findme

Que mania feia de se achar insuficiente menina, você é linda, o Pai te ama, e se Ele te ama, o que é o amor, ou a falta de amor de outras pessoas pra te deixar cabisbaixa? Você é a menina dos olhos do Pai, a quem Ele escolheu muito antes de nascer.
—  Se ame, porque o Pai te ama.
5/21-truth or truth

Truth or dare
It’s obvious
You pick the easy one
Dare me
Dare me
Is always lots of fun
I dare you kiss me
And you compile
And we both die of laughter
But why can’t you tell me
What’s the matter
Because the truth is real
Below the surface
Where all our demons play
And maybe nows just not the day
To admit what I’ve been feeling
But then again when is
So here’s to that someday
It is

A alegria vem pela manhã, pode ser que não seja essa manhã, ou amanhã de manhã, ou qualquer manhã dessa semana, mas a alegria vem, e ela vem mais forte que qualquer dor que você esteja passando, é tudo questão de tempo, de descansar, e de confiar.
—  O choro dura uma, duas, dez noites, o tempo de alegria está pra chegar.
A vida é como um mar, a cada passo que você der, mais riscos você corre, mais você luta pra respirar, mais você tem que ter forças para não ser levado pelas ondas do mundo lá fora, mas com o tempo, com as quedas e com os caldos você vai aprendendo a enfrentar, a nadar no meio do caos até se manter firme novamente.
—  As muitas águas não vão te afogar.

p0stcard-fr0m-hell  asked:

In your opinion, what is the best multi-chap fic you've read so far? I've been out of this fandom for so long and I need something that'll draw me back in. (Also, this new season is greatttttt, but I have no idea what's going on because I haven't been watching for a season or two.)

Well I personally need to be drawn back into the Rizzles ff scene too. Here are a couple multichapter fics that I love that you might have not read:

Rain | Vez87

Dreams In My Head | Ashtreerose

Fall Apart | lespetitesmorts

Exquisite Agony | PantyHamsterJ

Disillusioned | PurpleCardi

Temping Fate | snugglejunkie

Autumn Rotting | SugarKane Montgomery

Falling | turtleback

Por tanto tempo eu chorei, e pedi pra não ter que acordar no outro dia e sofrer as retaliações dessa vida, foram tantas noites de tribulação, mas o Espírito me levou até a crucificação, onde nem o “afasta de mim esse cálice” de Jesus foi concedido, e ao pensar em tudo que Ele sofreu pra me ver vivendo uma vida de felicidade, e comparar com a minha eterna ingratidão chega a ser constrangedor. No momento, ainda acho que “morrer é lucro” mas enquanto eu viver, que minha vida seja dEle, porque através de mim seu sacrifício e amor serão proclamados.
—  Que seja feita somente a Tua vontade, e não a minha.
_ To the girl with the broken smile, I see you_

Hey its me, plug in your headphones or turn up your speaker or whatever you are hearing this from I hope my voice is as clear as the words im about to speak. 

 If today is a day you are feeling it all, not like the days you feel it and it goes away, but a day where you feel it all at once, so strong its taking everything in you to hold it together & you are holding a smile knowing that no one will look in your eyes & see the pain,because you wont let them see that part of you, I see it & my heart feels it. Its okay. Breath. Feel it. Let it consume every bone in your body because you need to feel it, & know one will ever understand that better than you & I.

To you,

You may or may not read this all the way through & that is okay. I found you in the dark & feel in love with every razor part that cut me to the bone, I understood when you crawled out of the dark that that girl was worth loving just as much. You are so much more than you give yourself credit. You are not as terrible as you make yourself out to be. Do you hear the words I am speaking, do you hear my voice as I say this shaking trying to keep from the cracking, can you see my gaze that you would catch when you weren’t looking.

So here I sit staring at a page I’ve been trying to write the words on for the past days. For once I am truly silent. So forgive me if my words come of harsh or blunt but the darkness has consumed what is left of me & I no longer care if im heard or not. You have always been attracted to my darkness so you can tell me at the end of this if you still feel the same because my words are about to bleed across this page, all you have to do is sit and listen. 

