flashes twice

Think twice before flashing your dick to my mom.

My mom has spent her life working in the justice system, as a beloved juvenile parole officer. One day, in the early/mid 1990s, she was running an errand for work, parked in the store’s lot, and when she came out, saw a car had parked extremely close to her driver’s side door.

Intentionally.

Too close.

So close that there would only be enough room for her to barely squeeze inside her car - but would absolutely prompt anyone to look over and give the wtf/fuck you glare.

When she did, she saw a guy by himself in his car, dick fully exposed, staring at her & going to town on himself.

Instead of giving him any kind of shocked reaction, she ignored him, but did write down his license plate number, and went right back to work unbothered. (this had actually already happened to her once prior, for some reason.)

It was after that that she had a colleague look into the license plate info, for any relevant details, and to their surprise, it was registered to a woman.

My mom then wrote a simple, anonymous letter, and mailed it to the woman at their address - letting her know that while she is out, her husband is using their family car to expose himself to women.

TL;DR - my mom doesn’t have time for your dick.

Talks Machina (Episode 88 spoilers!)

Highlights from this week’s episode:

  • This week’s pre-show message from Denise: “Brian is a puppet and I’m pulling the strings.”
  • Overwatch mention! Brian shout-outs D.Va, Marisha’s all about Symmetra, Matt breaks out the McCree voice.
  • 1PM Saturday, much of CR will be playing Mansions of Madness on the stream, and Matt will be guesting on a show at 11AM as well.
  • Brian: Our special guest, Gil Ramirez. Marisha: (whispers) Don’t fuck us, Gil.
  • Gil was helping out in the twitch chat from episode one. He’s also been smithing for sixteen years!
  • Gil uses liquid mercury to balance his steel dice. Travis: …you just have liquid mercury hanging around?
  • Gil and Taliesin both have a periodic table collection.
  • Gil takes off his button-down to reveal a t-shirt that just reads “Don’t fuck me, Gil.” with “Dammit Gil!” on the back.
  • Gil pulls out cards that read “Malks Tachina” that are all sick burns on Brian.
  • 4:46:50 total gameplay time last week. VM had 936 total HP at the start of the kraken battle, ended with 70 total HP.
  • A fan points out the similarities between the kraken fight and the Kobayashi Maru in Star Trek–an unwinnable fight to see how you do under great pressure. Marisha points out that nobody is expected to do the Aramente alone, but they’re never told that explicitly, so Keyleth’s been figuring that out, and that was one of the big lessons here. When she decided to planeshift out, she had to trust that Grog was going to finish it without her. She’s been moving beyond her previous urge to be self-sacrificial.
  • Matt points out that if Keyleth had stayed, Grog probably would’ve stayed until the end, too, and things would’ve gone a lot worse.
  • Matt wasn’t playing the kraken to full intelligence (his argument being that the rules-as-written version is better suited to being a full-arc villain kind of deal), but if they’d decided to talk to it, it probably would’ve stalled long enough to get everyone exactly where it wanted them.
  • Travis on Tary not using Luck to reroll: Either he is the most genius, maniacal character in a long-running arc… or he just rolled shitty dice because Gil fucked him.
  • Keyleth would’ve rather failed the Aramente than kill the kraken or lose her party.
  • A question on screen flashes twice. Laura (who isn’t even on the show this week) immediately tweets “Two flashes!! Free Denise.”
  • Grog was trying to abide by Keyleth’s rules of not killing the thing, but his whole priority was getting Vax out, because he realized that not getting him out while he was unconscious might’ve meant losing his body for good. Matt points out that it worked out well that it was always Grog getting eaten, because he was more likely than most of the other party members to deal enough damage to get out.
  • Why didn’t the water ashari let Korren and Keyleth know Vilya was suspected dead? Matt starts to answer, then admits it’s mostly just to maintain narrative drama, because that’s how storytelling works.
  • Gil wonders whether one of the lodestones could be Keyleth’s mom. Marisha: …my mom is octopoo?
  • Grog’s decision on leaving Tary mostly boiled down to “…eh.” Grog didn’t mind too much that Percy made him go back for Tary, because he didn’t feel too strongly about leaving him behind, but there might be consequences once Friends wears off.
  • Keyleth would’ve definitely still planeshifted out if Grog and Vax’s positions had been reversed. She trusted that Vax would’ve managed to get out, too.
  • Travis’ wise words on the Raven Queen: “Didn’t she need the blood jacuzzi to get the thing going?”
  • Travis thinks Grog would be interested in participating in Vax’s ritual.
  • Travis was stoked for Vax to join the Dead Club, but he has no idea how it’s going to go because of the Raven Queen.
  • Matt re: people yelling about revivify/resurrection no matter the outcome: “I… mostly don’t care. I’m still a sensitive boy.”
  • Brian brings back the intro to the first episode, in which Matt points out that this is the continuation of a home-game and number-crunching shouldn’t be the priority. Of course, Critrolestats is an exception: “They keep track of the numbers we like.”
  • Brian: “Discussions are great, and we love talking about the show even if we disagree… but when it gets to be this weird thing where people are… it’s like, guys, you’re kind of embarrassing yourself. Like, give me a break, dad. Maybe intense scrutiny of a D&D game that’s on the internet isn’t the best way to live your life.”
  • Travis: “I’ll never go on [reddit]. It requires reading, right?”
  • Matt thinks the kraken was probably watching the party for a while, and then Tary’s natural one was a focus point. If they hadn’t failed that challenge, they might’ve had to fight it as they were escaping.
  • The one spell Marisha forgot to write down on her spell sheet was Freedom of Movement, which would’ve been incredibly clutch in the fight. Matt forgot about it, too.
  • Matt points out that everyone had an extremely stressful week leading up to that episode. Brian mentions that he’s known everyone for a while, now, and they all generally act the same on-screen as they do off-screen, so they’re not gonna be putting on an act. Sometimes you just get a bit of a slog playing D&D when everyone’s exhausted, but it can still be fun as long as people aren’t going over every decision with a magnifying glass.
  • SURPRISE ASHLEY WITH AMAZING HAT ON AFTER-DARK

