find-a-word

you ask who made me this way.
blood drips from my mouth
as i struggle to find the words.

once there was a boy,
he fell in love with the girl with hair
the color of sunshine and smiles.
then one day he noticed a scar.
he never realized the bright
caged such darkness
until the dark started to slither out.
scared, he ran.
her heart, once burning so bright,
slowly diminished to ashes,
cold and alone.

you ask again, your eyes wary
in the midst of the haunted silence.
i struggle to find words,
but he steals them every time.
—  j.e.b. ((he’s still ruining me, to this day.))
3

Just received my package from Lesley aka @fanbows who is an absolute GEM! I thought I was getting the yellow Fangirl paperback and she surprised me with all these goodies! Including the UK Special Edition copy of Fangirl which I’ve been dying for as well as a lovely postcard and some special treats!

Lesley, words cannot express the gratitude I feel for this wonderful package. I’m so glad I’ve met you and chatted with you. My bookshelf is so much brighter thanks to you ❤︎

And of course a special shout out to @rainbowrowell without whom I never would have met you!

To whoever loves her next:

Make sure she knows that her smile reminds you of the sun and that her eyes are constellations in the night sky. Find other words to call her besides ‘beautiful’. Be fascinated by the things she talks about because absolutely nothing compares to the way she loses herself in her thoughts. She thinks she talks too much. Reassure her you love every word. When she speaks about something she loves, you’ll see the excitement in her eyes. Pray that one day she’ll talk about you the same way. React fully. If she says something funny, laugh loudly. When she shows you a song, pay attention to the lyrics because they probably mean the world to her. Have mini dance parties with her, sing with her, don’t be afraid to embarrass yourself in front of her, because it’ll just make her fall for you harder. Compliment her outfit —especially her shoes — because she probably changed ten times before seeing you. When you cross the street together, grab her hand and run with her. You’ll learn why soon enough. Be vulnerable with her. Open up to her. Be gentle with her. She only has the best intentions. Fight for her but don’t fight with her. When she gets sad for no reason, be there for her. Kiss her forehead often. Hold her tight when you sleep with her. Love her without an ounce of selfishness because my god, that girl deserves it. Give her your world and I promise she will only improve it. Write things for her. Draw things for her. Spoil her. Ask her about her family and her childhood. Ask her about her past. I promise those stories are worth listening to. Make conversation with her mother. It means more to her than you know. Show her books, music, and art that means a lot to you. Talk about the things you love with passion. When she’s had too much to drink, keep her safe. Keep her safe anyway. Protect her. Love her with everything you have. Love her better than I ever could.

2

I always knew how to be the smart one, not this. This feeling thing —this horrible thing— it consumes me. I appear to myself a whole different person, a complete stranger. And I look in the mirror and it’s me, but it’s not, Draco, I swear, what is this word? What is this awful, horrible horrible word that I know nothing of yet am so entirely? How can he have done this? How have I let him? Oh, I did not want this. I did not want any of this, Draco, you must understand—

I must find this word. Then I must stop boredness from swallowing me whole. I’ve been feeling so small these days. I hope it stops. I hope it doesn’t, so you can put me in your pocket and I can finally rid this place of me. So I can leave.

                                                                                         — yours entirely.
   
   (p.s please don’t go crazy in there, okay? I am in love with you.)

theonesunnoticed asked:

The assassins first asking out their S/O? Love your blog! :)

A/N: Thank you! I hope you liked it!


Altaïr couldn’t stop scowling for the whole day. He was just so nervous, what if they said no? That would be mortifying.

“You’re overreacting, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Malik had assured him earlier.

Yeah right.

When he saw you leaning on one of the railings in one of the hallways that lined the Masyaf base he audibly gulped before slowly approaching you.

“Oh! Hello Altaïr!” You smiled at him as he approached you and stood up straight to focus all of your attention on him. But you frowned when you saw that he was very tense and slightly flushed. “Are you alright? Have you gotten sick?” you looked up at him with concern etched onto your features.

“No! It’s just that, um.” He struggled to find the words before sighing and looking you dead in the eye. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go to town together one day, spend the day together?”

You smiled up at him and he flushed even deeper, “I’d love to.”


