reggie fils-aime walks on stage and clears his throat into the microphone for approximately 10 seconds. the audience sits quietly at the edge of their seats, sweat beading off their foreheads eagerly but patiently waiting for the nintendo man to use his words. the silence is broken when reggie looks up from writing on his hand, smiles charismatically, and says; “super monkey ball 2. for nintendo switch virtual console.” nothing more, and nothing less. the audience absolutely loses it. as they applaud and clamor, crying tears of absolute joy, reggie waves good-bye, stepping into a limousine which would shuttle him off-site to go play pretend in the empty back of a walmart parking-lot with his best friends - miyamoto, bill trinen, and their favorite amiibo figures.
Reggie Fils-Aime was born in 1961 in New York City, New York. An able-bodied baby from the start, Reggie’s first words were “My name is Reggie I’m about kicking ass and taking names.” He proceeded to deliver on that promise with both of his parents.
In 1977, Reggie decided to move to the 1940’s and joined up with Archie Andrews and his ragtag group of pals. Here’s some photographic evidence.
Unable to put up with Archie’s behind-the-times ideas about malt shops and The Charleston Dance, Reggie reverted himself back into his own timeline.
In 1993, Reggie was employed by Pizza Hut. There he managed to convince them for the first time in 35 years, to start selling pizzas. This tactic worked so well for Pizza Hut they decided to start building menus around pizzas instead of menus around nothing.
After single handedly saving the US Pizza market, a strapping young man named Satoru Iwata adopted Reggie into the Nintendo family, where he works to this day under the official title of “Super President.” A job title with such benefits as being able to party 24/7, early access to top secret Nintendo products, and a desk that hovers.
Reggie plans to make an appearance during the week of E3 2013 to announce a video games.