despite all the 'i need healing' memes, they're usually pretty nice. they know the entire team is watching and waiting for them to crash and burn
either spawn from hell or just here to have a good time (usually the latter). will probably try to say hi at the enemy spawn
very friendly. will almost never get their ult to go off but won't be salty about it. thanks healthpacks
KINKY. either cursed as shit or will say hello to anything and everything. anyone that mains reaper has dreamt of him crushing their head between his monster thighs
VANILLA. it's okay though, most people want to fuck him but can't explain it
definitely only here to have a good time since she's basically useless until the devs give her a monster buff. if the player spams the boop voiceline you will hear that noise in your nightmares forever
very high chance they're gay. very high chance one of the enemy team will switch to tracer because they're annoying
absolute sweethearts who will risk life and her other eye to keep you alive. secretly enjoys watching the person she's nanoboosted lose their fucking mind trying to make the most of it though
again, really sweet. unless they're on ilios in which case he's public enemy number one and even if he's on your team you shoudn't trust him
probably picked healer because everyone else picked genji and hanzo. alternatively, a masochist. if the pistol is used a lot they probably mained medic in TF2 and don't fear god or death
most likely play competitive too much. another top tier picks for gays but they probably have clinical depression
[flicking teleporter on and off] welcome to my reality welcome to my reality
in the top three most likely to say hi in spawn. please get behind him
this one is skin dependent. normal roadhogs are like your weird uncle but roadhogs with the islander or junkenstein's monster skin are maniacs and will hook your entire ancestral line across the map
i've only ever seen like three. cryptids
tied with tracer and zenyatta as a pick for gays. a good zarya will take your bullets and shove them back up your ass at mach-1 speed
the chaotic good of the universe. probably has play of the game before the match has even started
probably tried to play bastion in competitive once and that was enough. anyone that places him on that elevator thing in hollywood is a scorpio
they take skirmish way too seriously
THE CHAOTIC EVIL TO D.VA'S CHAOTIC GOOD. the sound of a riptire is actually an effective tactic to kill the enemy team irl because half of them will have a stroke out of stress
lava eating machine. all of them are cursed and i'm personally afraid of him
57 shots, 1 kill. if they're using the odile skin they're probably a straight male
Here’s the project I was working on. I had this idea in my head for my own interpretation of the Crystal Kingdom songs, and I basically just fought with the GarageBand app for 48 on my phone until I could figure out how to do this. Had to transpose it pretty painstakingly (cause I’m no vocaloid) and changed a chord or two.
I’ve never done anything like this so…. Hope you like it! (Headphones recommended.)
Anaheim Ducks: You turn on a Ducks game. The screen is white. It must be Ryan Getzlaf’s bald head, you think. You’re probably right.
Arizona Coyotes: You accidentally call them the Phoenix Coyotes. No one corrects you. You’ve never encountered someone with them as their favorite team.
Boston Bruins: Chara checks someone into the boards. That someone disappears into thin air. You wonder if they keep a list of people Chara has made disappear like that.
Buffalo Sabres: You constantly forget about their existence. Would they be more relevant if they had won the draft lottery and had gotten McDavid, you think sometimes. You forget about them again.
Calgary Flames: A Flames game gets interrupted. Someone yells that there’s a child on the ice. It turns out to be Johnny Gaudreau. Gaudreau eats a Snickers on the bench, and scores.
Carolina Hurricanes: The Canes are down 6-0. Jeff Skinner smiles at a ref. The Canes are up 6-0.
Chicago Blackhawks: Chelsea Dagger starts playing in the distance. Oh no. You start running. The music gets louder. Someone yells: “3 cups in 6 years”. You’re crying. You can’t hide.
Colorado Avalanche: Someone on their roster scores. You must be dreaming. They get a win. This can’t be real, you think. The world must be ending.
Columbus Blue Jackets: You blankly stare at the TV. You’ve lost count of how many times you’ve heard the cannon by now. You stopped counting after 10. Your team still hasn’t scored.
Dallas Stars: There’s a fan crying. “Our goalie situation is shit,” they sob. Another fan rubs their back. “At least Tyler Seguin is still hot,” they say. You roll your eyes.
Detroit Red Wings: You hear someone cursing Dylan Larkin. “Why can’t he score,” you hear them say. Crying, they cuddle up to their Yzerman hugging pillow.
Edmonton Oilers: “McDavid sucks,” someone says. Ten Oilers fans and Milan Lucic appear from nowhere. “You suck,” Lucic says and punches them.
Florida Panthers: There’s a ceremony before the game. Jagr is turning 70. Jagr scores the OT winner.
Los Angeles Kings: You make eye contact with Anze Kopitar. He looks dead inside. You nod at each other. What is Kopitar losing fate in, you think. You still relate to him.
Minnesota Wild: The Wild has a 10 win streak. It ends in a 0-1 loss to an irrelevant team. They start a new 10 win streak.
Montreal Canadiens: Carey Price breaks all his limbs. Therrien doesn’t pull him. Shea Weber positions himself on the ice. Al Montoya tells Weber to take the shot while maintaining eye contact with Therrien. Weber shoots. They hire their rivals’ old coach. You wonder if god is real.
Nashville Predators: You meet a fan. They’re crying. “How are you?” you ask. They keep sobbing. You notice they’re wearing a Weber jersey. You understand.
New Jersey Devils: You watch a Devils game. You can’t remember the score after it. You’re only convinced that Adam Henrique is not real.
New York Islanders: John Tavares gives an interview. He’s more plain and boring than you remembered. You can’t stop watching though.
New York Rangers: Henrik Lundqvist stops the game to have a photoshoot. The play continues. He’s not in the net. He makes a save. You don’t understand.
Ottawa Senators: “Ottawa Senators,” someone says. You have to think for a while. You remember Erik Karlsson. That’s it.
Philadelphia Flyers: No one has seen Jakub Voracek’s face in five years. His beard and hair just keep growing. No one knows how to stop the growth.
Pittsburgh Penguins: Someone accidentally says “Crosby.” In a minute, there’s someone with a peach emoji. You hear the words Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion at least once a day.
San Jose Sharks: Someone on their roster scores four times. Joe Thornton is somewhere, stroking himself. Despite the lead, Martin Jones sits on the bench with dead eyes.
St. Louis Blues: Tarasenko scores. Tarasenko scores again. You wonder if anyone else ever scores for them.
Tampa Bay Lightning: No one has seen Steven Stamkos in years. People wish for his return. No one expect nothing though.
Toronto Maple Leafs: “Matthews is better than Laine,” someone says. You keep quiet. It doesn’t matter if you agree. You’ll get attacked either way.
Vancouver Canucks: Henrik and Daniel Sedin have assisted each other in every goal they’ve scored. You don’t believe they’re two different people until you see them in person. Even after that you’re doubtful.
Washington Capitals: Ovechkin is in his spot. Everyone sees him, no one defends him. He shoots, he scores. In the distance, someone says: “Crosby is better.”
Winnipeg Jets: “Laine is better than Matthews,” someone says. You keep quiet. It doesn’t matter if you agree. You’ll get attacked either way.