first step to forever

Simone Veil, the woman who fought for and managed to legalize abortion in France, died this morning shortly before her 90th birthday.
She was Jewish and an Auschwitz survivor (she lost her parents and brother there), as well as definitely pro-European Union.
She was a wonderful woman who went through so much and gave French women so much more. She had so many insults hurled at her when she was fighting for abortion but she never backed down. She was an inspiration to me and my first step into feminism. I will miss her forever.

Jared Kleinman headcannons (Clothes Shopping)

A/N: I’m not sure these fit the request

-You dragged him to the mall at like 8 am because you didn’t want to be surrounded by people

- He was not happy about it and you let you know that

- “You’re honestly the most annoying person ever”

- “Shhh, Jar., you know you love me. If you didn’t, you would have jumped out the window.”

- “I still might”

- When you actually go to the mall, he insisted you get a milkshake to apologise for bringing him so early

- When you were sitting down, you explained why you brought him there

- “We’re seniors now! We gotta look stylish and shit. We rule the school, we gotta look like we do at least.”

- “We don’t rule over anything, but I’ll indulge”

- You first took a stop at Forever 21 which was just like stepping into a tumblr aesthetic blog

- You looked around for some nice high waisted shorts as Jared trailed behind you

- “But why do they have to be highwaisted?”

- “I don’t wanna have a muffin top, Jared”

- “But I have a muffin top everyday, we could be muffin twins. You always say my muffin top is cute”

- “Because it is!”

- He did the lil hug from behind thing, “Anything you do is cute.”


- “Whatever, you loser”, you said using a half assed insult to mask your feelings-

- You tried on a sunflowers dress and Jared said ZOOWEEMAMA which made you blush cuz you knew he meant it as a high compliment

- Then y’all made your way to Hot Topic

- “Maybe we’ll see Murphy here!”

- “Jared don’t be an ass”

- He gasped, “If I’m not an ass, then what am I?”

- But at Hot Topic, he kept on wearing the accessories

- “Babe, do I look good in this Louise hat?”

- “Jared! Take that off! The person who put that on before you could have had lice.”

- He would also put on the bras and ‘try to seduce you’

- “Hey, how about we get outta here and I’ll show you what’s under this?”

- Some random employee would catch him and yell, “Sir! Take that off right now!”

- He’d get you kicked out by repeating that and putting on the underwear also

- It was hilarious though

- Then you guys left the mall and went to Kohls

- Jared found a shirt he really liked with a portrait of Batman painted on Starry Night

- You found a nice shirt with your Harry Potter house crest on it (EVEN IF YOU’RE HUFFLEPUFF OR RAVENCLAW BECAUSE ALL OF THE HOUSES MATTER! M’KAY? M’KAY!)

- You two are comfortable with each other so you try on your shirts in the same fitting room because why not (there are places with undefined fitting rooms, fight me)

- When Jared takes off his shirt first, you just give him a hug and call him a big teddy bear

- “Get off me that’s gay”, he says with a blush

- You guys are blushy people when you compliment each other

- He does the same hug thing when you take yours off but you don’t tell him to get off

- You look in the mirror and just smile at the two of you

- You’re both cubby but it doesn’t bother you

- It used to, but since you two started dating you were always there to pick each other’s confidence up when you’re a lil down

- Jared always said it just gave more of you for him to love

- But he never admits to saying that, or any cute things for that matter

- But then he ruins the cute moment by saying something stupid

- “Wanna have sex?”

- “Jared!”

- cue his mischievous laughter

- But then you actually put the clothes on that you came to try on

- Jared wouldn’t stop complimenting how good you looked in the shirt

- You told him how the shirt he picked out for his personality

- Jared bought both of the shirts and you two went to his house to cuddle (and make out whoops)

- you didn’t leave with a lot of clothes, but you still had a blast

Issues (Yondu Udonta x Reader) - Chapter Two [Final Part]

Requested by @edolinlu : The reader is somehow stuck with the ravagers and they have to teach her how to fight, Yondu is jealous of others touching her physically but he doesn’t understand why, during a mission the reader gets hurt and he discovers his true feeling.

-Female Reader-

[Chapter One]

A/N: Let me know if you want to be on/off the tag list :)

Warnings: Smut, Fluffy Smut, Drama & Angst, Fluff.

