hey guys check out my webcomic “ohmiserychastitydevice” where i talk about self flagellating in the streets of medieval europe so god will forgive my sins of the flesh and free me from my life of suffering
casual reminder that over a period of 3 years tim drake dealt with a shitton of psychological trauma and PTSD and didn’t get any help from anyone because of bruce’s unspoken ideals about how emotion shouldn’t get in the way of work so tim repressed all of his multitudes of issues surrounding the death of all of his loved ones and being left (by bruce) responsible for an entire city at the age of 14 before having to hang up the cowl because his dad found out and then had to deal with his father dying because he was robin.
and then right after he let bruce adopt him, damian came into the picture and tried to kill him, before saying that he would never be bruce’s true son
not to mention that just when tim started to actually process his grief (2 years later) and talk to people about his ptsd three out of the four people he loved came back from the dead and he found out his girlfriend lied about being dead and two of his best friends came back during a battle in which his mentor was killed.
and then directly after that dick, the person he trusted more than anyone, basically ended his career as robin because damian needed it more, so he lost his entire support system when he needed it most and went on a self-flagellating mission to prove bruce wasn’t dead and no one believed him
and then once tim FINALLY started getting better after bruce came back, the fuckig universe RESET itself so he got!!! no catharsis whatsoever!! and the n52 butchered his character!!!!!!!
tl;dr i love tim drake a lot and dc treated him like SHIT in the n52 and people don’t appreciate his character enough
hey do u ever think about the fact that the 4/5 of the gang was thrown into the brig for various sins (lust, wrath, gluttony) against their will but mac, who’s always been the most aggressively self-flagellating and ardently religious, just walked right in. he strolled in saying ‘well, i’m gay’ for the very first time in his nearly 40 years of living, into a space which arguably exists as a metaphor for hell (given physical location of the brig as well as nature of the ship and recurring themes of the gang goes to hell episodes) and he did it without a care! after so many years of self-hatred and repression the first time he says ‘i’m gay’ out loud is nonchalant and relaxed! he just wanted to hang! and that’s enough to outweigh the years of religious anxiety he’s kept inside himself! and however temporary it is this is SUCH an important character development for mac because while the arguably atheist gang gets thrown into hell against their will, for a brief, blissful moment, mac is so contented with being himself that he willingly walks into hell because he’s not afraid anymore and anyways yeah i think about that a lot
The nogitsune’s power doesn’t leave Stiles after the spirit is defeated. No, it seems Stiles was changing and knowing what that darkness did to his friends he refuses to put them in danger again. He leaves without a word. Now in a new city with not quite new friends Stiles realizes no one can run forever. Because family doesn’t back down and also, yeah, that fuckin’ tree really is talking to him.
It’s just sexual, it’s just sexual. It doesn’t mean anything. Derek repeated it over and over in his head like a masochistic mantra, gritting his teeth and clenching the steering wheel dangerously tight. Just sexual. Doesn’t mean anything. But his self-flagellating thoughts couldn’t drown out the memory of Stiles’ husky moans; his breathy sighs; the soft, almost inaudible gasp he had made as he’d come, calling out Derek’s name.
When Stiles is late for a Pack meeting, Derek and the pack grow concerned. Derek decides he can’t stand around while his mate, the man he had been in love with since he set eyes on, could be in danger. And so he sets off in search for his mate. What will he find? He doesn’t know, but what he does know is that he has to find his mate, before its too late.
While Stiles is on his morning run, he bumps into a huge, black wolf. Stiles didn’t know that it would change his life for good.
The wolf rolls its eyes; well- Stiles thinks that it did. “Well, sorry that I asked! Jeez.” Stiles snorts. “Isn’t it obvious…?” Stiles frowns and stares at the wolf. “Wha- did you- you talked to me just now! That’s awesome! Can every werewolf do that?” Stiles grins excitedly. The wolf freezes, its eyes widening comically and it stared at Stiles for a long time, until saying: “You- you can hear me?” The wolf asks.
Julie: "Once we decided [Stefan's death], it felt so pure and right and we knew it was the road to go."
