first time doing my hair after having this haircut for over 2 months

for you final [m]

Pairing: Jin x reader x Taehyung

Genre: badboy!Taehyung

Word Count: 5,723

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and drinking

A/N: I have been really sentimental today and have also been lying through my teeth about when I would upload this. Thank you all for being on this journey with me. I may or may not have sobbed while writing this. And I may or may not be willing to write an epilogue. Thank you for the past 7 months of support you’ve shown this series. I hope the ending doesn’t disappoint.

originally posted by vminv

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Final

“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Momo almost screeches as you step out of the front seat of Mina’s car.

“Thank god,” you retort as you smooth your hands over your irritated stomach, “I don’t think anyone’s driving has ever made that car sick before.”

“Hey!” Mina protests as she pulls your bags out of the backseat, “I got us here over an hour earlier than the GPS predicted.”

Momo snorts as you shoot a glance at your speed demon best friend, “I think I have some ginger tea somewhere in my apartment. We can make you some to settle your stomach.”

“You don’t. The only thing you have in this apartment is potato chips and pig’s feet,” Sana teases as she joins all of you on the driveway of Momo’s complex.

“I’ve missed you,” you admit as you wrap your arms around your two best friends, “Please don’t leave me alone with her for that long.”

“I heard that,” Mina hisses as the car door beeps as it locks.

Sana doesn’t let go of your shoulders as all four of you proceed into Momo’s apartment, “It seems like we have a lot to catch up, but do you want to shower first? You smell.”

You sniff you armpits, “I do not!”

“That’s because you can’t smell yourself,” she gently pats your back as she barely shows your around the apartment before she is shoving you into the bathroom and turning on the shower, “We can go to dinner once you’re ready.”

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My Fake Boyfriend Part 5

Summary: After receiving a very rude letter of your ex on the mail saying that he is going to get married. You see yourself not knowing what to do, you can just let it go or accept the help of your hot neighbor and pretend he is your boyfriend.

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 2200

Warnings: Angst, fuffly

A/n: Thanks to @drinkfantasy for being my beta. You rock.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 Part 4 

credits to the gif owner

Originally posted by bovaria

Saying that shopping with your mother was the most boring and tiring thing you have ever done in your life was an understatement. She made you try every single dress that she found cute or that she thought you would look cute on you. It didn’t matter if you liked it or not, she was in charge.

After hours of trying things on and not finding anything that you and your mother agreed on, you decide to go to a small boutique outside the city. You used to always go shopping there when you lived here and you had faith that you would find something that you liked and your mother agreed.

“You should have bought that last dress, you looked beautiful in it.” You watch as your mother starts the car “It was a white lace dress, the bride would kill me and I’m planning on going back home safe and sound.” You say in a serious tone, you didn’t want to cause any more drama.

“You could always use it with James; I don’t know, you were just so beautiful in that dress.” You put your hand on your mother's shoulder squeezing it lightly “It’s a little earlier to start thinking about wedding dresses, don’t you think?”

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Below is the Linny Fanfiction Masterlist. The list will be frequently updated as submissions are received and it is organized in alphabetical order. Enjoy and happy reading!

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4. “I just had to see you.”

A/N: Hiya. Sorry I’ve had super bad writers block lately, and it’s kinda late, but i was supposed to go out with my roommate tonight and well she fell asleep so here I am writing instead. Apologies for any typos, I’m exhausted and finals killed me. Again: all my ish is tagged under “ficshit” 

Here’s the list
1. Oh my God, you’re in love with her
2. You’re too good for this world
3. It’s about damn time

Chloe had gotten an internship. Chloe was leaving. Chloe was leaving Beca for six months and there was nothing she could do to stop her. Chloe was LEAVING FOR SIX MONTHS and Beca hadn’t told her how much she loved her, let alone at all.

It’s not like she didn’t try to tell her. She did the cliche flowers randomly sent to her last class of the day and the buying of the coffee and literally everything she’d learned from all the movies the girls forced her to watch and yet, nothing.

“Amy, I can’t just go tell her! She’s leaving! She won’t leave if I tell her and I can’t do that to her. She’s worked too hard to get where she’s going, I’m not gonna be that girl.” Beca practically screamed to Amy over the phone. She was driving home from her own internship and Amy had called her because she saw that Chloe was almost done packing up her things. 

“Beca, come on! She won’t. She probably already knows.”

“I’m not willing to take that risk, I can’t lose her entirely. It’s only six months, I’ll make it work.” she sighed and rubbed her hand over her face. Six months. Six months of no Chloe, of no late night cuddles where Beca pretends she hates when Chloe does that thing with the little curls on the back of her neck, and no Chloe telling her how much she loves her - even if it’s just platonically.

“Well, you’re the one driving her to the airport tonight - so just get home, ya?”

“I’ll be there in five.” she hung up.

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Frances Midford and comic relief in Kuroshitsuji

Guess you didn’t see that one coming, lol

Friendly reminder in advance that it’s only my opinion and you don’t have to agree. However if you don’t, no need to get aggressive because, guess what? I don’t answer violent arguments. :)

Also very lengthy post ahead.

Comic relief has always been a part of Kuroshitsuji since the very beginning, after all we know how Yana loves her jokes and it also helps to cope with the darker side of the story. However for every comical touch that we see too often, it’s natural to wonder if making us laugh is all that Yana has in mind when she draws these moments.
A few examples…

  • Elizabeth’s strength whenever she almost strangles Ciel or when she KO’ed Edward with just one punch -> considering how she fought on the Campania, one might wonder if it’s just a joke.
  • Lau being an air-headed opium dealer haha -> there have been several theories explaining that he could be betraying Ciel before the end (my fav is this one by rationalkuroshitsuji)
  • Ciel apparently never growing up -> how many people wondered if that wasn’t a hint for the 2CT or other theories about him?
  • And one of my favorite, the Undertaker asking for laugh as payment for his information, I’m sure we all smiled once -> we now know he is a Shinigami because he killed himself, so laughing and having fun are probably feelings he discovered post mortem and that’s actually really sad.  

So it’s hard to really draw a limit between comic relief and small hints meaning more serious business, which is why Frances Midford’s character is quite complicated to theorize about, because she’s one of the best examples of “comic relief” in Kuroshitsuji. I’ll try though.

1) First introduction and her dislike of Sebastian

It starts right at the moment she’s introduced for the very first time in ch14.

What a way to start, huh? Ah well, but it’s true that Ciel has known her since his birth so he probably had a few bad experiences with her, especially since we know that his own mother was definitely not as physically strong and at this moment, he doesn’t know about Lizzie’s strength either.

So it’s understandable that he sees his aunt in a different light when the other women of his family certainly aren’t as terrifying as her, and terrifying is the accurate word since even Sebastian isn’t at ease with her.

After all, Frances hates two things: Sebastian’s indecent looks and every haircuts with bangs (and unfortunately for Seb…..).
I’d like to emphasize that these are 2 different things: hate for haircuts is general (which means that even Snake and Ciel are sometimes punished)…

… While her dislike for Sebastian’s face is very personal.

And everyone knows what problems are hiding behind this recurrent joke:

  • Sebastian is in general considered to be quite the handsome man, both by women and men (Arthur Conan Doyle :)) and it was confirmed by Yana that him sharing similar looks with Vincent, Frances’ brother, was on purpose.
    eviltwintheory is asking the right questions about this point in this post, highlighting two possibilities: either Frances also made this kind of comments to Vincent (it’s true we have no idea what their relationship was like, but with Lizzie and Ciel engaged so young and the two children often spending time together, I’m guessing they were close) or the matter really is about Sebastian himself…
  • There is only one kind of characters who’d disagree about Sebastian being a handsome man, outside of Frances (who’s supposed to be human as far as we know): the Shinigamis.

According to the 3 panels above, it seems Shinigamis are able to perceive demons’ aura and also to see past their disguise, which explains Grell knowing how Sebastian was a demon at first glance, even though they still find him to be quite hot. In other words, Shinigamis are not fooled by Sebastian’s disguise since they can see right through it and because of that, they often see demons for what they are: “beasts”.

The question is, is Frances like the Shinigamis or does she just have a strong dislike for her brother and Sebastian’s faces?
Is it just comic relief, because we need one character to be able to impress Sebastian a little, or is it deeper than that?

2) Frances in the Campania and Weston Arcs

This happens right after he helps her in the Campania arc and it’s the first verbal mention of the 2 things she dislikes about him since ch14.

As you can see, Sebastian understands the “slovenly hairstyle” part but he doesn’t exactly get why she’d call his face that way (lol). Doesn’t it make sense though? After all she’s supposed to be human, so all she can technically see is what many people consider to be his “handsome face”.
But no, Frances Midford call that ‘slovenly’.

The more interesting part is still during the Weston arc in which, might I remind you, butlers and servants were forbidden, which is why Sebastian had to become “Professor Michaelis”.

Druitt annoying her aside, as you can see (I’m sure you can recognize Alexis Midford’s haircut under the red arrow) a crowd is separating Frances from her disguised target, who she couldn’t have known was present in the first place.

I won’t mention the fact that she recognized him from afar and with dozens of people separating them, however…

“I’m amazed you managed to grab me.”

True isn’t it? I believe this part is a very important one. After all…

  • she managed to distinguish him through the crowd, which was the easiest part since she knows him and he’s not exactly that well disguised
  • she managed to go after him and to stop him from running away, even though he had decided to back off and he’s a demon
  • as always he looks nasty to her

That moment is immediately broken by her usual tantrum about his hair which makes it look like it was all for fun but honestly I don’t buy it.

You can argue over whether she rather noticed him through the crowd or if she “felt” him (like a Shinigami would feel his demonic aura, I have to say I can’t decide myself), but I don’t think you can argue over her apparent speed.

Sebastian is a demon, we witnessed his strength, speed and powers several times, and he said it himself “I’m amazed you manage to grab me”: because he wanted to back off in order for her not to notice him; and not only did she notice him but she also managed to stop him when he was about to flee, even though she wasn’t exactly near him in the first place (big failure there, Sebby).

As always, it’s my interpretation and you don’t have to agree. :) However, when you add the scene of ch75 to the “superhuman strength” joke of ch14 and to what we witnessed of her on the Campania, without forgetting Lizzie who’s quite amazing herself and who learned from her mom, I don’t think you can consider Frances to be just the ‘funny and fearful aunt able to scare the bad demon’.

And if it’s more than that then it definitely stops being comic relief.

3) So… badass character with a true potential?

As I said above, aside from Frances, only Shinigamis showed an equal distaste for Sebastian’s appearance (oops, Grell aside) and we do know of one Shinigami who deserted but who also seemed to have a close relationship to both Frances’ mother and brother (and with her nephew until a few months ago in the story)… The Undertaker of course.

We don’t know for sure yet what kind of relationship he had with Claudia Phantomhive, so there are several possibilities. However, if you take in consideration the possible lineage Rudgar mentioned for Ciel in ch103…

…Well, you might as well think seriously about Frances’ superhuman strength and the fact she was able to stop a demon who was trying to get away from her.

I know quite a few people aren’t fond of the theory saying that the Undertaker might have procreated with Claudia Phantomhive (because for some of them, intercourse is okay but not procreation, seeing as he was dead while Claudia was alive, and seriously I understand) but unfortunately, only Yana has the answer to this for the moment. Still:

  • From Book of Circus and a close up on Claudia’s funeral locket, she was dark-haired like Vincent and Ciel while Frances is probably blond or has an even lighter hair color, so if Yana plays by the laws of genetics, her father preferably had a similar hair color (and the Undertaker matches for this criteria)
  • I already mentioned her strength and Shinigamis are known to be stronger than humans (and sometimes even stronger than demons) so even if she doesn’t have as much as strength as a Shinigami or as a demon, she could probably still be stronger than a normal human if her father was extraordinary
  • Even though this started as a joke, I wouldn’t even be surprised if it turned out to be true: they look like they tried to stop a storm with their bare hands and one cricket bat
  • Finally, as for her eyes: I’m hesitating on whether or not she really knows about Sebastian’s nature. As wondrouswatchdog once commented here, she might have the feeling that something about him feels wrong but she might not know exactly why. Or she really knows but proof for that is hard to find. She thinks he’s nasty so she might be able to see through his disguise but this is another point on which we’ll need Yana’s confirmation.

