final honors

What started off as a small lie, but snowballed into “this is my life now”?

My freshman year of college I was walking around campus when a very friendly looking girl waved at me. I’m awkward, so of course I waved back. The next week, the same thing.

This began the weirdest saga of my life.

For the next two years, we greeted each other as old friends every time we came across the other. She knew my name (somehow?), I never could figure hers out and it was WAY too late to ask. I just pretended I knew who she was and why she knew me.

Finally, I joined the honors program and entered my classes for my thesis. Who should be in this class but mystery girl! I was horrified. I wouldn’t be able to pass it off anymore.

First day of class we are all sitting there chatting and she greets me by name, again. I had finally learned her name from attendance, thank God. Someone asks, finally, “oh, so do you two know each other? Where’d you meet?”

Silence.

I stare at her. She stares at me. Finally she breaks down wailing. “I don’t know! I don’t know, okay, we’ve just been waving at each other for two years and it was too late to ask!”


Shes standing in my wedding next spring as one of my bridesmaids and very best friends.

I'm so much happier 😊😊😊 now that I'm dead😵💀. Technically 🤔missing🕵. Soon to be presumed dead😵💀. Gone👋🏻. And my lazy 💤 lying 😈 shitting 💩 oblivious 🙄husband 💑 will go to prison 🚓 for my murder 🔪🔪🔪. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money💰. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder🔪🔪🔪. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder 🔪🔪🔪 you have to have discipline💪. You befriend a local idiot💁. Harvest the details 👀📝 of her hundrum life and cram her with stories 📚 about your husband's 💑 violent temper 😡😡😡. Secretly create some money 💰 troubles: credit cards 💳, perhaps online gambling💻♠️♣️♥️♦️. With the help of the unwitting👱🏻, bump up⬆️⬆️ your life insurance💵. Purchase getaway car🚘. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash💵. You need to package 🎁 yourself so that people will truly mourn 😭😭😭 your loss. And America 🇺🇸 loves ♥️ pregnant 👶women 🚺. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy 👶. First, drain your toilet🚽. Invite pregnant 👶 idiot 💁 into your home 🏠 and ply her with lemonade 🍋🍋🍋. Steal 🤗 pregnant 👶 idiot's 💁 urine 🚽. Voilà! 🎉 A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record 🗃. Happy Aniversary💑🎉. Wait for your clueless ❔ husband 💑 to start his day 📆. Off he goes... 👋🏻 and the clock is ticking ⏱. Meticulously stage 🎭 your crime scene 🕵 with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt 🤔. You need to bleed 💉. A lot💉💉. A lot, a lot💉💉💉💉💉. The head wound 🤕 kind of bleed 💉. A crime scene 🕵 kind of bleed 💉. You need to clean; poorly👎, like he 💑 would. Clean and bleed 💉, bleed 💉 and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire 🔥in July📆? And because you're you👸🏼, you don't 🚫 stop there. You need a diary 📒. Minimum three hundred 3️⃣0️⃣0️⃣ entries 📝 on the Nick and Amy 💑 story 💭. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable💖. After that, you invent. The spending💸, the abuse👊🏻💥, the fear😱, the threat of violence🔪. And Nick thought he was the writer📝... burn it🔥, just the right amount. Make sure the cops 👮 will find it 🕵. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure 💎 hunt. And if I get everything right ➡️, the world 🌎🌍🌏 will hate 😡 Nick for killing 🔪🔪🔪 his beautiful 😇, pregnant 👶 wife 💑. And after all the outrage 😡😡😡, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water 🌊 with a handful ✋🏻 of pills 💊💊💊 and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body 💆🏼, they'll know: Nick Dunne 👱🏻 dumped his beloved 💑 like garbage 🚮, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women 🚺🚺🚺. Then Nick 👱🏻 will die 😵💀 too. Nick 👱🏻 and Amy 👸🏼 will be gone 👋🏻, but then we never really existed. Nick 👱🏻 loved a girl 🚺 I was pretending to be. "Cool 😎 girl 🚺". Men 🚹 always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool 😎 girl 🚺". Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is hot 🔥. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is game 🎲🎮. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 is fun 🎉. Cool 😎 girl 🚺 never 🚫🚫🚫 gets angry 😡 at her man 🚹. She only smiles ☺️ in a chagrined, loving 💕 manner. And then presents her mouth 👄 for fucking 👉👌. She likes 👍 what he likes 👍, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster 👨👓 who loves ❤️ fetish Manga 📚. If he likes girls gone wild 👙, she's a mall 🛍 babe who talks football 🏈 and endures buffalo wings 🍗 at Hooters 🍈🍈. When I met Nick Dunne 👱🏻 I knew he wanted "Cool 😎 girl 🚺". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax🕯-stripped my pussy 😽 raw. I drank canned beer 🍺 watching Adam Sandler 💩 movies 📼. I ate cold ❄️ pizza 🍕 and remained a size 👗 two 2️⃣. I blew him 🍆👄, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fucking game 🎲🎮. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick 👱🏻 teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness ☀️, a humor😂, an ease. But I made him smarter 🤓. Sharper. I inspired him to rise ⬆️ to my level. I forged the man 🚹 of my dreams 💭. We were happy 😊 pretending to be other people. We were the happiest 😊😊😊 couple 👫 we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not 🚫🚫🚫 the happiest 😊😊😊😊? But Nick 👱🏻 got lazy 💤. He became someone I did not 🚫🚫🚫 agree to marry 👰🏼. He actually expected me to love ❤️ him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless 💵🚫, to the navel of this great country 🇺🇸 and found himself a newer, younger 👧🏼, bouncier cool 😎 girl 🚺. You think I'd let him destroy 👎👎👎 me and end up happier 😊😊😊 than ever? No 🚫🚫🚫🚫fucking way. He doesn't ❌ get to win 🏆. My cute ☺️, charming 😉, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn 📝📚. Grown-ups 👱👴 work 💪 for things. Grown-ups 👱👴 pay 💵💵💵. Grown-ups 👱👴 suffer consequences 😖.
  • Craig, trying desperately to appear straight in front of the softball moms: Like I say to the wife before I get into bed, make room for Craig! 'Cause, uh, Craig's here.