Stefan died in the most abhorrent, unnecessary, and cruel way possible. He died so Damon could life out his human fairytale with Elena. In JP’s/KW's twisted minds they saw this is some sort of poetic redemption in making Damon turn in 1864 … but STEFAN needs to die for a selfish decision he made when he was just seventeen? This one choice needs to follow him around his entire life regardless of much he’s changed, cared, or worked to redeem himself just ‘cause Damon must never be held responsible for anything?
This is not story-telling. This is complete character assassination. For years Stefan was slowly sliding to the wayside in favor of Damon, giving him all the story and essentially becoming a prop to his arcs/relationship with Elena. Stefan was losing agency more and more. By S8, it was all over for him. They went OUT OF THEIR WAY to portray Ripper Stefan as the “bad brother”, punishing him for killing Enzo while Damon got forgiven right away for killing Tyler and even had the fucking audacity to make Damon forgive HIM when’s Stefan’s been cleaning up after his brother’s messes basically his entire existence. In 8x16, he was the death. So shocked.
Damon should’vebeen the death, not Stefan. Stefan might’ve forced him to turn, but everything after that was all Damon. DAMON. MADE.HIS.OWN. CHOICES. He made the choice to be manipulative, evil, and torture others. He spent so much longer not giving a damn about anyone except himself while Stefan was battling bloodlust and trying to be good. Damon resented Stefan and blamed Katherine for who he was, never taking accountability for anything and when he finally did everyone else wouldn’t let him. Damon should’ve sacrificed himself for good like he tried to because then there would be accountability and his redemption story might’ve actually meant something. Instead they nerfed Stefan to appease the Damon fangirls/DE shippers and that’s just so dirty.
This is exactly what happens when a character gets too popular. The writers cater too much to the fans, disrupting focus on other characters and it RUINS THE SHOW. This has happened so many times before on other TV shows and TVD w/ Damon is by far the worst I’ve seen.
Our baby Stefan deserved so much better than sacrificing himself for a fuck-up of a brother who quite literally gave him an “eternity of misery”. KW/JP did a complete disservice to him and this show and I’ll never forgive them for it.
Let us all remember Stefan Salvatore. The selfless, noble, compassionate, self-flagellating hero who had such little value of himself he died thinking he didn’t deserve happiness and that Damon was the better man. He was precious and beautiful and this world these writers didn’t deserve him.
Bucky never spoke of Y/N in front of the others, but Steve knew better. There was nothing Bucky’s mind loved more than to torment him with memories of Y/N. Eventually the rest of the team learned not to ask Bucky about Y/N. Yet Steve knew she was at the forefront of Bucky’s mind.
It was hard for everyone to witness Bucky backtracking, not knowing how to help.
Watching the clip of Emma sitting on her front steps holding Killian’s shell necklace from the preview for 6x15, I remembered reading or seeing a picture that Colin has filmed a scene with Jasmine, I believe, on a beach and was holding a seashell. I’m hopeful that he will be able to get word to her via a shell call. My wish is it goes something like this.
words ~ 1500
They say you should never make big changes right after a major loss and after a few drinks with her mother and Regina, Emma had to agree. She had originally been upset when the call had ended up being a false alarm just to get her out of the house, but seeing a slightly tipsy Snow had been good for a few laughs and being away from the memories in the house for a while had allowed her more rational side to return. Unsure what had caused the girl that she had been in the past to return the last few days, she was now determined to relocate the woman she had become. The woman who had turned Killian into a dark one against his will to keep from losing him. And the woman who hadn’t accepted his death, following him to the underworld to bring him home. A woman willing to fight for that white picket fence life that was within her grasp.
Walking into the house, she flipped on the lights and noticed that not only had Henry forgotten to put his shoes away but he had also forgotten to take the sea chest out to the shed. Sitting on the sofa she pushed up the lid and lifted out the chain holding Liam’s ring. Memories of Camelot and how when Killian had given it to her with a “calm down Swan, I’m not proposing,” she had felt both relief and disappointment. Not only had the darkness had hold of her emotions but so had fear. But slowly his patience and love had helped her have confidence enough in herself to lower her walls until he had proposed and that had been the happiest day of her life.
But like so many other instances in her life, a single moment in time and a few words best left unspoken had reached inside of her awakening that little lost girl. The one who always dreamt of a home and a family but never thought she was good enough to deserve one. And when she had walked by and noticed Killian sitting in front of the fireplace with his memories, her insecurities had taken over her voice and accused him of not trusting her. Of not trusting that their love was strong enough that together they would be able to overcome anything. This time though her accusations on top of his self- flagellation over the past had brought forth more pain then she knew how to handle.