Last point is, Frances is Vincent’s sister (and he’s one of the main points of the plot since we still don’t know why he was killed) and the only real Phantomhive left outside of Ciel, as in she knows what this life is like because she was raised in the same world and saw her mother probably die of the Watchdog job at a young age (if Vincent was 15 then she was probably 13 at best).

For now she’s not getting involved directly in Ciel’s business, but Vincent was her brother and even if we don’t know if they got along or not, she might be really grieving over his murder. And as far as we know, she could even be after revenge herself (also, if Claudia died of unnatural causes like Vincent, it could be an even more motivating factor for her, especially considering her daughter is supposed to join the Phantomhive family in a near future) .

Between you and me, I don’t get why Ciel doesn’t realize he probably has 2 ways to find info on Claudia and the Undertaker if he really needs them: the first way is Frances who, as Claudia’s daughter and Vincent’s sister, probably knew him at least a little and the second way is Tanaka who was Vincent’s butler which means he was acquainted with the other Evil Nobles (but this part is irrelevant to this post :)).

So I’m guessing Frances could turn out to be important or more present when Yana will really start to link everything back to the main plot which, outside of Ciel’s own story, is probably also linked to the Phantomhive family in general and their duty as the Queen’s watchdogs.

Sebastian once said he was hoping to see Ciel take example on Frances (ch14) and I don’t know if he really meant it or not, but if Ciel ends up seeking advice it will have to be from someone who knows how to play this game and she might be the only one left.

(Thanks for reading, as always feel free to ask/add anything)

I wanna think about you (Jerome Valeska imagine)

Request: Jerome Valeska imagine where he’s all popular and notorious in gotham and everyone admires him but his girlfriend Y/N is scared that he would grow bored of her and is worried that she would lose him to another girl?

Requested by: purityimagines

Warning: Jealousness from readers side, fluffy as hell

A/N: Thank you so, so much for your request, purityimagines! I honestly love the idea and oh, I also love your imagines, so I really hope you will like it! *-*

Yes, yes, dating a celebrity, blah, blah, seeing as his fans sends him naked photos and all these things, you still could be happy that this wasn’t you. But still, Jerome was known in Gotham a lot. It was just so easy: Blow up bus with cheerleaders; hated. Kill everyone from police station; hated. Tell super mega awesome quotes better than superman and bum! People likes him. 

When Jerome talked to the camera for the news, you were behind the camera and smiled at him, so much proud of your boyfriend with blood all over his face (and that actually turned you on). After the big action, you both run away and had a big celebration, just you two as in old times. 

You knew Jerome since you were 15. You guys spend a lots of time together and he sometimes ran to your house when his mother had “her moments”, you always took care of him and cuddled with him while watching movies like Lion King, How to train your Dragon etc. He loved it and you loved it. But the difference was that he loved the movies and you loved his touch.

Once, you even stood up to his mother, but it ended the way she just slapped you and was even worse with Jerome. 

After him killing her, you didn’t know. You actually had no idea something like that happend and you searched for him everywhere, until Jim Gordon told you what happend. And guess what? You didn’t believe him. How surprising, right? 

After a long time, you dedicated to went to Arkham and finally see him again. But the visiting hours still sucked, you had only one hour and you guys didn’t even talk much, you saw him after 2 months, new haircut, new friends of his, like Aaron or Robert, which especially scared you and his new personality. 

“It was nice to see you.” You said, when you walked to the door. 
“Y/N.” He stopped you and hugged you tightly. In that moment, you thought it’s the same Jerome as always, as before, the old puppy. But nah, he was totally different person now. 

After another one week, your mother drove you to shop, because of you wanted some new books for reading, but when the bus stopped, you two also had to stop. 
“What’s wrong?” You asked and looked over the seat at the bus. 
“I don’t know.” You mother answered and you just watched Jerome and Robert, Aaron plus one another guy you didn’t know go to the bus. 

“Look at the ginger boy,” your mother said, “he looks exactly like the guy you’ve been hanging with out before.”
“Yeah…” you whispered. 

Jerome didn’t notice you, he was just too much in his own things, but just that night, he came to your house, by window, obviously, duh? And since that night, you could proudly say that you finally had your first time, if you know what I mean. 

“Okay, babydoll, what are we gonna do now? Kill some cops? No, we did that already. Take some puppies! No… that’s too cruel.” 
You mumbled something, when you noticed two teen girls looking at their phones and screaming something about Jerome. 

“Oh, I think he’s cute, ya know? He had point with that prison thing, I also think that I’m exatly his type.”
“Since when do you like gingers?” The other girl asked.
“Since the day I started to like villains?”
“Since when do you like villains?”
“Since the day I saw Jerome Valeska in tv!” The other one screamed at her and send a kiss to her mobile display. 

“Hey, Y/N, are you listening?” He looked over at you and you just nodded. “Yeah, sure thing.”
“Okay, what did I say?” 
I don’t know, that you wanna take some puppies?”
“No, jesus, Y/N, you weren’t listening.”

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled and continued with walking in the alley between houses. Of course you couldn’t just go and walk in streets like some normal people, Jerome probably didn’t want that because of cops could take him (hah, they couldn’t, we all know he’s too good, but you just thought he thought that), but you were too scared that he would go to some other girls.


“Ouch.” You looked over at him when he pushed you to the wall and wanted to kiss you. “What? No celebrating?” 
“Not today…” you mumbled and he nodded. “Okay, fine. So I’m gonna go-”

In that moment, you kissed him and took him by his shirt tightly to you. “Let’s celebrate.”
“Y/N, you just said you don’t want to.” 
“But… I want to. I don’t want you to go to someone else.”

What?” He looked at you frowning. 
“I mean, that was what you wanted to say, wasn’t it?”
“No? I wanted to go to the shower, I’m all in blood. Why would you think I would want to go to someone else, Y/N?”

“I don’t know…” you mumbled and looked at the wall behind him. 
“Okay.” He took a chair and told you to sit. After a quite moment, you sat down. “Great.” He knelt in front of you. 

“Now, tell me.” 
You sighed. “You didn’t hear these two girls? They were acting like you would be the freaking celebrity! They are supposted to be scared of you, not fangirling over you like some stupid crazy heads. There’s one time when you hate it, you know, Jerome? And I do hate it, when other girls are talking about you. How much they want you in bed, how much they love your ginger hair. Ginger hair I’m supposted to have my fingers in. I mean, my fingers which you know too much, I mean… you’re the first guy I feel something for and I know how does it goes. When you are bored of one girl and a lots of girls like you, you will just throw her away and go with other one.” 

He smiled at you. “To answer your question, no, I did not hear any girls talking about me, because of I’m trying to listen to you, when I’m with you, I don’t want to look or listen to other girls, sweetie.”

“And if you’re not with me?” You asked slowly, still looking at the floor.

He looked at you and shook his head a little, then he smiled. “Then I wanna think about you and not about anyone else. Only Greenwood, to be full of honest, because of he’s just so interesting, you know?”

You chuckled a little. “Should I be jealous?”
“I think it was enough of jealousness for today, love.” 

You smiled a little, when he gave you a little peck on your lips.

Jerome stood up and looked at you, when he he reneged on the chair. 

“What about the celebration?” He smiled wildly and you kissed him without answer.

*Gifs are NOT mine, all credits to the owners!

I Love You, Not Your Gender

Originally posted by martziplier98

Request: howdy, could you do a tyler x reader where they meet at a coffee shop or something and they fall in love, but turns out that the person ty falls in love with is trans Ftm (female to male) and they get beat up or something and ty is like “fuck man. i really love them……” idk just an idea!!!!!! thank youuuu!!!!

Summary: So basically Trans!Reader (FtM) meets Tyler one day at Molina’s Coffee House and they hit it off but then some bad stuff happens but happy ending as always.

A/N So this was definitely different than what I’m used to, but I really got inspired this morning while I was at Starbucks working on some other stuff with some friends so I wrote this! Kinda long, but I’m actually very happy with how it came out! Hope you guys enjoy! Also, I do support the LGBT community, so please don’t take anything I wrote in this fic (slurs/intrusive thoughts) as anything that I personally believe. As always, anything in italics is a personal thought in first person that the character is having. Enjoy!

Wordcount: 1572, much long I’m v sorry

Warning: I cursed, used a homosexual slur, a little bit of violence, and mention of mental issues such as anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and being self conscious.

This request really got me out of my comfort zone, but I’m very happy with how this came out. I’ve never written a Tyler fic or a trans!reader fic so please be nice. I tried my best to get into the mind of what someone in this situation might be feeling and experiencing, but I obviously am not perfect. Anyway, feel free to request! I’ve got a few lined up in my drafts, but the more the merrier!

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Otayuri Fic Rec List

I came for the Victuuri, but several of my favorites had a side pairing I wasn’t expecting to enjoy so much: Otabek Altin and Yuri Plisetsky. I’ve seen some of the wank on the otayuri tag, so if you don’t like, don’t read.

I love long fics (>10,000 word count) and have this insane need to keep track of the ones I really enjoy. Here are both competed works and WIPs that I am following. 

UPDATED: May 19, 2017

For this list “canon” are typically set post S1, “au” is a completely different universe and "au - canon divergent” is an au where one or both are still competitive figure skaters. 

I. Completed works

A cat in a corner by AphroditeB00w [E, 82,800 word count, complete although not marked done yet)]

(au, mafia, violence, slow burn, assassin/enforcer!Yuri, Part 2 of Shadow People)
“You don’t own me.” Yuri spat at the stone-faced man across from him.
“No,” Altin agreed mildly, adjusting the cuff of his suit. “But you are owned."Yuri Plisetsky is a reluctant underling in Yaakov’s organization in mother Russia. But everything starts shifting and stirring up when he starts working with Otabek Altin, the informant for the criminal gods. His once slumbering sexuality is shocked awake, and the careful facade covering his hate for Yaakov is cracked when he learns that Viktor is not dead after all.

a silver splendour, a flame by thehandsingsweapon [M, 113,200 word count]*** Main pairing Yuuri/Viktor with Otabek/Yuri is a significant side pairing

(au, angst, mcd (with qualifiers), fantasy, slow burn, magic)
Fantasy AU. When a magic user’s craft fully matures it manifests in the form of a spirit guardian. Mages and elves bearing these familiars spend a year presenting them to each of the high courts throughout the year’s festivals. Both Viktor and Yuuri have their reasons for hiding the full extent of their gifts – Viktor’s been hurt before, when his own powers were used against him; Yuuri’s been warned that everyone will want his; what will happen when Yuri comes of age, and in doing so, makes two very bright stars finally cross?

A Stiller Doom by Tessa on Ice [E, 68,400 word count]***

(abo, angst, social justice, violence, abo, au-canon divergent)
“It is in vain ot say human beings out to be satisfied with traquility: they must have aciton and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows how many rebellions ferment in the masses of life which people earth.” - Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre. 
NOTE: fic is currently unavailable due to an AO3 issue, but will hopefully be back. Really enjoyed this one. A lot of political drama. 

Adventures in Personal Growth (verse) by stutter [E, 23,700 word count for series)

(canon, pining, dom/sub elements, rough sex, read the tags)
"When Victor was his age - younger, even, Yuri thinks, shame blooming in his chest - he’d made the whole world fall in love with him already. The long hair, the soft smile, the way he moved like he had a secret in his skin and he couldn’t wait to share it with you. Yuri’s watched the tapes over and over. He could skate any of Victor’s early routines in his sleep. But he can’t - the thing Victor could do so easily, the casual, guileless charisma he threw like a shadow - Yuri can’t manage it on a single person, not even some moody Kazakh with a dumb haircut whose eyes are too far apart anyway - ”(In Park Guell, Yuri takes a hard fall. Otabek picks him up.)

