film: jp3

Road to Home ► listen
o1. astronaut simple plan o2. beat #6 vs the world at large ratatat vs modest mouse o3. astronomers we are the city o4. just for a moment aqualung o5. chances five for fighting o6. never far away (rock version) chris cornell o7. collide howie day o8. sunshower chris cornell o9. brighter than sunshine aqualung 1o. somebody like you keith urban

X: But JP3 was pretty bad, man.
Y: Yeah it was pretty crappy.
X: I mean, it started off as crappy al along, just:

X: Alan!
Y:PFFF The hands!!!
X:Oh gosh I never noticed the hands!
Y:It looks like its there for a manicure!
X:casually bitching at Alan about all those so uncool other dinosaurs.
Y:Did you hear what Becky saiiiid, Alan? Alan? Alan. Alan you NEVER listen to me! D,:

Reasons Jurassic Park III is a deeply cynical movie

I enjoy JP3 as much as one can, but this list has been sitting in my head for a long time. It’s a work in progress. The movie is a cynical response to everything we loved about the original. It’s literally the Alien 3 of the Jurassic Park franchise.

  • Alan Grant/Paleontology is reduced to struggling for funding, and irrelevancy
  • Alan and Ellie don’t end up together, and Alan just seems uncomfortable all around
  • a little kid makes fun of/is dismissive of Malcolm whom we admire and respect
  • The kewl Spinosaurus dinosaur kills the hero of the first film, the T-Rex
  • the movie’s ‘theme’ is that good intentions always go awry and somebody’s gonna get eaten
  • people see dinosaurs and don’t give a shit
  • the hero is literally kidnapped and forced to relive their trauma
  • They intercut imagery of Barney the Dinosaur and a terrifying dinosaur attack, like how am I supposed to feel?

If you have anything else to add, shout it out!

Jurassic Park III: Complete Score - Don Davis

External image
I love the first “Jurassic Park”, I like the second, I hate the third. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I try not to watch it whenever possible (on marathon sessions with friends to name one), and I was not a fan of the score either. However, listening to the “Complete” version, there’s a lot to like about it. Most of the good parts of Don Davis’s composition has been cut out in the official release, and there’s plenty of unheard uses of the themes by John Williams. Therefore, I highly recommend finding the complete soundtrack of this mediocre (and somewhat juvenile) film. It’s probably the best thing about it.

Watching the Nostalgia Critic’s review of Jurassic Park III also indicated a low point I had never considered:

It was easily the least feminist-friendly film.

The only definitely-female characters in the film are the mom and Dr. Sattler–who is now a mom who is working at home and raising the kids and doing all that “domestic stuff” (which could be what she wanted, I dunno, I won’t judge, but…there may be implications), and the panicking wife-mom who goes to the island and screams all the time.

We don’t even know if the spinosaurus is a female. 

Compare that to the other movies, where you have: 

–Dr. “Discuss Sexism In Survival Situations Later” Sattler

–Alexis the Unix System Hacker

–The Alpha Female

–Her Army of Skinks



Then in the second

–Sarah Harding the World’s Worst Predator Researcher

–Kelly the daughter who kicks a raptor through a window (lame but…she has common sense)

–The Very Angry Mommy

And now

–Scientific Working Businesswoman Claire

–Enthusiastic guests and workers

–Indominus Rex

–Blue, Charlie, Delta, Echo


–Miss Mosasaur the Shy

–All the cute and cuddly dinosaurs

I mean…one of these things is not like the others.