I know you.  I know your mind does not work the way it should,perhaps, Your thoughts whirl around at strange speeds & you cannot seem to reel yourself in. I know that you have tried to settle down- tried to calm your passions, cool your fire & slip into the steady existence that seems to lull everyone else into oblivion. I know that you have reasoned with your instincts, rationalized your desires & fought against the churning chaos inside your bloodstream that tells you to always seek more. To always do more. To always be more than was ever expected of you. I know the visions of love that you were taught as a child do not appeal to you- you do not want the dependency,the fairy-tale story that everyone seems to want. I know it hasn’t always been easy. I know that life has been a constant tug-of-war for you, no matter where you go. You have stayed when you wanted to leave. Held on when you wanted to give in. Been at ends with your own exhausted mind about what makes you happy because you do not want the things you were once taught to want you. And that’s okay. Okay in way that you have never been told, perhaps because you’ve never met anyone like you. And that is a shame. It is a shame there aren’t more people like you.

I know you’re not as wild as they think you are. I know you’ve been torn, more than once. I know you’ve felt the pull of both coming & going, of loving & leaving, of settling down & breaking free. I know you seek the tiny comforts that others don’t expect from you- having someone to report to when your adventuring is done. I know you are a series of infinite contradictions within yourself & you would like to understand them so badly that some days you want to scream. you want to rip the inconsistencies out of your body & learn to live simply & whole-heartedly I know that for you, whole- hearted will always be a transient state. Happiness will always be an ever-moving target. Fulfillment will never be a subway stop that you get off at. It will forever be the chase,the constant need for more. I know you despise these cliches. I know you do not want a heart that is both wild & tame in its most shameless state. I know that you would give it all up in an instant to be one way or another,, to not remain split between the storm & the silence within you. I know you get tired of yourself. And i’m sorry- that you’ve ever felt exhausted by the person that you are. I hope you know there is a place in this world for wild hearts like yours and the sooner you stop trying to fight it, the sooner you’re already home.

I know what its like to feel tired- & not just in the physical sense. The world that we live in is an exhausting place to be. It is wearing. It is thankless. It is endlessly trying & scarcely rewarding. You’re tired simply because you live in it. You’re tired of loving too much, caring too much, giving too much to a world that never gives anything back. You are tired of investing in indefinite outcomes. You’re tired of uncertainties. Tired of grey cause black has always been your favorite. I know you haven’t always been this worn out- that there was a time when you were hopeful & pure. When your optimism outweighed your cynicism & you had an infinite amount in you to give. I know you have been chipped away & worn down piece by piece– a broken heart & an un-kept promise there. I know the world hasn’t always been kind throughout the games you’ve played & that you’ve lost more times than you have ever won. 

So you think I don’t see you but here is what I do know. You’ve always believed you were meant for someone who sees things the way you do. You never chased the wrong things, the wrong things chased you. You dated every nerd you encountered but they only stayed as friends. You were the popular girl who dated the quietest soul in the room because you knew early on that you thought differently. You’ve searched for the boy who could see YOU. See the pain, accept the hardships, acknowledging that you are broken, believing you could be worth it.  - I see you, & ive stood beside you. You’ve searched for the boy who didnt want to sleep with you before knowing how music makes you whole & poetry saved your life.  The boy that believed that he was the catch not you. You’ve wanted someone who just saw you. Your tired of empty promises & meaningless I love you’s, Tired of staying awake wondering if youll ever be enough after everything people place on you. When you are stripped down to your plainest form, vulnerable & scared. When you are no longer playing the role of the independent strong women or super daughter or mom. You wanted to feel like you were enough. -you are enough. That you are worthy of a love that you watched in movies or read in your favorite books. You’ve searched for the boy whos soul matched yours. Who you could connect with & cry with.- I cried with you. The boy who when you run is waiting for your return & understands that your not running away, your looping back around. Your breathing. Your learning. Your the girl who cant do the standing still. - Im here waiting for your return because I know you need the darkness. You need to become lost, you need to feel every ounce of it because that is how you find yourself. 

