“I regret it. I should have pretended that I didn’t know. If I knew that you were considering of running away every time you see the chance… If I had… I wouldn’t have agonized over whether you’re an eunuch or a woman. I would just worry about how to keep you longer by my side. I’m sorry that I didn’t understand you in depth.”
I wonder what my past self would think of me now. I think she’d be happy that I made it through some of the things she’s scared of. I survived high school, that first and second job, and leaving behind my family to go off to college. I had my first kiss and broke a couple hearts but made it through having mine broken. She’d think I’m brave and strong. I can drive a car and go to the grocery store by myself. I don’t care what people think as much as she did. She would see that I’ve cried myself to sleep and not understand how I could let myself break down like that. But she’d see that I can always put myself back together. She would know that she can get through anything and maybe I’ll finally realize that I can, too.
I wonder what the person I am right now would think of who I’ll be in the future. I think I would just like to see that girl smile, a real smile, not one she spends half her time forcing. I want her to be happy. I hope she’s not alone. It doesn’t matter if she is married or is dating someone or has a best friend, as long as they love her and she knows. I hope she’s doing something she loves and doesn’t regret anything from the past. I hope I don’t screw things up for her.
a playlist for the couple that keeps breaking our hearts || listen
tracks: 01. first day of my life bright eyes // 02. lily love the chieftains ft. the civil wars // 03. asleep the smiths // 04. bright echosmith // 05. treacherous taylor swift // 06. autumn leaves ed sheeran // 07. somewhere only we know keane // 08. all i want kodaline // 09. falling in love at a coffee shop landon pigg // 10. i will follow you into the dark death cab for cutie // 11. there is a light that never goes out the smiths // 12. tell her you love her echosmith// 13. good day sunshine the beatles // 14. tip of my tongue the civil wars