother’s do around his father. Twenty emotions played at his heart and he wanted to do nothing more than to pick her up and spin her around but he refrained, disguising this utter elation with a terrible joke that even made him cringe, and he has no way to recover from the smirk that twisted up her lip as she backed away with a coy, “I’ll let you get back to work.”  

“Right,” he droned.

Shit, shit shit fuck, I think I may really like her.

“’Cause I’m in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now.”

Mass Effect and Chill?

Shepard: Save the galaxy and chill?

Garrus: Calibrations and chill?

Tali: Fleet and Flotilla and chill?

Ashley: Poetry and chill?

Kaidan: Steak Sandwich and chill?

Wrex: Explosions and chill?

Liara: Prothean Dig sites and chill?

Jack: Murder shit and chill?

Jacob: Kill my dad and chill?

Miranda: Hey I’m genetically engineered….and chill?

Grunt: What is chill?

Samara: Kill my daughter and chill?

Thane: Meditate and chill?

Legion: Geth consensus suggests chill?

Kasumi: Steal shit and chill?

Joker: Snarky comment and chill?

EDI: Murder all humanity and chill? …that is a joke.

James: Push-ups and chill?

Javik: I am better than all of you…and chill?

Harbinger: I am beyond your comprehension….and chill?

Poker Night

[[Summary: A more light-hearted chapter of New Galaxy, Same Old Thirst that can be read as a standalone. After the emotional difficulty of discovering the turian ark may be lost, Kandros joins Ryder and the crew in a game of poker, resulting in yet another drunken proposition.

As always, I love to hear what you think! What’s going to happen next for me these two? Will they finally be more than just a hookup?

Tiran Kandros x Ryder

AO3]]

“And I fold before I owe Gil every credit I own and the Tempest.” Stepping back from the table, Wren Ryder stretched her shoulders and neck, rolling it back and forth to try and work the cricks out of it. If she could escape this game with some of her dignity intact, all the better; she already owed Gil 347 credits, and refused to give him one more. SAM could have helped, but she had no interest in cheating. Well, not today. Next game, though, if no one managed to dethrone their reigning poker king… Things might be different. “Anyone else joining me?” Her head was pleasantly buzzing with the free flowing drinks, and a snack was in order.

Jaal and Gil didn’t even bother to look up, absorbed in their cards. Liam shook his head, and Cora gave a curt gesture. Kandros, the newcomer to their ship, also shook his head, but Vetra stood up as well, echoing Ryder’s stretch. “I’m also out. Let’s go, Ryder.”

She didn’t follow Vetra right away, just needing a moment longer. “You good, Kandros? I can’t send the head of Nexus Security back completely broke.” The past few days had been difficult on everyone, from learning that the turian ark was possibly lost to pressing forward to Elaaden, knowing that nothing good could await them. Everyone sorely needed this game.

“If I can win a game against Sloane Kelly, I can beat anyone. Don’t worry, Ryder.” At least he was relaxed now, not exactly happy but filled with enough of the turian liquor Tupari to approximate it.

“You’re the boss. Well, I’m the boss, but you know what I mean.” Before heading down the stairs, Ryder clapped a hand to Kandros’ shoulder, resting it there a moment longer than friendship would dictate. He was a grown turian and he could handle himself. If he couldn’t, well… That was on him, and on Gil. She had to trust that not bankrupting everyone in the Andromeda galaxy wasn’t in her engineer’s best interests. Right now, if the cotton feeling of her mouth was any indication, she also needed to drink something that wasn’t beer. Time to swing by the galley as promised, see if she couldn’t find something to at least prevent tomorrow’s hangover from being too brutal.

In the Tempest’s galley, Vetra nibbled on a piece of some kind of dextro-based cracker, shooting Ryder a look laden with questions as she walked in.

“So… This is going well,” Ryder finally ventured, trying to down a large glass of water and look as guilt-free as possible.

“What part of ‘not discussing boys’ do you not understand, Ryder? Or ‘smuggler and security officer don’t mix.’” Taking another bite, Vetra clacked her mandibles in irritation, in as much as Ryder could judge turian facial expressions. “Don’t give me that look. Fine, it’s going great. I’m sure you’ll have lots of awful hybrid children together.”

Rolling her eyes so hard that she thought she could see through the ceiling of the Tempest, Ryder took another drink, silence pointed. After a tense few seconds, Ryder gave in and shrugged. “I’m going to go to bed.”

“With Kandros?”

