filch

i fill my hands with lighter fluid
and light it off, a magnificent
burst of something better
than these po
ems than these li
nes, 

i have scrapped more work
than all my clipped nails
than all my used lighters
than all my chewed talks, 

talking is triviality
in one single acute expression, 

i want to push myself into
another shoebox room
with another case of beer
with another single shadowed
desk and more half sogged cigs,

nono i am back here,
in airports waiting for downtrodden love,
in parks waiting for the second act,
in another’s bed waiting for dawn. 
so i have a reasonable excuse to leave
go back to that room overlooking
another despairing city.

there is nothing for me here
and there will be
nothing for me there. 

but we wait and force ourselves
back into our talks
back into our jobs
back into our relationships,
we do not feel the wasting
till we have bitten into it,
much like filching an apple
and realizing you picked
the only rotting one on the table.

anonymous asked:

41... again

Wooow what a bunch of nerds. <3

Okay, let’s see here, shall we…. Be sure to heed the warnings! There’s some troubling stuff in this batch, particularly the Stucky stuff.


Drarry

Trading Spaces

Dumbledore’s scheme to create House Unity has great consequences. House Mascots, Traded Prefects – Snippy, Snarky, Snakes, Shagging, Snogging are included!

Freudian Slip

Two years after graduating from Hogwarts, Draco Malfoy is still obsessed with Harry Potter. Fed up, his father makes him get therapy.

Wolfstar

Sirius Black and the Incident with the Babbling Bush

While helping Remus with his chores, Sirius finds someone, or rather something to confide his feelings to.

“But the point is, Remus is so gorgeous and sexy it drives me wild just being close to him. We’ll be doing something perfectly ordinary, like breaking into Filch’s office to embroider his awful overcoat with pink hearts, and I’ll just look over at Remus and think Oh Merlin I want to bang him.

Super

AU; There’s entirely too much spandex in Remus’s life for his liking. Sirius appreciates it, though. (Super hero au!!)

Bonus Stucky! (Steve Rogers + Bucky Barnes)

Because y’all seem to like Stucky too

Elegance and Taste

When a threat is made against the Captain America Pageant, Agent Steve Rogers is dispatched by the FBI to go undercover to see if he can find out who might be behind the threats. The only trouble is that Steve Rogers has never been any good at undercover.

Steve Rogers: Architect

“Why would he actively try and fuck up a building that he and his men are constructing? You really that narcissistic to think the guy is giving blood, sweat, and tears just to fuck up your project?” Sam asks incredulously.

“Every time Sam, without fail, every time I go to that site something is wrong, or something is being built that wasn’t in my fucking plans. I can’t go to the site every day and watch over his shoulder, I’ve got other buildings going up!” Steve sighs, throwing his hands up. Steve was fortunate enough to hit the ground running after school and has become one of the youngest architect to achieve his level of success – a level that warrants him being contracted by Tony Stark personally to work on his namesake – so Steve can’t fuck this up.

More importantly, Steve can’t let Barnes fuck this up.

Cake Walk

Steve Rogers runs a small bakery in Brooklyn with his friend Peggy. When his neighbours Natasha and Sam announce that they are getting married, Steve is immediately commissioned to make the wedding cake. He’s more than thrilled, but gets more than he bargained for when asked to co-ordinate with Bucky Barnes - Natasha’s highly attractive and charming wedding planner.

Ain’t No Grave (Can Keep My Body Down)

Steve emotes at Bucky. Bucky takes a bath. A Coupla Goddamn Kids come to an erroneous conclusion. A Hydra medical officer has a very, very bad day.

(Note: You need an AO3 account to read it, but it is so worth it. It’s a classic within the fandom if you haven’t’ already read it)

Hallowed

James Buchanan Barnes is cursed with perfect obedience, unable to refrain from following any commands given to him. Though he finds solace in the friendship of his schoolmate Steve Rogers, his life takes a turn for the worse when his wicked stepfather sends him off to what he is told is a remote school.
Meanwhile, Rogers becomes disillusioned with his work in the military. Deciding instead to combat cruel public policy on the home front, he soon earns the enmity of a powerful politician. The twists and turns that reunite Barnes and Rogers culminate with three massive charity masquerade balls hosted by the now-famous Rogers himself. Commanded to attend all three balls, Barnes is tasked with a single mission: to end his beloved friend’s life.

I have so many more to share with y’all, but I have to go to work! I’ll try to rec some more later tonight.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

Young Argus Filch was not a “smiler”

He didn’t smile for presents.

He didn’t smile for a night on the town.

He didn’t even smile for babies…

He almost smiled at funerals.

No, Young Argus Filch never smiled…

Until the day he met her…

That fateful day… Argus Filch finally found a reason to smile.

And he called that reason… Mrs. Norris. 

