finally a word that sums up my thoughts

Forget and Move On

(Rick x Reader Fluff // Some swearing)


“Hey, Rick?”
My voice hardly above a whisper, afraid of derailing his train of thought.

I was sitting on his bed in his closet of a bedroom, doodling aliens into my sketchbook. The monster that we had encountered only mere hours ago slowly coming to life on the page, not quite as terrifying as it probably was in really life but as close as my memory could serve. As much as I loved going on adventures with Rick: the adrenaline, the danger, the different dimensions… I could never just forget what had happened. Each near death experience swimming at the back of my mind; waiting for night to fall so that they can strike again with anguish. But It help to draw them. Took some of their power away. Therapeutic… as my father would say. And I suppose that was part of the reason I admired Rick so much, he could just forget and move on…
My gaze shifted. Finding it’s way onto his silhouette, hunched over his desk, checking some absurdly complicated calculation I would never be able to understand…

The pencil went limp in my hand, as the question floated to the surface of my mind. To be more accurate, a memory that lead onto the question. A memory of-

“(Y/n)?” His gruff voice bounced off the walls, snapping me out out of my thoughts like a sharp bark of a dog. I flinched. Our eyes made contact, his gaze hard but soft. Grilling yet concerned. I relaxed a little, tasting iron as I realised I had bitten my lip so hard it had bled.

Rick squinted his eyes momentarily, staring at me, pulling me apart then fitting me back together in his mind.
“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“W-who said there was anything wrong?” I countered quickly, only wanting to avoid to subject. Just forget and move one. Forget and move-

“You only bite your lip when your upset about something,” my eyes darted to the notes pinned to his wall which connected together in a spiderweb of white string and push pins, “A-and you called for me first.”

I flushed, the blood rushing to my face from embarrassment that he knew me so well, and that I had completely lost track of everything. That happened often when I was thinking hard. I swallowed, taking a moment to reset, to breath. Hesitantly, I picked up my sketchbook which had fallen off my lap. I started to flip through the pages; procrastinating on saying anything. Finally, my fingers halted on a picture I had drawn a few months back, when I had first lost them. My thumb trailed over their feature. Their cheeks. Their jawline. Taking them in. Remembering…

“I… I want to see my parents,” the tears started to swell up in my eyes but I gritted my teeth, trying to keep them from falling. Rick shifted his gaze to stare at the drawing. I continued, my words opening up a cascading waterfall, frantically trying to explain, “I know th- that their gone in this dimension. But I was thinking, there are infinite versions of myself and maybe we could find one where my parents were still around but I wasn’t and-”

“You want to leave.” He cut in. He turned away so that he was half hidden in the shadows, his expression unreadable.

My voice faltered.

“N-no. Not leave…” I thought of how to phrase it best, brows knitting together, “More like a holiday… from this.” My wrist twisted slightly, signifying… everything.
My relationship with Rick, our adventures, everything I experienced because of him summed up in one word and a hand gesture. ‘This’…

“It’s not that I don’t love you. Or our adventures. Or this surreal and unforgettable existence you’ve turned my life into,” the tears finally breached their boundaries and rolled down my cheek, “It’s just, it’s all a bit too much… I can hardly sleep at night these days, Rick. I just need a little - break.” My voice broke. I fell silent, knowing that even if I tried to speak again, he wouldn’t understand.
I stared at him, worried about his reaction. But his eyes were cold and emotionless. Obscure. My mind started to race. He would probably get angry and force me to leave or abandon me…
I was right, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I should never have even suggested it. It was stupid even to think he would even understand, now I was just a little piece of shit having an emotional breakdown in his bedroom. With no value. No fucking use-

Suddenly, My face was shoved into his blue shirt as he pulled me into him. His warmth heating up my face as sobs started to rack my body. The gentle caressing of his hand pulling me back into the moment; bringing my mind, which was spinning off at 1600 kilometres an hour, to a crashing halt. I wrapped my hand around him, pulling him closer, engulfing myself in his scent of freshly pressed clothes, meteorite dust and a faint wisp of alcohol. He shushed me, holding me tight.
“B-bay, baby hush, don’t worry about it. I was actually thinking the same thing, I’ve already made all the preparations.” He whispered into my ear, his low voice inaudible to anyone but me. Soothing.

“Really?”

“W-we can go as soon as you want. Just say the word…” his voice trailed off. My tears continued to flow but my sobs subsided, letting the weight of the settling silence crush us together. Gently he continued to hold me, cradle me, humming me to sleep. My Rick, although he tried not to show it, was kinder than others. He was still stubborn with a temper and often selfish, but he cared; even if a little too much…

And eventually I could feel my consciousness slowly slipping through my grasp. My eye lids fluttered, breath deepening, mind sinking into the warm comfort of sleep.
“I love you,” I mumbled into his chest, snuggling into the soft cotton. My breathing syncing with his. And I swear (although Rick denied it later) I heard him, just as I fell under the darkness, my consciousness fluttering from my grasp.
I am sure I heard him-

“I love you too (y/n), more than you would know.”


