*****Also, I wrote this on my phone so excuse any mistakes, & The weird way it looks😁 *****
Standing on the front porch of the Gallagher house, my arm freezes before I could knock on the door. I hadn’t been here in 6 months, not since Lip and I broke up and he started screwing Karen. I saw them around, doing the things he and I used to do and it killed me. She helped him get into ACT/SAT tests to make money, she walked with him all around the neighborhood, I stopped coming over 2 weeks after we ended. It wasn’t my safe haven anymore, but today was different. Ian had called me looking for Frank, because I guess he was missing.
I brushed it off until I looked at the screen of my phone and realized it was the last Friday of the month. Or in Frank terms, disability day and without thinking I grabbed my old Vans and my “thick” winter jacket and walked out my door.
That’s how I ended up here, looking like a pussy because I can’t go in there and see him and her together or know if he’s even in there.
Without thinking my hand knocks on the door and almost immediately I hear a reply.
Taking a deep breath, I turn the knob and look to my left. Everyone is there, V, Lip, Ian, Carl, Karen, Fiona, Debbie, and even Fiona’s new boyfriend Steve. Everyone has a phone in hand, not looking up to see who it is as they continue to search for their father.
Walking in I take a seat on the steps before whipping out my phone to start making calls too. The first person I call is my cousin Tommy (A/N: not a real Shameless character)
“Hey, it’s Y/N. I was wondering, have you seen Frank?”
“Yeah Frank Gallagher.”
“Nah, not since last night at the Alibi. He seemed pretty shit faced but what else is new?”
“Aight, thanks T. Lemme know if you hear anything.”
Before I can dial another number Veronica’s phone is whipped out the window causing everyone’s heads to turn to look towards her.
V looks out the window while Ian hangs up his phone, before turning towards the front door.
Veronica walks out the house leaving the rest of us sitting there with confused looks on our faces.
After awhile of more phone calls, Fiona tells us all to split up and hit the usual spots. Fiona and Steve take Debbie, while Lip and Karen run off which leaves Veronica, Ian and Carl. I head off from the three to head to the Alibi Room, seeing as I’ve grown up with everyone there maybe someone can help.
After making no headway with the the Alibi room or any other bars, I head back to the Gallagher household to see Debbie sitting in the middle of everyone while she has a mini panic attack. Looking at Ian he seeing my confused face before looking back at Debbie.
“Holly thought she saw a body under the tracks at Halstead.”
Shock is the first thing that hit me before I grip onto the wall and slowly slide down until I’m sitting on the steps. I can hear someone talking -i think it’s Stev and Fiona- but I can’t focus on him.
I look up when I hear the back door slam to see Lip walking in with Karen right behind him.
“That depends, uh, how was he looking when you left at the Alibi Room last night, Steve?”
I look over at Steve as he lights a cigarette. For the first time in months I wish I had one in my hands at the moment.
Before anyone could really figure out what Steve was doing at the Alibi Room last night with Frank, Kevin bursts through the door with a distraught look on this face.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a sec?”
I look over at Lip to see he’s already looking at me with a look of shock. Did he just notice I was here? Did anyone really notice I was here? I look over at Ian to see him smiling at me and for the first time in what’s felt like years I smile back.
Sitting on the Gallagher couch later that night watching an old movie while snuggling up to Ian with Fiona and Debbie on the other side, I glance over at Lip to see he’s already looking at me again. I shake it off as I turn back to the movie and snuggle deeper into Ian’s side.
“Oh, Y/N. I forgot to say thank you for helping us look for Frank. You didn’t have to walk all the way from your house just to look for him.”
I wave her off with the flick of my hand.
“This was my family at one point, and when Ian called and asked if I’d seen Frank I honestly brushed it off thinking he went on a bender again, but I’m glad everything worked out Fi. I’m also sorry about Steve.”
She smiles sadly at me before turning back to the movie. I look to my other side at Ian and poking him in the side.
“Wanna go smoke in the van like old times?”
Ian smiles at me before nodding his head.
I stand from the couch, fixing my pants and shirt before walking towards the back door.
“No funny business you two, we don’t need any babies around here.”
I smile to myself before looking over my shoulder to see Ian, and Lip following behind me. Stepping outside into the cold air I walk to the van before getting into the back.
I pull out a pack of cigarettes I had Fiona buy me before lighting one up and taking a large hit.
The door opens again but instead of Ian it’s just Lip and I stare out the back window.
“So this is how it’s gonna be? You show up for the first time in months and won’t even talk to me?”
I turn around to look at Lip and watch as he lights a joint.