~ ~ ~

The loud banging on your door pulled you out of your sleep and you groaned as you sat up on the bed. A headache flashed your head and you buried your face in your hands with a grunt. The night had been filled with restless sleep and troublesome dreams; about the mission today but most of all, about Yondu and your arising feelings for him. You realized that now, why you’d been so upset about his behaviour lately, the way he discarded himself from you, ignoring you.

You started falling for the blue spaceman and you hated it.

You’d had your share of bedmates throughout your years in space, but never had you let feelings come in your way. Feelings weakened you and made you soft, and that was the last thing you wanted to be. You needed to be strong and emotionless in your line of work.

Keep reading

Hey you. 

This is a sign to just do it. Confess your undying love for them. Send the first text, start the conversation with them. Send the first text again, to ask why they haven’t texted you in forever. Send the last text to apologise. Send the last text to say good bye. Call them, tell them why they matter. Call them for the last time to break if off for good. Give them a hug, a kiss. Give everyone hugs and kisses. Pull them close, keep them there for a minute. Give it to them, that thing you made. Act on your plans: you’ve wanted to do it for so long, haven’t you. Go ahead. 

Life is too short to be stuck feeling unsure forever. Life is too short to hold onto more than you need. Grab hold of it, or let it go. Take the first step (or the last). Do it before the chance slips away forever, and you’re left longing and wanting. 

If you need a sign this is the sign. Go for it. 


1 - happy

Dean’s never seen Cas so happy before. So excited and joyful and… Free.
Dean’s never seen such a beautiful sight. It was something he knew he’ll forever remember, like Sam’s first steps towards him Sam’s first word being “Dean” and second word being “pie”.

But it’s different.

Where Sam was delighting and made Dean proud and joyful and full of brotherly affection, Cas’s eyes, full of joy and delight, made Dean’s chest tighten, and excitement and joy and the love were so different

Cas’s Joy from such small things, the grass under his feet, the sun kissing his skin, the wind blowing his hair; it was all new to the angel.

He was still an angel, but he could feel.

“Dean! You have no idea how intense all of this is! I can hear and smell and feel everything! It’s amazing!” The angel’s excitement was clear in his features, and Dean couldn’t help but smile.

“Do you feel anything else though?”

“If by that you mean my love for you, then yes, and even more so, I feel it stronger. It’d probably have grown to it anyway, but it’ll grow, as it does every day.”

“Cas…” The angel got closer to the hunter.

“I love you, Dean, more than anything else, remember this. More than heaven, earth or God, you’ll always be the most precious to me.” They were standing close to each other, the angel in his long, old trenchcoat, and Dean in his leather jacket.

They got closer and closer, and leaned into each other, hands holding each other as close as possible.

Their kiss, albeit chaste, was long enough for Sam to see it. The surprised Winchester was even more shocked to discover the two have been together for a few years now, and he wanted to punch himself for not thinking about it before.

He was sure he’ll have to help them, make them understand. Apparently, it stated before he noticed anything.

this is for @wanderingcas
hey Sam, I know it’s not much, and probably suck, but this is my second attempt at Destiel fluff.
you’ll be alright! Drink water, eat soup and broccoli, and I’ll send you some parve cookies *sending*.

Monsters Under The Bed

Characters: You x Kenny Omega

Warnings: None, but it’s as baby related drabble so might not be for everyone.

”Come on! It’s only for one evening,“ You detach your two-year-old from your hip and plonk him down next to Kenny on the couch, pinching him on the cheek. 

“But…” Kenny whined, his gaze shifted from the TV down at Jack, looking at him like he was an alien, A cute little chubby alien that looks exactly like him in every single way.

Although he loved Jack and would do anything for him, Kenny hadn’t spent the night alone with him and he’d been worrying about this moment all week. You were off to your friend’s bachelorette party which meant you were having a night off from the two of them, regardless if Kenny was going to make a fuss. Plus he could do with gaining some more confidence in his own parenting skills.

Kenny was anxious because you were always there or on hand to assist in case of a bad dream or a grazed knee, You were the one who calmed him down when he had a tantrum and dealt with all his spills and mess. 

“I don’t know what to do.“ Kenny huffed. “What if something happens?”

“Then call me, or call my parents, heck even call Matt and Nick! They look after their kids!”

“Urrgghh.” Kenny rolled his eyes. You knew what he was trying to do, pretend that he was out of his depth so you’d give in and stay. But not tonight, you were going to have tonight even if he stomped his feet and moaned about it.