All the Right Notes by pastelplisetsky [T, 42,800 word count]

(au, music, slow burn, fluff)
Yuri Plisetsky is an incredibly gifted piano player, known for his passionate and somewhat violent playing/compositions. But in order to compete in the famous Eurasia United competition (completely fictional), he needs a violin accompanist. Although he’s dreamed about this competition for years, he’s always worked better alone. Until a little-known, solemn, lovely violinist walks into his life.
Inspired by Yuri’s Allegro Appassionato in B Minor, his free skate song.

the birth of comets takes place on the tip of your lashes by apollothyme [T, 16,600 word count]***

(au - canon divergent, angst, hurt comfort, blindness, friends to lovers)
His second visit to an ophthalmologist occurs five months later.
Just like during his first consultation, he doesn’t understand any of the medical jargon coming from the doctor’s mouth. Only now, after he’s done explaining everything in complicated, convulsed words, the man turns to Yuri with a smile on his face and explains everything once more, this time using terms Yuri can understand.
Yuri listens. He bites down on his bottom lip and he does not cry.

Endurance and Peach Tea by chapstickaddict [T, 11,500 word count]

(canon, pining, slow burn, fluffy fluff)
Yuri hummed. His body didn’t uncurl, but instead of pressing his face into the fold of his legs, he rested it on his crossed forearms. Tilting his face towards Otabek, he looked for the bronze metal. The colorful ribbon snuck into the folds of his jacket, hiding his prize from view. Yuri reached out, and Otabek let him pull the ribbon to bring the metal into the light.It was beautiful. Heavy and ornate, with the front masterfully detailed. The perfect symbol of success. Yuri flipped it over, admiring Otabek’s name carved along the back.
Wait.“Did they spell your name wrong?” he demanded, straightening. Otabek made a noise beside him.

It takes three years for Yuri to figure himself out and get his head on right. He drags everyone along for the ride. Otabek is the only one to go willingly.

From Almaty, With Love by BoxWineConfessions [E, 115,900 word count]

(canon, pining, slow build, slice of life, part 1 of series)
It’s quiet here. Even if the car alarm on the neighbor’s goddamn BMW has been going off for the past twenty minutes. Quiet, even though the alarm’s got the neighbor’s dog howling like crazy, and the neighbor works second shift and isn’t there to comfort the dumb dog.
It’s quiet…They haven’t spoken to each other since that morning, when Yuri went off to go see his tutor, and Otabek went off to do whatever the hell it was he did in the mornings before he hit the rink. “You’re used to the noise?”“Yeah, but…I think I like the quiet too.”
Or: Yuri spends the summer with Otabek in Almaty.

Half a Chance by ratherunneccessary [M, 55,900 word count]

(canon, angst, fluff, slow burn)
Yuri has never cared about anything as much as he cares about skating. Until, one day, that changes. Or, Viktor falls in love with Yuuri, Yuuri falls in love with Viktor, Yuri falls in love with Yuuri, Otabek falls in love with Yuri, and somehow everything turns out okay.

I Will Not Break by kanekki [E, 39,000 word count] series Accuse Me Thus [E, 121,400 word count in 3 part series]

(canon, divergent after S1, DARK, rape/noncon, depression, anxiety, references self harm, references suicide, child abuse, part 1 of a series)
Yuri has been supporting his family with his skating since he was a teenager, but now they are barely making it. How long will he be able to hold it together before everything falls apart?
Series summary: After his gold medal win at the Grand Prix Finals, Yuri Plisetsky’s life completely falls apart. With the help of his boyfriend and skating friends, Yuri tries to pull himself back together.

in flesh and bone by csoru [M, 32,100 word count]

(canon, angst, long distance relationship, pining, hurt comfort)
After recovering from an injury that cut his previous season short, Yuri makes a comeback with a new coach, a new country of residence, and a relationship upgrade. Still: perfection takes effort.

Neon Pink Motorcycle by goldheart [M, 74,700 word count]

(au - canon divergent, angst, soulmate/soulmark, pining, slow burn, past child abuse)
There are certain moments in Yuri Plisetsky’s life that he likes to forget happened at all. The time they were chased from the apartment, the landlord angrily spitting and waving threateningly at them when his mother couldn’t produce enough money for rent. Babushka’s funeral. The first time he fell in competition.He cannot forget that, under the black band he wears around his wrist like a shield, his soulmark may as well be nonexistent.

You’ll Live Without It by HyperionHero [E, 24,400 word count]

(canon, angst, fluff, pining)
“Yuri smirks, thumbing the material of Otabek’s hoodie underneath his team Russia jacket. When he catches himself smiling he blushes and pulls his hand back to his phone. It’s fine, he tells himself. Friends totally wear each other’s clothes…"Yuri Plisetsky is surrounded by love. It’s like a sickness, claiming his friends, his rivals, the attention of everyone he knows. He avoids it at all costs… but what Yuri doesn’t know is that love has a knack of sneaking up on people. Sometimes it brews for years, right under your nose, and you don’t notice it until it’s staring you in the face - taking the form of a stoic Kazakhstani man bound in leather.

II. Updating WIPs

A Heart Beats At Night by magicalyoyo [T, 85K/last updated May 17]

(au, vampire!Yuri, werewolf!Otabek, elements of canon, angst, Victor/Yuuri side pairing)
A lone figure ran along the sidewalk. Otabek would have mistaken him for a motivated jogger, if not for the sinewy, fluid movements and familiar figure. He jerked his bike over, skidding to a halt in front of the runner.

Otabek’s heart was pounding a sickening, dizzying rhythm, but he schooled his face into stoicism as he pulled his helmet off to get a better look.

“Yuri Plisetsky died two years ago,” he growled. “What the hell are you?”

In spite of the world by Stone_Heart [E, 65K/last updated May 12]

(au, fairy!Yuri, soldier!Otabek, domestic, hurt/comfort, war, slow burn, bonded)
There was a shuffling from above him, loud banging noises as it came closer. Otabek braced himself. This person helped him. But…
A pale face peered over the stairs, looking at him. He blinked back. Those eyes… bright green and ferocious. Those eyes were what he looked for on a battlefield. Not the scared eyes of a peasant or the pudgy eyes of a spoiled king. No, those were the eyes of a soldier.

Unsteady by otayui_oh_nice [E, 110K/last updated May 19]***

(au, rockstar!Yuri, DJ!Otabek, abusive family, mostly fluff with some angst, Slow burn, tattoos)
Otabek was going to kill JJ. He was going to take the next flight to Canada, hunt him down and kick his ass.
Leo: I tried to stop him but he went and did it anyway, I’m sorry! (link)- Or: JJ uploads one of Otabek’s remixes of Yuri’s songs to YouTube and Otabek freaks out.- Or: what happens when you take episode 1, replace figure skaters with musicians and exchange Victuuri for Otayuri. Aka another strange AU no one asked for.

Wolves of the Wilderness by NinjaMatty [T (M for violence and themes), 147K/last updated May 17]*** see my post here

(au, angst, dystopian future, abusive childhood!both, violence, drugs)
Otabek didn’t have to ask. The young doctor’s face was eloquent enough. Viktor Nikiforov, the doctor, smiled wanly. He shrugged one shoulder, as if to say it couldn’t be helped. He would just falsify everything so Otabek wasn’t deemed a waste of breathing air and shot.
He had two years left to live.
The dystopian future alternate universe in which Otabek, a law-abiding citizen, is handed a wounded Yuri to take care of by Viktor. His whole life is turned upside down as he is dragged into something far bigger than himself.

~ FLAT MESS TO FAB FRO : How I take care of my hair

                               04/07/2014 ► 07/30/2015

Finallyyyyy ! A post about -almost- everything about my hair ! In this post, you’ll be able to know the phases I’ve been through to get my hair all healthy, then my hair routine/hair regimen.

1 – Going Natural

I used to hate my curly hair, like most of curly girls I would say. My cousin offered me a straightener for my 14th birthday and made me swear to use it for special events only. It was the case, though. I’ve used it for my birthday, it was my first time ever seeing my hair all straight and flat like pastas. But, people at school were complimenting me on my long straight dark hair, saying how much I look better. These same people used to bully me because of my natural curly hair, and the fact that I was half Black (it was a catholic school where I was the only « person of colour »), but that’s another story. I was so happy to receive COMPLIMENTS from people who were hating on me since day one, to see these White boys trying to approach me in a seducing way and all, asking me to hang out…you know, that I began to straighten my hair once to twice a week.

We’ve moved to another city, a bigger city in fact where there were much more diversity. But, every Black or Mixed girl was straightening/relaxing their hair, wearing straight weave.

I graduated to High School. Unfortunetely, it was a little High School -but its reputation was really good-. One more time, I was one of the rare coloured person. During my first year, I realised that my hair was damaged. But I wouldn’t let my curls take a rest. I’ve cut my hair -not that much comparing to my big chop-, it was my first time ever cutting my hair. My hair was wayyyy more healthier, but I couldn’t let my curls appear.

Finally, I was 16, I began to be more curious about things that were surrounding me. I began to be curious about my African side, that I’ve always wanted to deny. I’ve fallen in love with my own culture, and since that moment I started to embrace my Black features more than ever. I decided to stop using my straightener during Summer 2013. But it was too late, my hair was fried to the max. My hair was kind of straight, but in a really mysterious way … my curls were non-existent, my hair was flat, wavish, my ends were horrible. I realised the impact of 2 years of trying to hide my beautiful curls. I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t know how to take care of that mess that was on my head ! Then, back to school, I wanted to get a pixie haircut in order to start all over again. I couldn’t trust the hairdressers of my city; they were White, and didn’t know anything about Afro Hair. Everytime I would visit one of them, I could see their faces looking at my hair like “how am I supposed to style that shit ?”, literally. Nobody in my family wanted to cut my hair, saying how I will regret it after. I started to transition SERIOUSLY; I was doing homemade protein masks once a week, then I was using the Hair Mayonnaise which was awesome on my poor curls who were struggling to pop. I was using a really special technique to curl my hair while transitionning. I was using a handband, placing it on my head, and I would just wrap my hair arround it. If you want to try it, you should be able to find loads of tutorials on YouTube. The results went quickly, I was really happy. But not as quickly as I wanted. In February 2014, I decided to pass the step of the big chop, finally ! I just took my pair of scissors and cut my hair quite randomly to be honest, hopefully the shape was pretty nice ! I went to my bathroom to wash my hair… right after, my curls were popping like … damn ! I was so surprised, I didn’t even know my “real curls” were looking like that, even though they were a little weak and not as tight as now. At this point, I was altering between protein and moisture. But my hair was so short, I was too … “shy”… to appear with my hair down in public. It was still pretty flat, but my curls were alive and almost healthy ! I was always wearing various protective styles, except the week-end. Until July, my hair has grown and was easier to “assume”, if you want to. Plus, my curls were tighter. In August, my hair was completely healthy, and beautifuuuul. I was so happy. Since August, I’m just letting my hair grow. But, as you can see, I don’t have that much tips for my ladies who are transitionning. I was just waiting mostly, using some proteine and moisture, but that’s all.

By the way, I really advise you to take pictures every month to really see your evolution. It helps a lot because sometimes we have the impression that there is no evolution but when you look at your pictures you see how far you’ve come !

The story of my hair in some pictures here.

2 – Taking Care Of My Hair

I don’t know where to start so I’ll follow my instinct… sorry if it’s a little messy. Lol.

What I do monthly :

Masks targetting protein or moisture : I make my masks. I don’t buy them. Except for the Hair Mayonnaise that I was using while transitionning but I don’t use it anymore. I just use 2eggs or Avocado with Olive Oil to do my protein mask. When it comes to the moisture, I use Yogurt, Olive Oil and drops of Lemon Juice to make my hair shines. I put a plastic bag on my head, with 2 beanies (LOL yeah I look really ridiculous when doing that) to assures some heat and make my hair infuse all the good nutriments. When it’s time to wash my hair, I do it with cold water. When there is nothing left on my hair, I rince my hair using Mineral Water with 1 or 2 tablespoon of Vinegar Cidar. Your hair may smell a little, but when you’ll use your products after the smell will be gone.