Ezio was such a nervous wreck. He had no idea why he was so nervous either. He was such a suave charmer with women and had them hanging onto his every word, but you were different. He couldn’t fight off the blush that came across his face when you were around and he found himself tripping over his words when he spoke to you. But today was going to be the day, today he’ll ask you out.

He sauntered over to your desk were you were currently seated at, doing some paperwork.

“Hello.” He drawled.

“Hi Ezio,” You smiled kindly at him. “Is there something you need?

“Yes I was just um,” Damnit. “I was wondering if you wanted to,” oh my god. “Ifyouwantedtogooutwithme?” He spoke it to quickly you could barely catch what he said, but when you did you smiled gently.

“I thought you’d never ask.”


Connor was pacing around the kitchen of his house, hand on his chin deep in thought. After spending so much time around you he came to realize that he definitely liked you as more than a friend, but how would he even tell you that? Every time he spoke to you he’d blush and stutter. He was stirred from his thoughts by a gentle rapping at the door and briskly walked over to answer it, ready to tell whoever was behind it that he was busy right now. What he didn’t expect, however, was to see you standing on the other side, smiling at him.

“Hello Connor! I hope you don’t mind me dropping by?”

He flushed a deep crimson, “No it’s alright, is there something you needed?” He moved to the side to let you walk into the house.

“Well you just seemed a little under the weather lately, even now your face is all red! I was just worried you were coming down with a fever or something.”

“I am fine.”

“Still, and I heard you were going on a supply run tomorrow. I don’t think you should, you’re coming down with something!”

“I’m not! But,” he looked off the side blushing, “If you’re so worried, you should come with me tomorrow.”

“Alright!” You smiled at him before striding out of the house.

Connor heaved a heavy sigh, well it was a start.


Edward and his crew were celebrating a successful raid on a ship they had just plundered and were currently loading up the Jackdaw with all the supplies they just got. Edward threw an arm around your shoulder and hugged you to his side. You laughed before wincing and yanking up your sleeve to find that a stray bullet grazed your arm.

Immediately Edward took your injured arm in his hands and inspected the wound, He scowled at it before bringing you to his Captain’s Quarters to patch it up.

“Edward I’m fine I can handle it myself.”

“I know you can but it’s my fault you got hurt, please let me fix it.”

You sighed and nodded as Edward cleaned the wound and wrapped it in a strip of clean cloth.

“You owe me Kenway.” You joked.

“Okay I’ll take you out for drinks tonight after we dock the Jackdaw!”

“Are you serious?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He flashed you a cheeky grin.


You were an old friend of Arno’s, well more like his old flame but you never knew that. You had recently moved to Paris and immediately got in touch with the Frenchman. He was ecstatic to hear that you moved to the city and immediately sought you out.

You were still sorting through your belongings when you heard an excited rap come from your door.

“Coming!” You called as you brushed your hands off on your skirt before walking over to open the door, pleasantly surprised to find Arno standing behind it, grinning from ear to ear. “Arno!” You smiled widely at him as you stepped aside to let him walk in.

“It’s so nice to see you again.” Arno smiled as he neared you and wrapped you up in a tight hug. Although it was surprising you didn’t fight back and opted to settle into his arms, relishing in the heat his body gave off.

The two of you stood like that for a while before you gently pulled back and asked, “So what can I do for you?”

He looked off to the side nervously as he released you from the hug and his arms came to settle at his sides, “Well, since you moved in I was wondering if you wanted a tour of my lovely city.” He smiled nervously at you.

You smiled brightly at him, “Of course!”


Your back was currently pressed flush against a red brick wall in an alley as you glared down at the group of Blighters that were leering lecherously down at you, smirking grossly. They were blocking your only exit out of the alley and were steadily getting closer and closer to your form.

“Why not come spend the day with us miss? I promise you won’t regret it.” One man smiled as he reached out at you, which you swatted away annoyedly.

“I’d rather not.” You growled at them.

“Don’t hit him like that!” One of his friends came closer to you, an irked expression on his face before he went stiff and fell face forward into the pavement. The other two men whipped around only to face the same fate. Once everything was done you looked up at your saviour.

Jacob!” You cried happily as he approached you, slipping his brass knuckles into the pocket of his jacket and smiled cockily at you.

“Look at the mess you keep getting yourself into!” He chuckled.