Written by M.S.Turberfield

Just Friends // Baekhyun (1)

synopsis: your relationship with Baekhyun used to be full of hatred until one little school project makes the feelings swerve everywhere

chapters: one // two

genre: fluff and angst in the future

pov: 1st

word count: 1,878

author’s note: if this chapter gets fifty likes or more, i’ll start working on the second chapter! this was actually really fun to write as well. as always, i hope you enjoy and requests are open!

TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter includes domestic/child abuse and alcoholism

-.-.-.-.-

It wasn’t always this confusing. In fact, when we were younger, we despised each other. I guess it was due to the fact of us being children, and like all children, we were most likely drama queen and king. Actually, the only reason our relationship is confusing, is because of what happened last week. You’re probably confused, aren’t you? Well how about this, I’ll go back and explain our relationship, what happened, and how we ended up in this situation. Then, we’ll be where we are now, does that sound good?

-.-.-.-.-

Walking through the doors of preschool consisted of me holding on to my mother’s hand, desperately tugging at it to make her take the both of us home. My older brother told me that preschool was the best year of school ever, and I believed him. Until we walked through the doors. Kids were everywhere, yelling, running, and playing. It’s terrifying. “Y/N, you have to let go of my hand, sweetie.” Mom chuckled, gently removing one finger at a time from her hand.

“No way!” I exclaimed, grabbing onto her arm instead. She gave me ‘the look’ before proceeding to walk away. She mouthed an ‘I love you’ before leaving the place. At the brink of tears, I slowly walked into the hectic room, trying to avoid any trouble, along with the noisy kids.

“Baekhyun, slow down!” a young lady, presumably the teacher, yelled, running after a brown haired child, who is most likely Baekhyun. Soon enough the brown haired kid would run past me, but he instead ran into me and knocked me down to the ground.

“Watch where you’re going!” he exclaimed. “You almost gave me cooties, how gross!”

I have never even heard of cooties until this very moment, and my small, frail body ended up trembling, the tears that welled up in my eyes being released. Cooties, he sounded so angry when he said that. And that was frightening. Needless to say, I started to think I was dying, as if I had this disease called cooties, which was the most deadly disease in the world. Thanks to me being an over-dramatic four-year-old, I thought I was on the brink of death, like I could die at any moment. To sum up, the word “cooties” made me think I was in danger and I ended up breaking down, tears finally streaming down my face.

The mysterious lady (who I had absolutely no clue of her name) scurried over to me, her face etched in worry. She picked me up and looked down at the boy and scolded, “I have had enough of this behavior, Byun Baekhyun! If I have to scold you one more time, there will be a call to mom and dad!” She yelled, she actually yelled. I remembered my brother saying, “if the teacher actually yells at a preschool student, it means they often get in trouble, so don’t worry about getting yelled at unless you choose to be an annoying rascal.” Did I know what the word rascal meant? No. But I assumed it was pretty bad, considering he used it in the context of “don’t get in trouble or you’re a rascal.”

After hearing her yell, I buried my face into the crook of her neck. I was never a person who could handle anything revolving around yelling or fighting. Call me weak if you must, but it’s who I am and I’ve come to accept it.

From that moment on, I swore to myself that I would avoid Baekhyun at all costs. That plan, however, failed. First of all, it just so happened that my assigned spot was right next to Baekhyun, which meant that he could torture and annoy me whenever he pleased. And let me tell you, he took up that offer every moment he could.

Ever since then, every single day I came home, I would whine and complain to my brother about how infuriating Baekhyun was. And every single time, he had the exact same reply: “He has a crush on you.” (Admittedly, the first time he said crush I was very confused since crush usually means smash, break, destroy, and etcetera.)

Then the next year of school came around, and with just my luck, I managed to be in the very kindergarten classroom of Byun Baekhyun. However, he ignored me for a few months. He was too busy hanging out with his newfound best friend, Park Chanyeol. He was (and still is) a lengthy person, his legs very long. For the most part, I really liked Chanyeol. The taller male was an angel: whenever Baekhyun came my way to irritate me, Chanyeol steered him away, instead dragging him along to the action figures and other toys, a great distraction for any five or six year old. To put it simply, I felt like Chanyeol was a guardian angel, always steering the annoying Baekhyun away from me.

For a majority of kindergarten, not much happened to me dealing with Baekhyun, though first grade is where hell truly took place.

During summertime, when I was transitioning from kindergarten to first grade, my mom lost her job and started drinking. For the first few days, she’d have a beer every day, but then it turned to more. It was three drinks, four drinks, five drinks, and so on, until it eventually became a new beer after the last was finished. Throughout the summer, all I saw of her was her either drinking, drunk out of her mind, vomiting, or passed out. My father was dealing with her, doing his best to make sure she didn’t pass, but then she did something truly awful. One time, my father refused to give her another beer, all the beer that had been in the fridge was either thrown out or stashed away, and that’s when my mom lost it.