“Vetra, I will airlock you.” Vetra’s laughter broke the tension between them, following Ryder back to her quarters, where she was more than happy to sit back on her couch and simply unwind with an actual, honest-to-god paper book in hand. The jacket said it was a weighty history tome, but truth be told, it was a direct from the vid adaptation of Fleet and Flotilla. A girl had to have some guilty pleasures.

Just as the titular fleet (turian) and flotilla (quarian) were about to consummate their relationship in a flood of dextro-based fluids, there was a knock on Ryder’s door. Damn it. Always when she was getting to the good part, cheeks slightly flushed.

Dropping the book down on the couch, she stood and yelled out, “Pathfinder Ryder is a very busy woman, so this better be important.” If only she could get a sign on the door that told people to go away; if only she could get a moment of peace and quiet.

“Ryder.” Kandros stood on the other side of the door, swaying slightly. “Your skin looks great tonight.” An empty bottle of Tupari dangled between two claws, and he suddenly leaned against the doorframe, trying to look suave but only accomplishing looking like he couldn’t stand. “You wanna?” He made a gesture with his free hand, a twirl of the fingers that was somehow universal.

Sighing inwardly, Ryder plucked the bottle from Kandros’ fingers, putting it down on her small table. He reeked of the strange combination of what was definitely alcohol and whatever it was they put in the drink to make it appropriate for the turian GI system- something that smelled slightly chemical and astringent to her, though Vetra had said time and time again that it ‘smelled like heaven.’

“Kandros. I do. It’s not that I don’t.” She ran her hand through her hair nervously, trying to formulate a sentence when it seemed like words had left her. “But I also want to be more than that. That was the whole point of this mission. I don’t just want to be your booty call.”

“My… what?”

“Sorry, human phrase. But I like you a lot, Kandros. Even when you’re like this. It’s still kind of cute.” Cute was not a word normally associated with a turian nearly seven feet tall with a penchant for power armor, and yet.

Silence greeted Ryder’s proclamation; it looked like Kandros was having trouble focusing on her, though he finally managed to get both eyes facing forward. His pupils, some part of her noticed, were slightly larger than normal. “Ryder, you’re good, for a human. A good person. I’m going to go to bed.” It wasn’t exactly a stirring declaration of feelings, but at least he hadn’t totally rebuffed her. He started to walk away, managing to trip over his own two feet and going sprawling across the floor, lying there and accepting his fate. His temporary quarters were on the upper deck, and there was no way Ryder would be able to drag him up the ladder to his own bed.

“Kandros, you better come in.” Helping him up (and nearly falling over in the process), Ryder led Kandros to her own bed, one side of it undisturbed. “You can sleep here tonight.”

“You change your mind?” He leered, if such a thing could be possible with that face.

“Not even a bit, buddy,” she answered with a grin. Damn it, but she really did like him. “But there’s no way you’re getting home like this. Just kick back and relax.” He didn’t say anything else, and while Ryder went to go fix herself another drink, he apparently passed out, fast asleep and neatly within his confined half of the bed. She shook her head again. He looked comfortable, at least.

With a shrug, Ryder called it a night, stripping down to her pajamas, knowing that she was safe from him watching. Crawling into bed, she was prepared to sleep with a carefully maintained set of inches between them, but in his sleep Kandros turned to face her, one arm stretching out and looping around her waist possessively. Okay. Well, this was okay. Tomorrow was a new day, after all.

garrus “i’ve never considered cross-species intercourse before” vakarian listens to music from Fleet and Flotilla, a popular cross-species romance movie about a turian and a quarian, and a song called Blue Azure from Vaenia which a) i’m pretty sure translates essentially to Blue Pussy and b) it’s highly implied that movie is mostly about sex so like

Shepard: if you’d never considered cross-species intercourse why are you listening to music from this asari sex movie about asari sex while you kill people

Garrus: ……asari don’t count

Shepard: aSaRi dOn’T cOUnT

I had the chance to ask Patrick Weekes ANYTHING about Mass Effect lore

…and I say this with no regrets: Fleet and Flotilla! 

The fact that it’s a fandom within a fandom is somewhere between hilarious and deeply fascinating! Plus anything Tali gleefully browses memes of is something I want to experience too! 

I went to a panel on Mass Effect lore at Dragon Con, and (after the panel) asked kind of open-endedly if he could tell me anything else about it, and here’s what he outlined:

  1. It’s a musical.
  2. The tone/feel is a combination of Gone With the Wind, Romeo and Juliet, and Roman Holiday.
  3. The plot involves some Quarians on some planet having trouble with some Geth. Some Turians arrive to help, but they and the Quarians disagree on how stuff should be handled.
  4. He wants to make the whole thing, but lacks the time/money/official prioritization to do it.
Mass Effect Brotp Prompts

We need more mass effect brotp fanfics!
Although it’s awesome to read about your favorite romantic pairing wouldn’t it be fun to write about your favorite Normandy relationships? Brotp is gender inclusive, don’t leave out the ladies! Here are some head cannons for inspiration.

