Ian wakes up on morning, distraught over leaving Mickey, to find a stranger by his bed. Or was he a stranger at all?
Ian walks home from work filled with exhaustion in so many
ways. The journey almost pitch black from the shitty street lights not working.
He opens the door, the light from inside killing his eyes, and finds Lip and
Fiona drinking on the couch.
“Hey, man,” Lip greets him. “Wanna join?”
Ian offers a fake smile to his siblings. Not having a
genuine since… He things Since you broke up with the man you loved
and did nothing as he got chased away with your gun toting half-sister…or was
she your cousin. Who the fuck knows. It’s not like your siblings pay enough
attention to you to realize your smile isn’t real.
“Nah,” Ian says. “Had a long day. Think I’ll just go to
“Aww,” Fiona groans, she already seems to be drunk. Drunk
Fiona was always a lot of fun. Ian thinks before he shrugs lightly still
smiling and heads to the stairs.
Ian’s face drops as soon as he’s out of sight. He gets to
his bedroom, Lip’s old one, and starts taking off his clothes.
He sits on the edge and sighs. Another day end, another
failed relationship that couldn’t fill the void that was left by-
Ian can’t say his name. Doesn’t want to. It’s left at the
back of his throat and he swallows it down hard.
He lays his head on the pillow and welcomes the dreams that
will let him escape this reality, at least for a little while.
The morning comes too quickly, the night was filled with
tossing and turning and Ian wakes up as he usually does…still tired. His mind
is full of regret, guilt, and whatever the hell else kept him up at night and
haunted him in his slumber. He rubs his eyes, his body acting hungover despite
him not having a drink last night. This is typical until he gets some caffeine in
him. Though not even caffeine could hide the disgust and general hatred for
himself he felt whenever he thought about…him… Mickey. He lets him think of his name. The man he loved and left
again and again. He tried to bury everything he felt with man-hopping and his
new job but it didn’t work and Ian knew it.
The bright sun blinds him as Ian looks towards the opened
He sighs and turns over to his side and notices a large lump
by him on the bed. At first he thinks it’s a pillow but quickly realizes it’s a
person. He quickly shifts all the way to the other side of the bed. It’s
probably someone Frank let in for some cash or drugs. Won’t be the first time.
Ian leans back and extends his leg slowly pushing the person
further and further off the bed until they get close enough to the edge and Ian
kicks them off as forceful as he can.
A loud thump is heard and a groan soon after. Ian quickly
jumps off the bed and grabs the bat he always has by his bed.
“Well that’s one fucking way to wake up.” The person says.
It’s mumbled enough that Ian can’t quite make out if he knows them or not.
He comes over to the side of the bed the person fell out,
his grip on the bat tightening. He can see now it’s a man though most of his
body is still covered by the sheets that fell with him.
Ian holds up the bat higher and is about to shout at the man
when the man’s arm escape his cover prison to rub his head and Ian sees his
The bat slips out of Ian’s fingers and crashes down on the
floor making a worse noise then the body that hit it a few minutes ago.
Imagine you’re a SAMCRO member, on watch with Chibs when kidnapped and attacked. He has to see it all and confesses his love to you when the boys come to your rescue.
When the club found both of you, your heart was calmed again, yet, it felt broken in a million pieces. You even had faint memories of that, too. How Happy walked in, killing everything with a heartbeat, a real blood bath in that bathroom, how Jax went directly to Chibs, cheeking in he was alright, seeing him cry and twirl; And Juice, picking you up easily and leading you out of the room, a trail of blood behind you.
You had spent entire days smoking in the bath. Staying there until the water was cold as ice, sometimes even until midnight trying to erase that day activities from your body and your mind. You became a ghost of who you were, just a shell. You spirit was forever broken, your dignity was dragged through the floor and played it. Who would want something broken? You thought at you extinguished another cigarette on the water of the tub, shaking breaths leaving your body.
Jackson had given you the week off, after Tara checked everything up and helped you with some pain killers and some test you better took. When you came back home you started to think about the club in your life, and the life you put into the club.
Since you were a little girl you would have given your life to be a SAMCRO member just like Daddy and Grandpa before him. It was in your blood, in your destiny, but that didn’t meant easy. That day, SAMCRO duties almost took your life, and it sure took a bit of you; You died a little. You sighed, sliding down into the bathtub and sinking for a few moments.
Chibs was emptying bottles next to Jack for the first time this week. He had remain quite silent since the club found then in the Nazis hide away, only saying necessary words when spoken too, doing his assignments and then going straight back home, avoiding everyone. It was the soldier in him, they guessed. Silent after a traumatic event. But tonight, Jax actually convinced him to stay for an hour or two, talk about what happened.