You run, you push, you kick & you fight because you have never believed that someone could love you the way you want to love a person. - You found it & it scared you because you didnt know how to take it all in knowing everything you have been looking for is sitting in one soul at the other end of this ink,Through the screen on your phone or your computer i hope you can see my soul & my eyes & know i gave you the only pieces I had left to give up, I trusted you with that. Your plate is full I know this. Your world is hectic & I never wanted to be your world just the one that could make it bearable when you laid your head down at night knowing someone sees you & gets it & accepts all you have to give that day even if its not much.A brain aneurysm paired with a stroke when you were 12 took some of the best parts of you. It went from minimal care. A stroke leaving her with short term memory loss, taking most of the vision in her right eye. Unsteady on her own.your lunch breaks became breakfast & medications, laundry & bed changes. After a long day of work it wasn’t over. A fake mask for your kids & the world. A few weeks back before we met came a second stroke. Leaving 24 hour care placed on your shoulders.  You were thrown head first into it without a choice. No one else cared to help ignoring your begging & crying not understanding that you are human & need a break to. Here I stood ready to dive head first into every late night emergency room visit, every call needing to just breath. If you understood the respect I have for you & how much I appreciate her for creating you.  

I know the reason you love carnations(prom flower) because he never missed a friday & it was all he could afford. When losing his job spending the next year collecting change from random things, odd jobs, mechanic work just so he wouldnt miss that friday. Sometimes it was a bunch, sometimes it was a single carnation. He always envied the man he wanted to be. He may have fallen short but you knew who he wanted to be. That’s why they are your favorite. Your always on the go and I remind you its okay to stop & quite litterly smell the carnations  No one will ever understand that because you are someone who is always 3 moves ahead.

Take a chance on me. I know those words are wrought with uncertainty. I know you’ve taken chances before & they have flopped & floundered & left you high & dry. I know that you are scared to start again after everything before this has failed you.I am too. But baby if I have to fail again, it is you I want to go down in flames with. I know that nothing ever works out but if it does, it would be this it would be here. It would be you & me & whatever this fire is between us. Take a chance on me. Because the timing’s always going to be wrong & the stars are never going to align but I would break every clock in this city & I’d shut every star down from shining if it meant that for once afternoon we could cast all that aside & give in. Give in to the complete impossibility that something could work here, despite everything that stands in the way. Give in to the way that the thought of you curled up reading your favorite book makes me shiveer and your words make my mind race & reel. Give in to the improbability that this is going to work out or end well or fall into place exactly as we’d hoped or that any of it will be even half worth it in the end. Give in to senselessness. Give in to you, finally giving into me Take a chance on me- because tomorrow the universe could collapse in on itself & this city could disintegrate to ashes & the sun could burst into a thousand disjointed rays & goddammit if I am going to die never knowing what it feels like to have your lips pressed on mine. Because when the end comes, you could be at work filing papers, or answering annoying phone calls, & I could be sipping a coffee, & your last thought could be “this paper wont-” & mine could be “what a delicious-.” But when that last blinding flash of light emerges & our last moments on earth splinter senselessly, I want to remember the way you laughed right into my mouth while you kissed me & the feeling of your skin against mine. Take a chance on me because no chance ever works out. Because every relationship seems to end in heartbreak & every new beginning eventually reaches a conclusion but we have all of the time in the world between those two points& I intend to enjoy every second. Because someday I might hate the way you squint when you’re concentrating & you might despise the way I pace when I’m nervous. Everything life ends eventually & the whole point is to love what;s in between & if for me that gets to be you, then I am happy. Take a chance on me, even though I cannot promise it will be worth it every day. I have no guarantees, no crystal ball, no vision of the future. I have been promised too many forevers to have much faith in them anymore so instead I’d like to offer you right now. I can offer you this moment, where I’m standing in front of you knowing all of this may someday may end in ashes but that someday is not what im looking for anymore. I have right here & right now & all I can hope is that that is enough. That we can figure out the future as it comes. Take a chance on me because I want to take a chance on you. And it only has to work once.