Leaning back on the settee, with Liam’s ring clutched tightly between her hands, she let the memories wash over her. The memories of the night she had been searching for answers in Killian’s things - no - if she were really honest with herself, snooping for answers in Killian’s things - and had discovered the engagement ring, she had been so excited that she may not have given Killian the opportunity to say everything he wanted to say. Remembering the look on his face when she had made the quip about him drinking Captain Morgan, and then his words, “I’m afraid it wouldn’t give me the courage that I need.” Had she misunderstood and he hadn’t been going to propose right then, but had been going to tell her what happened? Feeling the tears well up she closed ther eyes and let the call of sleep carry her away.
If You Get Lost, You Can Always Be Found by WinJennster Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 25,400 Summary: Days after I’m No Angel, Castiel finds himself exiled from the safety of the bunker. The money Dean gives him runs out all too soon. Luck, or perhaps divine providence, lands him on the Amish farm of Jacob and Lydia Bieler. The Bielers take Cas in. Despite the Amish’s general distrust of outsiders - Englischers - the strange man who can understand their language and isn’t afraid of hard work seems a natural fit amongst them. Castiel thinks he might just go ahead and stay - the farm seems like a good place to heal his broken heart, and maybe forget who broke it. Meanwhile, Dean finds himself so wracked with guilt, he can’t stand to see his own face in the mirror. He doesn’t know what’s worse; the fact that he threw Cas away or that Sam’s unwillingly - and unwittingly - possessed by an angel. Charlie comes for a visit and decides to stay, and it takes her no time at all to call Dean on his bullshit. With her help and encouragement and a plan to deal with the angel in Sam later, Dean and Charlie set out to find Cas and bring him home. But when they find him, Dean’s surprised that Cas doesn’t want to come home, leaving Dean to face some difficult truths about himself - and how he feels about Castiel.
This, THIS is the Castiel I fell for in Seasons 4 and 5. He is stoic and brave, earnest and contained. He has been seasoned by time on his own, away from family and friends. He has known hardship, but isn’t completely broken. Even without his grace, he still has the knowledge of the ages and a kindness of heart that brings him to the attention of an older Amish couple. And Dean, you desperate, self-flagellating mama bear with the self esteem of a carrot. Thank god you have friends like Charlie who know how to see through you and help you realize what it is you really need.
This story diverges after 9x04 with Charlie staying with Dean and Sam instead of going to Oz, and that makes all the difference. The author is known for their AUs, yet this canon tale shows her deep understanding of Dean and especially Castiel’s character. There is pining, there are fuck ups, but there are also moments that made me chuckle and smile. I really enjoyed this gentle, heartfelt story.
i think my main question to antis when they throw around all the bad shit snape does is: what is enough?
for every bad thing snape has done, he’s been punished a hundredfold. said mudblood? lost his best and only friend. joined the death eaters? had a part in said friend’s death. had to spy for 20 years. eventually got killed himself.
what is enough punishment for y’all to be satisfied that he is “properly” redeemed? how much self-flagellation does snape need to go through to prove himself? i don’t know if people think he hasn’t done enough because he doesn’t seem properly guilty or because he just isn’t a nice person or what, but he spends every day in danger, he saves countless lives, he lives and breathes the Cause, he dies painfully…. and none of that is enough for anyone to look at his bad deeds and “okay, that’s enough”? none of that balances his scales, even a little?
what else would he need to DO to get redemption? because as far as i see it, he’s earned it in pain and blood and literal sacrifice. he lost everything. he GAVE everything. and yet i still have to listen to someone complain about how he never truly redeemed himself, that he never earned the redemption arc he worked over 20 years to achieve?
at some point you have to admit that there is nothing that will satisfy your thirst persecute a character tbh. bc snape has literally given up everything to get some sort of absolution - has been punished for all of his bad actions time and time again, and there are still people who will look at his story and say it wasn’t enough. as if the tragedy of his life was that he gave so much and got so little joy or happiness or love.