“They started it!”

“Either way,” He tugged you so you were pressed against his side, arm wrapped securely around your waist. “how about we walk around together for the rest of the day hm?” he hummed.

You said nothing, only smiling as the two of you left the alley together.


Evie! We have a new contract!” You called out as you entered one of the cars on the Frye twin’s hideout.

“She’s in the third car down.” Came Jacob’s groggy voice as your eyes caught him lying on the couch, probably sleeping, as least until you walked in a caused a ruckus.

“Sorry Jacob!” You apologized as you walked past him, patting his shoulder in apology as you left. He merely grumbled and settled back to sleep.

“Evie!” You called as you entered the car she was in the find her sitting in an arm chair, nose deep in a book. At the sound of your voice she bookmarked her page before setting the book down and looking up at you. You passed the paper to her and waited patiently as she read it over, finally nodding before handing the paper back to you.

“How do you want to start?” She asked softly.

“Well I was thinking we do some reconnaissance before we make any plans.”

“Good idea, when do you want to go do it?”

We were going to do it together? “Well I was thinking tomorrow, best to start early right?”

She nodded. “Alright we’ll meet here. It’s a date.” She smirked at you and a blush overtook your features.

thHOLY SHIT IT’S BEEN A YEAR

I really can’t believe it’s been that long! Thank you all for being here especially you all who stuck around since the beginning. 

In honor of this monumental event, I wanted to do a list of shout outs  to people who’ve really been here and been such a huge help in making me a better writer!

Lets get on to it!

Darling dearests

@frombrokenplaces | It’s been a ride. I wish I could find the words for how much you mean but I just can’t. I love you, babe.

@in-acoalmine | What a doll. Seriously there’s so many levels of awesome here. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

@cl0nes-dr0nes-salt / @jax0falltrades / @disarmed-andangerous / @vpyourarsenal / I’ve probably missed a url lbr | Seriously one of the greatest people in existence. It’s so reassuring to know there’s someone else who gets it. I seriously love writing with you so much. And I also kinda got you to make two new blogs so SORRY! <3

@lightobscur | Just the most wonderful person ever. I love writing with you and love our ridiculous AU it’s wonderful. <3

@youstolemypurse | <3 If I could explain the level of awesome you ware, it would be a miracle of human strength. Seriously I love you writing and I love our ship and I love that you are always on board with running with whatever weird plot I throw at you and vice versa.

The Birds

All The Dears in the BoP verse who I love dearly 

@theaxmerlyn
@lovedherwithallofmysoul
@im-a-hawker (and your Iris blog ofc)

The Heroes

All of my loves (even the ones I stalk and don’t talk to)

@iriswestisirisbest @inaxflash @theoreticalguardianangel @the-atomic-man @salvationinsmoak @felicitystark @thearrowsprotege @speedytheaqueen  @liasoningdeeks @armedwithaflashlight @warisfoughtwithallies @daughterofademon @dammitqueen @babygotgrimm @minshaytan @ramondelamancha @raatkoiisms @mrbarryallcn @blondecyberterrorist @newfrequencysamecry @nothavepowers @catchingsmoak @thxaqueen @ofsonicscreams @abercrombiearcher @assassintheaqueen @justadiick @highintellectandmaternalinstinct @ofallthingsspicy @thoseamericanguys @oftaskforce @offershope @imxthexhandler @nerffighter @ofcanaryisms @obciscr @greenissms @firing-red-arrows @mostcapable @melissa-clone-of-the-cavalry-may @ofcoldguns @alwaysxlate @warisfoughtwithallies @kryptondaughter @xnjolras @ex-skydiving-scientist @ofexosuits @harleenclownqueen @offorensiics @upxinxsmoak @amaninyellow @worefishnets @oliverqxeen @groovyxgenes @ofwickedaim @notuptoyou @daughterofademon @i-will-bestrong @birdonawiresara @scarlctspeedster

AND because even though I could I know that I could wax poetic to about all of my RP partners, I don’t want to ramble. 

