first thought waking up

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(Up to 45 seconds edited.) Share an audio dream diary of your first thoughts as you wake up every morning of the Hunt (so you cannot submit this until the last day of the Hunt!). It must be the first thing you do before you get out of bed.

These are just some 8am Monday morning rambling thoughts, but I think I’ve hit on an explanation for something that’s bugged me for years.

My only major complaint about the Brotherhood adaption of the FMA manga has always been the unusual gutting and cutting of Riza’s recount of Ishval. It’s stripped bare. For perspective, the retelling spans the entirety of volume 15 of the manga. Most manga volumes after Ling’s introduction are given about 2.5-3 episodes for adaption. The recount of Ishval was given 1 episode–episode 30.

And they did some clever shuffling to at least make this slightly more reasonable. Roy’s declaration to Maes that he intends to overthrow Bradley and fix Amestris is given as the cold open to episode 10, even though this is part of volume 15. Scar’s backstory was presented in episode 22. Riza burying the nameless Ishvalan child and then asking Roy to burn off her back is in episode 54. All of these were relocated in the telling, but not cut.

Yet that doesn’t explain the sheer volume of stuff that DID get cut. Or changed even. Episode 30 seems to be missing the aspect of humanness that comes across in volume 15. It’s almost 2-dimensional since it seems to cut most things that display an element of human fallibility and moral ambiguity. It’s like “Yes the Amestrians are Evil except not our Heroes they are Different”. I always chalked that up to an unfortunate consequence of the cutting choices.

I finally realized though–I think that’s the intent.

I think Brotherhood modifies the story to make the named, known characters less morally implacable for their actions. All the cuts seem to get rid of the morally-gray–or even downright evil–things that Mustang, Hawkeye, Armstrong, and Hughes do, and amp up the evil in the actions of the unnamed Amestrian soldiers

Here’s a list of things cut or modified in episode 30:

  • In the manga, Roy and Riza reunite when Riza snipes and kills an Ishvalan man about to stab Roy. The man was hiding in the Amestrians’ base camp, jumped Roy after he’d removed his gloves to wash his hands, and right before the man sinks his blade into Roy’s neck, Riza shoots him through the head. In the anime, she just walks up to Roy and Maes, having killed no one on screen.
  • In the manga, Roy burns to death the last Ishvalan survivor–an old injured man gently petting his dog. Roy asks if the man has any last words, and the old man calmly curses Mustang right before he’s incinerated. 
  • In the manga, Armstrong attempts to let two Ishvalan women escape by busting a hole in the wall he’d transmuted to trap them in. Kimbley steps in and annihilates them. He then goes to offer Armstrong a hand up, and (as a friendly favor) promises not to let the higher-ups know what Armstrong did, lest he get court martialed. 
  • In the manga, we see dead Ishvalans left on the ground. Mustang and Hughes walk by bodies as they talk. Ishvalans with speaking roles are murdered. Faces can be put to people who were killed by Armstrong, Mustang, and Hawkeye.
  • In the manga, a captain in charge of Hughes’ squad is ordering unnecessarily risky missions in a thinly-veiled attempt to earn some recognition from the higher-up. Bass Grahn takes issue with this, and murders the captain. Hughes and some men are present to witness this. They calmly remark how unfortunate it is that a “stray bullet” from the other side has killed the captain.
  • The Amestrians’ celebration at the end of the war is cut. Some of Mustang’s men flag him down for a drink with him to thank him for protecting them. Mustang is disgusted with himself for the recognition. considering that indiscriminately killing people is what earned him it. (In fact, when Bradley spies Mustang in the crowd and realizes Mustang is vying for his spot, he remarks something along the lines of “There’s one man not enjoying the drunken celebration.”)
  • And, as far as things included in the anime but not the manga, Scar’s anime flashback to the war involves Amestrian soldiers gleefully, maliciously, happily killing Ishvalans. The soldiers all look identical. They don’t blink. And they march in perfect unison. This does make sense since it’s from Scar’s perspective. It very well could have looked that way to him. But that’s the ONLY perspective we’re given on the general Amestrian soldier–as if they’re all one generic, depthless, monster faction. 