“What was I supposed to say Lip? Did you want me to pour out my heart in front of Karen? What did you expect me to say?”
Lip takes a deep hit from his joint as I continue to smoke my cigarette.
“I never thought you’d come back here.”
I scoff at him.
“I practically lived here for 8 months Lip. This was my home too.”
Now it was his turn to scoff at me.
“You fucking left Y/N! In the middle of the fucking night, like a little pussy because you couldn’t face your goddamn problems!”
I open the back window and throw the rest of my cigarette out.
“What was I supposed to fucking do Lip?! Pretend I didn’t know about you fucking other girls and then coming home and laying in bed with me at night?!”
Lip looks at me closely before opening the door and stepping out.
“Oh fuck no.”
Climbing out after him I slam the door and walk into the house right behind him.
“You wanted to start this fucking conversation Lip. fucking finish it and quit acting like a pussy!” I scream at him as we walk up the stairs.
“Maybe you shouldn’t act like such a bitch and I might want to talk to you!”
Walking into the room Lip shares with his brothers he whips around to glare at me.
I open my mouth to keep yelling at him but before I can say a word his lips are on mine.
I wrap my arms around his neck and curl my fingers in his hair while his hands roam down my sides to the back of thighs silently asking me to jump.
Complying with his request I jump and wrap my legs around his waist. We walk over to what I presume is Ian’s bed before I’m tugging on his clothes trying to get them off and he’s biting my neck.
His mouth gets to my sweet spot and I let out a loud gasp as his fingers find my panties. I arch my back slightly when he inserts two fingers into me, while his palms rubs against my clit. His mouth is still sucking at that spot on my neck, no doubt leaving hickies that I’ll have to cover tomorrow before his hands are pushing my pants down my legs and I’m trying to get his belt buckle undone.
Lip quickly pushes my panties to the side before sinking into me all at once. My nails are digging into his shoulders when he starts to move his hips.
I throw my head back slightly as he picks up the pace and buries his head in my neck sucking slightly all over.
Hearing my name come out of his mouth sounding like a moan causes my core to tense and my legs to wrap around his waist tightly.
I look up at him and dig my nails into his back before lightly nipping at his earlobe.
Lips hands land on my hips as he thrusts harder. You can hear Ian’s bed smack against the wall, and my moans are anything but quiet. I remove my legs from around his waist as I fist the sheets of my friends bed when I feel my stomach start to clench.
“I’m gonna cum, don’t stop.”
At my words Lip starts to slam into me, causing me to rise on the mattress. Lip starts to attack my neck once again, groaning against my skin as I clench around him. With a finally slam of his hips, I reach my end. I gasp loudly as the pleasure rocks through my body over and over while Lip continues to fuck me through it.
Seconds after Lip follows, spilling into me as he groans loudly into my neck.
We lay there a minute, naked as sweaty before the reality of what just happened sets in. I try to push Lip off of me, only to stop when I feel his thumb massaging my hip bone. I freeze at the touch before looking at him and not saying anything. He is the one to break the silence.
“You can wear my clothes, and sleep in my bed. It’s too late for you to walk home right now.”
I just nod my head before he starts to get up and hands me his t-shirt from the floor. After climbing into his bed with him behind me and his arm around my waist, I feel his body relax and pull me closer.
I continue to lay there for awhile before Ian comes in and looks over at me with a knowing look.
“Really, my bed?”
“We couldn’t really wait to get to his bed.” I reply sheepishly.
“Its good to see you back in that bed, or even in this house. We miss you. Even fuckass over there, he just won’t admit it.”
“I can’t keep doing this Ian, even if i miss you guys too. I know where this road leads, so why am I doing this?”
Ian shrugs before taking off his shirt and removing his sheets. He lays on the bare bed with his hands behind his head. I sigh, before intertwining Lips fingers with my own.
“Old habits really do die hard, don’t they?”
“Maybe Y/N, maybe.”
After that I close my eyes and slowly drift off into a dreamless sleep.
Ian wakes up on morning, distraught over leaving Mickey, to find a stranger by his bed. Or was he a stranger at all?
Ian walks home from work filled with exhaustion in so many
ways. The journey almost pitch black from the shitty street lights not working.
He opens the door, the light from inside killing his eyes, and finds Lip and
Fiona drinking on the couch.
“Hey, man,” Lip greets him. “Wanna join?”
Ian offers a fake smile to his siblings. Not having a
genuine since… He things Since you broke up with the man you loved
and did nothing as he got chased away with your gun toting half-sister…or was
she your cousin. Who the fuck knows. It’s not like your siblings pay enough
attention to you to realize your smile isn’t real.