So even if I didn’t name you specifically assume I love you too and thank you for sticking around!

stormtriforce asked:

You have a ridiculous way with words. One day I want to be as eloquent as you! Love your blog <3

oh wow! thank you so much! i think thats the best compliment i could hear !! make sure you just read lots and practice as much as you can, i am still learning :) and always ask archangel gabriel, the angel of communication, he will help you find the words <3 i hope you have a lovely evening!! x

You know what’s funny? I could never tell anyone about you. I just couldn’t find any words to describe you. And it’s crazy, but I like that we are the only ones to understand what we had. That way, it will forever remain as a tiny universe of ours.
in arabic, ‘to forget’ means “insa”. 
the arabic word for human is “insan” meaning one who forgets. for whatever strange reason,
i find solace in these words and i hope you do, too.
—  Lena
The Badboy's Trainer

by Sidney_A

by Sidney_A

Niall is very insecure about his body. He thinks it would help him gaining confidence if he’d work in a gym center. His plans were rather spoiled when he can only work there as the cleaning boy.

Harry is well built, and always went to the gym where Niall now works. Harry’s trainer suddenly stops, and there is no trainer available. That is until Mr. Cowell gets an idea. An idea that changes everything.

What will happen if the cleaning boy becomes his personal trainer?

(Mature parts involved. Don’t like, don’t read.
I warned you, don’t report, babes.)

©Copyright all rights reserved!
Don’t steal. If you do, I’ll find you.

Words: 24158, Chapters: 11/64, Language: English



read it on the AO3 at http://ift.tt/1NZYgMq
Home Again-The Drive

One-shot fic inspired by home again.

The drive from DC to Phillidelphia was just over two and a half hours. Scully wanted to drive, but Mulder insisted he take the wheel. “I’m fine, Mulder,” she had tried to argue. But her shaking hands and tear stained face gave her away.

The silence in the car was defening. Mulder tried to find the right words to comfort Scully, but knew there were none. Scully tried to fight the emotions bubbling up inside her, but all she wanted was to hold her mother’s soft warm hands and talk to her one last time.

When Scully started to cry again, it wasn’t the scared and sad tears of earlier. It was deep mourning sobs, she just couldn’t hold in anymore. Mulder pulled over and held her, brushing hair back and gently wiping the alligator tears from beneath her eyes. What she didn’t know, was that he was crying too. “We can go back you know,” he whispered when her sobs subsided. “No, I have to work.”

There was no silence this time. Mulder’s arm breached the distance between their seats to grasp Scully’s tiny hand. It brought her comfort and they talked. They talked of how strong Maggie Scully had been. How she had gone through so much; the death of her husband, her daughter, Scully’s abduction and cancer. How she always loved Mulder, even though he got her daughter into so much trouble, because she saw the light in Scully’s eyes when Mulder walked in the room. How she was forever a mother, even when it seemed her children were all grown up.

The talk had helped. But, Scully still felt the dull ache in her chest, the encroaching sorrow. Mixed in with the confusion and the fear of her mother’s last words. No time for that now though, time to work.

for @dexterous-sinistrous

The horse whuffled Derek’s hair affectionately as Derek patted its neck. He was hesitating, there was no other way to describe his actions. It had been four years since he’d left for the continent, four years of war with the Argents, and now he was in his old finery and reluctant to enter the ball. Back before, Derek had always looked forward to these dances- smiling and flirting because it was fun. But now Derek felt too old, too damaged to be around beautiful young men and women.

Since returning to London, and his family’s town home, he had spent most of his time on solitary walks and in the reading room, barely speaking. He knew his family worried, werewolves needed to be around pack and were tactile, but he couldn’t find the words to explain. He couldn’t bring himself to touch his nieces and nephews with his bloodstained hands. The last thing Derek wanted was to attend a ball where his senses would be overwhelmed and he would have to answer inane questions about his wartime service, but Laura had promised Derek he could retire to their family’s country home after tonight; so he would make an appearance.

He took a breath and patted his horse one last time before striding forward.

“Lord Hale is looking well, don’t you agree?” Stiles put on his most agreeable smile for the young woman as she fluttered her fan. They were standing with a few of her friends a bit away from the refreshments table, Stiles uncomfortable in his newly made finery and he couldn’t for the life of him remember her name or any of the names of her friends. He had only agreed to attend Lady Martin’s fete because his cousin was enamored of one of Lady Martin’s friends.

