Post-AGT Appearance 199: Joe Causi February 25

Causi would proceed with this harmless essay, saving naughtier jokes for Friday night.

Cole:  Magazines have trouble keepin’ their readers entertained so they fill in the gaps with the same gimmicks over and over.

The fashion magazines have it easy: flaa fashion, winter fashion, spring fashion and summer fashion.

The other thing they love to do is lists.  Fortune has its most profitable businesses list.  Forbes has its richest.  Time has its most influential.  that’s a fun one, ain’t it?  They use all the usual ones, Presidents, kings, pop stars, then throw in some people you never heard of to pretend they had to work hard on the list.

Those lists all bother me, but the worst one is that People Magazine most beautiful people.

First of all, if there really was such a thing we wouldn’t know most of them because they’re housewives, college kids and even waitresees. 

So what it really is is the 50 best-looking celebrities.  That’d be ok too if they were honest.  The fact is that most people would be on the list for about 5 years, then get replaced by someone that looks just like ‘em.  Instead they change most of the 50 every year.

f you couldn’t tell just by the names you could tell by the descriptions.  For instance in the 1990s there was a 180-pound model that made the list just that year.  It had to be that year on accounta she stopped bein’ famous the next year.  The trouble was they wanted people to believe she belonged on the list, so they made her pose naked.

In other words:

We think you’re pretty, but if you’re gonna be with them other fols who really belong you gotta do somethin’ they don’t have to do.