She started becoming violent, both physically and emotionally. At first, it was aimed only towards my dad, so he often times came to mine and my brother’s room, discussing how we should at all times possible stay in our room or at a friend’s house, which is what we did for quite a while. That is, until, my mother started breaking even more. She eventually demanded we open the door, and when we wouldn’t, she kick at it. At first, we were fine with that. We knew she was out of her mind. But then she finally kicked the door down. When she did break the door, she started screaming like the madwoman she was.

Once she came in, she grabbed my hair and pulled. She kept pulling at it, even though I screamed and yelled for her to stop. She started pulling the hair out, and to this day, I have a scar on the right side of my head, forever there to remind me of the awful day.

Luckily for me and my brother, he was able to grab his phone in the midst of this and called for dad, when he picked up he was a sobbing mess, begging for him to come inside and take us away. The first thing my father did was call the police, to tell them about the domestic and child abuse going on, and then he ran. No matter how slow he normally was, he ran as fast as the speed of sound and made it to us, quickly hitting at my mother until she fell back, which is when he picked me up and grabbed my brother’s hand, running far away from the house.

By the time first grade started, I was still an emotional mess due to the whole mother situation. To make it worse, Baekhyun was still in the same class as me while Chanyeol was over in Ms. Kim’s classroom. He managed to make another friend though. His name was Sehun, but he’s an even shittier person than Baekhyun, which made my life ten times more miserable than it was on its own.

In addition to that, exactly one week before Mother’s Day, my class started our projects for gifts to, if not obvious enough already, give to our mothers. My teacher was kind enough to whisper to me during nap time (the one time other children would actually fall asleep, which was oddly strange) that I could draw my dad a picture instead, so that is what I did.

My drawing was a picture of my father, my brother, and myself in our quaint house next to the park. Of course, I never even thought of my mother once through the entire drawing process (as much of a process as there is for a seven-year-old). My time drawing my small family was peaceful, until the two notorious brats Sehun and Baekhyun decided to waltz in and think they knew enough about my life to criticize the picture.

Sehun for the most part was on the shy side, but once he was with Baekhyun he was the devil, which made this experience so much more enjoyable. “Hi, Y/N!” Baekhyun said, a cheery ass smile on his face.

“What do you want?” I asked, immediately furious, knowing the two boys were up to no good.

Sehun instantly replies. “You’re drawing is wrong.” Baekhyun just snickered in agreement. What assholes.

“How is it wrong?” I questioned, voice innocent yet dripping with anger.

“You forgot your mommy, the reason why it’s being drawn.” Baekhyun answered. Okay, I may have thought to myself that I had moved on from the situation, but do to my reaction, I clearly hadn’t in the slightest. Instead of the calm reaction I was hoping for, I ended up bursting into tears, not only making me even sadder, but also embarrassed for the rest of the school year (until Hoseok ended up peeing himself during snack time one day).

This scene seems all too familiar. Though at the time I didn’t realize this, Baekhyun made me cry just like in preschool, and yet again, I had a teacher scurrying over to me, ready to help out. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked, eyebrows raised in concern.

“They-they said that… that m-my drawing was wrong!” I confessed, gripping onto the back of her shirt for dear life as I cried to my heart’s content. With her already glaring at the two boys, I continued on. “They said it was wro-wrong because it didn’t have a mommy!” I hiccuped. Once I finished crying and calmed down for the most part, she gave a stern look to the two boys and made them follow her outside to the hallway while some girls ran over to play with me and attempt to cheer me up.

“Just ignore them,” one of the girls, Jennie, said, giving me a hug before asking if I could join them. By the end of the school day, Jennie and I were calling each other best friends (but doesn’t every seven year old child do so?) and planning to meet up. My next few years were peaceful, as I managed to get through with the help of Jennie and Baekhyun being in other classrooms. But once I got to high school?

This is just the start of my life, I am nowhere near done.

2

Homeless

74

“Wait… a-are you saying you’re kicking me out?” I squealed.

He looked like he didn’t want to repeat it, but I could tell from the look on his face that that was exactly what he was saying.
My landlord was kicking me out.
Three nights before, I’d sat in silence until the police arrived at my flat. They’d had a quick look around, and it genuinely barely looked like they’d done a thing, and then they told me they would get in touch, and then they left.
Harry had sat in silence with me.
We’d been close. Close to opening up, and close to me finally talking about my feelings, but as I sat there in my trashed, empty flat, I couldn’t find the words to say. Not just about that, but about anything. I was totally lifeless.
Then he’d gone home, and I’d gone up to sleep on Mo’s sofa.
And I hadn’t spoken with him since.
No matter how many times he’d called.

