“if lgbt+ people have always existed then why aren’t they in history books?” shit. you got us sharon. you’re right, we’re a recent invention. the truth is, chad, gay people were invented in 1974 when there was a m*a*s*h episode about a gay soldier. bisexuality wasn’t invented until freddie mercury wrote “bicycle race” in the late 70s. the song starts with him going “BI” really loudly and we were like hey thats a cool idea lets be into multiple genders. and then ellen invented lesbians in the late 90s on her sitcom that was pretty cool. please don’t be mad at me fellow gays i just thought it was about time to give up the ruse, donna over here already figured it out anyway
shiro introduces matt to new students with the wrong name just to see how long they can get away with it
shiro: “hey this is my friend boiled chicken” matt: “what’s up”
shiro: “this is my friend undercooked spaghetti. he looks 17 but he’s actually 36 and was held back 19 years”
new student: “your name is…broccoli? are you sure about that?” matt: “are you calling me a liar?”
shiro throws juice boxes into the trash can and yells “KOBE!” but they never get in
matt: “why are you crying?” shiro: “i got an A- in this test. i studied so hard as well!!”
matt looking at his C+ that he was happy with: “haha yeah…sucks…”
shiro: “sir would you like a breath mint?” iverson: “why?”
shiro: “cos the only thing out of your mouth is shit”
on a dare matt goes into the gym for a school assembly, wearing nothing but boxers with bejewelled letters on the back spelling “M A T T H O L T”
iverson: “i drink to forget but i always remember”
early on in their friendship, shiro goes into matt’s room to get a textbook and sees the walls plastered with ‘Campbells® Green Pea Soup’ posters. he’s so terrified that he never mentions it again
the first time shiro and matt meet each other:
matt: my name is matthew with a ‘b’ and i’ve been afraid of insects my entire l-
shiro: stop stop stop, where?
shiro: where’s the ‘b’?
matt: tHeRe’S a bEE?
shiro always walks into the wrong classroom and doesn’t know how to deal with it, so he just says ‘haha, forgot my…calculator…’, picks up a random’s kid’s lunch box, and walks out
shiro: i’m feeling a little rebellious today!! (: so i’m not going to tie my laces, i’m only going to do 46/50 of the maths equations assigned to us, and i’ll mess up my entire presentation!! by typing it in comic sans haha
matt scrunching up the worksheet he was given and putting it in his mouth, chewing slowly: this is how i feel about homework sir
You are not to be underestimated, Claire.
Hell, I’m still getting used to bringing the hurt instead of fixing it. Well, for what it’s worth I’ve never had a student progress as fast as you have. Guess I got tired of people doing things
for me all the time. Tell me about it.