On the whole, the cut pieces paint a far more brutal picture

When Riza talks to Ed about Mustang’s plan to bring the Amestrian genociders to justice (himself and Riza included) it makes a lot more sense to the reader. Because we saw Roy and Hughes step over rotting bodies, and saw Riza snipe the gore and brains clear from a man’s head, and saw Mustang incinerate a harmless dog, and his injured, elderly owner. There is no dancing around what these people have done.

Yet in the anime, all these cuts modify the perspective we’re given. We don’t see Riza shoot and kill anyone (at least, not up close, not with a face). We don’t see Mustang incinerate the dog and the injured old man who gently cursed him to hell. We don’t see the people Armstrong attempted to aid getting wiped out. We don’t see Hughes’ quiet complicity with mutiny. Nor his stoic disaffection when the Ishvalan high priest’s offer is shot down by Bradley. We don’t get Mustang’s named subordinate soldiers who thank him for protecting them in war so they can go home to their families. 

We lose the truly awful things our known characters were a part of. And we lose the humanity expressed by the background soldiers working beneath Mustang and the others. 

What we get instead is divide. We know Mustang and Hawkeye killed people in Ishval, but they refuse to show us. We just see them acting remorseful, or planning self-immolating ways to fix everything wrong with Amestris. Opposite them, we get Generic Amestrian Soldier™ who gleefully commits genocide and has one, singular character design, when in the manga several of these people are named and are presented as honest, kind people. 

The whole thing, to me, comes across as censorship. Like it’s maybe an attempt to separate Mustang, Hawkeye, Armstrong, and Hughes from their awful deeds. To make them more likable, to destroy the moral ambiguity that is otherwise clear in the manga. It makes them safer to present as good guys. And instead lumps the evil on this flanderized, straw-man Amestrian soldier.

For whatever political or cultural reasons, I think the anime studio was afraid of implicating Mustang and the others for their involvement in the Ishvalan genocide.

i. meeting you: when I saw you, the world didn’t reroute on a new axis but the stars seemed to glimmer a little more than I remembered them doing the night before. from the moment our hands brushed, something in me shivered, some part of my heart shook, a form of a yes. a yes, you belong in my life, a yes, you are meant to matter. but we clashed in a storm of fire and ice and it took me what looking back seems like a lifetime to realize that you’ve changed me, that a part of me recognized your scars as the same as mine the moment you spoke a part of my name.


ii. understanding you: it took breaking, it took sobbing in the middle of night and realizing that yes I can be alone with you. it’s this moment, where I see you looking at me, not like you can save me, no. but like you recognize the shadows dancing on my skin, the faint bruises and clenched fists and the ache inside my heart. And the world grows quiet, like it’s giving this moment the weight it deserves, and it’s in the darkness that I realize we can change the universe.


iii. trusting you: and our hands grow bloody as our hearts open, spilling part of us on the ground that the other picks up and remakes. forging a sword, a shield, a song out the echoes we let break away from our souls. somehow I realize the voice in the back of my mind, giving me hope, giving me faith, sounds a lot like yours, it sounds like the way you say my name and I say yours the same way. as absolution, as something almost like salvation, as a need that I can’t live without


iv. loving you: and it’s when you’re threatened, it’s when you’re hurt and the rage that raises up inside me contains the bitten scream of “mine”. it’s when you take my hand, you take my burden like I haven’t transformed myself into atlas to save you. It’s when you gaze into my eyes like i’m something worth worshipping, like i’m something worth burning the universe for. and it comes and goes in waves until one day I wake up and my first thought is you, and when I dream the last name I utter is yours


v. losing you: but the stars that stayed silent at our turning point aren’t content to watch us, no they want to test us but they didn’t understand that loving you  stopped being something that scared me the moment I realized it because, darling, I don’t know where you end and where I begin.  so yes, I lost you to space and time, I nearly lost you to fate but we were always fighters and so I know you’ll come back to me, I know you’ll come home to me.  and our devotion outstrips the fairytales because we were never guaranteed a happy ending, with our dirty hands, with our sly smiles, with our cuts and scars but we’ve made the constellations want to chart our names


+


  vi. finding you:  when we crash back together, the world narrows down to the sound of a beating heart, pounding loud enough to be a greek chorus and it’s a welcome change from the way my chest seemed empty. I always knew that in a crowd of thousands I’d be able to meet your eyes, to find you. and with our smiles the universe restarts, with my name dropping from your lips the sun reignites, because we are the center of the story, from the beginning up till now and we’re only just past the first chapter.