After dark:

  • The first shot after the break is just a close-up of Trinket.
  • Matt to Travis, in one of the best out-of-context quotes thus far: “So what you’re saying is that your deviantart is full of vore?”
  • If Grog had an intelligence of 20 for 24 hours, he’d probably go down to Percy’s workshop and build something.
  • Matt ran a session pre-stream that was just Pike and Vax, in which the two of them had to fight a chimera. There was also one that was just Vax, Scanlan, and Pike.
  • If Grog had been left behind and died, Ashley thinks Pike would’ve pulled a Scanlan and left the party, then would’ve gone to go live under the sea until she found him, and would’ve kept his body until she got True Resurrection, “even if it took a hundred years”, so she could bring him back.
  • Matt re: Keyleth being the only one who hasn’t died: “No, there’s a reason for that. Because she’s my fiancee and I give her special treatment.” Marisha: “Don’t say that even in jest!” Matt: “No, if that were true, I wouldn’t sleep on the couch as often.” Marisha: “They’ll believe that, too! They’ll actually think that’s true!”
  • Ten or higher on that saving throw and Grog would’ve died in the kraken. Matt rolled a nine (which is why he tweeted the picture).
  • Marisha’s biggest fear re: ways for her character to die was tripping and falling in lava, which just about happened, so almost anything else would’ve been okay in comparison. Brian: “Keyleth died doing what she loved: a series of errors.” Marisha: “Failing.”
  • Travis’s Xbox gamertag is MeatyAlbatross.
The Adrien Diaries...

30 Mar 2017


…well fuck.


My day began with my life ending. It’s over. Done. I’m ghost-writing this right now.

It started slowly.

With the initial burning sensation, I was concerned.
After I looked down and saw my life falling in clumps at my feet… I felt the stirrings of panic.
But it was with Nathalie’s reaction when I came downstairs for breakfast that the true horror of my “situation” began to settle on me.

And then I had to face my father

…is it healthy to see your life flash before your eyes twice in less than 3 months?

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