Keep reading

4

THIRTEEN: THE VICTIMS OF THE COLUMBINE MASSACRE

From left to right-taken from the Columbine Memorial in Littleton, CO
pt. one out of three

William “Dave” Sanders-Born in Illinois, as a child he liked Davey Crockett, little league baseball, and loved the sound of a bouncing basketball. Dave’s young life was mentored by his high school basketball coach. He played basketball, and ran cross country in college, then began his career as a business teacher, and coach. Dave encouraged students,  family members, and friends to become better people through kindness and encouragement. He inspired many people to achieve their dreams, and his spirit lives on in everyone who loved him or knew him. “Know that he loves you and is with you always. He will always be only one thought away when you need strength and comfort. We have a lifetime filled with memories of a man we are so proud to have known. So, remember Dave for how he lived; not how he died. We are so grateful for his final words: ‘Tell my girls I love them’, we love you too.”

Daniel Mauser-It is not easy to sum up the life of a son and brother. To his parents he was a first born gift with spiritual dimensions that caused us to seek a deeper life. To his sister, Christine, he was a fun companion, but also one who was willing to share his wisdom and knowledge. To his sister, Madeline, he will be the brother who was never known, but whose presence will always be felt. To others he will be an inspiration for how he tackled his own weaknesses and often overcame them in surprising ways. We remember Daniel as a boy with a gentle spirit and a shy grin. Often charming, and sometimes intense, he was just coming into his own. He still saw the world through largely innocent eyes. He was an inquisitive and occasionally maddening adolescent, who would challenge you to examine your assumptions about almost everything. In the most profound sense, however, Daniel was one who, despite difficulties, knew the ineffable sweetness of life, and it was part of him. It was our great blessing to have had him as a member of our family. 


Kelly Ann Fleming-A Writer and a poet, a gentle soul who walked amongst us.
I step outside, what did I hear? I heard the whispers, and the cries of people’s fear. The loneliness of wisdom. Can that be? The sad, sad, sorrow that I see, that the past in the trees, is it true, can it be real? Can I let them know how I really feel? The things that I have seen, the things that I have felt, The feeling of sorrow that I hope will soon melt. Wherever I looked, wherever I turned, I see shadows all through the night. I put my head down, and said a little prayer, to tell the lord the sad, sad, sorrow, and the lonely cries that I have heard. After a minute of silence, of wisdom, I looked up slowly, I saw a thing that I have never seen. I saw a light, and asked myself can that be? Was it real or was it a dream? I didn’t know but hopefully it will come to me. It was bright and I was scared. I didn’t know what or if I should see. I looked and then it comes to me. It was a dream. When I was turning to walk away, I heard a voice.
Can It Be-Poem written by Kelly in 1998. Her first draft, final draft published in Chicken Soup for the Teenager’s Soul III

Isaiah Emon Shoels-The love of God was first in Isaiah’s life. The love for his parents, Vonda and Michael, was the highlight of his life. His close relationship with his Grandmother Bessie, showed in his respect for others. He loved sports, playing and joking with his family; and was taught to love others no matter how they treated him. Isaiah died in a room filled with hate and darkness. He now lives in a beautiful heavenly room filled with light and beauty. He would want you to look up and see the light, to put away the guns, hate, prejudice, and pride, and see the great light that is love. He is one of the beautiful flowers God has picked for his Heavenly Garden, to shine and to be an everlasting light. Isaiah, we will always miss you. We will always love you. With love from your family and friends.
“Stop doing wrong, learn to do right.” Isaiah 1: 15-17
“Maintain justice and do what is right.” Isaiah 56: 1- 2
“Those who walk uprightly enter with peace.” Isaiah 57: 1 - 2

6

I don’t even know what love is.

Anna started out as very naïve in love. At the beginning, she had this idea that love is generally about finding romance. She was afraid to be alone. That is why when she finally got the chance to meet people, she instantly fell in love with the first handsome and charming stranger whom she had met.

Most of her life she tried to reach out to her sister, but eventually she kind of gave up on her. This was until she discovered that Elsa has powers that she began to finally understand that her sister only isolated herself because she was afraid and she wanted to protect her. At this point, Anna was starting to learn to love unconditionally and with understanding.

Anna meeting Kristoff was very interesting for me, because this was the time when she really got to know someone first and accepted them for who they truly are, despite of their flaws and all. Also, the part where she punched Hans, for me, showed that she finally knew what love really is and that Hans doesn’t have that, for he has a frozen heart.

To sum everything up, I love Anna because she may have started out so naïve in love, but she has come to discover that love, in the words of Olaf, is “putting someone else’s needs before yours.”

Calum calling post-breakup

Originally posted by brusselsharry


i got asked a long time ago to write something along the lines of calum calling post-break up, but i really didn’t know what to write about until recently, and maybe this isn’t even what the person had requested for but… take it or leave it (although it wouldnt surprise me if you chose the latter, aha) xx


“Everybody’s got their demons, even wide awake or dreaming.” Calum’s voice was merely a faint echo in your head, torturing your very soul as you took another drag from your lit cigarette. Your head felt light and lost deep in thought of your former boyfriend, and you swore it was his lips that got you hooked on.

