fists down

anonymous asked:

medic is like 10/10 at cunt sucking or dick sucking. But he's also really casual about it like... he'll have you on his table while he's doing paperwork lol

-slams fist down- medic eats cunt like a motherfucker. 🅱, he will succ on your clit like a lil lollipop while he finger fucks you, groaning over the taste. succing dick? he’ll take your entire cock and shove it into his fucking throat; all without dropping on drip of spit from his chin. medic is an oral fiend okay. okay 🅱. nasty 🅱oi.

  • Disney: So, how are we all doing today?
  • Fox: Well, we released Logan a few days ago, and that has gone perfectly.
  • Disney: Did people cry?
  • Fox: They were bawling.
  • Disney: Very good, very good. How about Netflix? I believe you have Iron Fist out in a few days.
  • Netflix: Uh, yeah, but the reviews haven't been great.
  • Disney: OK, I see. Don't worry, it's only one show, and we've got the Punisher on the way, we'll make it through. How about the comics division?
  • Marvel Comics: Um....
  • Disney: What have you done?
  • Marvel Comics: What?
  • Netflix: We know that sound. How bad is it?
  • Fox: Look, as long as it doesn't involve Nick Spencer, we'll be fine.
  • Marvel Comics: ...
  • Netflix: Oh god, what's he done now?
  • Marvel Comics: He..... he made Magneto a Nazi.
  • Fox: *flips the table*
  • Disney: WHY ARE YOU STILL PAYING HIM?!
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Current aesthetic: Young super genius prodigies and their massive over protective armored robot parents ( who are big harmless softies deep inside)

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

this is what happens if you get trapped between baekhyun and chanyeol

You know what piss me off about netflix? Is that they really are obvious in their fav show. Like marco polo, sense 8 and the get down get canceled and the reason i even know about this show is thank to like one or two people i follow on tumblr (maybe a bit more for sense 8 ) but like i have never seen ads for them

But then show like the crown : huge poster in every metro stop with the date of airing. Same for house of cards. Truth be told i didnt see any for stranger things but i did see a lot for iron fist.

They are literraly selectionning which show they want to ad for and then go all “aaaw well this one doesnt did well so cancelling” like… you didnt even try???

And it really pisses me off because we are losing interesting show with diversified cast instead and keeping the others that are cool but kind of generic….

Baby girl

CEO!Ash - This is pure fucking filth alright

Words: 6.1k

“Miss y/n, what’s your input on this?”

You heard your colleague’s voice in the background. But you didn’t react to it. You were focused on something else. Rather someone else. Your boss, that was sitting on the other end of the table, twisting and twirling a pen between his long, slender fingers. He was completely staring at you, head cocked to one side in a rather smug attitude. He was young, not much older than you. Only by a year or two. It always amazed you how successful he was for his age, but with that charm - although he most of the time radiated arrogance… and that smile, his success did not surprise you.

You’d lie if you said you weren’t attracted to him. Hell, that man could have his way with you without you even questioning it, you wouldn’t mind at all. In fact, you wanted it. You wanted him to fuck you, and by judging the look he was giving you, you understood he knew that, too. What made your chest rise and your heartbeat increase, was the fact that he tugged on the collar of his shirt. Then, he gazed up at you again, and the look he was shooting you this time made you weak. He wanted it, too.

“Miss?” your colleague repeated.

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hey i heard you were talking shit about steve & i just wanted to know if we can be friends? but if not please hold still so i can punch you for being mean to steve
The various skill levels of Naruto

Beginner level taijutsu: you kick somebody
Advanced level taijutsu: you kick somebody super hard
Master level taijutsu: you kick somebody into the planet’s stratosphere, jump above them while they’re still going, and kick them back down to earth.


Beginner level genjutsu: you make yourself look like someone else for five minutes. this is useless if a hyuga or uchiha is around.
Advanced level genjutsu: you can make someone else look like another person to all of their friends for five minutes. this is useless if a hyuga or uchiha is around.
Master level genjutsu: you can trap someone in their brain, torturing them for hours, and they feel all the pain and suffering as if it were real. this is still mostly useless if a hyuga or uchiha is around.