(( OOC: Credit to Ash for giving me the idea for this thread! XD @wallyscags-patronus

When Mrs. Norris is temporarily paralyzed after indirectly seeing the basilisk in Chamber Of Secrets and Filch at first believes she’s been killed, he breaks down into violent sobs. That is not how a grown man, particularly one as usually heartless as Filch, reacts to a dead cat. Once he finds out she’s only been petrified, he still viciously attacks Harry, who he believes to be responsible. No one outside of a Cathy comic has ever loved a cat more than Argus Filch.

But it actually gets weirder. To say that Mrs. Norris is an exceptionally smart cat would be like saying Superman is an exceptionally strong dude. Filch and Mrs. Norris often work as a team, patrolling different areas of the castle for misbehaving students. Getting caught by Mrs. Norris is as bad as getting caught by Filch, because she will fetch him straight away. This means that Mrs. Norris has memorized the school’s rules, understands them, and recognizes when a student is breaking them. In the first book, Hagrid tells Harry and Ron that he suspects Filch has trained Mrs. Norris to follow him specifically. You’ll recognize all of these as things cats can’t do. (It’s been theorized that Mrs. Norris might be part Kneazle, a cat-like magical creature with superfeline intelligence, but Rowling has shot it down.) She also shows up on the Marauder’s Map, while other animals don’t. It’s almost like she’s a person in the body of a cat in a magical universe where that exact thing can definitely happen.

The Untold Story Behind The Hogwarts Cat

6

Chamber of Secrets Deleted Scene

                                                             Kwikspell

                               A Correspondence Course in Beginners'Magic.

Intrigued, Harry flicked the envelope open and pulled out the sheaf of parchment inside. More curly silver writing on the front page said:

                          Feel out of step in the world of modern magic? 

                 Find yourself making excuses not to perform simple spells? 

                          Ever been taunted for your woeful wandwork?

                                                There is an answer!

Kwikspell is an all-new, fail-safe, quick-result, easy-learn course. Hundreds of witches and wizards have benefited from the Kwikspell method!

1023. Filch used to be a wizard, pure blood, but came into contact with a dark artifact that stole his magic. He was disowned by his family, and never found a way to get it back. He had no money, no knowledge to help get him by in the Muggle world, and no way to make a living in the magical one. Dumbledore heard about Filch's situation and offered him a job and a place to live at Hogwarts.

submitted by writerandstudent

You know what we don’t talk about enough? 

Summer. Hogwarts.

Most of the teachers live there, so whilst some of them would be visiting family and friends or whatnot, a lot of them would just be partying it up at the ol’ HW for most of the summer -

  • The school grounds filled with all kinds of wildflowers, aside from Professor Sprouts overflowing yet well manicured garden that she always seems to be in (occasionally with help from Hagrid)
  • Hagrid playing fetch with the giant squid 
  • PROFESSOR. QUIDDITCH. (Madame Hooch sits on her broom, high above the arena, searching for the snitch, “Scared, McGonagall?” McGonagall narrows her eyes, “You wish.”)
  • Flitwick playing pranks on the other teachers but no one knows who’s doing them besides Dumbledore and he’s to amused to tell anyone
  • Professor Burbage finally finds out who charmed her teen vampire novels pink, and then proceeds to help Flitwick 
  • Snape wakes up to find the dungeon a nice, light shade of yellow. No one (save two) have any idea how to get it off because, Burbage says, “It seems to be a type of muggle paint. Speaking of which, Martha Stewart just released a rather fabulous line of summer colours, you know.” To which Dumbledore replies, “Ah, yes, that Sea Glass is simply divine.” And they walk off debating the merits of various paint colours while Snape is sat sputtering behind them
  • Filch going for joy-rides on the Hogwarts Express, and Mrs. Norris playing with the string that when pulled sounds the whistle
  • Hooch racing them on her broom
  • Great Hall sleepovers. Need I say more?
  • McGonagall and Dumbledore playing magical croquet on the front lawn in with bonnets and parasols 
  • Dumbledore deciding that he’s too tired to continue playing, so instead sits down and weaves the flowers through his beard
  • Snape being as sulky as he usually is, constantly frustrated by the others’ good moods and as such spends most of the time in the (still Light Daffodil yellow) dungeons, where people think he’s making lesson plans but he’s actually just mimicking his least favourite students in unnecessarily high and squeaky voices
  • Dumbledore putting a bonnet on Snape’s head when he passes him in the hall and telling him to “lighten” up
  • The pun earned him a fist bump from McGonagall
  • the students coming back in the fall, and having no idea (Dumbledore charmed the paint off the night before the first day of term)

8. Ravenclaws deciding to learn morse code so they can communicate with their friends in lessons. It seemed like a good idea until it became apparent that repeatedly tapping your wand on your desk leads to an awful lot of green smoke and an hour polishing the trophies for filch 

825. After finding out from the Headmistress that James Sirius Potter would be attending Hogwarts, Filch quit. He said that any brat with the name "James Sirius Potter" would drive him insane. He found a home at Number 4, Privet Drive, and found a mutual love for cats and Kneazles with a woman, Arabella Figg. He hasn't gotten around to asking her on a date yet.