ok story time

(warnings for spiders. this story is literally about spiders and also killing them)

so my parents are out of town and my sister is at her boyfriends house and i was sitting in the dining room at the table and all of a fuckin sudden???? this massive ass spider crawls across the table and starts just fucking chilling there???? like he owns the god damn place?????? so i did what any mature responsible adult would do and i flipped the fuck out. once i stopped hyperventilating i called my girlfriend to ask her what the FUCK DO I DO?! and of course she told me to throw shit at it to squish it. but lo and fuckin behold, the motherfucker dodged all that shit and ran away. 

so obviously at this point, were at war. were fucking entrenched in this thing (we being me, the soldier on the ground, and my girlfriend, who was acting as my handler of sorts. this spider had come into MY territory and it was about to learn who the fucking BOSS is) so im on a hunt for this thing, and eventually i find it again under my dishwasher. luckily, that is just big enough for my boot to get under there. so i grab my boot, which are fairly heavy and very much so solid, and just REAMED that motherfucker. i want him DEAD and GONE. but????? IT LITERALLY DOES JACK ALL AND THAT ASSHOLE SEEMED COMPLETELY IMMUNE TO MY ATTACKS!!!!!!!

he literally just sat there while i repeatedly slammed him with a GOD DAMN BOOT and occasionally hed run like half and inch away. so i gotta change up my plan of attack but heres the thing; before i had full range of my house and full use of everything in it. now hes WAY too close to the door to the mudroom and through that the basement. so when my girlfriend suggests grabbing a broom from the basement? well shit just got TOUGH. so im having a staring contest with this guy trying to work up my nerve to pass him half a second away from fucking crying when he starts moving.

he wasnt running anywhere his god damn spindly ass legs from hell are just twitching and shit. so i think hey maybe i injured him maybe hes not some weird indestructible being so i gotta check this shit out. but no that motherfucker wasnt injured. you wanna know what he was doing? he waS JUST EATING SOME GOD DAMN RANDOM ASS BUG HED FOUND LIKE IM IN THE MIDDLE OF SERIOUS ATTEMPTS ON THIS ASSHOLES LIFE AND HE STOPS FOR A GOD DAMN SNACK LIKE ITS NOTHING

i mean eventually i got the broom and killed him but god

that was fucked up

shit fucked me up

Fic: Tooth and Claw Part 6

Warning: This fic contains RPS! If you don’t like it, please don’t read!
Pairings: Heavily implied Smornby.
Rating: NSFW (still for violence reasons, not sexy reasons)
Word Count: 1567
Note: Lots of thinking and looking after wounded in this chapter. 

(Part Five / Part Seven)

Kim groans, in too much pain to care when Duncan pulls her t-shirt over her head to get at her wound. He is muttering and swearing as he lies her on her unharmed side on his examination table, but Kim is too dazed by blood loss to understand words.

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Fanmix: Then All at Once You Were Just Enough

A Tross Mix

For lazy mornings in bed with your friend-come-lover. 

{Listen Here

Just Right - Tessa Violet | Between Sheets - Imogen Heap | Your Song - Ellie Goulding | I Just Wanna Make Love To You - Etta James | Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson | Feel So Close - Calvin Harris | Poet - Bastille | Ribs - Lorde | Us - Regina Spektor | Futile Devices - Sufjan Stevens | Bonus Track

“We’re going to the movies. They’re playing Star Wars XXXVI. It’s supposed to be remastered and in full VR. They say it’s gonna be a classic.” - 5

Never change, Dark Matter. Never change.

anonymous asked:

Could you maybe write some AHOT6 from the Hybrid AU? c: I don't mind what it's about, just some cute animal boyfriends doing cute things! Thank you!

A/N: Thank you for the prompt! I love hybrid au, so I hope I did this justice! :u

Jack walked into the living room, sipping at his soda can, when he paused, eyes looking over the scene taking place in front of him. 

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