“Yes, of course.” Stiles subtly adjusted his fitted tunic and looked out across the brightly colored revelers, trying to remember who Lord Hale was. Stiles was pretty sure his cousin hadn’t mentioned him, so he thought the Lord was probably a much older peer.

“He’s been on the continent for the last few years but has retuned well-formed. It looks as if the campaign was a good fit for him.” Stiles could only stare at the lady, trying to keep his incredulity from showing on his face, certain she would take offense. War was never a good fit for a man.

A young man came out of the whirling masses and pulled one of the ladies into a dance with an elegant bow. Her friends dissolved into gossiping whispers about the young man and Stiles tuned them out. He looked for his cousin, starting to let his irritation seep in. Stiles didn’t belong here and he was frustrated to be abandoned. He excused himself from the group of ladies, grabbed a cup of punch for something to do with his hands and escaped the ball room.

He stepped out onto a balcony and sighed into the cool night air, feeling slightly better. He sipped his punch and sat on a bench in the darkness, staring up at the stars. He wanted to return home. He wondered if his father missed him, if Scott had made any progress in wooing Miss Argent, if the new lord would need his assistance.

He was deep in thought and didn’t notice another presence approach on the balcony until the man spoke.

“Oh, pardon me.” He man was outlined by the light from the hallway, his face shadowed as he looked over at Stiles. “I just wanted a moment, I’m sorry if I’m intruding.”  

“You’re not, I was just thinking. The cold air is nice for that.”

“It is indeed harder to think with so many attendees chattering loudly and asking to dance,” the man said agreeably. He looked out over the balcony into the darkness and Stiles could see his shoulders slump a bit. Stiles felt a sudden kinship with this man. He raised his hands and called his spark. The noise from the ballroom became muffled and quieter.

“Any better?” The man turned in surprise and made a questioning noise. “You seemed stressed, we can still hear someone approaching, everything is just less loud.”

“Does it silence everything both ways?” The man’s head cocked sideways, questioning.

“Yes, it’s like we’re all alone out here.” Stiles flushed at the implication. “Um, well. All alone in that we’re alone on the balcony, and everyone is back through that doorway.”

The man chuckled lightly.

“I feel like an imposter in there,” Stiles waved towards the dance room, changing the topic. “My father is a lawman in a smaller town a day from here, I don’t belong. I’m only here by the grace of a cousin, whom I was visiting this past month. I’m to return home on the morrow. There was news we’ve a new lord come to stay at the manor and I’m to see if I can be useful for him or if I’m to leave to find a new trade.” He grimaced at the idea of leaving his family, but if the new lord was suspicious of magic, or had his own spark, Stiles would be redundant and all but forced to leave.

“I’m sure any lord would find your spark useful,” the man tried to comfort, awkwardly. Stiles couldn’t help but be charmed. “I’m here because my sister insisted I attend before retiring to the country, I find I have no taste for the loudness of the tonne since returning from so long away.”

“Ah. Well you can certainly hide with me, there is plenty of quiet out here.” Stiles gestured to the other half of the bench. He could see the beginnings of a smile on the man’s shadowed face and he walked over.

He exhaled happily as he took a seat and leaned back to look at the stars. The man was better illuminated from this angle, and Stiles’ breath caught as he took in the man’s perfect face.

Stiles opened his mouth to speak but remembered his companion’s desire for silence and closed it.

“Do you have any magic for subduing scents?“ The man asked almost sheepishly. “It’s only that there is so much perfume, and I just,” he fumbled to a stop and Stiles took pity on him.

“Yes, actually.” He picked up a small stone from the ground beneath the bench and called his spark. The stone flared brilliantly for a second before the light was sucked back in. Stiles offered it to the man. “You can carry it with you, when you go back into the ball. The charm should last a few hours.” The man stared at him in silence until Stiles fidgeted nervously. “My apologies, did I overstep? I do this for my best friend when he helps in the stables. He’s a werewolf and his sense of smell is acute, so sharp scents can be painful for him. But you don’t have to take it,” Stiles dropped his hand as the man just continued to stare.

That seemed to break the silence. “No, no I would be honored. I was not expecting such a kindness, thank you.” He reached over to pluck the stone from Stiles’ hand and cradled it protectively in his palm.

Stiles flushed red and looked away.