“Kenny! You know how to look after him! Just play with him, make his dinner and talk to him. Then bathe him, give him his teddy and read him a story, put him to bed. You do that most days.“

“What if he gets cries and wants you and not me?” That was always his biggest insecurity, the fear that Jack didn’t love him as much as he loved you.

“He worships you! Just comfort him.” You try to sound as reassuring as you possibly could.”You’ll be fine!”

“I know, I know.” He sighed.

“Just please try and make him sleep in his own bed, He was doing so well till you came back from tour!”

“What about the monster under his bed?” Kenny grinned, covering up Jack’s ears, but not well enough as the little boy cowered and grabbed his Daddy’s leg.

You’d never forgive Kenny for filling his mind with stories of monsters that lived under his bed. It was hard enough getting him to sleep in his big boy bed and not clamber into yours any time he figured out how to escape. Although you had a feeling Kenny told him all that so he would come sleep with the two of you. He always loved having the two of you to cuddle up to when he was home.

Leaning down you give Jack a kiss on the head and passed him one of his toy cars. “Daddy will make sure the monsters are gone, OK little one?” Jack nodded and mindlessly began to push the car over Kenny’s leg making tiny toddler babble noises.

“You look really hot by the way!” Kenny smiled, reaching up to grab your ass.

“I know I do.” Kissing the top of his head too and removing his hand. You spun around, looking in the mirror to check your hair and apply some lipstick. “All the more reason to make him sleep in his own bed then!” You coo over your shoulder and gave him a sickly sweet grin, while he scowled.

“Hey dude,” Kenny ruffled his boy’s blonde curls, curls that matched his own and sighed. “Y'gonna watch Daddy play?”

Baby Omega nodded his head and mirrored the exact way Kenny relaxed into the sofa. It melted your heart seeing the two of them together, they were literally carbon copies of one another. Jack adored his Dad more than Kenny could ever know. When he wasn’t there all he wanted to do was watch videos on Youtube of Kenny and constantly chatted about his “Dada”. It was heart warming seeing just how much he loved him.

“Love you,” You mouth at Kenny, blowing him a kiss just out of Jacks sight and took one last look at the two of them as you walked towards the door.

“Dada bad!” Jack giggled and clapped his hands when he heard Kenny groan and threw his controller down for the third time in a row. Kenny had to stop himself from glaring at the little one. How could his own son laugh at him when he lost. He knew he was a sore loser but was he really being mocked by a two-year-old. “Bad, Bad!”

Jack reached controller with his hands that had somehow got sticky without Kenny realizing. Grabbing a wipe, he cleaned off Jacks face while he pouted and stuck out his bottom lip. 

Taking a deep sigh, Kenny took a sip of his Monster he sat back and started another round.

“Juice Dada! Juice!” Jack repeated, making grabby hands towards Kenny’s drink. “Want!”

“You can’t have that, my man. I’ll go get you a drink OK?” 


Kenny came back into his gaming room, Jack was off the sofa on his feet, jiggling the joysticks and pressing buttons. His chubby little fingers pressing down over and over while he chattered to himself. 

“Jack, do you want a go? Kenny knelt down in front of his son and rubbed under his chin. You always told Kenny how much Jack wanted to be like him but he’d never seen him act on it. Being away from him meant he missed so much. He still hadn’t forgiven himself for missing his first steps, although his first word being Dada was something he’d cherished forever. He watched the video of it at least three times a day. 

Kenny picked him and put him on his knee, Pulling him in close to his chest while he fired up another game of Street Fighter. He could feel his little heart beating through his body.

“Tap, Tap, Tap! Come on you can do it!” Helping him press the buttons and hold onto the control, Looking down at the glee in his son’s eyes as the images flashed before him, Darting all over the screen. “Keep going!”

“YAY!” Kenny lifted him up and threw him in the air. “You win Jack! You win!"  He didn’t win of course but Jack wouldn’t know, He just wanted to give Jack a moment to remember for the rest of his life. “Give me a Too Sweet!” 

“Sweet!” Jack squealed in his sweet baby voice. He still couldn’t manage to say “Too Sweet” but he could just about do the hand motion. Chucking him in the air a few more times while he giggled hysterically and screamed with joy. 

"Wuv you Dada!” Jack cried through ragged breaths as he slung his arms around Kenny’s neck and rubbed his snotty, dribbly face on his cheek. 

He’d never quite managed to say that before so it brought tears to his eyes as he cuddled him close. It was moments like this Kenny loved the most, even if he did have baby snot on him. He truly appreciated any and all moments he spent with him but the ones where Jack showed him unconditional love were the ones he thought about the most.