“Hey, we need to leave.” Your friend lightly pushed you by the shoulder as she gathered her stuff and heaved herself off of the ground. She stomped away the light from her cigarette and looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to copy her, but when she saw none of that even beginning to keep your lips off your lit stick, she sighed. “Mister Smith will place you in isolation again for skiving.” Her pursed lips used to scare you, but now, you could care less.

“Go back inside, I’ll just have one more.”

So you spoke, and she left but not before giving you a stern look that scolded you in advance. Truthfully, you could care less whether you were in for another one-on-one meeting with the tall troll that seemed to be feeding off your punishments. You were already neck deep into hell, why not go all the way?

You pushed your thoughts farther and farther away with every drag of the remains of your cigarette you pursued. Chasing optimism was something you had gotten used to, it was the only thing you had left of Calum to hold onto after all. Disappointing him because seeing a half empty glass instead of a half full was the last you’d want to do, albeit the fact that he won’t ever know.

The bitterness that spread within your tongue at the thought of Calum doing okay without you was inevitable. You had all the right to. The two of you swore that separation was only possible through death, after all. But maybe that’s alright in his case, seeing as he’s finally living and, well, being.

At this point, you were aware of the difficulty you only challenged day after day to get back up, to be independent. Maybe the way to find closure with Calum was to accept that he was gone in the first place, to stop finding solace in a series of him reeling in your mind. That would probably be a lot better, but you may as well be dead.

The constant buzzing of your phone against the ground was eventually caught on by your ears, interrupting you from your thoughts. Not bothering who it was in desperation to jump right back in your musing, you swiped to the right in haste and pressed the screen against your ear.

“Hello?” You answered, your voice husky and rough.

A moment of silence passed from the other line, however, and you were short-fused, hence you were impatient for a delayed response and initiated the move to hang up. And, just in time, your mystery caller pushed what seems like a sigh, or maybe a scoff, to make his presence known.

“I didn’t think you would pick up.”

Just the voice alone felt like a freight train hitting you. Your lips parted in shock at Calum’s familiar voice, immediately feeling the warmth of life swarming you after such a long time. It wasn’t long until your hands began shaking to match the palpitation of your heart. Maybe you were dreaming.

“I thought-“ sigh “-thought that you hated me.” To think that Calum was considering his words was an evident sign of his honesty with a tinge of fear that softened you. As if you could ever bring yourself to hate him. “Hello? You still there?”

“Yeah.” You breathed out what seems like your whole supply of oxygen, urging you to take in a huge deep breath in fear that you would forget how to do it if you delayed it a second longer.

“I know I have bad timing, I probably disrupted you mid-class, but I just really,” Calum paused mid sentence and he came off hesitant to you, almost choked up just as you were, as though he was weighing the pros and cons of being honest, “really missed you.” or maybe he was weighing whether it was appropriate or inappropriate to say considering he put you in place just a few months ago.

“Calum…” You breathed out, overwhelmed by his sudden confession. Sure, you missed it and you craved for him after all this time. But there was no denying that you felt the slight pang of hurt because of the impossible, the do’s and the don’ts- everything that held him back, and you.

“I know I ended it,” Calum was careful with how he brought up the topic in fear of how you may react, “but I was writing a new song and you’re my muse…”

Yet another beat of silence occupied your queue for a response in attempt to find the words you lost along with your senses. It was just all so sudden, unforeseen, and you weren’t sure whether to cherish the moment or to snap at him. “Cal, where are you going with this?”

By this point Calum was aware of your attempt to covertly observe him to sum up your thoughts, somewhat. His exasperated sigh collapsed his hesitation and finally, Calum gave in to his nagging honesty. It was what you deserved. “I want to meet up. Whenever, wherever, however. I just want to, need to, see you. Are you okay? Are you doing fine? Coping? Happy? Mad? I need to know for myself. And,” He paused to swallow the sob threatening to choke out of him, “and I’m back in town in a day or two and I just figured it won’t be home if I wasn’t seeing you.”

His haste ‘goddammit’ spluttered with an exhale was crystal clear in your ears, conveying his frustration and you couldn’t help the skip of your heartbeat when your brain finally processed his words. It was so wrong, but it felt so write, so familiar- safe. It was wrong because he left you after admitting he was scared of the after effects of the fast life, that he’d lose you and hurt you, that you’d leave him after realising you deserved more than a couple of weeks together after a whole year. But it felt right because for the longest time, all you knew was how to love Calum, his outer jock, his inner nerd and his deeper wuss.

“What’s it called?”

“What?” Calum was quick to answer, confusion lacing his voice.

“The song, what’s it called?”

“Everything I want.”