They sat together for some time when a woman’s voice, quieted but still audible, called from inside. “Derek! Cora, have you seen Derek anywhere?” The response was even quieter and Stiles’ bench mate sighed before standing. Stiles saw the shadow of the man’s arm tuck the stone into his breeches pocket.

“Those would be my sisters,” The man- Derek- said almost reluctantly. “Thank you for sharing your bench.”

Stiles smiled, “Any time.”

Derek nodded to Stiles before returning to the lit hall and Stiles was left with an odd feeling that he had missed a huge opportunity.

Stiles climbed into the carriage happily, excited to be returning home. He knew the day long journey itself would bore him to tears, even though he had packed several magickal treatises to review. He could only hope his traveling companions would be interested in conversation.

His cousin had seen him to the carriage house, hugging him fiercely, but was soon gone to court Miss Martin’s friend, having procured her father’s acceptance the night before. He had been in raptures on the ride back from the ball and Stiles had listened in amusement, thinking of his silent, brooding companion. Stiles had looked for the man later but as he hadn’t seen the man’s face it was impossible to find him.

But now Stiles was settling into the bench seat closest to the small viewing window, his trunk packed and his book satchel in his lap. He would be back in Beacon on the Hills after nightfall, and back with his father.

Derek happily dismounted and rubbed his horse’s neck before leading it to the stables. He took a moment to breathe in the scents of his new home as he looked around the front of the manor, and at the forest surrounding. The town he had ridden through to get to the estate was modest in size but prosperous, Laura had managed the accounts from London. Thanks in most part to the human who kept the peace crime was low and Derek was looking forward to the peace and quiet.

He took in another deep breath and ran his fingers over the small stone in his pocket. He had kept it long after the magic had dissipated, leaving him a touch stone to remember the boy on the balcony. That small kindness from a stranger after so long feeling isolated at war had warmed something inside of Derek that he had long thought frozen.

His thoughts drifted to the boy as they often had over the last four days of packing and travels. Derek cursed himself again for leaving before getting the boy’s name. He hoped the boy’s new lord would find him useful, but Derek selfishly wanted the boy for himself and for Beacon.

Derek opened the stable doors, pleased they had been well-maintained and the hinges did not screech and grate on his hearing. The stables were well lit and clean and Derek drew his horse over to be rubbed down. Eventually he would see if there was a boy in the town who would act as a stable hand, but Derek didn’t mind tending to his horses. Derek straightened as he heard voices from the back, two boys, and something was familiar about one of the voices. Derek moved forward without thinking.

“But Stiles, you know his name! You could write to your cousin, see if he knows more about this man.”

“It’s no use, I only overheard his given name.” The familiar voice was dejected and the was scuffling on the floor. “Not every story ends in epic love like you and Aly.”

“Yeah,” the second voice was dreamy. “She is pretty wonderful.”

“Anyway, focus Scott. We gotta make a good impression on the new Lord. I don’t want to leave Beacon, so you gotta help me.”

“Wait,” there was a pause. “What’s that? Is there someone else here? I smell someone.” Two faces popped out around the far stable and stared at Derek who was frozen in alarm.

“Who are you?” The familiar voice came from a familiar face, one Derek had thought he wouldn’t see again, though the view he had in the shadows did not do justice to the boy’s delicate features and bright eyes.

“I- uh-” Derek fumbled before being cut off.

“Stiles!” The second boy hissed. “That’s Lord Hale!” The boy Stiles went even paler.

“Lord Hale, I’m so sorry!”

“I would prefer you to call me Derek,” he ventured softly, hoping the boy would understand. The boy’s jaw dropped and Derek smiled. “I didn’t catch your name that night, nor your cousin.”

Stiles opened his mouth and closed it a few times without noise escaping. Derek went cold, was he making a bigger leap than he had realized? Maybe the boy was friendly to everyone. Derek took a step back, wanting to escape.

“No wait!” Stiles flung out a hand towards Derek. “Wait, I was just surprised. I - I would like to call you Derek. I mean.” He flushed and twisted his fingers together. “I’m Stiles.” He stepped towards Derek and took one of his hands. Derek could smell the boy’s interest and his fluttering heart.

Derek felt his wolf preen and felt a smile stretch across his face. He raised his free hand to caress the boy’s cheek. “I’m pleased to meet you, Stiles. ”