After reading numerous posts on the amount of
females in 40k, especially surrounding the discourse of female Space Marines, I
wanted to share my own opinions and see what others think. I’ve heard some
people think that there is equal representation in 40k, I disagree with this,
but perhaps I have interpreted them wrong.
I have gone over all the official codices,
and some of the major datasheets as well, and objectively looked at how many
females there were. I’ve looked at the characters and the units, I’ve read up the
lore on which units are only/predominantly male or female and I’m only counting
the main codices. I’ll mention the Imperial Armour or White Dwarf magazines
where necessary but this analysis is focusing on the core of 40k, not all its
offshoots which don’t actually change much regardless.
This is not a statement of what 40k should
be however. I’m not saying how many 40k fans are male/female, I’m not saying what
40k fans want, what Games Workshop should do, I’m not saying anything about
marketing or the money making side of things. This is purely an objective (or
as objective as I can make it) look at the 40k models in regards to how many
are female, male or other.
Objectively, the Warhammer 40k factions are
dominated by males, with relatively few females. Here is how I came to this
conclusion… (beware, this is a long post)
All that time I review the BSD ending, I think about... Just look.
Here Atsushi sinks among the darkness, water column doesn’t transmit light. Darkness — his thoughts, his past, his fears and his complexes, his self-flagellation. And he sinks in it, he sinks because he can’t change anything. He sinks because he thinks he is useless.
And here the Dazai’s hand. He touches Atsushi’s forehead, and look. Darkness recedes. Fears, despair, loneliness — all of this goes away. Here becomes light. Peace and tranquility are in Atsushi’s head, and all because of Dazai. And I’m not talking about his ability, I’m talking about himself. About his personality.
This is the best impersonation the way Dazai affects Atsushi, isn’t it? He gets rid of Atsushi’s fears, lets the light in the kingdom of intrusive darkness, vile thoughts immediately retreat.
Recall even chapter 25, where Dazai really helps Atsushi wake up from painful thoughts which suddenly revived with all the strength in his head. He gives Atsushi a slap and says the right words, standing on knees like Atsushi does. Dazai is not above Atsushi. Dazai is together with Atsushi.
And here Atsushi reaches for Dazai’s hand, so gently and tenderly, as if Dazai is a ray of light in his life.
Isn’t it so?
Furthermore, did you hear the lyrics of this ending song?
“Whenever you’re darkened by sadness and your tears overflow… Whenever your heart floods with loneliness and begins to waste away.. I’ll call out a name: your name; Just as you once called out mine”.
These words are playing right in that moment when Atsushi sinks and Dazai touches his forehead.
After that I just can’t believe that Dazai doesn’t care about Atsushi and doesn’t make him feel confident and…
Maybe I’m just a fujoshi, but my heart beats faster when I see them together ^^ Don’t hit me /)т_т(\
This was a good episode. It was a lot like 5x10 in that it
was a decent episode with a very crappy ending. I had hopeful expectations
during the summer hiatus that we’d return to Russia in the present time; a callback
to 2x06. But then season 5 began, and whatever hopeful expectations I had
started to wither and die. With that in mind, there was a lot more to this
episode that was enjoyable than I thought possible. I mean, except for that one
part. And yes, I’ll get into. I also do not hold back anymore on Suzie Q. I say very not nice things about her. I have no regrets.
I’m going to start with my babies. It’s been such a long
time since we’ve had a decent OTA scene and we really got a couple in this
We start with them in the Bunker. Together. Alone.
I know. Rejoice.
Felicity greets Diggle with, “Welcome back. Hugs, kisses,
warm feelings.” Diggle returned the favor.
RIGHT IN MY DELICITY FEELS.
I loved that Diggle and Felicity were both open with Oliver
about how the mission to Russia was personal for both of them. Diggle needs to
take down Walker once and for all; Felicity needs to do everything she can to
stop another Havenrock from happening. Oliver misappropriates the City Hall
private plane and they all travel to Russia with the rest of the team—save for
Rene and Lance.
My favorite was in Russia when Oliver told them that he
needed them to walk the line for him. They were the ones that brought him back when
he’s crossed the line himself. Diggle is Oliver’s moral compass. Felicity is
the one who harnessed the light inside of him; she’s the one who guides his
way. As Oliver spends another/the season debating about whether he’s a good man
deserving good things, he needs his core to retain their goodness.