It was right at that moment that you felt your world begin to move again, seemingly tugging on every heart strings possible as you felt all sorts of emotions flood you. The title itself spoke for what the song promises and it made your heart want to jump free from your body, with your palms sweaty and your lips agape.

“There you are.” Your biology teacher’s chastising tone that was faint in the distance snapped you out of your reverie, pushing you to respond to Calum before you were severely punished with demerits, potentially some time in the isolation room. “Y/N!”

“Wednesday. Midday.” Your response shortened, concise in case you were rudely interrupted. “Inside that playhouse, without delay.” A small smile tugged on your lips, not because you could clearly see the frustration in your biology teacher’s frown, but because divine intervention finally pulled you out off hell, “It’s your last chance, Hood.” maybe.

You’ll find out its definite intention- whether to pull you out of or push you into hell- after Wednesday, Midday, inside a playhouse where it all began.

Interview Now ~LM.C~

LM.C’s maya and Aiji visited Fukuoka as a part of their “LM.C TOUR 2014 PERFECT FANTASY” on April 3rd, 2014. In this interview they reveal the reasons behind why they decided to become Visual-kei musicians, what they keep in mind when they write their music, their experiences in Fukuoka, and finally a message for their fans.

I guess our “concept” is that we have no concept.

Q.(asianbeat)Tell us, why did you decide to become Visual-kei artists?

maya:When I was little I saw the band “X”, which later changed its name to “X JAPAN” and that was a definite source of inspiration for me. Back then, the word “Visual-kei” didn’t even exist yet but just knowing about them motivated and drove me to become a Visual-kei artist.

Q.What about “X” appealed to you so much?

maya:Well, I’m not sure if it was admiration so much as being so stunned by their appearance that it had a lasting impact on me. I was an elementary school student back then and the only word I can really use to sum up my feelings would be “shock.” I remember thinking: “What is this!!?” and looking back, that moment was really the start of things. I had heard their song, liked it a lot and decided to buy their CD. Only, when I got home I thought I had bought the wrong one because the contradictory nature of the whole thing really blew my mind. 

Q.What finally cemented your decision of becoming a visual-kei artist?

maya:At first, I really wanted to play the guitar. I always felt guitarists were really classy and cool, so I would often rehash some tunes I picked up along the way on the guitar. I guess this was the official starting point of my career.

Q.What is LM.C’s concept as a band?

Aiji:We don’t have a musical concept. If anything, not having a concept is our “concept.” We just concentrate on whatever we feel is suitable at the time. If you’ve listened to any of our music you probably noticed that many of our songs don’t hold to a specific musical style or genre. One thing I do always try to keep in mind however, is to always be happy. I think happiness is the key to life and I just try to enjoy myself whether it be during interviews or daily life.

Q.What is the most important thing, when you make music?

maya:In my case, it would be to enjoy the process of making music. It’s something that I’ve started to feel even more strongly about lately. Normally, the production periods and deadlines are set in advance; however, we try to look for ways to do what we want to do, when we want to do it.

Q.Was that a thought that you had even when forming your band?

maya:I guess anyone who was motivated enough to form their own band will eventually be able to perform live or to write lyrics naturally as the time goes by. However, by repeating this year after year, it eventually starts to feel like routine work. Sometimes its repetitive nature makes me feel like I’m being forced into it and makes me forget the objectives I had laid down in the early days. When we initially started our band, we were simply satisfied with making music and it came pretty naturally to us. Once we took it up as a career, psychologically we feel restricted in our creativity so we try to remind ourselves not to.

Our fans have become more passionate and I can feel that they have been waiting for us.

Q.You two are from Nagano-Prefecture, right? How many times have you been to Fukuoka?

maya:Many times! (lol) As LM.C, we come to Fukuoka every year.

Aiji:Maybe this is our seventh time.

maya:LM.C has been active for 7 years and since we visit Fukuoka every year, this would be our 7th trip here.

Q.Do you feel that your Fukuoka fans are different from your Tokyo or Osaka fans?

Aiji :Well, first off there is that physical distance between us. Maybe because of this I feel that the fans are waiting for us and that energizes our performances!

Q.So what you think about Fukuoka?

Aiji:It’s great. I like the Fukuoka so much that sometimes I come here privately. We visit many places in Japan for business trips but we don’t have many chances to travel Japan outside of work. That being said, Fukuoka is definitely one of the cities which makes me want to come back for more.

Q.Is there any place in particular in Fukuoka you want to go or any special food you want to eat here?

maya:Nothing in particular comes to mind. The restaurant we went to yesterday was really good, though.

Q.What did you have?

maya:What kind of food did they serve…?

Aiji:It was a seafood restaurant by the name “Seimon-barai” in Nakasu [Fukuoka]. We really wanted to eat the squid-sashimi there.

Q:Did you like the squid-sashimi?

Aiji:It was excellent! The Mackerel is a personal favorite, though. The place was something between a fancy restaurant and a Japanese-style bar “Izaka-ya”.

