first published gif

Imagine Chris being your rock.

A/N: This piece is going to be more than just about the angst and the fluff, it’s about addressing a serious issue in both my own life and society; an issue that seems to carry a stigma that prevents one from talking about it without shame. Now I started writing because it was the only time where I felt like I had true control over anything, over myself- over life. It’s honestly the reason I’m still alive sometimes. (Super dark, I’m sorry.) I have had an eating disorder for years now, and this is possibly the first time I’m publishing a story where I properly address that because I feel like Tumblr is a safe space and perhaps there is someone reading who will find comfort in my words and seek the help that I, too, am afraid to seek. First of all, you are not alone. Secondly, I know how scary it is. Thirdly, we are beautiful despite how often our reflection tell us we are not. Lastly, you are worthy and you deserve a love like this. Why am I writing this now, while I’m on my holiday having the time of my life? Because mental disorders don’t stop when you’re on holiday, and they don’t stop when you’re working, or studying for a major exam. I just want those who are suffering from this, or depression, or anxiety to know that I am with them always. ❤️

You tapped your pen anxiously against the table as you reread your food diary entry for the day. All the while you could hear the voices in your head telling you that “it’s too much”, that “you failed”, that you needed to “do better” and “be better”, and the harder you tried to ignore said voices, the louder they got. You lowered your pen and closed your notebook, taking slow breaths as your eyelids blackened your vision. You were okay, there was always tomorrow. You could eat less tomorrow; you’d succeed tomorrow; you’d be better and do better tomorrow.

You broke from your concentration when you heard Chris come through the front door, calling out to you. “Babe, I’m home!” Relief escaped your lungs as if he were the only thing capable of saving you from yourself. You returned yourself to your bittersweet reality, stowing your food diary in your top desk drawer where it lived with all your other notebooks; all filled with your thoughts, both blissful and pained.

“Hey you,” Chris smiled at you when you entered the kitchen. You managed one back, despite how tired and heartbroken you were; Chris noticed, but he said nothing knowing it would cause you to break down if he asked. “How was your day?” He asked as you forced your way into his arms, burying your face in his chest.

“Same old,” you mumbled, appreciating how comforting his touch was. He stroked your back gently, peppering soft kisses onto the top of your head. “How was yours?” You quizzed, glancing up at him for a moment before pressing your face back into his chest. God, he smelt so good; he smelt more than just his refreshing cologne, he smelt like warmth and kindness and happiness. He smelt like a dose of everything you needed after the day you had.

“Better now that I’m with my girl,” he smiled, giving you a tight squeeze before he released you. You leaned against the island counter while Chris proceeded to unpack the small bag of groceries he’d brought back with him. “So I’ve been thinking,” he glanced back at you, feeling his heart ache at the sight of your tired eyes. “Why don’t we go away for the weekend? We can rent a cabin, go immerse ourselves in the quiet forest. It’ll be nice, don’t you think?”

You knew Chris only suggested going out to a cabin when he was worried about you. It didn’t start out like that, it started off as a getaway where the two of you could spend some time alone without modern technology and people getting in the way. But over the years, it’d become a retreat where one could rid oneself of all the stress, and the emotional dread, and the weight of the world that was on one’s shoulders; that one being you, and occasionally Chris when he was having a particularly stressful time. It was a nice place to be because you wouldn’t have anything to stress and trigger you; you could just exist, drinking the calm and the quiet that Mother Nature provided. But it was also a horrible place to be because Chris would take that opportunity to talk to you, to worry and fuss about you, to love you with a love that you didn’t feel like you deserve, and unlike the city, you’d have no where, nothing, and no one to hide behind.

“I don’t know,” your fingers played with your right earlobe; a nervous tick Chris had deciphered over the years. “I feel like this isn’t a good time. You’re busy with work and I’m busy with work- I don’t think now’s a good time to have a getaway.”