And it’s a beautiful moment. Because in that scene Oliver is
attempting to guide them. It’s what I
was hoping for in 4B where Oliver would be the one to lead them into the light
out of the darkness but the writers shortchanged us on it. It’s important to
note that Oliver learned to fight with the light inside of him; and he did it
because of his association with Felicity and Diggle. There is reciprocity to
that; as they affect him, he affects them. He can guide them to the light
because they taught him how to do that.
It’s selfish to want them both, Percy tells himself, in the thin hours of morning when he can’t sleep and sits at his work-table, taking his gun apart over and over as if he’s looking for secrets in its metal guts. It’s selfish, and it’s wrong, and they’re twins – tall and identical and perfect, all dark elegance and long, silky hair and a razor’s-edge of something feral and hungry and angry just beneath the surface.
He’s always liked sharp things, hungry things, things with teeth – and the twins are sharp all over, lined with teeth, in their own unique ways. He wants to stick his hand into the steel trap of their souls, just to see what it would feel like when they slammed shut around his wrist, what it would be like to be caught there. Trapped. A wild animal wounded by the bladed edges and honed points of their love, bleeding out in their arms.
The smoke curls around the soft insides of his chest, an over-affectionate cat, crawls up his throat until it chokes him, and he digs a thumbnail into the soft meat of his palm until it bleeds. Another mark to add to his collection. It’s selfish, and it’s wrong, and he knows that him and his guns and his smoke are bad news of the worst kind. They don’t need that in their lives, don’t want that in their lives – don’t deserve that in their lives. Don’t deserve him.
Guilty feet got no rhythm: will Bellamy ever dance again?
I really want to write about how Bellamy might not be
redeemed so please have all these ensuing words which started out as my Bellamy’s
Season 4 Arc therapy session and turned into a lot of feelings about Bellamy’s
headspace (aka what happens when I write meta with Careless Whisper in the
Okay so I’ve been a little unsettled
recently about Bellamy’s character progression this season and where it’s going
or not going. At times, it’s felt like we’re doomed to watch him self-flagellate
forever towards a distant redemption, which is not only unsatisfying as a
storyline but irksome if you cynically assume (as I did/do) that at least some
of this is an effort to placate some of the show’s less reasonable critics.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a redemption arc. A redemption arc is ultimately an expression
of hope, and it certainly was the first time round for Bellamy in MW. But to tread
this path twice in four seasons for the same character risks being repetitive
and boring and I was worried that the show might, in its eagerness to redeem
itself and its male co-lead, hedge its bets and take the safe option.
But after 407 I feel a little differently. The show opened
up Bellamy’s psyche to us and gave us a visceral and jarring insight into his
headspace. For the first time in what
feels like ages, I felt like Bellamy was front and centre of his own storyline,
and I started to understand where the massacre fits into him, rather than how he fits in to
the massacre. It also thankfully starts to make retrospective sense of the
breast-beating of the previous 6 episodes.
@moonaskingtostay’s epic Very Serious Recap hit the nail on
the head this week when it pointed out that the “minor delay” in the rover is
basically a metaphor for where Bellamy is.
Stuck in the mud, weighed down with guilt and furiously throwing himself
at doing something to make reparations
for what he’s done and escape from the crushing responsibility he feels for
every one of those 300 or so deaths, he is becoming more and more mired down in
mud. He is going nowhere.
For the first 6 episodes this was maddening. But what if this stagnation is the point? What
if the punchline of Bellamy’s storyline is that there is no redemption to be
had this time? What if his efforts to
make reparations are precisely the thing holding him back?
I realise this seems pretty depressing for a character who
is so weighed down with guilt. We want
him to be free, right? But I think what
we’re seeing is Bellamy starting to understand that redemption isn’t
necessarily his free pass to self-forgiveness, and that he cannot run from the
guilt he feels.
I think Bellamy will have to accept that guilt is a part of
the fabric of who he is now. He has to live with it, and I mean really live
with it, and what’s more that is OK.
Make a note. Guilt is
Because despite everything, Bellamy’s moral code hasn’t
changed. Those lessons that Aurora drummed into him – Lesson #1: hurting people
is bad – are still real and present for him, as we were reminded in 407. Guilt
is the healthy human reaction of someone who has violated their moral code –
even if the reasons for doing so were “pure”, as Jaha so naively put it in 403.
