Well, considering that SE started with stalking, lies, manipulation, compulsion, statutory rape and went on to include both physical and emotional abuse as well as attempted murder over the course of the next five seasons, I think it's pretty obvious that SE was a problematic relationship. If you can't admit it to yourself, that's fine but please, stop yammering on as if it was a healthy, normal relationship. It wasn't and it was never intended to be taken as such, any moreso than DE is.
Stalking: Stefan making sure that Elena isn’t his psychopathic ex-girlfriend vs Damon using a crow to follow around a girl that he watches sleep at night. Both are creepy in their ways but one is significantly weird.
Lies: Yeah Stefan lied but this is a vampire show lol he wasn’t going to walk up and be like “hey you look exactly like my ex-girlfriend and i’m a vampire.” Damon has lied on multiple accounts, but you already know that.
Manipulation: SIRE BOND.
Compulsion: Stefan never compelled Elena….ever…versus Damon who did compel Elena the first time he met her.
Statutory rape: What? Because Elena is a 17 year old human and Stefan is a 164 year old vampire stuck at age 17? Oh my god. If that’s what you’re angry about then maybe you shouldn’t watch this show. And this is versus Damon who actually raped someone.