  • Drunk Tali teaching EDI about the emergency induction port and why it’s not a straw.
  • Liara and James continuing to stay in touch via online poker matches.
  • Jacob takes a shower on the Normandy, for fun Kasumi hides his clothes and he has to get either Garrus or Jack to help him find them again.
  • Tali notices Joker sings in the shower when he thinks everyone is asleep. Eventually she decides to sit in the mess hall and sing along. Joker is embarrassed at first, but he allows it to keep happening on the condition that Tali tells no one.
  • Joker and Miranda have an awkward conversation while they’re waiting for Shepard in the com room.
  • The dream that Kaidan has the night Ashley died on Virmire. (Or visa versa)
  • Jack and Miranda’s relationship after the party and how they might stay in touch, I.e insulting yet encouraging emails about their work in the war and beating cerberus.
  • Legion and EDI having theoretical conversations about why organics do certain things/what it was like for EDI to be all alone during her creation compared to the Geth.
  • Wrex being fatherly protective of Liara/ Zaeed being fatherly protective of Kasumi
  • Ashley, Samara and Thane having a conversation about their religions/beliefs and how it brings them peace.
  • Grunt trying to get Garrus to help him replace all of Shepard’s fish before she notices he ate a few of them.
  • Drunk Tali teaching Legion to play pattycake for some odd reason and then dragging him into watching fleet and flotilla. In order to reinforce the positive interaction with creator Tali'zora Legion quotes it every time he and Tali talk and she doesn’t know why.
  • Liara teaches Garrus, James and Kaidan all a formal (samba, foxtrot, ballroom dancing, take your pick) dance to woo their love interests on different nights of the week, Garrus is already pretty good so he and Liara practice harder moves together.
  • Garrus and Ashley getting overly competitive at the shooting range.
  • Garrus and Jack doing shots.
  • Expand on the conversion after Liara tells Wrex she’s of Krogan decent.
  • Kaidan meets Jack on the Citadel and they end up talking about all of the ultra powerful biotic things that they can do. They end up playing regular matches at the arcade together to see who’s more impressive.
  • The conversation with ____ that finally brought Ashley around to like aliens.
  • The missing conversation between Thane and Kaidan in the Hospital in mass effect 3.
  • Grunt trying to ‘bond’ with Garrus dispite the fact he hates Turians.
  • Any squad member playing with Urz or Eezo because Varren = adorable.
  • Kaidan and James continue the push up contest after random debates.
  • Wrex’s minimal conversations with the Normandy crew, in me1, especially Garrus.
  • Tali and Mordin singing together watching fleet and flotilla
  • Things about Javik’s personal life

Prompts are good for writing, drawing or just reading. Add the characaters in that I you want! Swap people in and out! I need more mass effect stuff on my dash so if you use a prompt or even just drew inspiration from this post please tag me (spectre-status-recognized) or tag it as mass effect brotp so I can see/read/reblog your awesome work!

I might regret staying up late to draw my Turian OC but, oh well

This is Astrophel he’s terrible and I love him. Fierce, kind, big fan of Fleet and Flotilla, though personally he prefers the spin-off miniseries; he likes the characterization better, and the fact that it has his favorite background characters in larger roles.

y’all can believe garrus spent half the game researching how to sleep with shepard but that boy absolutely chickened out of doing his research considering he goes on and on about how he “should’ve watched those vids joker gave” him

he probably watched Fleet & Flotilla and assumed that would probably work on a human woman too right??

‘Fleet and Flotilla’ (2185) is an award winning romantic disaster vid noted for it’s positive portrayal of turian- quarian relationships’

Winner of Best Film- Nos Astra Film festival- 2185
Official selection- Vancouver- 2185
Official selection- Illium- 2185
Official selection- Noveria- 2185 (nominated)
Nebulae award winner- Yana’ Horem- Portrayal of Shalei- 2185
Nebulae award nominee- Laq-wi Ballen- Portrayal of Bellicus- 2185 
Nebulae award nominee- Padok Tolan- Portrayal of Esheel- 2185 

Behind every great love, there is a great story.