Maybe he would mention the monsters after all.


You relieve your King.

Written for @ezekiels-tigers writing challenge. T for for Throne Prompt. <3

Originally posted by sassmastersarahkv

King Ezekiel/Reader, Gender Neutral Reader, Smut, Oral Sex

Words: 888

From your window you could see Ezekiel pacing with Shiva. Something big had happened in the last couple of days and if you’d really wanted to find out then you probably could have asked but you had no interest in facing the realities of what lived outside the walls. What you did have an interest in was Ezekiel.

Ever since you’d arrived at the Kingdom you’d found yourself drawn to him. Maybe it was the power that attracted you but you preferred to think it was the man. You relished the times when his King’s mask slipped just as much as you enjoyed the spectacle of his theatrics. He made you feel safe when you didn’t think you’d feel safe again.

It was past midnight now. Only the sentries who hadn’t fallen asleep would witness you leaving your room as you followed your King into the grand hall and bolted the door

You found him sitting on his wooden throne, Shiva besides him. His head was resting back and although his eyes were closed you could tell he was lost in thought rather than sleeping.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can you please make a Scenario based on "Don't say goodbye" by davichi with Jaehyun? Thank you so much!

Originally posted by neotechs

Pairing : reader x jaehyun

Genre : angst ???? maybe

A/N : this was such a cool request the lyrics to this song are so beautiful and deep. i hope you enjoy this and it’s what you expected. - tee


It had been months since you’d really seen jaehyun. He’d come and go from your shared apartment barely throwing a glance in your direction. This wasn’t how it was meant to be. Where had the days gone when he’d come home and look for you engulfing you in his warm welcoming arms. Where had those sweet kisses and reassuring smiles that would stop your flow of tears. Now you felt like you were constantly drowning in your tears and he had become the source of them.

You wanted to say something, you really did. But what could you say. He was never around you long enough to have a proper conversation anyway. That’s why when you came home one day you were shocked to see Jaehyun sat on your sofa. He wasn’t doing anything, just sat waiting.

“Um hello” you nervously said capturing his attention. His head swung round and he uttered a greeting back. He noticed you struggling with the grocery bags you had in your hands and helped you carry them to the kitchen.

The atmosphere was awkward and making the both of you uncomfortable. This was the most interaction you’d had in weeks and you felt like strangers around each other He opened and closed his mouth, as if trying to say something but the words refusing to come out.

“Uh .. so how’ve you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages” your eyes widened, you hadn’t meant to say that last part. This was only going to make matters worse.

Jaehyun sighed making eye contact with you. His eyes were filled with regret and sorrow. You knew what he was going to say and you really didn’t have the strength to handle it. To be honest you always knew this day would come, why would Jaehyun want to stay with someone like you anyway? He was probably fed up with you and wanted to leave.

“Jaehyun don’t” was all you could manage as you collapsed in a kitchen chair.

“I keep hurting you. I don’t understand what’s happened to us. I love you to death but I feel like you don’t love me anymore. Maybe it’s cos I’m always busy or cos we barely talk anymore, but we’re drifting apart and I don’t know what to do. Maybe we need time apart or away from each other. I just don’t know what else to do” Jaehyun confessed. You stared at him in shock. He’d been just as down as you had and you’d ignored it thinking you were the only one being affected by all this.

Tears filled your eyes and risked spilling down your cheeks any moment. Jaehyun stepped forward wiping away the first runaway.

“We will be separated forever, so don’t open those lips wider. Don’t say goodbye” you whispered hanging your head low and refusing to face him.

He sighed pulling you into a hug. His hug. The one you’d been missing for too long.

“Don’t say goodbye” you repeated.

“I won’t”

Family Outing

I apologize in advance for the sketchy science in this chapter. Even though it was used in a dream sequence, it still doesn’t get me off the hook. But damn, it was really fun to write.

Part 8

Star City, 2017

Oliver sat alone in the Argus safe house; a place that Professor Reiter told him would be unused in this time frame. It had a couple of old chairs, a tattered and stained couch, a battered TV and a small kitchen. Behind the kitchen was an even smaller bathroom with a rusted sink and tub. The room gave Oliver just enough privacy to barely close the door.