Trimming my hair : Well, I don’t do it monthly. I do it between 2 to 4 months. When I feel the need to, to be honest. I’m so lazy when it comes to do that. Personally, I love to twist my hair with some Coconut Oil on my hands and cut the end, which should be “thiner”.

Cleaning my scalp : At the end of the month, I like to massage my scalp with Coconut Oil, to remove all the dirt on my scalp (and it’s also soooo relaxing). After that, I shampoo my hair using the Shampoing Sunshine Clean Citron Grenade by Les Secrets De Loly, I stay a long time massaging my scalp again before focusing on my hair to remove all the products that it could have accumulate during the month. After that, your hair and your scalp is all pure and ready for another month !

What I do weekly :

Co-washing : I co-wash once to twice a week. I’ve just remarked that I tend to wash my hair more on Sunday and Wednesday. But, sometimes I do it another day, depending on the circumstances. I usually do it the evening, so I can let my hair airdry and pineapple it to stretch it, and be ready the next morning. That’s the best option for me, personally. I don’t wash my hair and my body at the same time. I start with my hair. I just bend over my bathtub, so my head is “reversed” (I do the same thing when I wash my mask, by the way). I do this because I want to avoid having spots on my back, because the products you use stay on your skin and the back is the space I tend to forget sometimes while taking a shower. I don’t touch my hair, I don’t try to detangle them before applying the Too Shea! Conditionner from Jessicurl. I let the products on my hair for few minutes before detangling my hair using my fingers, simply, or a wide tooth comb when I find it, lol. I rince with cold water. Then, I crunch my hair and put a t-shirt as a turban on my head. I let my hair dry a little in it, so during that time I can wash my body, wash my face, do my make up, put my clothes… After that, I can apply my Lait Capillaire “Litchi-Mûre” by Les Secrets De Loly, a little bit of Confident Coils blended with Rockin Ringlets, both from Jessicurl, and seal everything with some Oil (Almond, Olive, Jojoba or Argan, it depends of my mood,lol). Then, I let it airdry. When my hair is like 90% I like to use a blowdryer (not hot) while shaking my head, to not have my roots “stuck” to my scalp, and encourage the volume of my hair. After that, I can use a pick and comb through my roots to maximise the volume. Et voilà !

What I do everyday :

Peanappling my hair before sleeping : This is my technique to sleep while not crunching my poor curls against my pillows, since I move a lot when I sleep. I just take a satin scarf that I wrap arround my head and I tie it on the front. I helps stretching my hair, and the next morning my hair is longer and even bigger !

Refreshing my fro : After the night, comes the morning, when your fro has been enduring all your movements during the night. To refresh my fro, all I do is putting some cold water on my hands, then I -kind of- massage my scalp. After that, my hands still a little wet so I take advantage of that to reshape quickly my fro and the wild curls. Finally, I put some moisture back on my hair, but not too much because I don’t want the products to weight down on my hair. I spray my hair with cold water lightly, I put my Lait Capillaire “Litchi-Mûre” by Les Secrets De Loly and my favourite oil in my fro, especially the “outer” curls which tends to be drier than the rest.

Hope I didn’t forget anything … I hope it was clear too !

Bisous ! :-*

the Foxes & their favorite hairstylist

just think: how much more mom can Matt Boyd be, really 

  • when it came to haircuts in Palmetto State, the options were: find a friend, or drive thirty minutes to the nearest salon
  • for most of the Foxes, the choice was obvious. they drove.
  • Allison knew styling like nobody’ business, but she’d never had to cut someone else’s hair.
  • Renee could and had, but honestly? she didn’t really like to. she’d stick to helping out with dye jobs, thank you very much. it was a much more colorful business. 
  • Dan was similar. she could, if she had to.
  • Nicky had once messed with Erik’s hair for fun during his time in Germany, but the results had been less than stellar.
  • Matt, though?
  • he and his mom used to trade off on cutting each other’s hair. it was a once-a-month bonding exercise. at Palmetto State, he missed it. he confessed this to his friends one late evening while camping out in the girls’ room and avoiding the then fifth years, which inspired Dan (then not dating Matt, as in, people asked, and she said, highly defensive, “he’s just my friend”) to ask him to trim her hair.
  • it actually ended up being one of the first things he and Dan did alone together: 
  • she didn’t expect him to be good, but he was?? he was awesome. sometimes he’d even sing hokey stereotypical barbershop quartet songs (which: Matt cannot sing, but he can make a fool of himself for some good-natured humor).
  • and thus Matt Boyd became the official haircutter for the Foxes. 
  • Allison only trusted him with trimming split ends at first, but she warmed up. 
  • Renee had no issues. sometimes she’d hum along to his ridiculous songs.
  • even Seth let him buzz his hair once or twice. 
  • but it wasn’t until after Neil’s freshmen year that Nicky slinked in to Matt’s dorm, looking like a kicked dog with its tail between its legs, and asked if he’d cut his hair.
  • (andrew had never let them mess with the upperclassmen before, of course. but now they were kind of one big happy death-and-FBI-frisking-has-bound-us family? so? nicky wasn’t really sure. he’d half-convinced himself to piss off before Matt even answered.)
  • but Matt, mellow of the mellow, said, yeah, of course!, nabbed his customary white sheet, a little stool, and took Nicky out to the courtyard. he joked with Nicky the whole way through. they actually had to pause twice because of how hard they were laughing.
  • (Nicky almost cried, and not from the laughter. Matt pretended not to notice.)
  • so
  • when Nicky caught Neil cutting his own hair in the bathroom and realized that was why Neil’s curls were always an untameable mess, he all but dragged Neil off to see Matt

Keep reading

Where Did You Go?  (Part 1/?) (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Request: Can you do a fic were the reader, who’s not an avenger, finds Bucky in the streets and helps him regain his memory. Then months later, the day he’s going to ask the reader out, her apartment is destroyed and their missing. So he has to go to Steve and the rest of the Avengers for help. You can take it from there.

Here you go, doll!  Thanks for being patient!  I hope you enjoy part 1!  :)

Leading a group of second graders through the Smithsonian was a really, really bad idea, and now that it was upon you, there was no turning back.  You had only one other chaperone with you, and between the two of you there was barely enough control over the high-energy group to keep you from being kicked out of the museum forever.  

“We only have one more exhibit to go, right?”  

“God, I hope so.”  You gathered your students for one final room, anxious to just get it done and get back to the buses.   Right now, all you wanted was your couch, a glass of wine and a good movie.  Forging on, you corralled them together and made your way in.  “Alright, kids.  Try to pay attention and follow along with the story.  We’re going to have a short quiz on this tomorrow.”

The story of Captain America is one of honor, bravery, and sacrifice.

“Miss (Y/N), I want to meet Captain America!”

“Yes, I’m sure you do, Matthew.  I’m sure a lot of people do.”

Steven Rogers was chosen for a program, unique in the annals of American warfare.

“Miss (Y/N), do you think he’s cute?  You don’t have a boyfriend, do you?”

“Lissa, I don’t think that’s an appropriate question for your teacher, do you?  Let’s just focus on learning about Captain Rogers, okay?”

Their mission, taking down Hydra; the Nazi rogue science division.

“Miss (Y/N), I have to pee.”

Maybe a nice bottle of Advil to go that wine would be a good idea.  You found the nearest bench and plopped yourself down, exasperated and ready for this day to be over.  Shutting your eyes for just a moment, you heard soft footsteps approach and stop just in front of the display next to you.  When you opened them you saw a man in an army jacket and ball cap staring at the face in the glass.

He just stood there, continuing to stare at it, unmoving for several minutes.  You couldn’t read his expression, but there was a sadness in his eyes.  He looked lost.  “Excuse me, are you okay?”  You asked, trying to keep sight of your students.  

He looked at you, confused, but didn’t say anything.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, really.”

The man turned back to the display, but glanced back at you several times, watching you as you stood and returned to your group.  The end of the exhibit came quickly, so you did your final head count and moved towards the buses.  You were just about to leave, thankful that the day was over, when he approached you.

“I’m sorry if I was rude, ma’am.  It wasn’t my intention.  I was just…surprised by your question.”  His voice was soft and soothing, quite the opposite of how this whole field trip had been for you.

“Tommy, just get on the bus.”  As you ushered your students in, you tried to be courteous enough to not appear too busy to talk to him now that he finally was ready to do so.  “I didn’t think you were rude.  You just looked sad, that’s all.”

He nodded slightly, looking at his feet as he spoke.  “Yeah, I suppose I am.  I’ve been having trouble…well, trouble remembering…certain things.”  Finally looking up at you, he took a step closer and lowered his voice, “I really don’t remember much of who I am, and I thought the exhibit would help me.”

Your eyes widened as you realized who he was.  Now that you got a closer look at his face, you recognized him as the man from Captain America’s team.  It was Bucky Barnes.  Somehow, he was alive just like Steve Rogers was.  How was it that he couldn’t remember who he was?  What had happened to him?

“You’re Bucky.  You’re his best friend, aren’t you?”  You put your hand up to your mouth in shock, taking a small step back.  “I’ve read so much about you, both of you.  I did a college essay on the 107th for my American history class.”  You shook your head, still shocked that the man was standing right in front of you.  “This is incredible.”

“Well, ma’am, that’s what he said.”  Bucky shuffled his feet, again looking down at them rather than at you.  “So, since you seem to be an expert on my history, would you mind joining me for coffee?  After you’re done with this?”  He waved his hand at the bus, then looked to you, hoping that you wouldn’t reject him.  He was desperate for someone to help him remember, but he didn’t feel that Steve was the right person, at least not yet.

“Miss (Y/N), I still have to pee!”

“Okay, well, Mr. Barnes, I have to go.  But yes, I would like that.”  You reached into your purse and pulled out an old receipt and a pen, quickly jotting your number down for him.  “Please, call me (Y/N), and I’m open anytime after 3pm.  It would be my honor to help you.”


“Did Steve really say that I was that big of a ladies man back then?  That sure doesn’t make me look very good.”

“According to the interviews in my history books, he sure did.”  You laughed, “but don’t worry, Buck.  When I’m done with you, you’re going to look great.”  You put your hand under his chin, turning his head side to side as you checked your progress on the haircut you were providing in the middle of your kitchen.  “I mean, not that you didn’t look great before, of course.”

“Nice save.”  His eyes were studying your face as you looked at him, but every time you tried to meet his gaze he quickly looked away.  

You released him and removed the towel that was draped over his shoulders so you could clean the small hairs from his neck.  Your hand gently grazed his skin, leaving noticeable goose bumps after your touch. Leaning down, you softly blew away the final pieces of hair from just below his ear.  

“Okay…” he stood quickly, straightening his shirt and shaking his head to recover from the sensation of your breath on him.  “It’s late, so I should probably go.  Thank you, again (Y/N).”  He moved to the mirror, checking out your work.  “You’re right, I do look great, if I must say.”

Laughing, you grabbed his jacket and threw it at him playfully.  “You’re welcome.”  You paused for a moment, asking the question you had been waiting all night to bring up. “Hey, Buck?  Do you think you’re ready to visit Steve?  We’ve been working on this for a few months now, and I’ve told you everything I know.  I think it’s a good idea.”

He stopped short of the door with his jacket draped over his metal arm.  He covered it every time he was over, no matter how many times you had told him that it didn’t bother you.  “It’s funny you should ask, (Y/N).  We’re meeting tomorrow, I just forgot to tell you.”

“You forgot to tell me something like that!  What the hell, Buck?  That’s huge!”

“Is it?”

You rolled your eyes, not believing that he could be so casual about this.  It was the one thing that he had been nervous about in all of your meetings, trying his best to be ready to reconnect with his old friend. He had regained memories of him, even though some still broken, but they were in there, and you knew that seeing Steve in person would only help him to put them together.  “I don’t believe you.  Okay, just go, and I had better be the first call you make after you see him, understand?”

