I finally got to officially read the bits of dads book with me in it, and on the first page of the first chapter he outs me as utter FitzSimmons trash and unless the publisher take it out this is how I will forever be remembered.
“Wat’s tes-tees?” inquired a small voice. Jemmy had abandoned his rocks and was looking up at me in profound interest.
“Er …” I said. I glanced round the room in search of aid.
“That’s Latin for your balls, lad,” Roger said gravely, suppressing a grin.
Jemmy looked quite interested at that.
“I gots balls? W’ere I gots balls?”
“Er …” said Roger, and glanced at Jamie.
“Mmphm,” said Jamie, and looked at the ceiling.
“Well, ye do have a kilt on, Uncle Jamie,” Ian said, grinning. Jamie gave his nephew a look of gross betrayal, but before he could move, Roger had leaned forward and cupped Jemmy gently between the legs.
“Just there, a bhalaich,” he said.
Jemmy kneaded his crotch briefly, then looked at Roger, small strawberry brows knitted into a puzzled frown.
“Nots a ball. ’Sa willy!”
Jamie sighed deeply and got up. He jerked his head at Roger, then reached down and took Jemmy’s hand.
“Aye, all right. Come outside with me and your Da, we’ll show ye.”
Bree’s face was the exact shade of her hair, and her shoulders shook briefly. Roger, also suspiciously pink about the cheeks, had opened the door and stood aside for Jamie and Jem to go through.
I didn’t think Jamie paused to think about it; seized by impulse, he turned to Jemmy, rolling up his tongue into a cylinder and sticking it out.
“Can you do that, a ruaidh?” he asked, pulling it back in again.
Brianna drew in her breath with a sound like a startled duck, and froze. Roger froze, too, his eyes resting on Jemmy as though the little boy were an explosive device, primed to go off like the opal.
A second too late, Jamie realized, and his cheeks went pale.
“Damn,” he said, very quietly under his breath.
Jemmy’s eyes grew round with reproach.
“Bad, Granda! At’sa bad word. Mama?”
“Yes,” Brianna said, narrowed eyes on Jamie. “We’ll have to wash Grand-da’s mouth out with soap, won’t we?”
He looked very much as though he had already swallowed a good mouthful of soap, and lye-soap, at that.
“Aye,” he said, and cleared his throat. The flush had faded entirely from his face. “Aye, that was verra wicked of me, Jeremiah. I must beg pardon o’ the ladies.”
He bowed, very formally, to me and Brianna. “Je suis navré, Madames. Et Monsieur,” he added softly to Roger.
Roger nodded very slightly. His eyes were still on Jemmy, but his lids were lowered and his face carefully blank.
Jemmy’s own round face assumed the expression of beatific delight that he wore whenever French was spoken near him, and—as Jamie had clearly intended—broke immediately into his own pet contribution to that language of art and chivalry
“Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques… .”
Roger looked up at Bree, and something seemed to pass through the air between them. He reached down and took hold of Jem’s other hand, momentarily interrupting his song.“So, a bhalaich, can ye do it, then?”
“FRÈRE … do whats?”
“Look at Grand-da.” Roger nodded at Jamie, who took a deep breath and quickly put out his tongue, rolled into a cylinder.
“Can ye do that?” Roger asked.
“Chure.” Jemmy beamed and put out his tongue. Flat. “Bleah!”
A collective sigh gusted through the room.
Jemmy, oblivious, swung his legs up, his weight suspended momentarily from Roger’s and Jamie’s hands, then stomped his feet down on the floor again, recalling his original question.
“Grand-da gots balls?” he asked, pulling on the men’s hands and tilting his head far back to look up at Jamie.
“Aye, lad, I have,” Jamie said dryly. “But your Da’s are bigger. Come on, then.”
And to the sound of Jemmy’s tuneless chanting, the men trundled him outside, hanging like a gibbon between them, his knees drawn up to his chin.
So I just got home from San Fran for business meetings on my new book, and I finally got my package of new Jeffree Star Highlighters by @twinksimstress!
Now if anyone were to ask me what my “Must Have” make up would be, it would most definitely be these highlighters. Pretty much every time I leave the house I have one on.
Now I already had the first 4 shades which are Ice Cold, Peach Goddess, King Tut, and Mint Condition.
Jeffree just released 4 MORE shades to his collection and @twinksimstress killed it again, the shades are called Dark Horse, Lavender Snow, Deep Freeze, and So Fucking Gold.
For anyone that doesn’t know Jeffree or his brand there is ALOT of pigment to all his shades, and some of the colors like Deep Freeze and Lavender Snow are very bright and loud. With these highlighters @twinksimstress made they are face masks so you CAN still use foundation/blush/and cover up.
The pictures above are JUST highlighters, there is no cover up or blush added and they look amazing with or without!!
I wasn’t asked to review these by anyone I just love to try new things, and these are a must have!
what was the publishing process like for your book? (i'm very excited about it)
Aw, thanks! We hope you like it!
The publishing process for us was as follows: early on we got contacted by our agent as well as our eventual publisher expressing interest in a Literary Starbucks book. Our agent helped us craft a proposal, which we then sent out to potential publishers. After that, St. Martin’s Press became our publisher, and we wrote the actual book, which went through a couple rounds of edits before everyone involved finally signed off on it. During this we also procured an artist, Harry Bliss, who drew all the illustrations for the book. We worked with our publishing team throughout, and you can see some of the results of that work in the interviews we’ve given. Finally, we announced the book last September, and it got published yesterday! :)
It was a relaxing, normal day. You were just sitting on the couch, reading a book, and minding your own business. Nothing different from other days. Until Alex, your boyfriend, came over and decided to poke you until you lost your mind.