Reiter left him there a couple hours ago, off in search of his contact. He told Oliver that it would not be a good idea if he ventured out into the city, to stay put until he returned. This wasn’t a joy ride into the past; they had a mission to complete. Once Oliver and Reiter arrived in 2017, it didn’t feel to Oliver as if he had come back home. This was a time and place he had only visited in his dreams. Changing realities did not alter for him the constant in his life, either in 2050 or 2017—he was still alone.

Sitting in one of the old chairs, Oliver’s body did not find the same comfort and relief he got in his contour chair back home. He continually shifted from side to side, crossing and re-crossing his legs as his arthritis flared up and helped to elude any easing of pain.

In the back of his mind though, Oliver recognized another constant that seemed to override his discomfort. When he and Professor Reiter went through the Corridor and found the appropriate door to this present, Oliver began thinking about what might be waiting for him  here in the past. Reiter was explaining to him that because there were two of them (Reiter had never traveled with a companion) the balance of power to create the Corridor would shift and only one of them would be able to return to 2050. Oliver didn’t care. In 2050, all he really had left were long, painful memories of his early life and everything and everyone he had lost in the preceding decades. The thought of seeing his loved ones again; well, it was a sacrifice he had no qualms about making. Yes, he still had William and Zach, JJ and Zoe as his immediate family, but his original Team was where he found his true happiness. And if he did stay, the beautiful thing would be that he will get to see them grow up again. Still, having to watch all of his great loves taken from his life—it chipped away his soul until all he was left with was a beating heart echoing with loss and sorrow.

Now, as he waited for Reiter to return, there was one thought that towered over all the rest—he could see Felicity again.

Despite this rescue mission to save Curtis and Rene from their horrible deaths, seeing Felicity again was the real reason he went through that portal with Reiter. Sitting here in the Argus safe house in 2017 and knowing that she was out there, still young, beautiful, vibrant and so close, Oliver could feel his thoughts waking up parts of his mind and heart that had to let her go all those years behind him. It was like a premonition, as if at any moment  she could walk through the safe house door and save him again, bringing her light to fill is life—past and present. What she gave his life was timeless.

Would she recognize him now? Would she still love him? Would she let him hold her? Even if he was, in this time, old enough to be her father? And what about himself in this time? Would he stand by and let himself confuse and disrupt their happiness?

And there was the paradox that kept Oliver here in the shadows. Even though Professor Reiter’s discovery negated time paradoxes, Oliver could only accept that his older self would just be a hindrance to his younger self. Felicity deserved to be happy. And either young or old; that always made Oliver happy.

A deep, shaking sigh escaped Oliver as he forced himself still in the chair and closed his eyes. As sleep reached out to claim him, Oliver had a dream, a disjointed recollection of Professor Reiter’s explanation of how and what brought Oliver back home. It was a river of possibilities that washed him away…

…”Einstein hypothesized that time travel was not possible for human beings. He said it had to do with mass and energy and the curvature of space. His Theory of Relativity showed that true travels through time was really only possible if mass was accelerated faster than the speed of light…another possibility out of humanity’s reach.”

Oliver and Professor Reiter were standing in the Infinity Corridor, a name coined by Reiter when he stepped into it and saw forever for the first time. Oliver had always been out of his element when confronting science. He always relied on Felicity and Curtis to help him grasp the fundamental outcomes of theories and conclusions. As he and the Professor kept searching for the right door that would take them back to 2017, matrix glyphs and chaos probability equations flew up and down the Corridor; they also moved beneath their feet on an opaque floor. They were like technological birds flitting about in mathematical solutions. Undecipherable formula’s floated above their heads like unrealized ideas, as if just one of them could hold the key to unlocking the secrets of the Universe. All of it was so alien to Oliver and he suspected that Professor Reiter was also hard-pressed as well to capture those secrets.

But Reiter continued explaining to Oliver the essence of his discovery. “Oliver,” he said. “Say you are in a space ship that left the Earth. You reach the speed of light; then you go past it. You begin to cover large distances, say light years. Your existence becomes relative to your speed. As you move further away from Earth, days and weeks and months will continue in real time. But, depending on how far you go out, decades, centuries and millenniums’ will pass on Earth.”

Oliver shook his head. “Professor, I have I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Just then, a real-time algorithm dive-bombed Oliver, breaking out of the glyphs overhead. He instinctively ducked out of the way, lest he be filled with unsolvable quandaries.  “Are you saying,” he went on. “That Einstein was wrong?”

