Let me tell y'all about the time My Mama caught my lil'brother watching porn...
…I had been waiting on my mama to leave all damn day so I could hop on the phone. I had a lil’ shawty that I talked to that stayed across town named Jasmine. She knew what time my mama would leave so she would call around that time to avoid her. My mama left a little late that day so she intercepted my call like a free safety. Jasmine calls. I answered on the first ring. A nigga was half a ring too late. Shawty was like “didn’t I tell you to be by the phone when I call?” Bruh. My mama said “uh uhn lil bitch who the fuck you think you are talking to my muh'fuckin son like you the one that carried him for 9 months and pushed his big head ass out!” I thought it wasn’t gone end. That run on sentence was in marathon mode. So my lil’ brother dying laughing and picking at me. His black ass almost caught this bleach. Was about to get faded on the spot. As soon as my mama left I hopped on the phone. Until about 430am on the couch in the living room. I hear mama pull up so I hang up and wrap the cord up and hang the phone back on the wall (don’t judge my life). My brother was in my mama room with the door locked. I instantly knew this nigga was in there in her boyfriend’s porn stash. But shit, it was too late to save him. That nigga was on his own. I ran back to the couch and pulled the cover to my eyes and played sleep. I think I said a prayer that she don’t kill him and if she do then can I push the beds together in the room. So she walk to her room door and turn the handle. Shit don’t budge. She look around the corner at me on the couch then walk around the corner to our room and turn the light on. When she flipped that hallway light on I knew it was over. She banged on her door talking bout “Brandon brang yo ass here right fucking now!” I was like ooooooohhhhh shit! 👀 This nigga bout to DIE. He open the door 17 seconds later walking like he just got punched in the stomach. Mama was like “the fuck you doing in my room with the door locked?!” This dummy said nothing, I was looking for tissue. 😩😖. She saw that he ain’t push the box back under the bed. Y'all know how petty black moms are. She knew what was going on but wanted to make sure he knew the shit wouldn’t happen again. She told him to stand up straight. He said why. She said “you been in my room watching that damn porn. If you wasn’t then stand up straight.” Nigga I would’ve walked hunched over until I moved out. He stood up and I saw her arm raise and pull back into punching position. Nigga. She pulled her arm back so fast and far you could hear air moving. Shit sounded like nunchucks in a Bruce Lee movie. She hit him in the chest with the strength of all her ancestors. She punched him so hard I wanted to get up and wash dishes. Right after she punched him she said “nigga you lying cause ya dick still hard. Get yo ass up off my floor and take yo jacking ass to bed!” I think the slide marks still on the carpet from where he slid when she punched him…
if a nigga really want to fuck with you, he would. bitches be going crazy for a nigga that don’t give a fuck about them. it’s lowkey because they don’t give a fuck about themselves. love yourself first shawty. fuck these niggas. fuck these bitches too, my nigga. if you fuck with you then you wouldn’t give a fuck about who don’t fuck with you. everybody just want something from you anyways.
I think DARE was about the age I am now when we first met. it was on this street I’m standing on today, but 10 years in the past. he was one of the first niggas in hip hop to take me under their wing and show me the ropes, I was just a Shorty trying to rule the world. fast forward a decade and he’s no longer with us. I like to think i keep him alive a little every time I write about him in my music, the bigger the stages get and the more people I have listening. today I got my killa cam fit on just for my big bro, standing on the old block like we never left. #ripdare #killacam
I will never look down on these hoes because to many boys I am “one of these hoes”… despite the fact that I’ve never even been with any of them! Niggas will consider you a hoe for having the ‘wrong’ hair color depending upon your skin tone or for wearing short clothing in 96 degree weather. Niggas will call you a hoe for wearing weave and being light-skinned meanwhile all the girls they praise…. wear weave and are lightskinned. Niggas will call you a hoe for having a big butt or big boobs, like the way your body naturally developed/the procedures you spent YOUR money on to feel beautiful is any of their business in the first place! Niggas will consider it acceptable to keep sidechicks but will call you a hoe for being a sidechick. Niggas will fuck and duck as many girls as they can but when they meet a girl who enjoys her sex life in an equal manner she will automatically be deemed a hoe. Niggas will call you a hoe for doing the same things that they’re doing! So no I will never look down on these hoes. You could be a virgin til marriage and niggas will still make you out to be hoe just for being born and living your life.
Polo wearing. The first nigga with a Benz and a backpack. Bulls jacket with his hat broke way off. The “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” Kanye. Bernie Mac skits.
I miss the old Kanye.
Soul samples sped up. Teddy bear in a suit. Outselling 50 when Fiddy was THAT dude. Only Chicago cat with a ROC chain. Bro you did a track with Dilated People’s. Threw Twista, Lupe, Mos Def, Common and Talib on your projects. My G…you had Jay-Z and Nas on your album when they were beefin with each other.
Dilla died and you produced a whole album in his style. For the culture.
You see I’m a fan. You’re the last Rapper to change the game. Good or bad. Drake’s style? Yeezy taught him. Kendrick or Cole getting political on radio tracks? Yeezy made it ok again. I say “again” cause hip hop goes through cycles. 50 changed the game from the Puffy Shiny Suit era. Kanye made it ok to rap like a regular person with big dreams. Spaceships.
You see I’m a fan. I remember your first Street team. I still got the free “Get Well” t shirt and mixtape. The original “through the wire” recording. I remember you coming out in the middle of a Twista show at the House of Blues…and niggas lost their minds for you. I remember the track you did for EC Illa.
I miss that old Kanye.
I miss the Chicago Kanye. The one at the school full of stones…nicknamed K Rock so they leave you alone. The “heck y nah” Kanye. Mentioning Showbiz Pizza on two singles when nobody else in America would understand. I miss it. I miss that crack music nigga. You were our first homegrown transcendent hip hop star. Polarizing. D Rose before D Rose. We couldn’t tell you nothing.
But I heard em say…nothings ever promised tomorrow today.
And when it all…it all falls down.
I haven’t seen a genuine smile for you in a hot 16. You probably haven’t cried in the same amount of time. I mean, I can’t imagine. Your momma died. Cameras everywhere. 634,820 tabs open on your screen. Why wear a watch. You used to be on TV talking like it’s just me and you. I used to dig that. Now you’re on TV talking like you know you’re on TV.
I was never mad at the cocky Kanye. You’re from Chicago Joe. That’s us…even when we’re struggling. Hard to be humble when you’re stuntin on a jumbotron. That’s not what I’m getting at.
You’ve been Bruce Wayne too long my nigga. You haven’t been Batman in a while.
Batman don’t even like Bruce Wayne bro. Batman our hero. Wayne? Just that rich cat with emotional issues that we can’t relate to. Ya dig? But…you was who you was before you got here. Ask your big bro.
I ain’t mad at the Kim thing. Shit. She’s bad as fuck bro. But a circus is a circus. Never seen a wolf in a circus. We miss the wolf.
And when he get on he’ll leave Ya ass for a white girl…
We see you with Trump now…looking like a bad wax museum version of yourself. It’s hard to believe you’re the same cat. Detroit Red cleaned up? It’s like we got Merrill Lynched. You building your own wall away from us. The same people you used to rep.
Even if you in a Benz, you’re still a nigga…in a coupe.
I miss the old Kanye. I’m still rooting for you. Still got that shirt. “Get Well”