“Yes, ma’am.”


Despite his nerves, the meeting with Steve had gone better than he had hoped, and he had you to thank. He wanted to introduce you to him, and to let Steve see the person who was the most responsible for bringing them back together.  Even more than that, he wanted to finally work up the courage to ask you out on an official date; not just to get together at your apartment for a history lesson.  He went out right after he left Steve to buy a bouquet of your favorite flowers, stopped to make restaurant reservations, and headed to your apartment to see you.

Bucky stood outside of your building, his nerves beginning to build as he worried that you might reject him.  Over the past several months you had become his best friend, always there for him and completely invested in helping him to regain his memory.  He felt more for you early on, but he couldn’t read how you felt. He was scared that trying to make it more would only ruin it.

Ultimately, he decided that it was more frightening to him to never take the chance.  He straightened his posture, steeled his resolve, and entered the building to head to your door.  He held his hand just inches from it, pausing before knocking. When he did, the door pushed open without any resistance.  

The flowers dropped to the floor as he rushed in, coming to a halt when he saw what was inside.  Your apartment looked like a war zone, with your furniture toppled, pictures broken, and drawers emptied onto the floor with your belongings strewn everywhere.  His breath caught in his chest at the words written hastily on your wall.

You will comply, Mr. Barnes.      

Bucky pulled the phone from his pocket, the one you had gotten for him and taught him how to use, desperately searching for Steve’s number.  His fingers danced over the keys as he dialed, then waited for what felt like an eternity for Steve to answer.  

“Steve, it’s me.  I need your help.  I’m sorry to call you, and I know this is sudden, but you’re the only one I could call and the only one who can help me.”

“Buck, slow down.”

He took a breath and closed his eyes, rubbing them with his hand as he pulled himself together. “They know where I am and they took her. (Y/N)’s gone, Steve.  I have to find her.  They’re going to hurt her if I don’t turn myself in.  That can’t happen; I won’t let that happen.”

“Okay, we’ll find her, just calm down.  Who has her?”

“Hydra.  Hydra has her, Steve.”

Part 2

My transgender timeline

So I feel like i’m at a point in my life where i can share these pictures and put them out there and not feel bad about it;
i can’t lie to myself and pretend that the first 15 years of my life never happened, because they did. Looking back at the person i was, i’m not ashamed. My life is where it is because of that person i used to be, even if i was unhappy. If things had been different, I wouldn’t have the life I have now, which, i must add, is not perfect, but its pretty good.
Here we have pictures of me from the end of my 8th grade year to today (end of 11th grade)
Hopefully my transformation could help some people and give them hope, or just give people an insight to how different life becomes once you come out as trans*

8th Grade Year; Often thought about the possibility of being trans but pushed it out of my head for fear of what that would bring. I had really low self esteem issues because of bullying in elementary, but after i got this haircut i felt a little better. The year before, I had tried to kill myself. Even though it was over a year before this picture was taken, I still hadn’t fully recovered. Something kept me going this whole time, and I’m glad it did.

Summer before 9th grade year; Got highlights! :’-) After my extremely uncomfortable 8th grade prom and my tragic poofy black dress.

9th grade year; Dyed my hair completely blonde.

9th grade; At this point I knew I wasn’t 100% female and it scared me to be honest. I tried my best to rule out the possibility I was trans, so I tried to convince myself to settle for androgyny.

9th grade; managed to convince my mom to let me cut my hair off. I took this photo right after. Even though I had eyeliner on in the picture, I fell in love with how masculine I looked and used this picture for my profile on every website.

9th grade; dyed my hair back to brown. The first time I dyed it, I somehow managed to get my original hair color and had a breakdown. I didn’t know why I was so upset about it but after I dyed it to dark brown I felt a lot better.

9th grade; Still not sure how to go about the androgynous thing. I told people that any pronouns were fine but obviously only got refered to as ‘she’. I just tried my best not to think about gender and just try to not look hideous.

9th grade; Got a pixie cut and tried the androgyny thing again. After much deliberation, I decided to ask my mom if I could wear a suit to my friend’s sweet sixteen. After lots of back and forth argueing, i managed to get her to say yes. Here I am trying on a blazer and feeling really confident for the first time in a long time.

My friend’s sister said I wasn’t allowed to show up in a suit to their sweet sixteen. However, my friend told me to do it anyway, so i did. My mom however told me that I /had/ to wear eyeliner and lipstick if i wore a suit, so i did. Besides this, though, I still felt like I was finally getting somewhere in terms of gender identity.

Summer before 10th grade; I was fighting a lot of internal battles at this time. I knew i wasnt androgynous. I wasn’t female. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I couldnt ignore the fact that every time I heard my birthname or ‘she’ it hurt me. I’m not sure what I would have done if I didn’t have my best friend with me :’-)
(Isn’t she cute? I was totally crushing on her but didn’t know it yet~)

Summer before 10th grade, stopped wearing eyeliner and doubled up on sports bras. When I finally accepted the fact that I was trans, I tried my best to lose all the femininity I had.

Summer before 10th grade year; Got another haircut! I told my friends to use male pronouns with me for the first time. It felt so right, that I no longer had doubts in my mind. I knew that I didn’t want to live as female, so I decided to tell my mom the August before 10th grade year.

Beginning of 10th grade year; After coming out to my mom, I asked my best friend to be my girlfriend. Although a lot of things seemed to be going right, I became very anxious and depressed. I was put on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication and was doing okay, although in this point of my life I began cutting myself for the first time. It was a hard and stressful time in my life, probably because of the changes going on around me. I had horrible dysphoria, and coming out to my teachers and classmates wasn’t easy.

10th grade; Dyed my hair pink while i was more comfortable with myself. It didn’t last long because I didn’t like all the negative attention, but I actually really did like it.

End of 10th grade; Prom with my gf!! It was the first time I got fitted for a tux and it was just really great all around.

End of 10th grade year; went pastel purple! I also started using editing apps, lmao. I was digging the hair (should have kept it, tbh)

Summer before 11th grade; went to trans camp. Met awesome people and felt really good for the first time in a while. I was diagnosed with PCOS and started developing really bad acne, which sucked, but I lived with it.

(For all those who didn’t believe that I had white hair!!!)

Aaaand a collection of 11th grade pics!

And most recently, here I am 2 weeks on T, happier than i’ve ever been. I’m still with my girlfriend and we just hit 1 year 7 months~ How time flies, huh? ;v;

I know this was long but I really wanted to post this, partly to pick myself up and see the progress I’ve made.
Here’s to proving that it really does get better.

Preference #36: You're divorced and you drop the kids off at his.

Preference #36: You’re divorced and you drop the kids off at his.


The drive to your old house felt like it lasted a lifetime, but in reality it only last 45 minutes, an hour when there was traffic slowing you down. Especially with two excited boys in the back seats telling you all about your ex husband and how he promised to take them to the park to play football, or how he promised to have a barbecue with them. Niall was a good father, even through the divorce he made sure to arrange times with you for when he could see his sons. Anthony and Owen were only 3 and 4 when you and Niall ended your relationship and he filed for divorce, claiming you two just didn’t feel the same way you once did. Now Anthony is 4 and Owen is 5 and it’s been a year since you moved into a different home taking the boys with you.

“WE’RE HERE!!” Owen screamed as you stopped the car on the drive of Niall’s massive house and unplugged his seatbelt, quickly swinging the car door open and jumping out and running to the front door. You rolled your eyes and got out of the car, helping Anthony out and letting him run to the front door with his brother. Niall answered the door rather fast probably excited to see his children after not having seen them for 3 weeks due to his busy schedule.

“I’ll pick them up in 3 days, make sure Anthony takes his cough medicine and don’t let them stay up past 8. Bye bye my angels!” You knelt down to their height and they both wrapped their arms around you, squeezing you tightly as you kisses both of their heads.

“Bye Mummy, love you!” They both said in sync with each other used to the same goodbye when they stayed at Niall’s. They let go of you to ran inside the house quickly knowing they’d probably have loads of new toys waiting for them.

“Love you too!” You called after them and smiled.

“You look well (Y/N), have you had a haircut?” Niall asked stepping off of the doorstep and getting closer to you.

“I’ve had quite a few” you giggled “Yeah I’m seeing someone that’s probably why I look well.” You smiled at the thought of the new man in your life who made you happy.

“I’m glad, hope he treats you well, if not you know where I am..” He folded his arms across his chest making you giggle and nod.

“Thank you Ni, anyway, I better be off. Bye.” You smiled and got in the car, waving as you drove away he walked back into the house. You just hoped the kids didn’t tell Niall that you weren’t seeing anyone and you still sometimes cried yourself to sleep from loneliness and from missing Niall.


“(Y/N) please!! Just stay for an hour that’s all I’m asking!” Zayn pleaded with you, your 1 year old daughter on his hip clinging to him like a monkey.

“Zayn I need to go home, please can you just accept that and watch our child for a few hours?” You sighed and tried to get to your car but he lodged himself between you and the car preventing you from touching it.

“You don’t need to go home, this is your home! It always will be your home!! Move back in with me, bring Laura and move back in so we can be a family again!!” He made sure he stayed in your line of view even when you turned your head trying to look away.

“Zayn no. We got a divorce for a reason and that reason was you wanted to be with Perrie. Now she’s gone again and you want me back!! No I won’t let you use me like that.” You felt tears form in your eyes, still madly in love with Zayn but what he did to you put a scar on your heart.

He sighed and took a step closer so he was towering over you and you had to look up at him, his chest pressed against yours. “I left Perrie because I made a mistake, and I wanted to fix that. So this is my trying to fix it and makes amends. Please (Y/N), come home, back to me…”


“So we can be a family again!! Me, you, and Laura.” He looked at the infant leaning her head on his shoulder and she smiled at you.

“Muma, dada!” She giggled with her hand in front of her mouth.
You sighed and shook your head. “No.” And with that you gently pushed him aside and got in your car then drove away thinking about whether you made the right decision or not.


“Daddy!! New daddy bought me a new teddybear!!” 3 year old Poppy ran to Louis holding the small, pink, fluffy teddybear that your boyfriend bought her. Louis picked her up and frowned looking you dead in the eye.

“You told her he’s her new daddy?!” Louis said with a raised voice, clearly angry about this and he had a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“No!! I never said anything like that to her! That’s the first time she’s said anything like that I swear.” You sighed, keeping calm about it, deciding you weren’t gonna raise your voice in front of Poppy unless you needed to.

“Oh of course!! I bet you let her call him daddy all the time.” Louis seethed, just annoyed you moved on after the divorce which was 2 years ago.

“No I do not!!! She knows you’re her only dad, I don’t want her to call anyone else her dad.” You crossed your arms getting annoyed with him, he just wanted to fight with you for the sake of it.

“Yeah right!! You want to push me out of her life!!” This pissed you off and now was the time to raise your voice.

“Louis how dare you!!! Shut up!!! Don’t be a baby.” You almost shouted and stormed to your car, getting in and slamming the door. Quickly driving away, fed up of the stupid arguments you always have with him every two weeks when Louis has Poppy for the weekend.


“Who are we going to see Blake?” You smiled and got your 10 months old out of the car and held him against you. He smiled up at you showing his new teeth and clapped his arms in excitement.

“Dadadadadadadadada” He squealed and wiggled his little jean clad legs. You had put him in the jeans Liam bought him a few weeks back and a cute top that had “Daddy’s boy” written on it with a picture of a cartoon dinosaur on it. You smiled widely at how much he’s grown up and learnt and walked to Liam’s door, letting Blake ring the doorbell. The door opened quite fast and a cheery Liam was standing there.

“Blaaaaaake!!” He grinned and held his arms out to him. Blake screamed and threw himself out of your arms and into his. You laughed and rubbed his fluffy hair back down from where it went a bit crazy. “Aw hello my baby boy.” He kissed his chubby cheek then looked at you. “Hey (Y/N) how’re you doing?”

“I’m good thanks, you?”

