Hey everybody ^_^
So most of you probably know that I was a Christian at one point. It was how I was raised.
I was Catholic, and had a lot of that guilt that comes along with leaving the faith when I first decided that it wasn’t what I believed in. I felt like I was sinning, being a bad person, and all that other stuff that just finagles its way into your life when you make decisions to leave the faith you were raised to believe in.
I have nearly all traces of that guilt and doubt shaken off now, except those that come along with this one word.
And that one word is Devil.
Not Satan or Lucifer or Demon, just Devil.
It scared me, and sometimes still does. Sends shivers down my spine and leaves me expecting my eyes to melt or something.
And I didn’t really know why up until a week or two ago.
I have a theory that it’s because it’s been ingrained into me as not only the name of an evil creature of supreme cruelty and hatred, but also as a conviction. Which is wrong. It’s so wrong, and I really don’t think Christians should do it to their children, simply because it makes them scared of everything.
They can of course teach their kids to believe in God and all of that, and they can believe in the Devil too. But they shouldn’t be treated as if the Devil is the thing that convicts them.
Whenever I did something wrong as a child, I was told that the Devil was going to come take me away, or pollute my heart, or steer me away from Jesus. It was something I was terrified of. It kept me awake at night, and any time someone mentioned the word Devil, images of fire and blood spewed into my mind.
So to counter this fear I have institutionalized into me, I scream the word into my pillow every so often. I let it out, give the word no meaning, and destroy any connotations that come along with it.
But it still scares me.
I still struggle with it.