—  The 5 Stages of Loving You by Abby S

It’s strange how love can make you feel like you can conquer the world but also make you feel worthless and broken.

It’s strange how those little butterflies in your stomach can bring a smile on your face or let tears roll down your cheeks.

It’s strange how the best feeling in the world can make you insane.

—  First thing I thought of upon waking up
Just Special Interest™ things

-Waking up and having your first thought be about your special interest

-That feeling you get when you make your special interest both your icon and the backgrounds on your computer/phone

-Being unable to concentrate on work unless you incorperate your special interest to some extent

-Breaking through social anxiety only when the special interest is mentioned

-Constantly rambling about your special interest even when you know you’re annoying everyone

-Fearing talking about or drawing things related to the special interest because you don’t want people to think you’re obsessed

-Literally having your special interest on your mind 24/7

-Becoming frustrated when someone knows more about your special interest than you do

-Getting called obsessive or addicted by everyone

-”It’s just a phase!”

-Being made fun of for liking your special interest

-Hiding your special interest from your friends and family so they don’t make fun of you or judge you

-Having to hear allistic people refer to their hobby as their “special interest”

-Changing special interests as often as once a week, or as rarely as once a year, if ever

-Remembering an old special interest you had, so you look it up again thinking “I’m over it so there’s no harm in looking at it now”, only to have it become your special interest again

-Hating yourself during every second when your special interest becomes something embarrassing or bad, yet you can’t stop yourself from obsessing.

-Having more than one special interest so you try and mash them into one thing

Feel free to add more.

Break-up advice.

It will be hard. Suddenly small things will become big and tricky, people will keep asking if you’re okay, and you will say yes because it’s easier, but really you’re hurting. You may have a period of time where you don’t want to eat much, because you feel sick at the thought of a world without them or you might eat too much, you might have sleepless nights but you might sleep to get away from it all. Everything will remind you of them. Occasionally you may just be getting along with your day and catch a scent that reminds you of a time you spent together, and suddenly you’re a mess. You might be having a great day with friends and out of the blue you have to excuse yourself because someone mentioned something related to them and you got that burning feeling in your throat again. 

You may play moments you shared over and over and wonder whether you were stupid to end it, but please remember to not regret it. You made that decision for a reason and don’t go back to them just for fear of being lonely. You deserve someone who gives you the things that they didn’t give you.

The best thing you can do is fake it until you make it. Take photos of yourself laughing uncontrollably, dance around when nobody is watching, tell yourself you are better off without them, and slowly you will start to believe it. It may take weeks or months or years, but one day there won’t be a pile of screwed up tissues by your bed, and you won’t have that dream again. One day you won’t check their Facebook before you go to sleep, you will just fall asleep, the way you did before. One day you will be able to eat their favourite food without thinking about them. One day you will be able to go to that cinema where you had your first date, and you won’t be consumed with memories, you will just be going to see a movie.

They may still cross your mind occasionally, but one day you will wake up and they won’t be your first thought any more.

100 BRAVE QUESTIONS

1.What’s the toughest decision you made today?

2.What’s the toughest decision you made this year?

3.What’s the toughest decision you ever made?

4.What have you forgotten?

5.What do you want to be when you grow up?

6.What’s it like being you right now?

7.What makes you nostalgic?

8.If you had two hours left on earth what would you do?

9.What’s the most beautiful word in the world?

10.Who makes you laugh more than anyone?

11.What did your father teach you?

12.What did your mother teach you?

13.What’s the best gift you’ve ever given?

14..Best gift you ever received?

15.How many times a day do you look in the mirror?

16.What do you bring most to a friendship?

17.If 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you?

18.What is or was your best subject in school?

19What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself?20

20.What makes you feel supported?

21. Whom do you secretly admire?

22.What time of the day do you feel the most energetic and what do you usually do in those moments?

23.What’s something you never leave home without?

24.What’s a recurring dream you have?

25.What makes you feel safe?