Q.You have lots of fans abroad. Do you ever feel the full scope of your international popularity?

maya:When there are lots of people at our live performances. (lol) Japanese culture such as Visual-kei and anime were extremely popular overseas when we first started out but back then, the idea of gaining popularity overseas was something unfathomable to me. Even when I would receive a letter from a fan, I just couldn’t believe it. But when they’re standing right in front of you, that’s when you realize that it wasn’t all just a dream. 

Q.How many countries have you preformed in?

Aiji:About 20 countries or so…

maya:We’ve been on large-scale world tours three times so far. Sometimes we will revisit certain countries, so I think in total we’ve been to approximately 20 countries. 

Q.How are your fans overseas different to those in Japan?

Aiji:In Japan, there is this idea of wabi-sabi* that is inherent in the culture and this consciousness makes itself apparent through certain mannerisms unique to Japan. People overseas understand the concept of “sabi” but have yet to grasp “wabi” and will sing along with us throughout our entire concert. This reminds us that we can’t make lyrical mistakes. (lol)

*Wabi-sabi is a school of thought in Japan derived from Buddhism that isolation and life are inextricably linked and that perfection is unachievable but must be accepted.

Q.I see.

Aiji:The fans overseas will bellow out the songs with us, putting all they’ve got into it! It’s a pretty great feeling, to hear your fans get so passionate about it. It’s something that doesn’t really happen in Japan. 

Q.Are there any changes you make to your live performance routine before hitting the stage?

Aiji:We just accept things as they are and don’t give it a second thought. For example, when we give performances in Japan everything is in working order and goes smoothly; however, when we go overseas we face certain misunderstandings and uncomfortable conditions. I’ve come to conclude that it is just cultural differences. (lol) Because of this, it is a simple matter of just accepting whatever comes our way as it is; it’s a lot less stressful that way.

Let’s be happy until we meet again!

Q.Is there anything you would like to tell your fans?

Aiji:For those of you reading this and have joined us on our previous LM.C world tours, we would like to announce our new album that will be kicking off our next world tour and will be released at some point in the near future. Sorry to have kept you waiting! We’re looking forward to seeing you soon!

maya:Ditto. (lol) I feel the exact same way but would like to extend my heartfelt thanks to all those fans that have sent letters our way. I’m looking forward to when we will be able to meet again. Our next album will be featuring unique songs in typical LM.C style so be sure to have a listen!

Aiji:We don’t have a lot of opportunities to go abroad. The physical distance between us might make it difficult at times, so we appreciate those that are waiting for us every time we touch down and have no words for the support you show us. Stay strong and keep us in mind!

credit : asianbeat.com

8

I’m Kourtney, or if you’re one of my close friends, then you probably know me by Kourt. Those pictures up there probably sum me up far better than I ever can. I’m a big lover of cats, reality TV, glitter, SVU, laughter, and anything that involves words. I turned eighteen on August 16th. Adulthood is slowly creeping up on me, and I’d be lying if I said the thought of that wasn’t terrifying. I guess I’m always going to be a kid at heart.

Now, I’m not going to get too deep into the most heartbreaking and devastating years of my life thus far, but I will say this, over the past year, I’ve finally found myself and have discovered true happiness. After going through years of depression, hurting and hating myself, physically and emotionally abusive relationships (romantic, friendship, and family wise), bullying, and countless others that I could name, but I won’t – I’ll just say that it’s taken me since the age of nine years old to get to where I am now, and I can finally say that I’m happy. I’m proud of myself. I love myself. I haven’t always had the best of luck when it comes to friendships and relationships, but I’ve learned that everything does happen for a reason, and some people just aren’t meant to be in your life, no matter how much you wish they were, or how much you care and love them. And that’s okay. I’ve learned to pour all the love I have inside of me into myself and my friends instead of people who just take advantage of me. I can finally say that I’m glad that I stuck around, that I didn’t succeed in ending my life the multiple times I tried. Now I just look back and wonder how the hell I ever wanted to end my life in the first place. The saying ‘it gets better’ is true. I’m proud of myself, and I’m so happy that I can finally say that. Being happy is okay. Being confident is okay. Loving yourself and wanting to shout it to everyone is okay. Being able to say all of this for the first time and actually mean it is the most special thing to me, and people can’t take it away from me anymore. Kind of crazy how Taylor Swift and I seem to go through the same experiences at the same time, but that just makes me feel all the more connected to her, in a way.

Now, here’s where Taylor really comes in. She’s been by my side for nine years. When I had no one, when I hated myself, when I wanted to end it all, she was there. It’s crazy to think that someone who I’ve never even met, or spoken to, or even knows who I am, can have that kind of impact on me. But I am so glad that she does. She’s been there from the time I was still a child, to today, when I’m about to be an adult. How crazy is that? I’m not going to say that Taylor Swift is the reason for all of this, because I do deserve to give myself credit, but I’d be lying if I said that she wasn’t the main part of all of this. She’s made the biggest influence on me and my life over the past nine years. She’s given me the courage to change, to put myself first, to stop letting people’s opinions get me down, that being kind is far better than being cruel, no matter just how badly someone might make you feel or treat you. 