As a young quarian, Shalei (Yana’ Horem) embarks on her pilgrimage from the Migrant Fleet. Meanwhile half way across the galaxy a young turian called Bellicus (Laq’wi Ballen) takes his final steps in military training. Through a chain of remarkable events Shalei and her salarian friend, Esheel (Padok Tolan) are brought to the citadel. A chance meeting between the quarian and turian soon blossoms into a whirlwind romance. Yet what little time they have is cut short with news from the fleet of instability along the geth boarders, Shalei is ordered home early, news of full scale war between the quarian people and their creations reach the Citadel and Bellicus must choose whether to return to the Turian Militia or follow Shalei to the Flotilla…

“A fearless performance from Ballen,” - Eden Prime Network
“The love story of this age,” - Thessia Empire News
“Yana’ Horem debut is remarkable,” - Illium Galactic
“Heart wrenchingly tragic, no matter how many hearts you have," -Cerberus Network
"Bin Olar is a breath of fresh air in Volus cinema," - Future Content Corp

Wowza, what started as a simple movie poster kind of spiraled into a full blown story with a set of characters, a partial script and an ending. After playing Mass Effect 3: Citadel DLC for the 100th time, the scene with Tali when you’re watching Fleet and Flotilla really got me thinking- so I decided to make a poster, but apparently I became far too into it. Anyway, I made it quite quickly with a mixture of my friends PNG’s and my own, however most weren’t rendered all that well so it’s not perfect- and I also used Tali as Shalei, simply because I’m lazy and already had plenty of her, and lets be honest Tali would kill to be Shalei. Anyway, I had a lot of fun doing this!

Discussing Movie Nights on the Normandy IRC
  • CDRShepard: Alright, time to decide this month's movie night line-ups. Leave your suggestions here
  • CDRShepard: And no porn
  • CDRShepard: /Joker/
  • JMFlyboy: that was ONE TIME commander
  • EDI: Commander, may I suggest a classic comedy to boost crew morale?
  • CDRShepard: Sure, EDI
  • EDI: I believe the crew would enjoy a viewing of the Earth classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
  • CDRShepard: Um
  • JMFlyboy: ooooh yes, commander pleasseee?
  • CDRShepard: Ok, that's one suggestion. Any others?
  • FlotillaFan27: Fleet & Flotilla!
  • CDRShepard: Tali, no
  • FlotillaFan27: C'Mon Shepard! Please?
  • CDRShepard: You can literally pick anything but that, Tali.
  • CDRShepard: Any other takers?
  • CalibrateThis: I've got one.
  • CDRShepard: Ok shoot
  • CalibrateThis: Fleet & Flotilla. Extended edition.
  • CRDShepard: God DAMNIT Garrus

tali shows kira Fleet and Flotilla like “this vid ftl-jumped me into puberty” and immediately after kira turns on Wonder Woman (2017) and is just like “i dont feel sexual attraction but this was my Gay Awakening to the fact that like i like dudes but holy fuck. girls.”

Headcanon Wednesday: The Hierarchy Games

Differing biologies and psychological makeups mean that it’s surprisingly difficult to find cross-species sporting events. Asari sports almost all involve biotics by default, while other species tend to see use of biotics in athletic events as cheating. Elcor sports are largely cooperative rather than competitive, and come across as rather dull to more competition-oriented species. (”So what’s the point of this game?” “Confidently: All players attempt to maneuver the cube into the basket at the far end of the field.” “So who wins?” “Bemusedly: What do you mean, ‘who wins’?”) Non-krogans tend to die painfully when they play with or against krogans, regardless of the sport in question (do not ask about the ill-fated Galactic Ping-Pong Championship of 2177.) And hanar sports require that you be able to breathe water, move easily in three dimensions, and have tentacles.

If a sport is played by one species, it is a species-specific sport. (Hockey is a human species-specific sport; kowla is—by painful necessity—a krogan-specific sport.) If a sport is played by two species, it is a dual-species sport. (Nen’esh is a salarian-asari dual-species sport, in which teams of three use slim wands and biotic charges to bounce a ball across a field and into a goal without touching the ground. Baseball is slowly becoming a human-asari dual-species sport.) Galactic sports are sports played regularly by three or more species in multispecies leagues. Biotiball is the most famous galactic sport, with clawball its rough-and-tough runner-up.

But because it’s so difficult, physically and culturally, to have truly multispecies athletics, most species also have their own ultimate sporting endeavor. For humans it’s the Olympics. For asari it’s the Thessia Invitational. For salarians, it’s the Sonei Sentu. And for turians it’s the Hierarchy Games.

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