26.What’s the best thing that ever happened to you?

27.What do you want people to say about you once you’re gone?

28.What’s the coolest thing about science?

29.What’s the best money you ever spent?

30.What’s a bad habit you have?

31.What are you grateful for?

32.Whom are you envious of?

33.What’s an image you’ll never forget?

34.Describe a near-death experience.

35.If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do?

36.What’s your idea of Heaven?

37.What’s your idea Hell?

38.When did you know?

39.What can you do better?

40.When are you most yourself?

41.What superpower would you most like to have?

42.If you were granted three wishes, what would you do with the second wish?

43.What is your actual superpower?

44.If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first?

45.What’s the best sound in the world?

46.What’s perfect about your life?

47.What song do you sing only when you’re alone and what memory does it bring back?

48.Describe a moment you were so embarrassed you wanted to disappear.

49.How many times a day do you think about money?

50.Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money?

51.What’s one thing you’re certain of?

52.Describe one of your colossal failures.

53.What makes you cringe?

54.What does your inner voice tell you?

55.What crime have you considered committing?

56.What’s great about your mom?

57.What’s great about your dad?

59.Which day would you gladly re-live?

60.What are you awesome at?

61.What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?

62.When were you most afraid?

63.What are you terrible at but love to do anyway?

64.What weapon would you carry during the Zombie Apocalypse?

65.Which of your five senses would you keep if you could only keep one?

66.What’s something you love to make?

67.What do you cook better than anyone?

68.What do you wish you’d invented?

69.What would you like to invent?

70.Out of 100 random people, where would you rank yourself in terms of your intelligence?

71.Where do you want to be right now?

72.If you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why?

73.What makes you feel powerful?

74.What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said?

75.What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

76.What three words would you have on your grave stone?

77.What’s your first thought when you wake up?

78.What’s one thing you wake up to in the middle of the night worrying about?

79.If you could tell someone something anonymously, what would it be?

80.Whom would you like to forgive and forget?

81.If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be?

82.What type of person angers you the most?

83.What is your greatest strength?

84.What is your worst weakness?

85.How do you show your love for others?

86.Why are you here in this room right now?

87.When is a time you forgave someone or were forgiven for something?

88.What’s the biggest mistake you ever made?

89.What are you hiding?

90.What’s your unanswerable question–the question you seem to always be asking yourself?

91.What are you ashamed of?

92.What is stopping you?

93.What’s a secret you have?

94.How do you secretly manipulate people to get your way?

95.When was the last time you apologized?

96.What is the biggest lie you tell yourself?

97.What’s the moment you left childhood behind?

98.What’s missing from your life?

99.Do you believe in a higher power?

100.What are you ready to let go of?

What are you not saying right now?