Beginner level ninjutsu: Fire spell.
Advanced level ninjutsu: Firaga spell.
Master level ninjutsu: You create fire in the shape of an ancient god dozens of stories high and bring its burning fists down upon your enemies, annihilating anything in it’s path.


Beginner level fuinjutsu: you try to make an explosive tag without killing yourself in the process.
Advanced level fuinjutsu: you try and make a seal that holds objects in a pocket of space time without killing yourself in the process. you then use the tag to carry your luggage
Master level fuinjutsu: you hand a person a note that says ‘i can do what i want’, only the note is actually a seal that instantly brainwashes them upon looking at it so you can do what you want. you can do whatever you want. you place a seal on a building and it is all sucked into an equivalent of a black hole. you can rip people’s souls out from their bodies and damn them into super ninja hell indefinitely. you can summon an actual death god to hang out with. you can carry your entire house in your wallet. you can do whatever you want

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to let you know I love following your blog. Your art is absolutely gorgeous. You made me low key ship bakudeku which is impressive seeing as my OTP is kiribaku!! The way you draw Bakugou takes my breath away. He is so so good. I also really enjoy your kirikami pieces! Thank you so much for sharing your art with us. You truly are a wonderful person!

!! ; ; omgh really?? thank you so mUCH Aaahh it’s kindda really an honor to hear–! To bridge my love for boom boom and Bakudeku/Kirikami to another fellow boom boom fan (and a Kiribaku shipper nonetheless–!) makes feels like an accomplishment lmao hjnfjkdfjk  feels bad I havnt really drawn these two together so as a kinda apology/thank you…

here this just for you anon–! and any of my followers who are quiet kiribaku shippers lu

Star Wars Made Easy - Why Does Anakin Join The Dark Side?

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PAGE IS SO ON POINT.

Why does Anakin Skywalker do it?  Is it for love?  Anakin certainly thinks so, but his love for Padme is a selfish, possessive love–it’s about how she makes him feel, rather than concern for her best interests.  This doesn’t mean he doesn’t genuinely love her, but that Anakin’s love has always been fraught with these issues and that he never learned self-control (never really wanted to learn it).

His past informs so much of who he is, the lack of control he had as a child because he was a slave and so he still fears the disorder around him (which results in how much he wants to follow someone who will make people do the right thing, as Anakin sees it).

Is it a mistake?  Yes, absolutely.  Was he tricked into it?  No, he wasn’t.  He was manipulated by Palpatine, he’s put in a position that’s terrible for him, but it’s a choice.  It is an active choice and he chooses it of his own free will and chooses it every day of his life after that.  He may believe there’s nothing else for him, but he’s also choosing to believe that–given that the kyber crystal in Vader #5 shows him that it’s blatantly not true.

*SLAMS FIST DOWN ON THE TABLE*  THIS IS WHAT I AM HERE FOR.

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Shao 007, man… his pieces, they’re all fireworks. Big, bright, explosive.

Have you seen Shao’s latest?
“Clan of the Dragon Fist!”

Wait. Shaolin Fantastic has a new piece? I gotta check it!

nochu unsolved (m)

Pairing:  Jungkook x Reader
Genre: boyfriend!jungkook , smut, comedy, fluff
Warnings: thigh riding, dry humping, panty fetish, creampie, graveyard sex, mention of past emo Jungkook lmao
Word Count:  8k+
Summary:  cryptid hunting with your boyfriend doesn’t go quite as planned…

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my alpha.

Originally posted by semejohn

pairing: derek hale x reader

warnings: SMUT, swearing, dirty talk, NSFW GIFS. porn without a plot, basically.

prompt: going into heat while living in the loft with derek being the only available alpha. 

the cold loft was deserted as you laid in the middle of your bed, beads of sweat ran down your sore skin and your breathing was coming out harder than usual. you’d turned down the AC as soon as you’d woken up, the icy air doing very little to calm your raging hot skin. you had lived with derek and issac in the loft for 6 months after being turned by scott and having no where else to go; at first you thought of yourself as an inconvenience yet derek and issac constantly reassured you that you weren’t. al though they had said it many times, you still didn’t bother them with any of your problems and tried to keep to yourself in your room.

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