So please stop trying to sell me your perfection when I’ve seen your dark & still showed up choosing you on all days, not just the days you were easy to handle or love. You are flawed & I’m flawed & we’re both wearing shiny cloaks of virtue but I know that when the day is done & the lights are dimmed, you shed all your sainthood like snakeskin & I do too Tell me what you’re hiding, what you’re harboring, what you dont want the world to know about yourself for fear that it will be cast into light. Tell me about the times you couldn’t save yourself Give me your broken parts, your fractured pieces, everything thats ever weighed too heavily on the floor of your heart for you to ever reach down & reassemble. Tell me where you went the first time that you lost yourself. Tell me the ways in which you never came back. Give me a map with coordinates that lead in the the deepest, most twisted corner of your soul where all of your unconquered demons still lurk. Let me see them as I’ve already got to see some of the destructive choices they make when they come out to play. Let me reach out & touch them with my own trembling fingers, because I still can’t bear to face my own. Give me your shortcomings. Tell me the story of the first person you never became & all the ways in which you let her die. Tell me which regrets tear on your heartstrings & which unfulfilled dreams still take up residence under your skin.

show me the mountains you never conquered, the roads you never traveled, the battles you surrendered before ever setting foot upon enemy soil. Show me the things you never measured up to because there’s no war more wounding than the one we never waged & there’s no road more daunting than the once that we never walked down.Give me your struggles & impurities. Tell me about the worst thing you have ever done. Tell me about the regret that slithered under your skin & beat through your bloodstream like an unwelcomed disease after you made the biggest mistake of your life. Tell me how it ripped straight into your soul & took you over. Talk to me about the times you couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror or fall asleep at night because the malevolence kept you reeling .Give me your vices & misjudgments because I can match each one with my own. Tell me all the ways in which you’re scarred by your own capacity for darkness. Let me fall in love with your human parts- the battles you can’t fight, the wounds you can’t heal, all the ways in which you are not enough for yourself. Give me your joys & your pain in equal measure because you are the most brilliant & terrible mixture of both. I dont want your good intentions & your well wishes. I want the whole of you the depth of you, the breadth of all you are & the light that shines in between your broken parts. Let me fall in love with what you’re missing, what you’ve lost & what you’re still holding onto, through & despite all of it. Show me the things you haven’t lost along the way. And I will show you your own strengths.

Your happiness is my happiness. Where there is love you will find me all you have to do is listen. Im missing you & the kids more than one man can put into words. We will always be under the same stars & that is closer than most. You didnt let me get away as I am still here, loving you from a distance, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Part of me likes to think I loved you in your mess & at your worst & that when you come out of this I will get to be the man that gets you at your best & you will allow to love you. Im here waiting for you to make your way back around. Feel the dark baby & spread your wings you will never be a sinking ship. Its okay. Im telling you it is okay. I don’t need a sorry or anything like it. Im telling you its okay & im here. Ill be right here, waiting for your return standing beside you loving you through it. You are not alone. You never will be as long as there is a place for me on this earth.  Ill be here waiting to hear all I missed. 

“ My dearest Janaya,

I couldn’t sleep last night because I know it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy & remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees learning from each other & growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens your soul & makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts & brings us peace to our minds, & that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give you forever. I love you. 

                                                                     I’ll be seeing you”

                                                         - Riley

  - Here’s the hope you were looking for. When you find you find me. Im here always. You have all thats left of me. I only hope to be there when you reach your best & be the one who gets to love you as I stand beside you & love you through your worst. I told you I was playing for keeps & my words were never left empty. 


 I love you.  Let it all fall apart & come together. If you need someone who understands he is here & he loves you past the hurt & the nights he spends questioning how your day was, how the kids are, how mom is,how you are when he already knows. Its okay.