“Nah,” Ian says. “Had a long day. Think I’ll just go to
“Aww,” Fiona groans, she already seems to be drunk. Drunk
Fiona was always a lot of fun. Ian thinks before he shrugs lightly still
smiling and heads to the stairs.
Ian’s face drops as soon as he’s out of sight. He gets to
his bedroom, Lip’s old one, and starts taking off his clothes.
He sits on the edge and sighs. Another day end, another
failed relationship that couldn’t fill the void that was left by-
Ian can’t say his name. Doesn’t want to. It’s left at the
back of his throat and he swallows it down hard.
He lays his head on the pillow and welcomes the dreams that
will let him escape this reality, at least for a little while.
The morning comes too quickly, the night was filled with
tossing and turning and Ian wakes up as he usually does…still tired. His mind
is full of regret, guilt, and whatever the hell else kept him up at night and
haunted him in his slumber. He rubs his eyes, his body acting hungover despite
him not having a drink last night. This is typical until he gets some caffeine in
him. Though not even caffeine could hide the disgust and general hatred for
himself he felt whenever he thought about…him… Mickey. He lets him think of his name. The man he loved and left
again and again. He tried to bury everything he felt with man-hopping and his
new job but it didn’t work and Ian knew it.
The bright sun blinds him as Ian looks towards the opened
He sighs and turns over to his side and notices a large lump
by him on the bed. At first he thinks it’s a pillow but quickly realizes it’s a
person. He quickly shifts all the way to the other side of the bed. It’s
probably someone Frank let in for some cash or drugs. Won’t be the first time.
Ian leans back and extends his leg slowly pushing the person
further and further off the bed until they get close enough to the edge and Ian
kicks them off as forceful as he can.
A loud thump is heard and a groan soon after. Ian quickly
jumps off the bed and grabs the bat he always has by his bed.
“Well that’s one fucking way to wake up.” The person says.
It’s mumbled enough that Ian can’t quite make out if he knows them or not.
He comes over to the side of the bed the person fell out,
his grip on the bat tightening. He can see now it’s a man though most of his
body is still covered by the sheets that fell with him.
Ian holds up the bat higher and is about to shout at the man
when the man’s arm escape his cover prison to rub his head and Ian sees his
The bat slips out of Ian’s fingers and crashes down on the
floor making a worse noise then the body that hit it a few minutes ago.
Imagine you’re a SAMCRO member, on watch with Chibs when kidnapped and attacked. He has to see it all and confesses his love to you when the boys come to your rescue.
When the club found both of you, your heart was calmed again, yet, it felt broken in a million pieces. You even had faint memories of that, too. How Happy walked in, killing everything with a heartbeat, a real blood bath in that bathroom, how Jax went directly to Chibs, cheeking in he was alright, seeing him cry and twirl; And Juice, picking you up easily and leading you out of the room, a trail of blood behind you.
You had spent entire days smoking in the bath. Staying there until the water was cold as ice, sometimes even until midnight trying to erase that day activities from your body and your mind. You became a ghost of who you were, just a shell. You spirit was forever broken, your dignity was dragged through the floor and played it. Who would want something broken? You thought at you extinguished another cigarette on the water of the tub, shaking breaths leaving your body.
Jackson had given you the week off, after Tara checked everything up and helped you with some pain killers and some test you better took. When you came back home you started to think about the club in your life, and the life you put into the club.
Since you were a little girl you would have given your life to be a SAMCRO member just like Daddy and Grandpa before him. It was in your blood, in your destiny, but that didn’t meant easy. That day, SAMCRO duties almost took your life, and it sure took a bit of you; You died a little. You sighed, sliding down into the bathtub and sinking for a few moments.
Chibs was emptying bottles next to Jack for the first time this week. He had remain quite silent since the club found then in the Nazis hide away, only saying necessary words when spoken too, doing his assignments and then going straight back home, avoiding everyone. It was the soldier in him, they guessed. Silent after a traumatic event. But tonight, Jax actually convinced him to stay for an hour or two, talk about what happened.
“Nice Whiskey…” Chibs said, because he felt the silence cutting up the vibes. Jax nodded, even though he was drinking beer. He’s had his men being killed, tortured, beaten to a pulp, slit throats and 20 broken fingers but they never raped one of them mans. A woman, this occasion. It hitted him like a ton of bricks, too, and he blamed himself for your situation a lot of times, he still did, but he figured Chibs needed more help with this.
