Attention: Kids! Here is an official Adult Note™ to get you out of school on Friday
If you think Seattlish is insufferable and mouthy now, hoo boy! You should have seen us when we were teens. We protested, we walked out of school, we had ridiculous piercings, and were generally up to no good (but like, the righteous kind of no good) most of the time. And though you teens may have only ever known a hot prez with an iconic wife, we were in high school when the US first entered the Iraq war, when the PATRIOT Act was signed, and when it felt very, very dark.
So we support any and all teens who want to take part in the education that happens outside of the classroom on Friday, because we think there is a lot of value there. If it will help, you can use this note that we made. We don’t think any teachers will necessarily accept it but you know, it was the least we could do.
A few years ago I happened to walk into a book store (those things people used to own in romantic comedies) that sold packs of those old trading cards they used to put out along with movies and TV shows.
You know the ones!
I bought all kinds of cool trading card sets for all kind of cool old media like Alf, The Simpsons, American Gladiators and strangely the actual American Military Operation “Desert Storm” (the first of the pending Iraq War Trilogy.)
Side Note —The Desert Storm set had a pristine card featuring then Secretary of Defense and future Vice President DICK CHENEY.
If you’re asking yourself “wow, that must be worth a ton of money” — you’re right, if you consider $1.75 a ton of money.
As it happened I worked on a TV show at the time and Keanu Reeves was going to be the guest the next night. SO I decided to buy the last remaining pack of Bill and Ted trading cards to get him to sign one!
Choosing a card for him to sign was a difficult task, as the bright paint pens we had around the office did not adhere to the surface of the cards so it HAD to be a sharpie, meaning I had to find a card the featured both Keanu’s character and enough light space for a sharpie signature. These details are boring, but then again, this is a story about Keanu Reeves.
I unfortunately had to pick a card from Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, the inexplicably insane sequel to Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
For reference the plot featured Pokémon-like aliens Bill and Ted met in heaven who combine themselves into 1 alien, then with the help of Death himself build good robot versions of Bill and Ted from department store merchandise to fight off the evil robot versions of them who were sent from a gym teacher in the future to murder their medieval princess girlfriends and win the battle of the bands (yes that all actually happened.) It’s as if the drug cocaine decided it didn’t need humans anymore and just wrote a movie by itself.
And here it is!
For anyone wondering, yes Keanu Reeves still looks amazing, smells amazing, and sounds amazing — even when he’s politely asking you to stop sniffing him.
And to answer your other question, yes he thought it was weird AF but was nice enough to sign it anyway.
On another note, I think he wrote “Jesse” on it so I wouldn’t sell it on eBay but jokes on him, according to Facebook 15,000 people like Bill and Ted and of those at least one is named Jesse. Retirement money, here I come!
Anyway, that’s my story, Happy Birthday Keanu! If anyone knows Alex Winters please tell him I want him to complete this treasure and maybe talk to me about Freaked for an hour or so. K bye.
This is a beautifully illustrated little story about the disparity between watching bombs dropping from the safety of a television set and the reality of bombs dropping on the place where you live. This is a fairly appropriate, considering that the first Iraq war was going on at the time of creation.
What I liked most about the art was the way it felt like it was made to look like graffiti stencils, to great effect.
(Heavy Metal issue #134, September 1991 - Page 112 Bombs Away by Kuper)
IRAQ. Karbala province. Karbala. 2003. A mother and daughter, wounded by flying glass from a car bomb that exploded as they walked to school. The family’s second child was in another room in critical condition with severe head wounds.
On March 19, 2003, the United States invaded Iraq, beginning a long war that would kill at least 150,000 Iraqi civilians.
The Battle of Karbala took place between March 23 and April 6, 2003
as American troops fought to clear the city of Iraqi forces. The city had been bypassed during the advance on Baghdad, leaving American units to clear it in two days of street fighting against Iraqi irregular forces.
Melissa Stockwell: Was the first female American soldier in history to lose a limb in active combat and was the first Iraq War veteran to compete in the Paralympic Games as a swimmer in 2008 • Was one of four athletes featured in a documentary called “Warrior Champions” • Completed her residency in prosthetics where she fit other amputees with prosthetic devices