“I think it’s because we’re so busy that we need a getaway,” he countered. “We can’t keep working ourselves to the bone, Y/N.” Especially not mentally, he thought but he didn’t say out loud. “I’m about to leave for Infinity War, now’s a good a time as any for us to have some alone time.” You let out a quiet sigh, but stopped arguing because you knew from Chris’ firm tone that saying no wasn’t an option. “Pack a bag, okay?” He kissed your cheek and you nodded with a forced smile. “We’ll leave in the morning.”
• • • • • • • •
The car ride out to the cabin wasn’t as bubbly as your usual car rides together; there was a fog of emotions, but happiness wasn’t one of them. You didn’t sing or joke, and you most definitely didn’t eat anything. It broke Chris’ heart to see you like this, and it broke yours to see what you were doing to him. It was actually your biggest fear to hurt him the way you were which was why you rejected him when he asked you out the first few times. He had this light in his eyes that you didn’t want to kill with your dark, you’d done enough of that over the course of your existence.

You’d lost friends, and boyfriends, and even some members of your family- you didn’t want to invest in another person only to lose them too. But Chris was persistent. He respected your decision to not be with him romantically, but remained in your life as a friend. A very good friend- a best friend that you couldn’t help but fall in-love with. He was the perfect man, he cared for you and loved you unconditionally. Even after finding out about what you suffered from, he didn’t go anywhere. He was one of the few who promised you a lifetime and actually proved he’d keep his promise, and so you let your walls down and allowed him into your life as your romantic partner.

Two and a half years later, after dozens of panic attacks and days where you’d avoid food altogether, you were still with him and he was as in-love with you as the first time he saw you. Till this day you didn’t understand why, because to you, you were unlovable. But that wasn’t how Chris saw you, he knew you weren’t your disorders; you were intelligent, and talented, and strong, and beautiful, and resilient. He loved you because of all that, but most of all, he loved you because you remained kind despite the constant hell you were dragged through. You may not have seen what he saw, but you were every bit the girl you aspired to be, and until you saw yourself in that same light- he wasn’t going to stop working you towards that.

“Hey.” You turned away from the window when Chris reached for your hand and pulled it onto his lap as he gave it a light squeeze. “What are you thinking about?” He asked then lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles. You felt your lips quirk into a smile; that was an act of affection you’d never get tired of.

“Nothing,” you shook your head.

“Do you want to know what I’m thinking about?” He quizzed and you nodded. “How much I love you.” He threw a grin your way and you managed a laugh; he smiled because that was what he loved to hear. “You make me feel like I’m the luckiest man on the planet everyday, Y/N.” He forced himself not to well up when he saw you did. “Everyday,” he repeated in a firmer tone.

“I feel the same way about you, Chris,” you squeezed his hand and smiled. “I love you to a point where you could easily ruin me,” you admitted under your breath as you pulled your hand from his. You didn’t mean for Chris to hear it, but he did and he understood it. It was the same for him; you were going to be someone he’d never get over if he was ever unlucky enough to lose you.

“I’m never going anywhere,” he glanced at you as you closed your eyes, pretending to drift off. “You know that, right?” He waited for an answer, but he didn’t get one. “I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with you, sweetheart.” He said as he came to a stop at a red light. He leaned over the gearbox and kissed the side of your head gently, whispering as he pulled away, “don’t you worry.”
• • • • • • • •
Chris watched you over the table as you unconsciously stared at your food. You were so used to contemplating the pros and cons of consuming anything that you didn’t even realize you were doing it until you called yourself out. It was incredibly heartbreaking for Chris to see that you couldn’t even do what humans were meant to do in order to survive without first spending hours fighting yourself on it. The motto you lived by: eating is a choice, not a necessity.

You had good days where you could eat and not feel like your entire world was falling apart, then you had bad days where you couldn’t even eat a salad without feeling like you needed to throw it back up. It was so fickle that you didn’t know if you were actually suffering from an eating disorder, or if you were just a health nut who wanted to look good. But no health nut would do what you constantly did to yourself, there was something definitely wrong with you.