“Nice Whiskey…” Chibs said, because he felt the silence cutting up the vibes. Jax nodded, even though he was drinking beer. He’s had his men being killed, tortured, beaten to a pulp, slit throats and 20 broken fingers but they never raped one of them mans. A woman, this occasion. It hitted him like a ton of bricks, too, and he blamed himself for your situation a lot of times, he still did, but he figured Chibs needed more help with this.
Jax knew about Chib’s feelings. Even if he didn’t told him, he would have noticed. Always riding next to you, always asking him on the low if he could pair up with you, and always taking care of you in every mission the club was; the Scotsman was hooked on a feeling with you, that’s why he couldn’t imagine what Chibs was feeling right now.
“You know you can talk, brother.” Jax took a shot. “The more you talk about it the more you’ll grow out of it. Help (Y/N) grow out of it too.” Chibs went back to his mutism. He took another drag of the bottles,as if to gain some bravery.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Chibs said. “I failed her, i failed this club…” another drag of the bottle, because it was getting too real. “ I failed myself. I wanted to kill those bastards, brother.” Jax nodded, listening to him. “I saw their intentions as soon as they ripped their jeans.” He was looking at nothing, as if re-living what had happened three days ago. “Her face was…I’ve never seen her so scared. She grew up among us and became a member and i never saw her scared or less than a soldier but that day she looked so fragile and…” He gulped, starting to tear up. Jax was out of words. “I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. She was looking at me the whole time, Jax…”
Jax was now feeling the guilt and pain run down his chest.
“I think i saw her soul leave her body…”He sniffed as tears started to run down his cheeks, him trying desperately to push them out. “And my sanity leave with her.”
Jax tried to understand his brother. He felt guilty, like the rest of the club, but it was different for him. Chibs saw the woman he loved get raped and couldn’t do one single thing about it. He was a wreck, didn’t even want to see her.
“I told her i loved her but i don’t think she listened…” He looked around, hurt, vulnerable, a little bit drunk. “Since Fiona, it’s been the worst, trying to find someone to love, then she appeared.” His smile was a bit visible now. “She was all leather and boxing titles and soldier material without a dick, how could i resist her? She was everything i wanted and now I can’t even look at her face right now…”
Jax grabbed the bottle and took a long swing, feeling like he needed it. Chibs got up and cracked his neck, placing the bottle on the picnic table and looking at Jax.
“I’m going home.” He simply said as he started to walk away. Jax knew Chibs was a strong man, one of his most loyal Sons, but watching him break down like this, made him think that maybe, the Scotsman wasn’t made of steal.
He didn’t went home. He drove around town for a few minutes, trying to get his mind off things for a change, trying to be strong. Without noticing, or maybe noticing, he ended up in your front door. There was mail in the entrance, and the house was lockdown and dark. He stared at the door as if it was going to open in any minute but it didn’t. He hopped on his bike and looked around, when his cellphone started to ring. He looked at it, your number on the screen. He frowned and picked up.
“What are you doing in my house?” Your voice was lacking it’s life and cheerful tone. Chibs sighed and looked at the windows, trying to find you. You were still smart as fuck.
“Just…checking up on you.” He started walking at the front door, seeing the lights turn on. “Where are you’”
“Front door”. You answered. He knocked on it, but you remain silent.
“Are you going to open the door?”
“No…” you sighed into the phone leaning against the door and sliding down. “What for?”
“I love you.” He said, bluntly. “I love you, and i’m here to take care of you. I know i fucked up but…” he gulped. “I love you, (Y/N). I’m so in love with you…” on the other line, you were starting to tear up, sobs trying to come out of your mouth.
“How can you?” You started. “How aren’t you disgusted by me?” You sniffed, making him tear up as well. “They raped me.” Chibs closed his eyes. “They fucking raped me, i’m useless. I’m worthless, i’m disgusting. I can still feel their hands…” You stopped for a minute, trying to gain composture. “I don’t care how in love you think you are, you don’t deserve someone as dirty as me.”
“Get away from the door.” He said, fixing himself up. “I mean it. I’ll kick it open.”
“Chibs, go home.” You said, still getting up. “Please…”
“Are you away from the door?” He asked. You sighed and yelled when you hear him kick the door open, the poor door giving in. He walked inside of you and dropped the phone, coming at you and grabbing your face softly, pressing a loving kiss into your lips. You cried into the kiss, holding him close as tears fell down your face. You pushed him off you by his chest, slowly. He looked down on you.
“Go find someone better. Someone good…”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted…” he said, shrugging and shaking his head. “Where am i supposed to go when everything i want is right in front of me?”
You were tearing up, a sobbing mess by this moment. Chibs came closer to you, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your forehead as you cried into his chest.
“You’re not broken…and if you think you are, i’ll fix you. I love you…you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my entire life and i love you” Chibs said. “I love you…” he repeated. The night went by as you both stayed and hugged each other. It was going to be hard from now on, but at least, you weren’t alone. You were being born again, from your shambles, with the help of Chibs.