“Oliver, I’m only saying that Einstein said it wasn’t possible. However, he did find a whole new set of variables in Quantum Psychics. He visualized folding space and creating wormholes. His psychics were uncharted territory in his time, but his ideas were sound and the possibilities were exciting.”

“So then tell me Professor…” Oliver put to him. “Can you save Curtis and Rene?”

Reiter smiled at Oliver. “Yes Oliver, I can. I just have to find the right door.”

Oliver became exasperated. He gazed down the Infinity Corridor. “Professor, that could take forever.”

“Exactly,” Reiter replied…


Oliver woke up and felt disorientated. Professor Reiter’s claims in the dream were science fiction to Oliver. Yet it was undeniable. They had left 2050 via Reiter’s Infinity Corridor and had arrived here in 2017. The truth, the reality of it was Oliver sitting in this uncomfortable chair, 33 years removed from his life. it was Star City outside the safe house unfolding in real time.

Oliver felt a severe crick in his neck and he began to rub it. Then he heard sound outside the door of his tiny residence.


He pulled himself out of the chair and gave his whole attention to the door. He suddenly felt guilty, as if he was about to get caught violating the strictures of time.

Then the door opened and Reiter came into the safe house.

“Mr. Queen,” he started to say. Then he saw the look of concern and anxiety on Oliver’ face. “Are you alright?”

Oliver did not respond. Adrenalin made his tired heart beat faster.

“Right,” Reiter replied. “Uh, I brought someone back with me that you should meet.” He stepped aside and Oliver Queen came into view.

“Oliver Queen,” Reiter said. “Meet Oliver Queen.”


Felicity was still a little confused by Oliver’s text:

“Felicity, I’m going to be a little late coming home today. I’ve met somebody who has new info on Curtis and Rene. I’ll call you later and explain. I love you.”

After leaving Oliver’s apartment, Felicity went to the Bunker and began her continuous search for Cayden James and Talia. In spite of Oliver’s loving and comforting words last night, she was still immersed in the guilt of losing her friends.

When Oliver sent his text, she activated her search ping and was able to track Oliver’s nanites and his phone. She brought up the signal on her computer screen and saw that he was far off the beaten path of his jogging route. The signal showed him on the outskirts of the city, and it was a fixed position; he was inside a building. She brought up the address.

Felicity did not want to wait for his call. She grabbed her tablet and phone and left the Bunker. Oliver was on to something and she might be able to help out in the field.

As she left, a frown crinkled her forehead. Oliver’s tracking nanites were showing him clearly. But she also saw another trace of him; two locations just three feet apart, as if Oliver was in two places at once.

She hated mysteries…

@louiseblue1 @it-was-a-red-heeler @almondblossomme @dmichellewrites @hope-for-olicity @wordslovedreams @melolicity @bandanab310 @memcjo

What is Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement

Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement is a Distress Tolerance Skill in DBT.

I’ve had bad experiences with how Radical Acceptance is taught and how it can be a really harmful concept if it’s not taught properly (my previous post on How to Practice Reality Acknowledgement went into some of those reasons).  I’m not going to pretend that I can teach Radical Acceptance any better, but I do hope that by explaining my personal understanding of the concept that I developed so I could apply the basic concept to my life regardless of how poorly it was presented to me will help some of you in some way, and I’ll include my personal understanding alongside the way it’s presented in the Skills Training Manual for DBT.

It’s important to note that Radical Acceptance (despite the positive connotation of “acceptance”) is not encouraging you to condone or approve of the things in your life that are causing you pain, nor is it saying that the pain this thing is causing you is okay. 

What Radical Acceptance really is, is acknowledging reality instead of fighting reality (with denial, with procrastination, with many things really).  This is why I prefer to call it Reality Acknowledgement because it doesn’t have any of those positive connotations that make it difficult for people to accept the premise of this concept/skill.  Reality Acknowledgement along with a concept of a more positive perspective of Radical Acceptance, can help you come to terms with many things, such as painful events, painful emotions, and painful thoughts that display hatred towards yourself.

It’s a skill that you use when you cannot stop painful events and painful emotions and painful thoughts from coming your way.  Having BPD makes us much more sensitive to painful things like this, our disorder makes us feel the pain more intensely, and the intensity of our feelings can lead us to want to push all this pain away and deny it because we can’t handle it.  Some of us may try to deny the effects that having BPD can have on us, and some people have a very hard time accepting the reality that BPD is something most of us will struggle with for a very long time and that few of us will ever be able to feel comfortable or ready to call ourselves a “recovered borderline.” 