Chris could still remember when he first confronted you about it, it was probably one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. You weren’t dating when he found out about your eating disorder, but he was already in-love with you so it didn’t stop his heart from shattering at the sounds of your cries. It didn’t seem like normal crying to him, it was as though he could hear your soul break. The pain you were in was immense but mental, and nothing he did could’ve taken it away. In that moment, seeing the love of his life bawl her eyes out, he thought he’d died and gone to hell.

“Are you going to eat that?” Chris asked gently.

“Um…” You looked up at him, your eyes glistened. “Yeah,” you forced a smile, “I am.” You picked up your knife and fork and poked at the roasted chicken breast on your plate before cutting a small piece and putting in into your mouth. “It’s good,” you mumbled after swallowing.

Now he didn’t want to push you, but his worry had reached the edge of the cliff. You needed to eat something and you needed to eat it now because he didn’t want you to get lightheaded or suffer from gastric pains again. “Y/N,” he began with a sigh.

“What?” You were frustrated with yourself and on the verge of crying. “I’m eating, aren’t I?”

“You have to try harder than that,” he told you. Both of you could both hear how worried he was for your physical and mental health, and that he was on the verge of crying too. “I know how difficult this-” he began but was cut off.

“I love you, Chris, but you don’t.” You shook your head as you rose to your feet, weeping as you did. “And I really don’t want to do this with you right now. Excuse me,” you walked out of the dining room and headed straight for the backdoor so you could take a walk and calm down.

The air was crisp outside. Actually, it was a lot colder than your unprotected body could endure. You wrapped your arms around yourself, rubbing warmth through your thin sweater. You heard the door open then heavy footsteps crunching towards you, you closed your eyes and fought the urge to cry as Chris draped your coat over your shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, rubbing your arms. “You’re right, I don’t get it. If you’re not ready, then- you’re not ready.” Your shoulder shook gently as you cried as quietly as you could. “I can’t force recovery on you, I can just be here for you as you recover. I’m sorry, Y/N,” he repeated as he gently turned you around. “I’m really sorry, sweetheart.” He cupped your face in his hands and brushed away your tears, starting to cry himself. “I’m sorry you’re going through all this, I’m sorry you think you’re not beautiful because you are.”

“I’m broken, aren’t I?”

“No,” he shook his head then pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly against him. “You’re not broken, you’re just lost right now. But we’re going to get you out of this, okay?” He rubbed your back soothingly as you cried into his shoulder. “I promise you, this pain isn’t going to be forever.” He pulled back to take your face in his hands again, “and I always keep my promises, don’t I?” You nodded, sobbing. “So believe me, you’re going to be okay.”

“I love you,” you choked out as he pulled you back in for another hug.

“I love you too,” he whispered, clutching onto you as tightly as he could.

Tags: @chrisevans-imagines @widowsfics @m-a-t-91 @xoxomioxoxo @imaginesofdreams @ateliefloresdaprimavera @katiew1973 @winter-tospring @shamvictoria11 @caitsymichelle13 @michellekeehlmello @letterstomyself21 @soymikael @faye22 @always-an-evans-addict @sammyrenae68 @brobrobreja @elizabeth-matsuoka @thegirlwiththeimpala @camerica96 @all-of-the-above11 @captainamerica-ce @whenyourealizethisisntagoodname @yourtropegirl @smoothdogsgirl @createdbytinyaddiction @siofrataylor @dreamingintheimpalawithdean @imaginary-world-of-mine @wanderingkat77 @grantward3 @rileyloves5 @chrsmom302 @buckys-shield @mylittlefandomfanfictions @breezykpop @catch-me-im-a-falling-star @tabi-toast @ssweet-empowerment @hayleesteashoppe @chrixa @feelmyroarrrr @akidura79 @louisespecter @castellandiangelo @ccrossfire @assxmblesstuff @edward-lover18 @princessesnaddy @1d-niallerbieberforever @dxbrevgrey @bellastellaluna @christopher-or-steven (I am so sorry for this angsty piece, I just needed to get some stuff out. I’ll get back to the fluff after this, I promise. Don’t quit me ❤️)