“I’m better now my boy is here!” He grinned and cuddled Blake making you smile more.

“I saw the new concert film, Blake loved it and I thought it was really good!” Even after the divorce which was final 2 months ago, you and Liam had finished on good terms and remained friends, not just for Blake’s sake. But because Liam was a friend before he was your boyfriend and you need to remain friends.

“Thanks Hon, I’ll put it on for him tonight then whilst he eats his dinner.”

“He’ll like that, well I best be off, I’ll see you Monday, bye my baby.” You kissed Blake’s head and then kissed Liam’s cheek and left your son in the hands of the man you trust more than anyone else.


“Morgan can you get Lucy out of the car please?” You asked your 13 year old son as you got out of the car and helped Regan your 7 year old daughter get out, holding her door so she wouldn’t hit Harry’s car with it. Morgan got your youngest daughter out the car. Lucy was only 6 months old but you trusted Morgan to get her. You all walked up to the door of the house that you’d done thousands of times, since you once lived here when you were married to Harry. You and Harry got divorced 6 years ago when you had two kids together, Morgan and Regan. But just over a year ago Harry had invited you round for dinner with the kids, then when they went to bed you and Harry had drank a little bit too much wine, got a bit too close, and a few months later you found out you were pregnant with Lucy. You both decided it would be better not to get back together so you stayed separated but Harry still was there for Lucy’s birth and has been an amazing father to all three of his children.

“Hey (Y/N)…” You flinched, coming out of your daydream to see Harry standing there in the doorway and the kids nowhere in sight. You assumed they had gone in already.

“Hi..” You smiled at him and looked into his eyes.

“You look beautiful…”

“Thank you..” You blushed from the unexpected compliment that you knew was a lie, considering you had your hair in a messy bun, a baggy shirt on that was Harry’s from about 10 years ago, and leggings, not having much time in the mornings now you have three kids as a single mum.

“Wanna come in for some wine?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

“Sure, what’s the worst that could happen?” You giggled and walked in past him, he laughed and shut the door behind him. You got pregnant again, but you also got married again.

Sorry I haven’t posted a preference in FOREVER!!! I started college and I’ve been settling in and getting the ropes!

Link to my other preferences:

What kind of mom Orihime would be (if Bleach is any indication)

As requested by sakura-the-empress-haruno. :)

[Did you know the parent series has its own page?]

1. She would support her kids. Always.

Just like canon Orihime never gives up on her friends, so mom Orihime would never give up on her kids. Plus, since Orihime herself likes to be, um, imaginative about her future (giant killer robot, anyone?), I think she’d support any and all of her kids’ dreams.

Kid: Mom, do you REALLY think I can grow up to be a saxophone-playing hot air balloon operator?

Orihime: I don’t see why not! It sounds cool!

2. She would leave food outside their bedroom doors when they’re upset.

Just like Orihime left bread on Chad’s door when he sorta went missing. If Orihime’s kids locked themselves in their rooms because they were upset and weren’t ready to talk, Orihime would definitely leave their favorite foods outside their door and then leave them alone.

Kid: Do I smell….chocolate cake with strawberries?

Kid: …

Kid (yelling): When I stop feeling sad, I’ll be grateful, Mom!

Orihime (yelling back): Take your time!

3. Dinner would be…dangerous.

Because Orihime has, uh, different ideas about what foods are delicious together.

Kid: Sorry, Mom! I’m eating over at a friend’s house tonight!

Other kid: Yeah, me too!

Orihime: Weird that this always happens on sweet potato and watermelon soup night…

4. They’d eat a lot of desserts together.

But on the other hand, when it came to eating desserts, Orihime would be the best mom. Because she and her kids wouldn’t just have ice cream. They’d have GIANT ICE CREAM SUNDAES WITH EVERYTHING.

Kid: But Mom…I didn’t eat my vegetable.

Orihime: Well but some of M&M’s are green…

5. She’d never seem angry or upset.

Orihime does her best to seem cheerful at all times. I remember when she explained to Matsumoto that during the day she really is cheerful, but when she gets home and is by herself, she is suddenly sad. For mom Orihime, I think that would translate into her never seeming to get angry or upset with her kids. Because she tries so hard to react to everything cheerfully. Which might have some unintended effects.

Kid: Does Mom…like it when we break her favorite lamp?

Other kid: It kinda seems like she does.

6. She’d cross-examine any and all haircut requests.

Because in Orihime’s experience, sometimes hair cuts are code for “I’ve been severely bullied about my hair.”

Orihime: Honey, are you SURE you want to cut your hair?

Kid: Yes, Mom.

Orihime: It’s not because the kids at school have been making fun of you?

Kid: No, Mom.

Orihime: They didn’t cut off a chunk of your hair and now you want to even it out?

Kid: No, Mom.

Orihime: This is definitely something you want?

Kid: Yes, Mom.

Orihime: Well, okay then!

Kid: Every darn month…

7. She’d watch out for signs of bullying.

Orihime was bullied. A lot. She’d make darn sure her kids didn’t go through the same thing, if she could in any way help it.

Kid’s friend: Um, is that your mom sitting over there by the playground?

Kid: She does this for the first week of school every year to make sure everything’s okay.

Kid: It’s nice, I guess.

8. She’d play made-up sports with her kids.

One of my favorite facts about Orihime - albeit one I always forget - is that she and Tatsuki would play made-up sports together. Like Base-cer, which is apparently baseball and soccer. I feel like Orihime would teach that to her kids.

Kid: Do you know they don’t have a base-cer team at school?

Orihime: Shocking!

9. She’d teach them that no means no.

Both in terms of telling other people no, and in terms of her kids knowing that when their mom says no, she absolutely means no. You know, like in canon when Orihime told Ginjo not to attack Ichigo, and when he tried to do it anyway, she zapped him.

Kid: I burned my tongue!

Orihime: Well next time when I tell you not to eat a cookie straight from the oven, don’t eat a cookie straight from the oven!

10. She’d somehow be able to make literally anything better.

Because that, after all, is Orihime’s super power.

Kid: Today was the WORST day of my LIFE!

Kid: I was late to class, failed a test, spilled ketchup on my shirt, got made fun of, didn’t get the part in the school play, AND had my crush ask someone else out!

Orihime: Chocolate banana bread?

Kid: …

Kid: It’s like the bad day never happened!

Orihime: I’m good at things like that.

Another Sterek fic rec

Camp Sunset by mmmdraco

It’s Stiles’ second summer as a counselor at Camp Sunset. It’s Derek Hale’s first.

Biology Is Not Power by snarkasaurus

Biology is not related to power. That’s the first lesson everyone learns in their Sexuality and Humanity class in high school. Like, the very first thing. First words in the book and everything.

Stiles is an alpha. Derek is an omega. Somehow Derek’s status completely and utterly missed Stiles…right up until Derek showed up at his house in heat. Well. This’ll be fun.

The Dating Game by lielabell

Derek doesn’t exactly understand how he ended up as a contestant on a dating show. He knows that it started with a lot of whiskey and a late night phone call to his sister and mockery. Lots and lots of mockery, because Laura never lets anything go, no matter how old she gets.

(Because what the world really needs is more Omegaverse!dating show fic in it. Right?)

The 5 Stages of Possession series by LPM   *WIP

“Derek looms over him, body heat curling around Stiles despite the persistent chill of artificial cooling. They move together with the efficiency of practice, desperation making things slightly rougher, more urgent. Stiles has dropped all pretense of nonchalance, he’s been without for too long…”


The story of how Derek has particular kinks, Stiles likes “the weird stuff”, and there are panties involved. Nobody gets called “daddy” though.

Stilinski’s Anatomy by bestiary (nonsexualandsilly)

“So how long have you and McGrumpy been sleeping together?” Lydia asks, nonchalant, as she files her nails at lunch.
“You and the Nazi are boning?” Scott yells. Everyone in the cafeteria stares.

or: the one where stiles is meredith grey

pour me another by Menacherie

At 2:15 and thirty seconds, Scowl Guy walks in. At that point, Lydia rolls her eyes at Jackson as an argument heats up about how its not his fault traffic is horrible. She walks towards Stiles to fix her ponytail (with a comment on how she needs to get a haircut, or just do her hair differently, or for god sakes, just wear some makeup) then pushes her towards the counter so Stiles will stumble into it just as Scowl Guy reaches it.

And We Grow series by Unloyal_Olio

Derek is still trying to figure out what to do about this when a woman’s frantic voice comes down the aisle. “Baby, baby, baby—no kick. I’m so sorry. It’s a thing lately.” She waggles a finger at her son. “We don’t kick.”

Know What’s on the Menu? Me-N-U. by captainsassmerica

Derek receives a series of anonymous text messages containing questionable content.


That time Stiles was trying to get Derek to go out with him but couldn’t figure out how to ask.

Sticky Notes by tomcatgirl

Derek comes across an all night bookstore and needs a book to keep his mind off of things. Stiles is there to help with sticky notes and cozy blankets.

latching onto you by rurokun

Derek takes a liking to the cute quirky guy who walks his dog down the street.

Stiles Stilinski, Master of Romance by skargasm

Stiles is ready to go out and get his man – ahem – werewolf!

50 things you didn’t know about Derek Hale. series by Derek_the_Dalek  *WIP

50 things you didn’t know about Derek Hale.
By Laura Hale

9. He once went through a phase of stealing our mother’s makeup and using it for war paint. He was six and it lasted two months.

Stiles found a list of 50 things he didn’t know about Derek.


MellytheHun gets credit for the plot line, I’m just giving it my own twist.

I’m Living a Katy Perry Video by hushlittlewolf

Stiles woke up to the feeling that someone was splitting open his skull.

Slowly. With malice.

And perhaps a sledgehammer.

flashcards, dad. duh. by nevermetawolf

“In what world would dry humping help me with my Spanish?”

In which Derek’s tutoring methods are questionable.

Seriously, it’s like you’re photoshopped. by nevermetawolf

“Oh my god,” Stiles squeaks out again. “You’re unbelievable.”

Hot Bar Guy bobs his head agreeably. “I’ve been told that before, though usually people are more out of breath and less clothed when they say it.”

Or, the Crazy, Stupid, Love AU nobody asked for.

We’re Expecting by tearsandholdme

Where Stiles is pregnant with a werewolf baby and decides to tell Derek in the most creative ways possible.

It doesn’t exactly go as planned.

Shelter by five_ht

After the rave, Stiles can’t go home, and Derek doesn’t want him to.

Nine-Fifty Six on a Tuesday by i_amtheoutlaw

Stiles turns eighteen in three minutes and twenty-four seconds and he bets that not a single person could guess where he’s standing right now.

Dear, John.

Stranger: I think I’m dropping out of uni. Going to join the military. JW [19]

You: Ha ha, very funny, John. SH

You: In honesty it’s not very funny at all. SH

Stranger: Correction: I’m dropping out of uni and joining the military. JW

You: John, stop, seriously I don’t like this joke. SH

Stranger: It’s not a joke, Sherlock. My dad was pushing it, has been since I was a kid, and, well, I finally agreed with him. It’s something I want to do. JW

Keep reading

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

Request from anon: Imagine where you’re Sammy’s girlfriend but his bitchy ex is pregnant, and she goes into labour. At the hospital Sammy practically ignores you making you feel like he doesn’t want to be with you, but with his ex and new baby instead and so you go to leave and stuff but Sam is actually in love with you and wants to be with you. Thanks!


“Aww, babe look!” I melted in cuteness holding up 2 pairs of baby shoes. “These are so cute.” I sang out, sorting out all these baby things to put into the baby room. “You are so excited about this, aren’t you?” He asks. “I just love babies and their small feet and hands and little gurgles and baby smell. I can’t wait to have a baby with you.” I said unconsciously, folding all the clothes. I look up at him staring at me with a big smile on his face. “What?” “I can’t believe you just said that.” He looks at me. “Said what?” “You said you can’t wait to have a baby with me.” He smiles cheeky. “No I didn’t,” I denied, not remembering. “Yeah you did.” “No i didn’t.” “You did so.” “Did not.” He gets up from the couch and bends over to kiss my head. “I can’t wait either.” As he walks into the baby room putting the clothes and shoes in the drawers. I look down at the onesie I was holding, smiling to myself reading it, “#1 Dad.” 

