<<originally published here>>
Dear Sir or Madam:
I regret to inform you that, as of close of business today, we will no longer be accepting applications for travel visas to Hell. We’re flattered that you’ve chosen to vacation here on the recommendation of your friends and associates, but due to a recent spike in interest we will be closing submissions so as to work through the overflow.
In the meantime, we would like to suggest you visit one of our two year-round locations: New Jersey and that place at the zoo where they keep all the birds. Our summer-only location, an Urban Outfitters dressing room, will also be opening on the 23rd of July.