Okay, so I want to do what some other people are doing and give you guys an incentive… If all of you vote like crazy and you get us into the last and final round… I will write and publish my first Stydia fanfiction. I can’t promise it will be as incredible as any of the fics from the veteran writers on here, but it will be a post 6A Stydia fanfic (don’t deny that you want this) and I’ll work my ass off and make it as perfect and as adorable and as in character as I can get it to be. So vote if you want more Stydia fanfiction!!! Think of all the new Stydia content people are promising to release if you just vote! There’s a ton, guys! You’ll be well feed, so put your all into this and get Stydia to the next round! DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT THE OTHER COUPLE. VOTE AS IF YOU ARE VOTING FOR MORE STYDIA GOODIES. MAKE THAT YOUR FOCUS. 

Now that it’s been almost exactly a year since I published my first Fic Care Pack, have another! There aren’t nearly enough Sterek fics set in Hogwarts, my favourite alternate universe, but still, I’ve found 46 fics. I know that there are a few amazing fics, that are a work in progress, and I look forward to reading them, but this list contains only the completed works.

As per usual, there are two parts to this list; A part are my favourite fics, and I like to read them over and over again, while B part contains the fics that I liked and would definitely recommend. 

And hey, if you come across Sterek Hogwarts AU fic that you love, send it my way. I love reading them (and I’m always looking for more for an updated version of this pack).

Keep reading

For @thekingandthelionheart and @stevetopsbuckysbottom (because I promised), and @yensasha, who seemed interested.

- The list is divided into Canon and AU. All the fics are Stucky unless otherwise stated.
- ✩ for my personal favorites.
- New additions and updates will be marked with ϟ.

- Heed the tags and warnings before reading the fics because I’m infamously un-squickable and always a slut for angst.

Updated: 17.06.2016

Keep reading

My first self-published zine, Let’s Get Free: a Black Mental Health Resource Directory is ready for distribution!! 

It contains a list of Black mental health providers in Kentucky, some suggestions on what to ask your therapist and other useful stuff. 

It’s free, and I’m gonna put it in places throughout louisville. If you want to pick up a copy holler at your girl. I hope it’s useful!

#proud

Hey guys! Here’s a Zayn imagine I wrote for y’all. 

Make sure to give it a little like so I’m inspired to write more!

Enjoy!


Present Day:

 You were in LA for work. You worked as a photographer for one of the biggest bands on the planet, One Direction, who hired you for every tour, and now that they were on a break you had the opportunity to meet with a few people and go on tour with other musical acts and bands. You had grown incredibly close with the boys over the last couple of years, they were like family to you, and this break was a little hard so you felt the need to keep busy.

Because he was the greatest friend ever, Harry had got you some really awesome interviews that you both knew would turn into awesome jobs in LA, so here you were, ready for a new adventure.

You hadn’t had the opportunity to do that in a while because they had been pretty full on for the last year with touring, which you enjoyed because the boys were awesome, but you were ready for something different.

The first stop was a publishing company that worked for some of the best singers in LA and was interested in hiring you for a few of their artists.

You walked into the interview confident and came out practically glowing. They had completely loved your pictures and your reviews and you knew you’d get a call in a few days saying you had a job and were jetting off to some exotic location. You couldn’t wait.

You felt giddy and giggly walking towards the exit of the building until you saw him coming through the front doors. His hair was perfect, his clothes designer and freshly pressed, and his walk confident and perfectly paced. You stopped dead in your tracks.

You saw him and he saw you, your heart beating so fast it felt like it had stopped completely, and you felt the need to drop to your knees. You felt yourself begin to shake.

He looked as if he was about to walk over when you bolted out of the side exit. Thank god it existed or you wouldn’t have been able to survive.

You thought you heard someone call your name but you ignored it anyways. You ran and ran until you couldn’t anymore and feel to the ground in a small alley way a block away, crying all over your portfolio.

Zayn. I just saw Zayn.

 

 Flashback:

“I just can’t Zayn,” you said, tears attempting to escape from your eyes, “I can’t just leave.”