Someone asked me how I would describe love…
Simply put I believe when you know you just know.
When you wake up and that person is your first thought before “holy shit I have to pee.”
Or you remember to actually text them when you’re drunk and on your way home.
Or it’s when you struggle with one eye closed just to send them coherent drunk texts cause they’re all that’s on your mind.
It’s when you want to defend them in every fight
Even if it’s a fight against a 200 pound bouncer who will probably throw you down the stairs if you try.
It’s 4 am mornings spent talking about her grandparents and what she did on New Years last year.
And you never remind her that you’re an hour ahead of her and the sun is already up and you have work in 2 hours.
It’s bowling a 30 with her and not even being embarrassed and laughing and kissing the whole while.
Love is wanting to see her In your clothes.
And letting her steal your clothes,
Even though clothes are your favorite thing.
Love is letting yourself cry in front of her
Even if it’s just while watching the fault in our stars.
Or every episode of Greys Anatomy.
Love is the way your stomach flipped the first time you laid in bed with her.
and the way you laid on her lap trying not to touch her too much.
while also wanting to touch her all over because she was so beautiful even in baggy sweatpants and a tshirt.
Love is the way that first night is engrained in your mind so vividly.
From how cold her apartment was and the way you sat exactly three feet from her in the living room so that her roommate would think your intentions were pure.
To the way your heart hammered so loudly each time she touched your face that you swear your insides were black and blue.
It’s her catching you staring at her every time you’re out together because God damn it if you aren’t the luckiest motherfucker alive to have that girl on your arm.
Love is something as small as a two hour subway ride to pick her up from the airport.
So she doesn’t have to navigate alone.
And seeing her around the corner and knowing it’s her just by the perpetually chipped dark nail polish on her fingernails.
It’s the way she clings to you in her sleep.
as if you’re filled with helium and could float away at any moment.
Love is “please don’t pee with me on the phone.”
“Oh my god you’re peeing with me on the phone.”
Now we pee together on the phone.
It’s knowing she likes her coffee black
But her knowing you like yours to be half milk.
Love is like that build up in a song that brings chills you can’t explain,
And it’s that smell that only she has on her breath.
Nothing can quite describe it but it cuts through alcohol and food and smoke and it just… Is.
It’s letting the pups sleep between the two of you
Even though You want her pressed firmly against you all night.
It’s knowing she hates Mexican food but she took you to get enchiladas on your first date anyway.
Love is a series of small things and it comes with knowing that not every love story starts out beautifully.
No sometimes it starts with a drunken kiss or asking her out on a napkin at a bar
(It seemed romantic at the time).
But you know fields of flowers can bloom from the ashes of forest fires.
And the world started with a bang
At least that’s what some people say.
She’s my world, so why shouldn’t we have begun with a crash?
Like the ones that halt traffic for miles,
The ones you can’t tear your eyes away from.
I’ve always been a disaster anyway but she never shielded her eyes from me.
It was seeing her look at me without flinching that made me certain.
Love is saying you’ll never ever do long distance again.
and finding yourself on flights home to see her face because miles can’t measure up to how much you miss her.
Home is where the heart is after all
And love is knowing there’s an inevitability when you fall.
Love is knowing that you’ll probably end up broken into a trillion pieces when it’s all said and done,
But as long as her fingertips craft each and every shard then it’ll still be a masterpiece.
—  The Big Bang by c.r.

me and my ex have been apart for a while now, he was my first love, first everything… I think about him still everyday, he’s my first thought when I wake up and my last when I fall asleep. I feel like I’m never ever going to get over him, and it worries me because I push people away hoping that he will come back for me, even though I know he never will.

things you said through your teeth
things you said too quietly

Bucky Barnes x Reader
word count: 798

Bucky Barnes didn’t think that he was the jealous type. He never found himself green with envy over another guy. That was until he started dating (Y/n). Every time she walked into a room, she was the shining star. He truly believed the he hadn’t lived life until he met her.

His world revolved around her.

Keep reading

Do you know what it feels like to be in love? Falling in love is like hitting a stable rock. Its having that mental comfort and emotional security. It feels like you found a missing piece, that you never knew was missing. Its when you can’t sleep at night because your mind is flowing with the thought of her. Its that feeling in your chest, like everything is blooming. It takes all of you, but in the most natural way. Its when you hear a song and instantly think of her. When you can't help but stare. She will suddenly become your home. You will feel like you’re home every time your with her. When you know she's the one. Or when something happens, and she’s the first person you wanna tell. You’ll feel very present, and yet you’ll still catch your self planning your future with her. She’ll become your lover and best friend. When she annoys you but you think its cute. Its when you encounter a bump in the road, but you would do anything to get through it. Or when your watching her do something and your smiling like a fool. When she falls asleep on your chest, and can't move a muscle so you don’t wake her. You’ll miss her, and will constantly wanna be with her. When you wake up and your first thought is her. When you see something and you wanna tell her it reminded you of her. Its that never wanting to give up feeling. Caring enough to fight for what you have, enough to not let go. When her happiness is yours. When her pain is yours. Its when you wanna buy her flowers, to show how important she is to you and how much you appreciate her. Or when you see your whole future fall into place and unfold just by simply glancing at her. When you wake up from a dream, and suddenly become happy because she was in it. When her comfort is more important than yours, and her mood easily affects your mood. You accept her for the person she is. You won’t ever wish to change a thing about her. Because she is perfect. When her favorite food becomes your favorite. You’ll always be proud of her. You’ll wanna share every moment with her. Loving her since day one. You’ll do anything for her. When seeing a sunset and you think of her. I’m madly in love with her. Being in love is indescribable. There is so much more. But trust me, you’ll know when you feel it