“SAAAAMMMM!!!!!!” The door flies open and slams. I sighed to myself, “Shut up.” I looked over and saw Jessa’s ready to pop pregnant ass walk pass the living room and into the baby room. “What Jessa?” I heard him through the walls. “Do you have my bags all packed and shit? Your bags packed and shit? Baby coming soon. And as much as I fucking hate you, I still want you there every second of delivery, because YOU did THIS to me.” I heard her emphasize. “Yes Jessa.” He sounded annoyed. “Mines and your bag is packed. Did you want me to pack your bitch ass boyfriend’s too.” “No he already did his own. He’s grown.” She says as I rolled my eyes and they get into an argument. Her boyfriend walks into the house, looking at me, “Sup.” “Hey.” I rolled my eyes again. Not only is Jessa a bitch, her boyfriend is a pussy ass bitch. Not saying this because I hate him I’m saying this because he really is. How in the hell her boyfriend 18 and already asking her to marry her. AND HE initiated a fight between this guy in honor of “Jessa’s love” He loses and brakes his arm. Definitely took an L. 

They all come out of the baby room, looking angered and pissed. “And I don’t want HER near the baby!” She points at me, making me get up to stand next to Sam. “And why not? She’s my girlfriend!” Sam yells at her. “I don’t want the baby to get confused on who is her parent! I’M the mom! Not her!” “If HE gets to be around the baby, so does she.” “He’s my fiancé.” She says all lovey dovey to him. “Your fiancé don’t even got a job.” I blurted. “Neither do you.” She yells at me. “I’m a waitress and a bartender. I make more money in TIPS in one day than you do in a week.” “I don’t want some bartender bitch around my baby!” She says, trying to find excuses to not have me around the baby. “It’s not like I’m going to serve alcoholic drinks to the baby!” I tried fighting but Sam wraps his arm around my waist calming me down. 

“Just stay away fr- Oh shit.” She bends over holding her stomach. “I-I think-” She couldn’t finish her sentence so she screamed. “SHIT!” I yelled running to her holding her up a little, “Her water broke!” I yelled to the boys who were freaking out. “SAM! THE BAGS! DAVID! THE CAR! GO! THE BABY IS COMING! LET’S GO!!!” I motioned them to hurry up. I sat her down, making her do her breathing exercises. I walk her to the car as we sped to the hospital so she could give birth. After hours of waiting in the waiting room, Sam comes out sweaty, “Would you like to meet my son?” I stood there shocked, nodding. We go where the babies were kept after giving birth and we go inside. “Meet Jackson Nazz Wilkinson.” As he holds him. “Nazz?” I raised my eyebrows. “It was the best I could do combining Nate and Swazz.” He shrugs. “Interesting.” I said, looking at Jackson. 

“Hey I brought some food for you guys and more spare clothes for you guys and the baby.” I walked into the room, putting don the bags. I look at Sam and Jessa holding the baby, talking all nice to each other, laughing. “What’s going on here?” I stood next to David. “They’ve been at it all day.” He sounds annoyed. “They’ve been acting like a real family, like we don’t even exist.” He looks at me. I look back at Sam, “Hey babe, I brought your favorite. You hungry?” I say loud for him to hear me. He just ignores me, continuing to talk to Jessa and making baby talk to the baby. “They are new parents. Can’t be anything.” I tried to shrug it off. “Wait till you have to be with them for more than 2 hours then you’ll see what I’m talking about.” I just sighed, “Come on, you hungry? I brought food and an extra set of clothes for you too.” I waved him towards the things as he grabs his clothes to change as I watch Sam and Jessa, basically hit it off again. Like they were one happy couple, like they never broke up. 

“Here brought some coffee.” David hands me a cup and going to Jessa and Sam, offering it to them but they ignore him still even after being here for 4 hours. He rolls his eyes and sets it on the table in front of them and sits next to me. “See?” He points at them, grabbing the coffee that “magically” appeared in front of them. “We are invisible to them.” He takes a sip. “How mad are you?” I asked him. “On a scale of 1-10? 11. You?” “11.” I said sadden by this. “Hey,” He bends his back more to look up at my face, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about everything. Especially these past few months. I know I’ve been a total douche but that’s only because you’re the ex’s new beau. It’s like a given to hate each other. And her first kid belongs to her ex. Of course I’m going to be pissed a little. That should be mine!” “You’re 18! You shouldn’t be wanting a kid right now saying it’s yours.” “I know but, if I’m with a girl who is having a kid, I want it to be mines. No one else’s.” “So why still stick around?” I asked and he looks at me soft, “Why do you still stick around Sam if he’s having a baby with another girl?” “Because I love him…” “I love her too. That’s why we stuck around. Cause we love them. So why leave someone you love?” I look at Sam and Jessa with Jackson, “Because they might love someone else..” I sighed out. 

2 days passes by and it’s like we are their invisible servants. Everything appears and disappears like magic. David and I talked sometime but other times we just sat there, watching tv, listening to Sam’s and Jessa’s conversation. How the baby is going to dress, what the baby is going to do in the future, what kind of music they are going to expose him to, the hair style he’ll have, etc. It got annoying after awhile because they just kept ignoring us. I walk in to see Jessa frowning asleep on Sam’s shoulder, leaning his head on hers and rocking Jackson. “Hey babe, can you get me some water?” He says softly. “Oh, now you want to talk to me?” I said bluntly, but obeying what he asked. “What’s with the attitude?” He scrunches his eyebrows at me. “I don’t know, maybe because I’ve been here for 3 days straight and this is the first time you’re talking to me!!” I whispered at him, putting the water on the table. “What are you talking about? This is the first time I’m seeing you in 3 days.” He says. 

I just look at him funny, “I’ve BEEN here for 3 days. Giving you food, drinks, change of clothes, magazines. I’ve been doing that all for you. And THIS is the first time you’re seeing me?” “Can you NOT be so angered around the baby and Jessa! You might upset them!” He tells me. I threw my hands in the air, groaning, walking out the door. “Here, I’ll take over.” I hear David say as I heard them switch position. I hear footsteps coming from behind me, “HEY! What’s the matter, huh? You’ve never been so mad like this!” “I’m mad at you!” “If you were so mad at me, why did you keep coming back here.” “Because I fucking love you. Because I said I was going to be there.” “So are you really mad?” “YES! I’m mad because you have been IGNORING me this whole time. I’m mad because you’ve been spending all your time with Jessa. I’m mad because I feel like i’m not part of this equation anymore. I’m mad because I feel like you want to get back together with her.” I felt myself fluster. “You think I want to get back together with her?!” His eyes squint at me as I nod. 

“I can’t believe you just said that.” He shakes his head laughing. “Of course I don’t want to be with her! She’s fucking insane! I want to be with you and only you. Because I love you. Because you are an amazing girl. Because you are so beautiful inside and out.” He kisses my forehead. “Come here.” He extends his arm out and I grab his hand as he leads me back into the room. We stood at the doorway, looking at Jessa, David and Jackson. “Do you see that?” He points. “Jessa is happy with him. When her head was leaning on my shoulder, she was frowning. But now that she’s leaning on David, she’s smiling. And when I was leaning my head on hers, I was imagining it to be yours. He makes her happy. You make me happy. That’s that.” He looks at me. “I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you. But because I did, Jessa and I got a lot of talk about the baby and what’s to be done. Who gets him when, how we’re going to dress him, when he’s going to get haircuts, how birthday are going to work out. I even fought for you so you could be around her.” “What did she say?” “I said yes.” I heard a voice as I turned to Jessa and David. 

“Look, I know I’ve been a bitch. I know I’m insane and crazy. And I want to apologize. I just, it’s tough not having the biological parents of little Jackson here together. It’s hard for me to accept that. but it’s happening. And I can see you’re a sweet girl Y/N. I know I never got to know you and I’m sorry. But I would love to have you around Jackson because I know you’d be a good step mom to him.” Jessa smiles at me. I walk up to her, hugging her. “Have you held him yet?” She asks me sweetly. I just shook my head. “No?! He’s 4 days old and you haven’t held him yet?! Give me him!” She snatches him from David and giving me him to hold. I slowly rocked Jackson in my arms, so tiny wrapped in a blanket, lightly snoring, crinkling his nose. 

“Hi buddy. I’m Y/N. I know I’m not your mom and I’ll never be your mom. But I’ll try my best to be your 2nd mom.” I said lightly, kissing his forehead. Sam sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close to him, kissing my head. “My little family.” “Say cheese love birds.” Jessa said, taking a picture. “Want to take a family picture?” The nurse asked, walking in. “Yeah! That would be great!” Jessa hands her the phone as I stood up giving Jessa the baby and David standing next to the nurse. “What are you doing?” She looks at me confused. “Handing back your baby so you could take a family picture with Sam.” I said. “No,” She pulls David next to her. “This IS the family picture. All of us.” She smiles. We all stood next to each other, Jessa and I in the middle as the boys stood on the outside of us, smiling. “On 3. Say Jackson. 1. 2. 3.” “Jackson.” We said as the shot captured the perfect moment. 

Goodbye, my Hero

I was a weird kid - pale and pudgy, wearing sweatsuits of various colors (thanks mom), always making strange noises and talking to myself in the mirror, both by myself and in the company of my action figures.  

During these - lets call them “formative years” - I was sitting in Keyboarding class (that was a thing), typing something about the sly brown fox and in leaned a fellow seventh grader who took a deep sniff of my purple sweatshirt and goes, way too audibly, “You smell like pepper!” Every kid within earshot laughed, of course. Looking back, I laugh at what a weird combination of things I was: a peppery, pimpled pudge in purple. At the time, I shrugged off this virtually innocent comment, pretending not to be embarrassed as my round face went from white to red. At the time, I marched to the beat of my own drum and I was made fun of for it; bullied by guys like Rory Cash and Dan Ford and some kid named Ernie who didn’t seem to appreciate my weird jokes, funny voices, odd sounds and impromptu character work. At the time, I just let it go. I didn’t know how to respond to such a moment, defensively or otherwise.

I can’t pinpoint exactly when I discovered my role model, Robin Williams, but I have a hunch it was the one-two punch of Hook, then Mrs. Doubtfire a couple years after that. I had never seen an adult act like a kid - not since Tom Hanks in Big, anyway (and I adored Tom Hanks for a whole bunch of other reasons, but THIS was different). Robin was joy embodied; a mischievous, but sensitive superhuman with a dab of anti-authority. Between those two films I stopped, re-watched and sort of went well, THAT is what I want to do! Once adolescence hit, shit really shifted gears. 

In junior high, not long after the “pepper” comment, I bonded with my mom over a last minute trip to see The Birdcage at the Hudson Valley Mall. I really liked the Mike Nichols flick (though I distinctly remember asking my mom to explain “palimony” and, really all of the park bench scene). Most of all, I remember being impressed that the man who played Peter in Hook, who was also the man who jumped around, jumped up jumped up and got down, Daniel Hillard, could also turn on the stillness (this word didn’t exist in my vocabulary but I knew what it meant) and tune the piano to play an entirely different acting note. The combination of the aforementioned with consistent, obsessive viewings of Live at the Roxy and listenings of Live at the Met are what solidified it: Robin Williams is my role model!

This was 1996, and I began to appreciate Robin for being more than a funny actor. He could do drama, comedy, cartoons, even LIVE one-man shows. My interest in this multi-talented man transitioned from intrigue to super fandom. I ordered a copy of Richard Matheson’s What Dreams May Come after losing my MIND seeing that trailer (on a side note, I’ll never forget shouting the title upstairs to my mom only for her to respond, “Wet Dreams and Cum?!” and I go “NO! WHAT. DREAMS. MAY. COME! Jesus!” She responds, “Ohhh..”). Opening day, I was first in line at the Orpheum Theatre in Saugerties, NY to see my comedic role model try his hand at a dramatic, romantic fantasy and regardless of what the critics thought, I loved every second of it. 

