Context: I’m DMing a quick adventure [45mins] because my friend didn’t have enough time for a full one, and I wanted to do one badly. It was going to be one where a high elf cleric [is important] leads the characters to someone he needs to be taken care of [he can’t do it himself]. Party consists of me [Human Wizard/3, dmpc] and my friend [Cleric/1 Dragonborn]. Friend decides to try to… “get to know Zenonn [the cleric guide] better”.
Dragonborn [ooc]: I attack him [the high elf] with Burning Hands.
I prepare to make the saving throw for Zenonn when he stops me.
Dragonborn [ooc]: With my dick.
I thought for a moment before rolling with it. He’s new, what’s the hurt in letting him have fun?
DM [me, ooc]: Okay, make an attack roll.
Dragonborn [ooc]: Natural 1.
DM: Your dick actually catches on fire. Take 4 points fire damage.
Context, this was my first time playing pathfinder, I was a kitsune sorcerer, emphasis on sorcerer. Our party came across a Pyromancer who had summoned a fuckton of fire elementals.
Me(ooc): can I use my bite attack on the fire elemental.
DM: yes…but I really wouldn’t recommend it
I then proceeded to run ahead of the party, passing the tank of the group, and bit the closest elemental. I then proceeded to catch on fire for 2 turns, got surrounded by a bunch of the elementals, leaving me unable to be rescued, with our tank setting himself on fire trying to save me and I almost died.
DM(after the tank caught fire): You have the create water spell, why would you choose to bite it!?
the theater teacher at school runs a dnd club and hes running us through the haunting of harrowstone. my character has proven to be absolutely useless missing every attack i (and my animal companion) make, while also managing to provoke unneeded fights with ghosts. we were checking out all the doors in the hall in order and found a huge room
DM: this room is open and unremarkable except the piles of fabric strewn across the floor. across from you you can see a single skeletal hand reaching up and out from under some of the fabric
me: i cast spark to set it on fire
entire party: NO WHAT IF ITS A GOOD GHOST
me: why in the world would there be a good ghost in here weve been attacked by literally everything since we got here but fine i dont do that
sorcerer: i wanna look around [rolls high perception]
DM: as you look at this boney hand peeking out at you your vision shifts. it seems to be moving, but not moving, but its turning towards you but the hand itself is still but you see movement all the same. the next thing you see is a soft apparition of an older woman, who looks at you incredulously
woman: “what are you doing here? its too dangerous to be here”
cleric: “oh she cares about us!”
witch: “wait is this the wardens wife holy shit”
me: “oh. good thing i didnt set you on fire then.”
woman: [laughs] “its happened before”
me: [sudden realization that she burned to death here] “OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY”