ENOUGH AREADY! WE GET IT - YOU THINK YOU *KNOW* SLYTHERIN...
We get that you think Slytherin girls are ‘winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man’. We get that you think our aesthetic is blood-red lipstick, the clack of stilettos on marble floors, and nails filed to a sharp point.
We get it.
We get that you think Slytherin boys are ‘jaw lines sharp enough to kill a man’ (perhaps we have that in common with the girls, you think?). We get that you think our mood is bitter black coffee, Shakespearean insults, and the burn of vodka as it cascades down your throat.
We get it. So enough already.
You think you know Slytherin? You think our girls are ‘bad-ass bitches’ and our boys are ‘refined gentlemen with wicked sharp tongues’?
Well, let us tell you what it really means to embody power, pride, fraternity, cunning, and ambition.
We’d be lying if we said Slytherin wasn’t that warm feeling of sinking deeper into your seat on the bus after you watch someone miss their stop. But, for all that, Slytherin is also when you were a child sitting on your dad’s shoulders - that feeling of being literally on top of the world, made all the more proud for knowing not only that the people who love you will raise you up but will be there to catch you if you fall.
That’s Slytherin - it’s what you wanted to be when you grew up, it’s your imaginary friend, and it’s getting an A on a test you studied damn fucking hard for.
And, sure, Slytherin is also silently thanking yourself that you looked your best on the days you ran into an ex partner. But Slytherin is the courage to end a going-nowhere relationship in the first place. Slytherin means willing to do what no one else can or will, to put aside desire, fear, and comfort and to just shed what doesn’t serve them; that means being cruel to be kind and knowing, in fact, that cruelty and kindness are not black and white concepts.
That’s Slytherin - it’s your little black dress, it’s self-help books, and it’s drunken chats with strangers in nightclub bathrooms.
We are so much more complex than men in suits or women in doc martens. If all you can think of is conceit when you think of cunning and if all you can think of is dominance when you think of power…then you do not know us. And we will not ask you to try harder next time because we would rather speak for ourselves.
So, enough already; we want ‘us’ done right, so we will do it ourselves.
lance: [files his nails] i don’t know, hunk! i just think it’s funny how– [plucks his eyebrows] shiro decided to put keith?? [aggressively exfoliates] of all people?? [applies lip balm] in charge of the team :/
“whatever happened to that old medieval brand chivalry? you know where knights laid themselves facedown in the mud and let you walk across their backs so your dress wouldn’t get dirty.”
“that’s….not how that goes, chloe.”
“oh thank god, patent the idea for me, and do you think kim would be interested?”
she holds the record for most online purchases made while procrastinating during a single class period (five Lancôme palettes, four Louis Vuitton handbags, three Chanel dresses, and seventeen Louboutin heels). thank you unlimited platinum credit cards.
“wait…you only have one bathroom in your whole house!?”
chloe forgot about a history exam one day and straight up slipped mme. bustier an envelope of €500 so that she could “overlook this whole test thing.”
she got sent to the principal’s office, all the while complaining that “daddy bribes his staff to overlook things all the time!”
whenever chloe insults someone, adrien blackmails her by saying he’ll reveal her crunchyroll premium account and all of her fandom blogs if she doesn’t apologize that same day. it’s his most effective method of keeping her in check, and she highly resents it
she’s super instagram famous and likes to post a lot of makeup videos, fashion hauls, and nail tutorials when she’s bored
no one will admit to it, but everyone in the class watches her instagram videos all the time because holy shit her highlight is immaculate and how on earth does she get her nail gradients to look so neat?
she’s scarily good at the knife game??? one day she was bored in class and was fiddling around with her metal nail file and pretty soon she was an expert. it’s great for scaring away stupid boys who try to bother her during study hall.
one time marinette was complaining in the hallway that she forgot her eyeliner at home and didn’t have anything to touch up her makeup with, and on instinct chloe pulls out her emergency makeup kit and asks “pencil, gel, or liquid?”
she may hate the girl but forgetting your touch up bag at home is about the most tragic thing chloe’s ever heard in her life
“im a very charitable person! just this morning i told a woman leaving her hotel room that her dress looked like a burlap sack that a drunk, colorblind, has-been artist just finished throwing up all over. a lesser person would’ve let her walk outside in that monstrosity.”
Pharah and Sombra walk into a jail. Sombra says “what are YOU doing here?” Pharah holds up a wad of Bail Money and says “getting my idiot little brother out of jail.” Sombra says, “what a coincidence, I’m here getting my idiot brother out of jail too” and holds up a cake with a nail file in it.
sorry if these aren’t v good,,,, i’m bad at writing headcanons or writing in general,,,
Keith - Has a little dragon stuff toy,, it was given to him by his mom -sometimes when hes sad he’ll just hug the toy,, - Even though he’s busy all the time (warrior stuff) he likes to read and draw. a lot. he might not be good at it, but it expresses his feelings and his room is just covered in unfinished / finished paintings. - sometimes he steals lance’s jacket ‘cause it smells like him - when lance, pidge or hunk aren’t around he talks to red (about lance, about his day, about his family) - red will rest her head on keith’s lap and keith will pet her as he talks - keith files red’s nail every so often because he’s scared that she’ll break them when landing - he and lance sometimes do each others nails, then the dragons’ - he used to be really bad at nail painting till lance showed him how
Lance - lance is the one who paints keith’s nails - lance loves to read and is a dragon geek. since he wasn’t allowed to be a warrior when he was younger, he spent all his time reading, learning as much as he could about dragons and their anatomy and just everything in hopes to impress at least someone - when keith is down he’ll read to him,, stories about dragons and warrior legends, ‘cause he knows that keith loves to hear his voice - he likes to weave his own flower crowns and make red and blue wear them together - lance then pesters keith to draw them - lance also made a flower crown for keith made of red roses on his birthday and keith actually teared up - he drew all over his dragon saddle with ink and let it dry
Hunk - on special occasions he’ll cook a really really good meal for the paladins to enjoy - he likes to fly to quiet places and nap with yellow - sleepovers!! he plans them thoroughly and makes sure that everyone is comfortable - there’s one of those baby mobile things that are made of shiny shells that hangs from his ceiling and he loves it sm - every sunday he cooks with his mom and they enjoy it a lot - whenever yellow coughs or sneezes hunk is super worried and makes yellow rest for a day or two
Pidge - when she was a kid she and matt went out to sea when they weren’t meant to and found a blue-spotted gray egg - she watched that egg, kept it warm, took care of it for many months and it hatched and named the dragon rover - pidge likes to hang around in the place where the armorsmith works ‘cause she likes to see how everything is made - she hung around there until the armorsmith let her become his apprentice - she modifies everything - she was the one who molded shiro’s arm and added little functions to it - rover and green are always fighting for attention - rover helps pidge with getting stuff - pidge’s saddle for green is the most high-tech - green and her like to go out and pick healing herbs
Shiro - he has an… interesting bond with black - he’s constantly stressed as he’s chief and yells at black all the time - black is mature and strong (emotionally and physically) so he doesn’t really care - once shiro fell off black during a flight and black saved him - their relationship was better after that - black is v curious about shiro’s arm, and shiro’s curious about black’s tail (which is broken like toothless’s) - they match - the paladins like to draw on black’s tail, and she pretends to hate it - lance once showed shiro some tricks with blue and shiro called it stupid - shiro ended up mastering every single trick with black and for a week they strutted around and whenever they passed the paladins their mouths would be wide open and shiro found it hilarious
Allura & Coran - she’s super strong and can kick anyone’s ass - when she found out about the village’s dragon arena she challenged every dragon trainer and beat them all - she works with pidge to create medicines for both dragons and people - coran works with pidge in the armorsmith place (whats the word i forgot ,, ) - coran is super scared for pidge ‘cause she likes to pour liquid iron into a mold from a high point - allura is concerned for pidge as she likes to fly recklessly - allura and coran will both kill the person who lays a finger on any of the paladins - they’re secretly competing to see how many times they can save the paladins from danger allura’s stats: keith  lance  pidge  hunk  shiro 
Matt - he and shiro are seeing who can be the most buff - you can barely see him on a day to day basis as he’s always exercising - whenever shiro sees matt on the streets he’ll lunge at him and tackle him in hope to finally defeat him in wrestling (he gets the element of surprise) - it doesn’t work - matt is normally seen with dumbells in his hands and it pisses shiro off - his room is basically a gym his bed is one of the gym things - shiro is trying to get matt to tell him his secrets - “its a drug that pidge made isn’t it” - “shiro i don’t take drugs” - “theres no way you can be more buff than i am”
[ @parfaitperi i hope you like it,, sorry if it like,, sucks,, or doesn’t really apply to your au storyline as it’s kinda based off my storyline,,,, which i am still writing (i was the one who asked you for fanfic permission)]
1. Take a pencil to write with on aeroplanes. Pens leak. But if the pencil breaks, you can’t sharpen it on the plane, because you can’t take knives with you. Therefore: take two pencils.
2. If both pencils break, you can do a rough sharpening job with a nail file of the metal or glass type.
3. Take something to write on. Paper is good. In a pinch, pieces of wood or your arm will do.
4. If you’re using a computer, always safeguard new text with a memory stick.
5. Do back exercises. Pain is distracting.
6. Hold the reader’s attention. (This is likely to work better if you can hold your own.) But you don’t know who the reader is, so it’s like shooting fish with a slingshot in the dark. What fascinates A will bore the pants off B.
7. You most likely need a thesaurus, a rudimentary grammar book, and a grip on reality. This latter means: there’s no free lunch. Writing is work. It’s also gambling. You don’t get a pension plan. Other people can help you a bit, but essentially you’re on your own. Nobody is making you do this: you chose it, so don’t whine.
8. You can never read your own book with the innocent anticipation that comes with that first delicious page of a new book, because you wrote the thing. You’ve been backstage. You’ve seen how the rabbits were smuggled into the hat. Therefore ask a reading friend or two to look at it before you give it to anyone in the publishing business. This friend should not be someone with whom you have a romantic relationship, unless you want to break up.
9. Don’t sit down in the middle of the woods. If you’re lost in the plot or blocked, retrace your steps to where you went wrong. Then take the other road. And/or change the person. Change the tense. Change the opening page.
10. Prayer might work. Or reading something else. Or a constant visualisation of the holy grail that is the finished, published version of your resplendent book.
This is Baby Kitty. She likes to hoard her fat butt up in my room to hide from the dog as well as having hobbies of doing this with her legs. She also likes to sit on plastic bags while licking a nail file.
6. “Move away from the door and let me at him.” + 25. “Put me down!”- Bucky Barnes
Bucky Barnes had a very special talent of being able to drive you up the wall without saying a single word. His mere presence was enough to annoy you, and he knew it. However, one or two of your friends continuously hinted that what you were feeling wasn’t exactly annoyance.
“You do!” Wanda exclaimed, eating a large spoon of chocolate ice cream, “You so like him, you just won’t admit it!”
“I do not like that egotistic, careless, brutish, arrogant…” You ranted, kicking your legs up in the air as you lay upside down on your bed.
“Okay, okay, we get the point!” Natasha interrupted, chuckling quietly to herself as she filed her nails.
“I can’t believe you are trying to deny this, I can literally read your mind.” Wanda smirked, laughing as you threw a pillow at her head.
“Shutup Wilson, I do not like her, she’s insufferable!” Bucky grunted, taking a swig of his beer as he flipped his friend off.
“Oh come on man, you seek her out like a damn moth to a flame!” Sam chuckled, pointing the neck of his beer in Bucky’s direction
“He’s right Buck, it’s the age old awful stereotype of a little boy pulling a little girls pigtails because he likes her.” Steve smirked, bumping his fist with Sam as they both laughed at their clueless friend.
“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Bucky exclaimed, scowling as his friends continued to laugh at him. “Fine! What’ve I gotta do to get you jerks off my back?” He asked, folding his arms across his chest.
“Ooooh, this could be interesting…” Sam grinned, looking over at his blond friend, “So many opportunities!”
“It has to be something she’d hate, something that would make her so annoyed that she’d get that look like she was about to explode…” Steve hummed, dropping his head back against the sofa.
“I know!” Sam clicked his fingers, jumping up from his seat, “Drop her in the pool!”
“Seriously, that’s it?” Bucky scoffed, placing his bottle down on the coffee table.
“Ooh, no that’s good!” Steve murmured, “She hates water, comes with the pyromancer territory.”
“Okay, fine!” Bucky huffed, getting up and storming out of the room, Steve and Sam following behind him like excitable children.
“And then, it blew up in his face!” Wanda laughed, causing you and Natasha to burst out laughing as well.
“Stark’s such an idiot.” You chuckled fondly, flicking through your instagram feed on your phone.
Just as Natasha began regaling the two of you with stories of failed missions, the door slammed open and the last person in the world you wanted to see came striding in.
“Barnes, what the fu-” You exclaimed, not being able to finish your sentence before you were scooped up in his arms and thrown over his shoulder.
“Put me down!” You shouted, hitting your fists against his back as he carried you through the corridors, “What the hell do you think your doing?”
As the two of you walked through a set of double doors, you still struggling in his grip, it suddenly became very clear where he was taking you. Going still for a moment, you dropped your voice an octave before growling.
“James Buchanan Barnes, I swear to god if you drop me in the pool, you will rue the day you were ever born!”
Without another word, you were unceremoniously dropped in the cold water, spluttering and shivering your broke the surface to see the faces of 4 of your team mates looking utterly shocked, and the 5th looking way to smug.
“What the fuck Barnes?” Wanda exclaimed, turning to glare at the super soldier. Moving silently through the water, you pulled yourself out, barely controlling your anger.
“I can’t believe he actually did it…” Sam murmured to Steve, both boys looking ridiculously guilty.
“You better run Barnes.” Natasha said ominously, raising an eyebrow at the brunette as he started looking more nervous, inching towards the double doors before making a run for it.