In 9th grade, I read Andy Dougan’s biography of Robin front to back in less than 2 days. I saw myself in this man and this man in myself. I identified with Robin as a self conscious teenager, armed not with looks but with funny voices and a sense of humor. I saw this stout, hairy guy as confident, as handsome, as charming, scary, deeply emotional. This funny guy has many sides to him - sounds kind of like me! - and I took immense pride in what I thought (read) we had in common. I even dressed like Patch Adams for the better part of freshman year, down to the cargo pants and Hawaiian shirts. I wore rings like he did. I made the ::elephant sound:: and went Down Simba! all. the. time. Like him, I was a mediocre student but kind and deeply sensitive. Our moms even shared a religion. I didn’t know much about Christian Science beyond the fact that mom liked to read the lessons every month, she did take mediation and there existed in my town a Christian Science reading room, whatever that is. But I did know that he jokingly referred to his mother as a “Christian Dior Scientist.” I sent him fan mail and received a signed photograph from Dead Poets Society. I even gave my girlfriend the Pablo Neruda poem he recites in Patch AdamsI do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul…” 

Of course, every time Comedy Central would air his live specials, I would watch, only to go to school the next day and recite lines in my best Robin impression, which became my favorite to do (later, my other hero Phil Hoffman would join the repertoire until his own tragic demise.. what the fuck?). Anyway, at school, since I didn’t make friends by tossing the football around or get girls by leaning against the locker and doing Jason Priestly eyebrows, I’d say things like “The moon, like a testicle, hangs low in the sky!” and (also in reference to my dick!) “It’s kind of like an anaconda pressed up against a plate glass window, going ::help::” I made kids laugh and made friends and heard a rumor so-and-so liked me. I was self conscious about the early appearance of body hair on my arms, back and pits til kids started to compare me to Robin Williams which, I of course, took as a compliment. As a kid who struggled with weight, to hear this successful, multi-talented superhuman make jokes like, in reference to him being born: God was like, ‘what the heck, give him tits.’  I dropped my shoulders and thought to myself, Okay, it’s fine! He’s killing it, I can kill it it too! With tits!

For my 15th birthday, I got VHS copies of Good Will Hunting and The World According To Garp, which I watched probably 50 times because I was angsty and in love and I so identified with the romantic, manic mama’s boy, Garp. This was around when I started to get a jawline and grow a pair. I remember not long after, a bully approached my lunch table while sitting with the “not popular kids” and started ripping into me about my shitty haircut. Several fantasies of witty retaliation came to mind. I thought of John Leguizamo impersonating the less savory people in his life, about how cathartic that must me. I thought of the scene in Roxanne when Steve Martin gave it to the asshole in the bar for making fun of his nose. But what stuck was the image of Robin. I thought of Live at the Roxy. I thought Live at the Met. I thought Carpe Diem and I gave it right back to the kid, confidently making fun, not maliciously (Robin doesn’t go for the throat, he goes for the balls!). I jabbed the bully with a joke about his hair and a reference to Dennis Rodman (luckily Double Team just came out and everyone got the reference). Preparing myself to get punched in my oily face, the kid turned and walked the other way, speechless, as my friends laughed. Robin was the first to arm me with humor, and for that I am forever and ever grateful.

In 2002, less than a year into an acting program I was attending in NYC, I spent $120 I didn’t have on a front row seat to Robin’s one man show at BAM. I don’t remember laughing as much as I do just watching my hero on stage, in the flesh, moving and joking at the speed of light. I was just fucking enthralled. He had the whole room in the palm of his hand, from the Orthodox Jews to the young girls to the elderly New Yawkers. Everyone was dying. In the last moments of the show - this was just under a year after 9/11, Robin bows, exits the stage, and returns wearing an FDNY sweatshirt. He shook everyone’s hand in the front row, including mine. I went on to describe to everyone and their mother that shaking his hand felt like this (*cue me, grabbing your hand and tugging at my arm hair* His hand had this much hair on it!). When the lights came up, Bob Marley’s “One Love” came on as if we fans couldn’t leave the theatre happy enough. I put that song on my iPod that night and listened to it again and again. 

I’m sitting here, sad out of my mind not just because the world lost a great actor, but because from thousands of miles and movies away, Robin taught me confidence and that it’s okay to be myself. He taught me to be generous and not to take shit too seriously. I looked up to Robin, as did my parents, as did my Italian Nana, as did my baby cousin, Dan - as did all of us - and now he’s gone. I’m heartbroken not just because he was my role model - he was my Hero.

Robin, thank you for helping me find confidence, for reassuring all of us to do no less than put it all out on the table - to be unafraid. 

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride. 

::Elephant sound:: 

Arashi Love Tour Fukuoka Dorm 12/20/13 Day 1 Report

-finished around 8:58 pm

-Junkun had bangs all back
-12/19, Junkun had shooting for shitsuren chocolatier. (was a scene where Souta gives chocolate to his crush, Saeko-san. Souta gets dumped after that)

N: So the women just got what she wanted and dumped you? Don’t go after such a women!
M: I give it to her, but she says sorry so I said “you can throw it away so please receive it”
N: She receives it!? No, that’s unacceptable.

-nino made mistake in solo
-leader dyed his hair a bit brown
-Shochan got a little haircut
-leader’s opening greeting, he said how from now on he wanted the fans to say the “dei” part during the tokyo concert, and fukuoka did as he said!
O: thank you so much!

M:power of internet is amazing!

-Hotei-san, the guitarist, attended the concert

-When nino went on the car, his manager told him to get off on the first traffic light. He had to switch cars.

Manager: Sakuraisan won’t pick up his phone!!

S: Man I was so calm when I woke up though. When I checked my clock it was the time for my flight. Anyhow I called my manager, and when we tried getting a new ticket for Fukuoka the person at the airport said “Today’s arashi’s concert…” Because of arashi fan’s I almost couldn’t make it(laughs)

His excuse to manager : “I had my phone on silent…”

manager: Is your door bell silent as well?

-Aibachan has been dancing to Sayonara no atode wrong the whole time, found out during MC. all 5 of them danced to it to find out. Aibachan thought Leader had it wrong the whole time.

S:Uhm it’s been on my mind the whole time…Ohnosan’s the one who choreographed “sayanara no atode” right? But you’re not dancing correctly during the interlude.
O:No no I finally found out

S: what happened? You’re in front of me so
O:it’s not me at all. It’s Aiba-san(laughs)
A: Whaaatt. I’m not wrong~!
O: It’s Aibasan~!Cause I’m the one who choreographed it!
A:I’m dancing to what you taught me!

(Junkun started to take the count and the 5 of them danced the interlude part)(part where 5 of them make a circle and face each other. Aibachan took a step, moves head right and left, and loves waist left to right. But bumps into leader. His move of waist was one tempo wrong)

N: Why did you think it was right?
A:What, it’s not like this?
O: Aibachan you’re generally doing it wrong around that part
M:Aibasan you’ve been doing it wrong for like the past 2 months(laughs)

N:why didn’t anyone notice?

M:yeah made us think leader was doing it wrong
S: Nino weren’t you like “ah Ohnosan’s wrong again~”
N: Yeah that’s what I thought. So that’s why here(points between leader and aibachan) always bumped into each other. From when was it?
S:I think it’s recent when that place started becoming crowded
O: i was like “am i wrong~? but I’m the one who choreographed it!?”
(throughout that time aibachan was going over the dance)
A: why wasn’t this ever brought up(laughs)
S: there’s only 3 times left(laughs out loud)
(fans inside their mind: it’s 2 not 3!)
M: Cause we don’t do it but you go over all the moves before the concert!
A:Omg I really need to go over the past videos
O: Cause if you do it like that it’s harder to go left!
M:It’s a bit scary to go over by only yourself
S: why don’t you do it with someone?
A: yeah I’ll do that. Leader let’s do it together<3!
(moves onto dance explanation of FUNKY)
(Aibachan still going over the moves)
M: It’s okay for now~
A: I can’t accept this
M: you’re the one whose wrong(laughs)

-opening greeting, same as other places but Junkun’s last part was bit different:
M:”The outside is cold but let’s get hot! Okay Fukuoka, Ima love you 45000 people”

-ending greeting:

S: Thank you everyone for coming today, from the very upper part of the concert hall to the very very end. I said in the opening that we shall love each other until the end, but did our love reach you guys? Were we able to receive your love? Thank you. If anyone you know canceled the flight to Fukuoka today, please thank them. I was able to make it today thank you. Hey don’t applause(laughs). I know I say this every time, but if it’s not for you guys we wouldn’t be standing here today, so uhm… thank you for providing the time and place where we could really be ourselves. We are in our 15th year but that is not our goal, I see it as a checkpoint. I want to celebrate our 20th,25th,and 30th anniversary as well, but 5 of us just celebrating it would be pointless. If all of you guys aren’t there we can’t celebrate it! So please continue sending us your love. L,O,V,E, LOVE inject! thank you so much!

O: The time went by so fast, but at the opening after I said festival ow you guys said “dei!”made me so happy and surprised. You guys are so caring.When I wave my hand you guys wave back, when I dance you guys watch. I’m grateful of that. It makes me feel that we’re creating a concert together, always. We would continue on being like this, we won’t change, so…well we’re becoming more and more middle aged but(laughs). And you guys are becoming older as well, getting close to middleage
other members: No no~!
O:yeah~ it’s okay. So let’s help each other out, and stay together…Hm what am I even trying to say. (bursts out laughing)
other members: what are you saying!?
Anyhow it makes me really happy. Thank you so much for today! Let’s create another opportunity like this!

A:Really, it was just super fun. I feel like there is a new discovery every time. For example, finding out your dace move was wrong(laughs)I didn’t expect that. With all my will, heart, and strength I think I was able to express one kind of love. Whenever I stand on stage, I concentrate on cherishing each and every moment, thinking of what other things we can do to entertain our fans. I want to create another opportunity like this for us to have fun together. So please, come again and play with us. Thank you so much for today! Ui-su!(similar to yup!)(Did the pose he did at the most recent VS arashi when Okada kun came. made a fist with both hands)

N: Hey you’re an adult now, you wouldn’t fool around at the very end would you?
A: I’m not fooling around~ I’m being serious!
N: Are you being seious? 
A: Yes, Ui-su!

N: Uhm, it was a really fun time and back to the beginning when we asked “what is LOVE?”….the 2 hours and a half and more we spent with you guys…was our form of love I think. By dancing we get to see where each one of you get impressed or have a strong feeling for…and I’m sure LOVE means different for all of you. But I want to continue creating a fun concert with you guys. FUNKY was amazing! everyone! right? I think it’s amazing for everyone to be able to dance like that. We get to find out through dances. I think you guys kinda thought the difficulty of performing while dancing, singing, and smiling(laughs). See, we do this everyday(laughs). It’s fabulous to see you guys dance, and the mindset of you guys trying to memorize it…arashi is grateful of that. We really are. In order to have as much opportunity as possible for us to see each other like this, I want to continue putting my best effort into everything. Thank you for today. It was really fun.

M:I’m really happy so many of you came today. So about LOVE, we started creating the cocnert by thinking what kind of form and shape we could create with this kind of theme…how we could express it. In my opinion there’s many forms of love, but at the end this feeling of “connection” was the keyword for my form of love. Us 5 meeting you guys today is an example, and by connecting with you guys and you guys spreading what you received to your family and friends. I wanted LOVE to spread that way, and I want to continue cherishing such time and opportunity with you guys.  That kind of wish was packed in this concert. So I want you guys to take care of your loved ones, and I want to work hard so that we could continue creating these opportunities.  After November we entered our 15th year. Thank you. We’re the ones that really need to thank you guys, for your support always, and because you guys exist we are able to stand here today. Thank you so very much. I want to continue sprinting with the 5 of us, so please keep up with us and follow us. I was able to spend such a fun time,thank you.