anonymous asked:

I had never heard Uptown Funk before seeing you reblog a gifset of it, but now not only can I not stop listening to it, but every time I hear "I'm too hot Make a dragon wanna retire man" I think of Hawke and it makes me giggle

“Hightown funk you up, Hightown funk you up”

So all I did was go out with my friend to grab me some skin tone markers and I ran into my idol and all time favorite youtuber @therealjacksepticeye! I was nervous and ended up forgetting to show him some of the art that he hasn’t seen of mine but this honestly made me so so happy. I’ve watched him for years and I’ve finally had the honor of meeting him! This was amazing, thank you!! :D

🎃Ways to Celebrate Samhain👻

 Samhain is the celebration of the final harvest and the honoring of the deceased that is celebrated on October 31st. 

Originally posted by falling-through-autumn

👻 Hold a dumb supper to honor the deceased. Invite your family to join and honor your loved ones who are gone.
👻 Make an altar, offering, prayer, or something special to honor the deceased or to honor the holiday
👻 Prepare for the winter by stocking up on herbs and powders and throw away old, unusable tools
👻 Decorate in red and black colors, pumpkins, cornstalks, apples, and candles around the house and on an altar
👻 Visit and tend to the graves of relatives
👻 Now is the ideal time to do any spirit work as the veil is exceptionally thin
👻 Do a divination reading to gather insight for the upcoming months
👻 Make a bonfire and share stories of late loved ones with your family and friends
👻 Take the time to embrace nature before winter wilts the plants
👻 Harvest any herbs or goods from plants and properly store them away or use them in a spell
👻 Now is a great time to do reflection on the self spells, spirit communication, and change spells
👻 Write in your grimoire or book of shadows and write down your magical goals that you want to achieve by the end of the year
👻 Dress up in costumes and have fun with friends! Enchant some of the clothing to make the night more fun!
👻 Do some crafts, such as carving pumpkins, making witch ladders, and making candles in cauldrons
👻 Make food for your friends and family and bless the food with their consent for good health and luck for the rest of the year
👻 Play with an ouija board with friends or use a pendulum by yourself to talk with spirits

Happy Samhain!🎃

6

i!!!! realized the error of my ways. from now on this is a ❌❌❌NO❌❌❌HATE❌❌BLOG!!! no discourse!!😤😤😤 i was wrong to divide the people over such minuscule things!!! love and accept EVERYONE!!!!! ((except people who hate pineapple on pizza;))))))

part 1   part 2   part 3

bonus:

2

hey hello here’s the car boys unifying theory, i made a fun corkboard with the thread everywhere just like them conspiracy theorists in the movies

spoilers for the finale of car boys & the stolen century arc of the adventure zone follow

the crutch of this theory rests on the the two endings being separate timelines: the boystos/separation timeline (the bad ending) [the ending shown before the credits, when griffin and nick are separated and set adrift in endless emptiness] and the candle in the wind timeline (the true ending) [the after-credits ending, griffin and nick stuck in the car together, perpetually fleeing from the blob through the time ring] {there is no good end}

the separation timeline / bad end

  • most of what happens in this timeline to the boys is based off this video by youtube user brockrin- which the boys have tweeted about so by my standards its canon plflfnfft
  • to sum it up- alone for an eternity in endless Nothingness, the boys become the bustos-  nick 1.0 and griffin 2.0- and attempt to go back and stop themselves in the past from fucking everything up, but fail
  • this timeline (im sorry for homestuck terminology but,) is a stable time loop, nothing ever changes- its them going around and around again trying and failing to stop themselves. its bad
  • but its important to note that griffin and nick were not the only ones in the time ring when they got separated- which brings me to Ball
  • Ball has qualities of both the ovo and the blob, as it has blob-like physics (even leading to the it hates water! revelation) and its roundness and fondness of rolling just like ovo
  • Ball becomes separated from itself. the white sections become the ovo, and the black sections the blob

