This is a little weird for me to write because before you gave out this prompt, I never really thought about how much this person impacted me. Last year at the beginning of my freshman year in college, I met my two roommates for the year. While Helli was amazing, Vernesha -my other roommate - has impacted my life in ways I could not contemplate. At first, she was quiet and instropective while I was - am - a loud, bubbly person. We didn’t really mesh well but we certainly did not hate each other even in the least bit. I was binge watching Supernatural then and was at the season 4 marker I believe when she started listening in on the episodes. We never really talked so it took her a little bit to ask what it was and what it was about but she eventually did and I got very excited because, well, I am a total fangirl and raved to her about Supernatural for at least a couple of hours. She then started watching it on her own and from that point on the strongest friendship I made during my college years was forged (currently a junior). At first, Supernatural was the only thing we talked about but we would talk for hours about it but gradually she opened up and I found myself opening up beyond the ruse of my loud persona. My persona and my happy go lucky attitude was a front because I believed that if I pretended I was strong and happy then to an extent, I actually would be happy. And it does work but to a point. I never told anyone about my past and my overwhelming fears but I did to her, throughout these two years and oddly she knew exactly how to respond. First, she found out about my sexual assault back in freshman year of high school and read the signs that I hated to talk about how vulnerable it made me feel when I did talk about it (which was very, very rare) and she read that it had shaped me into becoming the callous person that comes out whenever I feel like there is any sort of attack against me. She listened to me tell people that I didn’t care about them - despite the fact that I did - and watched me cut off people completely because I was afraid. Which brings me to my next point, she also learned about the death of my best friend back in junior year of high school exactly 6 months after the death of my cousin, both of which have molded me into a person that hates attachments and connection and would rather have a 1000 acquaintances than 1 best friend. Because it hurt so much when you lose these people and so whenever I cut off or hurt people or convinced people that I didn’t care about them, she would listen and later that night we would talk and I would cry and she would listen and she would cry because she lost her mother to cancer when she was in 6th grade and I would listen. I would listen to her story; a story involving her deceased mother, abusive stepparent and stepbrothers, her constant worry over financials because she didn’t have anyone - never had anyone to stand beside her. And so I did. I did everything I could to help her just as she did for me. When she worked early mornings and studied all day for her scholarships, I would try and provide some comic relief and a quiet environment for her to work. Whenever she needed to rant of get something off her chest, I listened. It may not seem like much but it is the world to us. During the second semester of my freshman year of college, my family experienced severe financial struggles and suddenly I was thrust into a world I didn’t understand but she held my hand through the entire journey. Now I have a job and security, I never had a job before because I never needed to but she helped me secure the job and understand how the working world worked. Sometimes talking to her about it saved me from marching into the financial aid office and screaming my lungs off, possibly getting expelled in the process. She never is one to come out and be sappy about anything and she knew I didn’t want that. Every time I had a problem and I was clearly complaining without formulating a useful plan she would say and I quote, “Ree, get off that excuse wagon and start making a plan. You can get through this just like you got through everything else. Let’s go.” Even if I tried my hardest to cut her off like I did so many other people, I can’t. She is my best friend and I love her. I guess the love I have for her is stronger than the fear I have of losing her.
Now I don’t really know if in the instructions when it says on Tumblr, it meant posting the nomination on it or nominating someone that has an account on tumblr. She doesn’t but either way I felt like her story should be out there in the world and that I needed to write this. To recognize her impact on my life and to realize how grateful I am for her.
Attached is a picture of us on our pretend christmas day since we don’t have much of a christmas with our respective families.
And so, I nominate Vernesha Lawrence