Jax knew about Chib’s feelings. Even if he didn’t told him, he would have noticed. Always riding next to you, always asking him on the low if he could pair up with you, and always taking care of you in every mission the club was; the Scotsman was hooked on a feeling with you, that’s why he couldn’t imagine what Chibs was feeling right now.
“You know you can talk, brother.” Jax took a shot. “The more you talk about it the more you’ll grow out of it. Help (Y/N) grow out of it too.” Chibs went back to his mutism. He took another drag of the bottles,as if to gain some bravery.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Chibs said. “I failed her, i failed this club…” another drag of the bottle, because it was getting too real. “ I failed myself. I wanted to kill those bastards, brother.” Jax nodded, listening to him. “I saw their intentions as soon as they ripped their jeans.” He was looking at nothing, as if re-living what had happened three days ago. “Her face was…I’ve never seen her so scared. She grew up among us and became a member and i never saw her scared or less than a soldier but that day she looked so fragile and…” He gulped, starting to tear up. Jax was out of words. “I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. She was looking at me the whole time, Jax…”
Jax was now feeling the guilt and pain run down his chest.
“I think i saw her soul leave her body…”He sniffed as tears started to run down his cheeks, him trying desperately to push them out. “And my sanity leave with her.”
Jax tried to understand his brother. He felt guilty, like the rest of the club, but it was different for him. Chibs saw the woman he loved get raped and couldn’t do one single thing about it. He was a wreck, didn’t even want to see her.
“I told her i loved her but i don’t think she listened…” He looked around, hurt, vulnerable, a little bit drunk. “Since Fiona, it’s been the worst, trying to find someone to love, then she appeared.” His smile was a bit visible now. “She was all leather and boxing titles and soldier material without a dick, how could i resist her? She was everything i wanted and now I can’t even look at her face right now…”
Jax grabbed the bottle and took a long swing, feeling like he needed it. Chibs got up and cracked his neck, placing the bottle on the picnic table and looking at Jax.
“I’m going home.” He simply said as he started to walk away. Jax knew Chibs was a strong man, one of his most loyal Sons, but watching him break down like this, made him think that maybe, the Scotsman wasn’t made of steal.
He didn’t went home. He drove around town for a few minutes, trying to get his mind off things for a change, trying to be strong. Without noticing, or maybe noticing, he ended up in your front door. There was mail in the entrance, and the house was lockdown and dark. He stared at the door as if it was going to open in any minute but it didn’t. He hopped on his bike and looked around, when his cellphone started to ring. He looked at it, your number on the screen. He frowned and picked up.
“What are you doing in my house?” Your voice was lacking it’s life and cheerful tone. Chibs sighed and looked at the windows, trying to find you. You were still smart as fuck.
“Just…checking up on you.” He started walking at the front door, seeing the lights turn on. “Where are you’”
“Front door”. You answered. He knocked on it, but you remain silent.
“Are you going to open the door?”
“No…” you sighed into the phone leaning against the door and sliding down. “What for?”
“I love you.” He said, bluntly. “I love you, and i’m here to take care of you. I know i fucked up but…” he gulped. “I love you, (Y/N). I’m so in love with you…” on the other line, you were starting to tear up, sobs trying to come out of your mouth.
“How can you?” You started. “How aren’t you disgusted by me?” You sniffed, making him tear up as well. “They raped me.” Chibs closed his eyes. “They fucking raped me, i’m useless. I’m worthless, i’m disgusting. I can still feel their hands…” You stopped for a minute, trying to gain composture. “I don’t care how in love you think you are, you don’t deserve someone as dirty as me.”
“Get away from the door.” He said, fixing himself up. “I mean it. I’ll kick it open.”
“Chibs, go home.” You said, still getting up. “Please…”
“Are you away from the door?” He asked. You sighed and yelled when you hear him kick the door open, the poor door giving in. He walked inside of you and dropped the phone, coming at you and grabbing your face softly, pressing a loving kiss into your lips. You cried into the kiss, holding him close as tears fell down your face. You pushed him off you by his chest, slowly. He looked down on you.
“Go find someone better. Someone good…”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted…” he said, shrugging and shaking his head. “Where am i supposed to go when everything i want is right in front of me?”
You were tearing up, a sobbing mess by this moment. Chibs came closer to you, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your forehead as you cried into his chest.
“You’re not broken…and if you think you are, i’ll fix you. I love you…you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my entire life and i love you” Chibs said. “I love you…” he repeated. The night went by as you both stayed and hugged each other. It was going to be hard from now on, but at least, you weren’t alone. You were being born again, from your shambles, with the help of Chibs.