the candle in the wind timeline / true end

  • now things get a little buckwild
  • the basic premise of this timeline is that nick and griffin stay in the waterproof pessima lx for , basically eternity, travelling through the time ring in an endless chase with the blob
  • the reason that they don’t break down like in the bad end is pretty much that being stuck in a perpetual expanse of time and space with a friend is infinitely better than being stuck there alone
  • this is where coolgames inc starts! essentially a way to pass time when youve quite literally got nothing but time. (and as nick said, there’s wifi in the void)
  • this is where the guest-o-matic in the cgi animations comes in! and, in addition, there is a “canon” connection with cb in the cook for cube cgi animation- perhaps the two timelines converging for just a second ? 
  • uncle buck from uncle buck
  • in the time ring we see countless galaxies pass by as they travel downwards- they travel through endless amounts of realities and planes as the blob pursues them
  • taking a moment here to explain something else integral to this- in car boys, nick has the power of creation, the ability to spawn and create objects in the game. griffin, conversely, has the power of manipulation, he’s much of the driving force behind important decisions and actions taken in the show. this becomes important
  • this is when touch the skyrim takes place- in a number of the universes they pass through down and down into the time ring, griffin takes advantage of these powers of manipulation to modify the word around them because like why not, its fun
  • what’s wrong with this dream, nick
  • as the boys + the blob pass through universe after universe in the time ring, the bob catalyzes the event in the original universe of Jon (taz) that originally creates the hunger- the blob merges with the inhabitants of that universe and the hunger is born 
    (note: this may be edited in the coming weeks as we learn more abt the hunger and its origin)
  • and the boys realize this- that the universes that theyre passing through are being consumed behind them- and they begin looking for a solution, which materializes in the form of the original taz universe, the homeworld of thb and ipre and all that. 
  • it’s also at this point that the light of creation really like, becomes the light of creation its- its nick? its nick. nick is the light of creation. this fact being proposed is what prompted me to make this theory in the first place
  • griffin shapes the world of taz and becomes the dm/narrator (note especially in recent episodes during the into to taz the narrator uses ‘we’ and ‘us’- as if he is part of this world and is involved in the story) and the two boys follow the ipre through the planes of existence in order to help them find a way to defeat the hunger/blob and save all of reality from the monster that they created
  • and i think its a canon thing that the light of creation is split into the relics? that happens. thats pretty sad i think
  • ..until we get to the present- the hunger descending upon what will likely be the multiverse’s final stand against the hunger in the main taz universe (the one with two moons and stuff). cant wait for the taz finale bros

other things & honorable mentions

  • thanks to everyone in the mcelstuck & car boys discord for help with this whole thing! 
  • @rikki-tikki-taako​‘s explanation of how the true timeline boys are saved from the bad timeline: “what i’m getting at is why didn’t true timeline nick and griffin get separated and warped
    the true saviors of true timeline nick and griffin
    emoji car and miku car
    embodiments of crucial aspects of nick and griffins beings, their integrity largely untampered with(i don’t believe either of them ever god trashed), and bow i think of it relatively unscathed compared to the horrors introduced to everything else because there were always more important matters to draw nick and griffin away, they came just when nick and griffin didn’t have time to make the same mistakes as all the other timelines
    so in the midst of god trashing, their pillars distorting, they combined with their respective aspects and regained their conceptual integrity, in a way like pause error respawning frequently merged objects in beamng, the pause indicated by their seeming lack of awareness of having to merge with them”
  • @cinnamon-marthmallows​ originally came up with “nick is the light of creation”, the fact that spawned this entire theory
  • @goodraandyy​‘s infograph on the split timelines and commentary on the ball/blob/hunger that you should check out & reblog here
    “ball turned into the blob which followed nick and griffin towards the taz universe - however, it is not john himself, it was simply drawn to his misery and suffering and mistook him for nick and griffin. john then harboured the power of the blob to create the hunger storm, which took over the universe“
  • @horticulturelesbian​ created the car boys discord thank u so much kar
  • @cheshiure​ compiled the cb unifying theory google doc
  • @coneboyofficial made this beautiful image
  • @magehand​ for this image: 
  • @babylonian @griffins-tumbo

tl;dr

  • the two endings of car boys are separate timelines
  • griffin and nick in the bad/pre-credits timeline became the bustos, Ball became the ovo & the blob
  • griffin and nick in the true/post-credits timeline continued travelling through the time ring, coming up with coolgames inc and touch the skyrim
  • the hunger is born from the blob interacting with jon’s whole deal
  • taz happens, griffin becomes the dm, nick becomes the light of creation, the boys follow the ipre gang through the universes to try and find a way to finally defeat it

thanks everybody