The one thing I’ve wanted for the past nine years that I’ve been a fan of Taylor is to just finally get to hug her. There’s that one quote, something about how “someday you’re going to hug someone and all your broken pieces will fit back together” and as cheesy as it is, every time I see it, I think of Taylor. Because I know that’s how it’s going to feel when I finally get to hug her, if I ever do get the chance to hug her. One thing I do want to say, is thank you. Thank you to Taylor Swift, the girl that’s been by my side for the past nine years as I’ve continued to grow and mature and become the person I am today. The girl that’s never let me down. The girl that’s been my best friend when I had no one else. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for being there, thank you for being a friend, and thank you for bringing the most amazing people into my life. I’ve met the most amazing people because of our mutual love for you, and without them and without you, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I have you to thank for all of that. And I hope someday, I’ll get to tell you all of this in person.

Xo,

Kourtney.

My reactions to 4x05
  • The staircase!
  • What the hell is this frozen thing?
  • Sassy Sidney. I call him Sassney
  • MM: I can’t leave my baby!
  • Elsa, why are you wearing that cloak?
  • Elsa(about Regina and Emma): Looks like you’ve come a long way since then  Me:               

  • Emma is so sad that she and Regina don’t get along anymore

  • *Young Emma hides box inside her jacket* Me: Inconspicuous…
  • Teenage SQ AU, right?
  • Regina: You’ve never had my back. Me: Er,

    What about all the times she saved you?
  • I’m pretty sure that’s not the real Anna. I think you’re on some kind of drugs, Elsa. Elsanna drugs
  • You’re still crying over that forest guy, Regina?

    Who took that picture anyway?

  • Adventure Time with the Charmings
  • Sidney the GPS
  • Those heels in the woods though, Elsa. Not a good idea.
  • THE STAIRCASE
  • MM: I CAN’T STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY!
  • Emma: But when you helped, I seemed to learn pretty fast. Me: ‘cause you like her and it’s always easier to learn something if you have a positive relationship with the teacher.
  • Emma’s is paying Regina compliments

  • Regina: So I’ve impressed you. Me: All of us, all the time.
  • Regina: Complimenting my outfits, giving me a makeover, braiding my hair, calling RH and hanging up. Me:

  • Regina: You’re trying to win me over! Me:

  • Regina: You ruined my life. Me: Er, what?! I thought Henry was the most important person in the world. You’re not making any sense right now. Gee, you’re so bitter.
  • PS1! My childhood!
  • Vloging in 1998
  • Lily and Emma are so gay.
  • Snow Queen: SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER!
  • See, I knew she wasn’t the real Anna.
  • Snow Queen: Because I needed you. Me:

  • *Elsa is on her knees and chained to the ground. The Snow Queen comes closer* Me: PORN
  • Will: You’re married to the blonde? Me: I think you’re talking to the wrong brunette.
  • Emma a.k.a. Captain Obvious
  • So much sarcasm and sass between Emma and Regina
  • When Regina and Emma are arguing, all I can see is a married couple.
  • Why didn’t you switch off the TV?
  • Lily lied to Emma                

  • Nooo. Emma, you promised her to be friends and now you broke that promise.
  • But Emma won’t make that mistake again. She promised Regina a happy ending and we know that she’ll do whatever it takes to keep that promise.
  • Emma knows how Regina feels 'cause she’s been betrayed by a friend in the past.
  • *Emma and Regina defeat the monster by combining their magic* Me: BY THE POWER OF SWAN QUEEN!
  • Snow Queen, don’t interrupt the SQ moment, please
  • Elsa to the rescue!         

  • Regina: I know you too well, Swan. Me:

  • Elsa: Stop it! You two need to mend your diffenrences! Me: SWEN’s thoughts exactly
  • Elsa a.k.a. the relationship counselor
  • *Regina disappears* Me(sings): There she goes, there she goes again…
  • Yeah, Regina really plays hard to get.
  • I think Sidney might need a coat.
  • Snow Queen a.k.a. mirror collector
  • Snow Queen: A word of advice. Get a warm coat. Me: OMG. That’s what I thought.
  • Elsa: So why did you let Regina just walk away…Maybe you shouldn’t give up on her so soon-> Elsa a.k.a. a Swan Queen shipper
  • Emma: I was just looking for you to be my friend. Me:

  • Regina: Emma wait! Me:

  • Regina: I don’t want to kill you. Emma: See, that’s a start.

    You stupid, adorable babies!

  • MM: Finally, I’m with my baby. Now I’m happy.
  • Me: This episode is perfect. *Hook arrives* Me:

  • The Snow Queen is Emma’s foster mom

  • To sum up: the episode was hella gay.