In a matter of seconds, the doors slammed shut and Steve and Sam moved into place in front of them, blocking your path. Finally losing your cool, you charged at the two men, snarling as Steve wrapped an arm around your middle to stop your way.
“Move away from the door and let me at him.” You growled, tears rolling down your cheeks.
“Y/N… this is all just a big misunderstanding…” Steve murmured placatingly brows furrowing as you continued to struggle.
“This isn’t a misunderstanding Steve, everyone here knows how much I hate water, he’s just a huge jackass!” You snarled, losing a bit of your edge as a sob broke past your lips.
“Y/N I-” Sam, trailing off as the two finally let you go.
You weren’t going to confront Barnes now, no, you were going to cry in your room. About your fear of water, and how this guy you had slowly fallen for turned out to be exactly who you thought he was all along.
other tips for new cat owners / people who may get cats soon:
no, getting a grown cat won’t be boring / less cute! they’ll become just as attached to you as a kitten. get a cat that speaks to you (literally or figuratively, maybe you want a cat that’s chatty). older cats will be so appreciative to have a home. people get rid of their cats for all kinds of unfair reasons. just the ones i’ve seen on the craigslist listings in the last 5 minutes: “i am just more of a dog person (7mo old kitten)”, “we hoped she would get over her kittenish behavior, she has not (2yr old cat)”, “i need to get rid of my cat before my baby is born (3yr old cat)”. you can totally pick up a beautiful, loving, grown up kitty who will be needing some comfort after getting dumped. just look at this girl.
(taken off craigslist) she would be more than happy to live her cat life with you. is she not cute? she is. she is cute. so, ultimately, adopt whatever cat you like, but don’t rule out older cats!
nextly: no no, do NOT declaw your cat. DON’T DO IT. I’M TELLIN YA. it’s a deeply painful procedure, actually removing the entire first knuckle, not JUST the nail. it causes long-term and potentially permanent pain in the cat, and can lead to nasty infections, behavioral problems, and helplessness if they ever find themselves outside and in need of protection or climbing abilities. “but i don’t want my cat to scratch me / my kid / my furniture!” okay, i feel you, but there are other, cheaper, less inhumane options. my favorite of which are claw caps.
you gently press on your cat’s foot (to unsheath their claws), and place the soft cap onto their claw using the glue that’s included in any soft paw kit you get. it might take some getting used to on the cat’s part, but it should under no circumstances be painful, and when the kitty’s claws grow, the cap just kinda falls off, and you’ll put another one on. you can also file or clip their nails down! if you’re too nervous or clumsy to do it, your vet will usually do it for a small fee, or a groomer can take care of it. Personally, I just let my cats’ claws hang out and accept the pokes when they knead on me, since i don’t have any little babies or expensive upholstery in my home.
No, cats ain’t “low maintenance”. This is a living, social creature, not a chiapet. Especially if you’re raising them from kittenhood, they need a lot of attention and resources. cuddles, playtime, training, health care, feeding, cleaning up their facilities. you get a pet to interact with, not to buy and leave it be! a cat that you don’t socialize is going to be very moody and sad. get a pet if you plan to invest the time and energy they need- if not, maybe we can come back to that cactus idea?
Cats need meat. I repeat, cats cannot survive without meat. Dogs need meat too- but cats are incapable of creating taurine in their own, and where do you find taurine? meat! hallelujah!! Feeding cats a vegan or vegetarian diet is a slow form of starvation and animal abuse. If you’re not comfortable feeding an animal meat, please do not adopt a carnivore. There are plenty of vegetarian mammals that you would be much better suited owning, but do not abuse your cats just because of your own feelings about protein. Without enough taurine in a cat’s diet, severe health problems will follow, like blindness, weak and decaying teeth, weak heart, and digestive issues. This is terrible. This objectively sucks. So pretty please give your cat a proper diet!
It’s way way safer to have an indoor cat. I don’t need you to tell me that you want your cat to be with you for many years, ‘cause I already know you do. Outdoor cats are exposed to wild animals, animal abusers, poisonous substances, cars, harsh weather, kidnapping, and diseases. Cats like rolling around in grass and grabbing birds from trees, and that’s great, but having an outdoor cat makes for a steep decrease in their estimated lifespan. The average lifespan of an indoor cat is 16.8 years, whereas outdoor cats average out to a hard-hitting 5.6. Ouch. So it’s definitely safer to keep a cat indoors! If you’re adopting a young kitten, it won’t be hard, since they won’t be expecting outdoor time already. If you’re still really into that whole grass idea, you should totally grow some indoor grass for your cat to chill in.
that’s everything i can think of for the moment, but please don’t be afraid to do your own research on animal care. there are tons of resources out there, and if you have a good vet, they’ll answer any questions you have!
thank you for readin’ about cat care. as a reward, i’m adding a picture of toby as a baby. enjoy.