I don’t remember the first time I thought of myself as fat, but I’ve always struggled with my weight. I got my period in 6th grade, I was the first of my friends to get it. In jr. high I thought of myself as “chubby” because I was the only one with boobs and curves. In high school I showed too much cleavage as a way of combatting how insecure I was about my body. The summer between sophomore and junior year my mom invested in a nutritionist. We went together every Saturday. We’d sit down with the Dr. and talk about our eating habits and exercise. I truly truly thank my mom for investing in our health that summer because now I really know the difference between what’s good for my body and what isn’t. I lost about 20 pounds that summer. When the school year started a boy told me I was too skinny and had no ass so I abandoned all the hard work I had put into losing weight and gained it all back. After that it was a constant struggle. I was really active in high school, cheer, tennis, and swim, so going off to college and becoming inactive was terrible for me. I gained the “freshmen 15” and then some. Right after Christmas my freshmen year, I got mono and lost 20 pounds. I was so excited. Of course I gained it all back pretty quickly. Sophomore year I joined the Alpha Chi Omega sorority. The picture to the left was me at our Pizza Pie with Alpha Chi philanthropy. I was 190 pounds, my heaviest and I hated myself. My confidence was at an all time low. When I look at that picture I don’t even see myself, I see a fat slob. Over Christmas break my sophomore year of college I got engaged. Of course I made it my mission to lose weight before I got married, every girl wants to look her best on her wedding day. My now husband and I decided to get married a year and a half from when we got engaged so I had some time to really get healthy. Being the procrastinator I am, I floated between 180-185 for the next 16 months, but I gained an eating disorder. Binge eating is no joke. When there was food in front of me, I’d eat it. If I was bored, I’d eat anything and everything I could get my hands on. It was bad, my portion sizes were pretty much how ever much of that food I had within arms reach. I crept back up to 190 in May of 2016. That next month, June, I came home for the summer and began my weight loss sprint to the finish line. Our wedding date was set for Aug. 6th so I had about 6 weeks (give or take a couple days). I invested in a personal trainer (Sweatprettyco, look her up on Instagram, she’s amazing), cut out dairy, sugar, and all unnatural carbs. By unnatural carbs I mean I didn’t eat bread or pasta or crap, I still ate the carbs from fruit and veggies. I also went to see a Dr. and was prescribed 2 months of phentermine. Phentermine gave me a lot of energy and took away my hunger. At the beginning it was hard to eat at all. I’d work out in the morning (I’ve never been a breakfast person) go to work right after, get home at 4 or 5pm and realize I hadn’t had a single bite to eat all day. It wasn’t until 6 or 7pm that I’d start to get a headache from not eating all day. It only took about half a week for me to figure out how to fit small, healthy meals into my schedule. Once I figured out how to balance everything I started dropping weight fast. My stomach shrank so small portion sizes actually filled me up. I then realized that I had had an eating disorder. It actually took being proscribed a weight loss medication for me to figure out that I needed help. Just to clarify, phentermine isn’t a weight loss magical pill. It supported my weight loss, but I still had to put in the work to get where I wanted to be. I went out two separate times before my wedding (one being my bachelorette party) and ate and drank without holding back. I honestly had a great summer. My fiancé and I were apart most of the summer so I got to really focus on myself, my friendships, my family, planning my wedding, and just being me. I lost about 15 pounds that summer but gained back a couple pounds of muscle. I was 175 on my wedding day and I was more confident then I’ve ever been in my life. I truly felt beautiful and wanted. I came to terms with myself. The picture to the right was me at my bridal party, the weekend before my wedding. After the wedding, Adam and I went back to school to begin our senior year of college. It’s winter break now and I’ve kept off the weight. I’ve been seeing a personal trainer but my body hasn’t changed much because I’m not watching what I’m eating. I’m doing just enough to stay the same, still eating absolute crap. You see, living with a boy is hard. Adam is tall and muscular. He can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound. He’s in the fire/paramedic academy so he’s very physical. He gets home at night and we go out to eat. Every night. It’s bad, really really bad. But I feel like I’m using all that as an excuse! I have no self control! I need to figure it out! I did so good this summer, I just need to get back into that frame of mind. I’m going to keep seeing my personal trainer next semester, but I’m also really going to focus on my eating. I’m student teaching from January 9th, 2017 to the beginning of May and I think since I’ll be on such a strict schedule with teaching and work, I can really plan out my meals and snacks for the day. If I can just stay ahead of the game and eat right, I will drop weight quickly. I know I will because I’ll be doing everything right! I’d really like to get a Facebook group together to motivate each other. A small group of girls from anywhere in the world, just motivating each other and keeping each other accountable. I want a group of girls that will actually be disappointed in me if I fall off the wagon. If this sounds good to you send me a message. I’m kind of reaching out to the fitblr/fitspo/fitfam community. I need you guys. If my story sounds familiar or motivates you, maybe motivates is the wrong word… If my story does anything for you, let me know! I’ve honestly never written it out before like this, so it might sound choppy or confusing, but it’s real, it’s me and I need all the help I can get this semester. So let’s do this together, starting January 1st, new year new me right? Let’s start 2017 off with the right eating habits, working out 4-5 times a week, and being the best versions of ourselves. Sound like a plan?