Guilt is what essentially makes Bellamy a hero and someone worth redeeming. It is what distinguishes
him from Jaha, who lacks the self-awareness to understand that your intentions
may not always be pure, even if you think they are at the time, and that even
the purest of intentions MATTER NOT A JOT if you cause harm.
Right now, Bellamy’s guilt is consuming him because he
cannot reconcile his deeds with who he wants to be. He needs to stop running
from his guilt, face it, accept it and even embrace it. It need not define him,
but guilt must reside in him as an old friend rather than a feared enemy. It
must live in him as a reminder of who he wants to be, of Aurora’s lessons and
the god-honest truth that he is the same moral person he was before the
In other words, suck it up Bellamy: who you want to be may
not have won that day, but who you want to be still matters.
What is more, I suspect that this will also play into how
Bellamy frames his wider sense of self worth and how he accepts love –
particularly with regards to Octavia and Clarke. His tendency to measure his
worth by what he does for others has become a treadmill in which he
only ever sees the things he hasn’t done, and on which he is forever playing
catch-up to earn the love of people who already love him anyway and would
appreciate it if he just got off the damn treadmill already goddammit Bellamy
stop martyring yourself.
My guess is that this could segue into his relationship with
Octavia – learning that he is out of options to “earn” her love (spoiler: he doesn’t
need to earn it, he already has it and conflict =/= lack of love) and his only
remaining card is to sit back and allow her to come back to him on her own
terms so they can build a meaningful relationship out of the wreckage of their
And with Clarke, well, there’s a ton of stuff going on in
the space between them other than this, but Clarke has always seen the best in
him and he has never really understood why. He trusts her judgement and
believes her and through her he gets an inkling of the person he really is, but
truly he doesn’t see that version of himself when he shuts his eyes. That needs
to change and it needs to change without Clarke there holding his hand. When
that happens, and when he is in a place to stand on his own two feet and allow
her to love him for him, rather than endlessly doing things to justify it to himself, then Bellarke stands a
so i understand using pathos and saying things like ‘oh the choice to get an abortion is so hard it is the hardest thing a person ever goes through’ to like, anti-choice people, but i really wish that sentiment would go away in pro-choice circles. for some people, yes, abortion is an extremely difficult, emotional choice. for others? it’s not! and it shouldn’t have to be.
you’re not helping the stigma by pretending all abortions and people who need them are the same, that every person who gets an abortion is self-flagellating and they used 5 birth control methods and none worked, and they don’t have enough money for a kid or whatever else. like yes, those people exist. but so do people who just get pregnant on accident and need an abortion and aren’t really that torn up about it.
it’s like there’s this “good” abortion and “bad” abortion and “good” people get abortions because they were a victim of an awful crime, or because they wanted a baby but the fetus isn’t viable or the pregnancy would kill them, or again they were being so responsible and an act of god made them get pregnant on that .1% chance.
and “bad” people get abortions when they weren’t using good enough contraception, or when they could totally take care of a baby but they straight up don’t want to.
and the point is - there is no good abortion or bad abortion. it’s a medical procedure that is (should be) a right. it’s an issue of body autonomy. pro-choice people should not be supporting the stigma and narrative of a “deserving” receiver of an abortion, creating a boogeyman “undeserving” abortion receiver.
The most infuriating thing about Clinton Francis Barton - and the man was nothing if not a list of infuriating things - was his insistence that he was nothing much special.
Not in public, not in uniform, not then of course. Then he was on stage, in costume, there for the adoration of the crowd. The Amazing Hawkeye was a well-worn mask, so well-worn that the delineations of Clint were a little hard to spot.
Bucky hunted them down. He made no bones about it. He caught Clint in corners and cutting remarks, self-flagellation of a professional grade. He eased off the mask that was so habitually in place, and found the secret lines of the smile that hid underneath it.
Clint thought he was nothing much special; Bucky thought he was nothing but special, from the purple canvas sneakers to the ducked-head palmed-nape shy flushed smile of him.
“You think I do this for just anybody?” Bucky asked, husky and forehead-pressed and lips pleasantly used.
Clint looked a little confused; not enough to stop him pressing forward for another butterfly kiss.