 He had just told you he was leaving the band to become a solo artist. You didn’t want to believe that you’d seen it coming but you had. However it still hurt when he said the words out loud.

You were incredibly close with Zayn, you wouldn’t say you were dating because you two had never put a label on whatever you had but every moment you could you spent together and shared hotel rooms and had sex all the time…and yeah whatever, you guys were together.

You just hadn’t made it public because of all the backlash you knew you would get. From both the fans and from management. Dating ‘the help’ didn’t seem like a great idea in the eyes of the boys’ publicist. Not that they knew that it was even happening but whatever.

 He stopped packing up his bag to stand in front of you. You were in a hotel room, he had called you over an hour ago to tell you something important and you had been having this tough discussion for the last hour.

 “Don’t you love me Y/N?” Zayn looked up into your eyes, making your stomach fill with guilt.

“Zayn…don’t. That’s not fair.” You said, standing up from the bed to gain some control over yourself and the conversation.

 “Why not! I shouldn’t even be asking you. You should just come with me. I thought we felt the same about each other.” He came to stand behind you and began to put his arms around your waist.

 You swiftly turned and stepped back out of his arms.

“I may not be a pop star but I’m not a lap dog Zayn.” Your eyes had darkened and he looked a little hurt.

 “I know baby…I know. I just…” He walked away and sat on the bed, dramatically putting his hands over his face. “I just can’t bare leaving you behind.”

You sighed loudly and sat next to him on the bed.

“I love them too Zayn.”

You loved Zayn but you were close with the other boys too. You had deep, heartfelt conversations with Harry. Niall would hold you close and let you cry into his shirt when you were tired and homesick. Liam would always come find you to play video games and go on sneaky little adventures in strange cities and Louis was well…Louis, possibly one of the greatest humans to ever live. He always made you feel loved and needed no matter what.

Zayn looked up at you with tears starting to fall down his face. “Please baby. Come with me.” He put his soft hands on your face and caressed your cheek.

You closed your eyes and rested into it, feeling his warmth and love. It still couldn’t change your mind.

“I can’t Zayn…I’m sorry.”

And without another word you got up and left.

Present Day:

That was the first time you had seen him since that night and you felt utterly shaken. After a few moments you brushed yourself off and got a taxi back to your hotel. Thankfully it wasn’t far and you calmed down on the back but fell apart again when you got back into your room.

Little did you know this wouldn’t be the end of it.

A few hours later you had a hot shower and decided to relax for the rest of the now afternoon turned evening. Your next interview wasn’t until the morning so instead of going out you decided to stay in and get room service.

You ordered a pizza and were told it would be a little while, they had a few orders to get through, so you looked through the on demand movies and found an old favorite of yours to enjoy for a while.

A few moments later there was a knock at the door.

You were a little surprised, thinking the food would take longer than 15 minutes but happily opened the door without another thought.

You were shocked when it was not your food waiting for you behind the door.

It was Zayn.

You couldn’t believe he was just standing there, dressed in black looking as handsome as ever, and holding the most incredible bouquet of pink and yellow flowers you’d ever seen. He knew you too well.

You couldn’t speak. You just stood there stunned.

He held out the flowers for you. “I bought these for you,” he said softly, planting them into your hand. “I thought they’d brighten up the hotel room.”

Right. You thought. Hotel room. You shook yourself out of your trace.

“How the hell did you find me Zayn?” you asked, honestly still shocked by his presence.

He chuckled a little at your reaction. “I know people.”

You couldn’t respond. You just rolled your eyes. Whatever.

“Can I come in?” He asked hopefully.

“No.” You replied. You didn’t want to talk to him. Well you did, but you didn’t.

“Please baby I…” you stopped him after the pet name.

“No. You don’t get to walk in here, call me cute names and act like everything is ok! You left Zayn! You left! No you may not come in!” Like the night he said he was leaving you felt the tears pooling in your eyes.

You hadn’t realised that you had stepped deeper into your room until he stepped a few steps closer to you and closed the door behind him.