This is why it’s especially important learn to apply Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement to things you cannot accept about yourself, as well.

So what IS Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement?

  • Radical means all the way, complete and total
  • It is accepting / acknowledging in your mind, your heart, your body, and your soul
  • It is when you stop fighting or denying reality, and stop becoming overwhelmed and hurt and upset when reality is not the way you want it to be or what it should be in your eyes (though it’s important to note you are allowed to be hurt by hurtful things and to be upset by upsetting things, don’t invalidate your emotions when practicing this skill)
  • “Acceptance” does not mean approval of the things that are hurting you or condoning these painful things as okay or right
  • It also means acknowledging the facts of situations or things that we cannot change or fix
  • And ultimately through Radical Acceptance /  Reality Acknowledgement you can come to terms with painful things and “free yourself” from the burden of bitterness and (emotional) pain that causes suffering.  However, in some cases suffering is not something you can free yourself from, but you can Radically Accept that your suffering is valid

Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement is a very important skill to learn in DBT while on a journey of recovery because the way I understand it, it can be incredibly validating and help you come to terms with painful things in your past and present.

What Has to be Accepted / Acknowledged:

  • Reality as it is.  The facts about the past and the present are the facts, even if you don’t like them or approve of them or think they were fair.  This also means accepting / acknowledging the parts of your past or present that you want to deny ever happened.  Denial of reality (fighting reality) will only make healing from these painful parts of your past or present even harder.
  • There are limitations on the future for everyone, though these limitations for people with BPD and other mental illnesses are often greater than they are for non-borderline individuals and neurotypical individuals.  However, only realistic limitations need to be accepted / acknowledged.
  • Everything has a cause, including events and situations that cause you pain and suffering.  These causes don’t excuse the pain an event or a person has caused you, but you have to accept / acknowledge that all things don’t just happen randomly (though some might) and that there is often a cause for what is happening to you or situations you find yourself in that you don’t like, or even parts of yourself that you don’t like.
  • Life can be worth living even with painful events in it.  This is especially important for people who have BPD because we feel a lot of pain and suffering, and we’ve often gone through a lot of terrible things.  But pain and suffering does not reduce the worth of your life or whether you deserve to live.  You deserve happiness but you might not always get it, so this point is really important to remember and accept in hard times.

Why should you Accept / Acknowledge reality?

  • Rejecting or fighting reality does not change reality.
  • Changing reality requires you to first acknowledge that reality. Acknowledgement/acceptance of reality can give you the beginning strength to start working to change the aspects of reality that you believe are not okay, or not just, or not fair.
  • Pain can’t be avoided; it is nature’s way of signalling that something is wrong.
  • Refusing to acknowledge reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, shame, or other painful/negative emotions.  Nevertheless, you have a right to feel these emotions. You just don’t want to be stuck feeling these emotions forever, and acknowledging reality is the first step towards healing from painful things that cause negative emotions.
  • Acknowledgement may lead to sadness, but sometimes a sense of deep calmness or inner peace follows.  It can be comforting to come to terms with reality as it is rather than the frustration that comes from fighting it and denying the painful things that may have happened to you.  It can also give you strength, strength in your knowledge or beliefs, as well as strength to change the situation in order to improve it.
  • “The path out of hell is often through misery.  By refusing to acknowledge/accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you will eventually fall back into hell.” (That’s directly from Handout 11 in the Skills Training Manual but I couldn’t figure out how to reword it in order to make it more acceptable to people of other faiths or no faiths where hell is not a thing)

The way a friend described Radical Acceptance to me, which is similar to how I conceptualize it, is that fundamentally you’re acknowledging that you don’t have control over everything that happens to you.  A lot of what happens to you may be terrible or awful or unjust or unfair, and your feelings about those things are valid.  It’s not your choice that these things are unfair, for example, but ignoring it, denying it, or refusing to acknowledge it will not help move you to a place where you can heal from the shitty things that have happened in your life that are affecting you.

You’re allowed to hate the things (in particular, people) who have badly hurt you.  But if that hate consumes you, it will control you and drag you farther off the path of recovery and self-acceptance.

Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement is about acknowledging and accepting that you don’t have control over anything but yourself and that you have to work with what you’re given, even if what you’ve been given is shitty. You can’t change what you’re given in life.  You’re allowed to feel/think that this is unfair and unjust, because it often is!  But those thoughts should be used with Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement or else they will just spawn more negative emotions rather than giving you the strength to change the things in your life which are within your control.