You were still fuming when he attempted to step even closer to you. He knew your weaknesses. He knew if he came close enough he could change your mind.

About everything.

You took one more step back.

He kept his voice soft and calm as he spoke. “I’m sorry. I am. I didn’t want to leave you. I needed to leave them.”

“But you left anyways!” You weren’t keeping your voice soft and calm. You were a mess.

His demeanour changed a little, then a lot as he spoke. “You should have come with me!”

You couldn’t believe that after all these months you were having the same fight. “I couldn’t just leave Zayn! It was my job! Those boys are my family!”

He was getting more and more upset. “I was your family too! I loved you! I needed you! You walked out on me!”

You couldn’t believe he was shifting the blame. “No Zayn! You knew. You knew how I feel about my job. How I feel about the boys! You knew I wouldn’t leave and you left anyways! You left me first and we both know it!”

The room went eerily quiet after that.

You sank onto the bed. He sat down next to you. It all felt like déjà vu.

It was a few moments before we both calmed down and he spoke again.

“Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life.”

It was you this time that placed your hand on his face. You could feel the tears rushing down both of your faces and without another thought you kissed him.

Softly. Sweetly. Passionately. Like you couldn’t breathe without him. And he kissed you back even stronger.

You spent the rest of the night in his arms, with him kissing you all over all through the night. You would have a lot to talk about in the morning but for now you had each other and that was enough.

And god knows you just needed each other again.


(not my gif)

Once again the time has come, it’s almost the 4th anniversary of our favorite series.

Last year we had a week full of amazing fanarts, fanfics, edits, gifs and other things you could think of dedicated to Nanatsu no Taizai/The Seven Deadly Sins and we want to repeat that.
Once again the week will be held in the week around the day the first chapter
was published, the 24th October, which means you have from October 24th to the 30th to be as creative as you can. Since the week ends one day before Halloween we decided to make a bonus day. If you want to use it for a Halloween theme or take a broader approach on “Party” is of course up to you.

Follow your own GMT to decipher when you should post for these days accordingly.

We’ll be following these tags: nntweek, nnt week, nnt week: day 1, nnt week: day 2, nnt week: day 3, nnt week: day 4, nnt week: day 5, nnt week: day 6, nnt week: day 7, nnt week: bonus day.

A special thank you to @thedragonssin, @nightescanor, @elizaliones @ladymerlin@gowther@gloxini-a and @coffin-of-eternal-darkness for all coming together and assisting in organizing this lovely event!
Let’s make this a great week!

so guys I have a theory on that stydia gif.

will wallace said that lydia isn’t saying kiss me (here’s what he said when asked about the gif:  The footage is clearly real, but it’s been re-edited from the actual scene to make the gif. Also, Lydia’s dialogue is incorrect. - via will’s twitter)

so this means that, although the scene is real, the gif is just an edit. that said, i thought that maybe the real scene is just a reverse of the gif, and that changes the perspective of their reactions. so i went and reversed the gif and that’s what came out. 

we can see that, if the actual scene looks something like this, he has kissed her (i am not sure if that kiss is on the cheek or on her lips), and then he looks pretty happy and kind of excited about it, and that makes me confused about if they are already on a relationship at the beggining of the season. about lydia, I am not sure of what she says, and considering that she is not saying kiss me (if we choose to believe will wallace), maybe she’s saying something like “promise”? correct me if i’m wrong, but it kinda looks like she’s saying that… about what stiles says, i haven’t figured it out yet, but I accept suggestions…

i’m new here on tumblr and this is the first stydia theory I publish, so if you guys agree with me just let me know, or if you think I’m wrong you can also give me your opinion, it means a lot.

thanks for reading!

2

Joxer asking the right questions

6

Thank you.

tifa week
 ↳day four // favorite relationship

8

You have to get Josh. His sister died in a fire while she was babysitting him. She tried to put it out, he ran outside. He went off campaigning, his father died. He wakes up in the hospital and discovers the President’s been shot. He goes through everyday worried that someone he likes is going to die and it’s going to be his fault. What do you think makes him walk so fast? {insp}