Reality Acknowledgement gives you the first and most basic tool that you can use to fix situations that are hurtful to you, if that situation can be fixed.  Ultimately, you can use Reality Acknowledgement to learn the facts about a situation and then you can develop a plan to either change that situation, or a plan for how you can emotionally cope with a similar situation.  This is called “Coping Ahead” which is an Emotion Regulation Skill. (We will discuss this along with all the DBT skills on SBD eventually)

Radical Acceptance can also be applied to yourself.  People who have BPD (and other mental illnesses) often feel like damaged goods or unworthy of love and resent that they ever developed this disorder.  Our first impulse when many of us were diagnosed was to deny that it was even possible for us to have BPD.  But through Radical Acceptance (using acceptance here to have a positive connotation), you can learn to grow to accept who you are even though you have BPD.  I think that’s something many of us are working on, learning how to accept ourselves when we feel like so much is wrong about who we are.  But those are judgements, and the reality is you’re a person who happens to have BPD.  And that’s one of the first steps you can take towards accepting who you are and ultimately growing to love yourself.

Reality Acknowledgement has helped me a lot personally, once I was able to conceptualize it for myself rather than the ways I was taught that invalidated my valid feelings about my pain and the suffering I’ve endured.  It was Reality Acknowledgement that actually helped me come to terms with the fact I was seriously abused by a number of people, and that knowledge of reality gave me the strength to finally sever contact with my abusers.  I was lucky that it worked out the way it did or else I still would have been emotionally tied to one of my abusers and I never would have been able to have the healthy and loving relationship I do now.  I’m still a work in progress. 

Reality Acknowledgement / Radical Acceptance is not a magic fix for anything, it still is work and sometimes it can feel like thankless work. Also it can take a while for you to fully be able to Radically Accept / Acknowledge Reality in the way you need to for your recovery.  It can take time, it can take a lot of time and there will be times when you slip back into fighting reality (especially if you’re triggered by something) but it’s a work in progress.  Some days it might be easy to acknowledge something bad that happened, but not so easy (or even impossible) on other days. Don’t get discouraged! 

Ultimately, Reality Acknowledgement / Radical Acceptance is an important component of DBT for helping people start their journey of managing overwhelming painful/negative emotions that result after painful or distressing events by acknowledging the things that have hurt them.

I hope this helps you understand what Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement is and how to use it.

Further Reading: How to Practice Reality Acknowledgement Step By Step for Abuse and Trauma Victims, Things that Interfere with Reality Acknowledgement

TL;DR: Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement is a DBT Distress Tolerance Skill that encourages you to acknowledge reality as it is, despite what you wish the reality was.  It encourages you to stop fighting reality (usually by denying it) and acknowledge what has or is happening to you or people around you. 

Radical Acceptance / Reality Acknowledgement teaches us that the only thing we have any control over is ourselves and that it is futile to try to change things that are out of our control–this is why we must acknowledge or accept these things.  It can also help ease negative emotions by validating your emotional response while also giving you the strength to change the aspects of your situation that are within your power to change.


With All Of Me | Part Three

For: Anonymous
Characters: Rafael Barba/(Female) Reader
Warnings: Mentions of Sexual Assault/Rape
Word Count: 904
Notes: So, I got these three prompts all at one time in a row, and they lended themselves to a three-part imagine. So I hope y’all enjoy this short story!
ALSO! The song in this chapter is Come Rain or Come Shine by Ray Charles. Link from title is to a YouTube recording.
Prompt: Imagine your first dance with Barba at your wedding reception
Part One | Part Two | Part Three

You looked at the hand offered you by the man you now could call your husband. Rafael smiled as you placed your hand in his. This was how it all started, the fateful day in the hospital when your vulnerability caused the walls you had built around you to collapse, and his perfect hand had kept you grounded and reminded you that you weren’t alone.

This was your favorite part of Rafael. His hands. Hands that worked hard to ensure justice for hurt. Hands that knew every corner of your body and had nursed it back to health in so many ways. Hands that ran through your hair when you cried and brushed tears oh-so-gingerly from your cheeks. Hands that cooked meals when you couldn’t eat and fed you chocolate covered strawberries on Valentine’s day.

You laced your fingers together, letting him lead you to the center of the dance floor, music sounding from the speakers as the DJ played the song you’d chosen together for your first dance.

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