fight satan

4

Getting along is hard when both Him and Sedusa are vain villains.

While I still love Sherlock, I’m now a bigger fan of Elementary. For one, the former has like 10 episodes out, in contrast to the latter’s 100+. It’s not a question of mere quantity, though. Because the adventures of Barcelona Cuckooclock come out so infrequently, it feels like each episode has to be bigger, darker, and more complex than the last one. The first episode was about a series of mass poisonings. The third one is about blackmailers putting people in explosive vests. The last one will probably be about Bastardneck Crumbcake fighting Satan in the center of the earth.

Elementary, on the other hand, can take its time and focus on smaller cases like home invasions, overdoses, hit-and-runs …

What it doesn’t have, though, is a romantic relationship between Holmes (Jonny Lee Miller) and Watson (Lucy Liu). They are colleagues who respect each other, and nothing else. In fact, over the course of the show, Watson grows into a full-fledged detective whom Holmes greatly admires, and it’s inspiring to see such character development in a story as done to death as Sherlock Holmes.

But that doesn’t mean Elementary disregards the canon completely. CBS’s Sherlock actually works closely with the police and occasionally expresses his respect for the good work they do, and vice versa, just like in the books. This is a welcome improvement on Sherlock, where Detective Inspector Lestrade has been turned into idiotic comic relief who by now would do anything Bikestand Cocoapuffs told him.

5 Obscure Shows That Are Better Versions Of Ones You Watch

Magical Girl shows are great because they start out all monster of the week and then all of the sudden they’re fighting Satan hopped up on magic steroids in space while the entire planet is burning

DeanCas Coda to 12.07: Rock Never Dies 

Dean waits until Sam and Crowley have wandered off in different directions—Crowley muttering something under his breath about ridiculous cow eyes—before turning his attention to Cas. The angel is hunched over and staring blindly at his shoes, absently chewing his lip.

“Cas?”

When Dean gets the brunt of Castiel’s big blue eyes, the smile he’d been planning on trying falls flat. “So,” he murmurs instead, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. “We should probably talk about your suicidal attempt to fight Satan, huh?”

Cas raises an unimpressed brow. “It was for the greater good, Dean. That’s the job.”

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reminders about adam young:

  • his subconscious reaction to learning about environmental issues is to replace a nuclear power plant with a lemon drop full of eternal clean energy and regrow the rainforests
  • he turned a terrifying nightmare hellhound into a fluffy puppy with a funny ear
  • he wrote a book about a detective that somehow involved cowboys, dinosaurs, and a spaceship
  • his love for his hometown was so enormous that an angel could notice it
  • he accidentally made aliens who were worried about the ozone layer appear 
  • he fights and defeats satan and his destiny because he loves his friends and his world and he wants to protect it
  • he could do literally anything he could think of and with that power he reset the entire world so everything was okay and made chain stores and big highways avoid his town 
  • he is the most wonderful person ever and i love him with all my heart
WHY THE SIGNS SOLD THEIR SOUL
  • Aries: So they could try to fight Satan himself
  • Taurus: For endless cash
  • Gemini: To own a Taco Bell restaurant
  • Cancer: To protect a loved one
  • Leo: For fame and glory
  • Virgo: To become Beyoncé
  • Libra: So they could buy an entire art museum
  • Scorpio: To have their very own succubus/incubus
  • Sagittarius: As a dare
  • Capricorn: They never had one
  • Aquarius: For infinite knowledge
  • Pisces: Because they were asked to
WOOLIE IS ALREADY ASLEEP [Best Friends “Play” Minecraft Story Mode (Part 8)]
  • Pat: [scrolling through episodes] Look, that's the next one——we're fighting Satan. What about the next one? We're kicking Rasputin off a cliff. What about the one after that? “A Portal to Mystery.” Oh, I bet—— Oh, hey look, Woolie. Look! Look——Woolie! WOOLIE! LOOK!
  • Woolie: MMM!

Satanic Mother
Juanita Gomez

In August 2016, local people asked authorities to check on 50 year old Juanita Gomez. Upon arrival they were horrified by what they saw. Gomez’s 33 year old daughter Geneva Gomez was found dead with a crucifix shoved down her throat.

Juanita was instantly arrested, she claims that her daughter was ‘possessed by the devil’ and pushed the crucifix down her throat until she saw blood. There was swelling and bruising on Geneva’s knuckles, in which Juanita claimed she was fighting Satan. After the murder, Geneva’s corpse was placed in a crucifix position and washed.

Who should you fight: AFK edition
  • Hydra: He's scrawny and solely lives off ramen, a stiff breeze could knock him over. Definitely fight Hydra.
  • Cerberus: Fight Cerberus. Yes, he's built like a brick shithouse but he'll take your attempts to fight him in good nature. If you REALLY want to fight, he'll teach you.
  • Chimera: It will be an easy fight until he decides it won't be. Use caution.
  • Medusa: Do not fight Medusa. Do not even think about fighting Medusa. She will ruin your entire life.
  • Hades: If you fight Hades you'll enter the Underworld as a celebrity. Enjoy the fame before you have to sit in boiling oil for eternity.
  • MC: Do you have a death wish? DO NOT FIGHT THE MC.
  • May: You could beat up May, but you can't beat up all the people that follow her blog who are thirsty for fanfic. Do not fight May.
  • Cyprin: are you satan
  • Perseus: FIGHT PERSEUS. FIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF PERSEUS.
  • Hercules: Distract him first by getting him to check his appearance, then kick him in the groin and run away.
  • Persephone: You can try fighting Persephone, but she'll talk you down and get you to confess what the real issue is. You will probably cry.
  • Helios: You could fight him but you'll invoke the wrath of his sister Selene.
  • Selene: Do not fight Selene. If you've already fought Helios she will hunt you down, beat you up, and humiliate you.
  • Erin: Fight Erin outside of her bar. She'll hand your ass to you but serve you a stiff drink afterwards.
  • Charybdis: It will be an interesting fight. She'll use the surroundings to her advantage. Choose your venue wisely.
  • Scylla: Fight Scylla, she'll make it an even fight. If you've already fought Erin, Scylla will take that personally and beat the crap out of you instead.
  • Aphrodite: Risk to reward ratio is incredibly low. Save yourself the time and punch yourself in the face instead.
  • Zeus: Definitely fight Zeus. Everyone wants you to fight Zeus. He'll curb stomp you but people will cheer you on and you'll walk away a legend.
WTH Grimm

Ok Grimm, seriously, What. The. Hell are you doing? 

Also, STOP making me ship Nick/Juliet. Or is it Nick/Eve? Or Nick/Eve!Juliet?

You’re making it all emotional NOW after it’s all but IMPOSSIBLE? AUGH.

And I still think Nick/Adalind is doomed. And extremely problematic, considering what she did to him. FIGHT ME. 

And seriously, WHERE is Trubel? Ffff.

Something Sweet

Chapter 7

(previous chapter)

Pairing: Natan

Word Count: 4000

Warnings: swearing, food mention


If it wasn’t for his white knuckle grip on their bags, Luce swore he would have booked it down the street as soon as he stepped foot into the McAllister house. Natalie’s presence at his side kept him grounded as he looked around the room, taking in the glittering excess of all things Christmas in the living room. The sharp smell of cinnamon was making his eyes water, and he squeezed them shut for a moment to calm down.

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Let Me Tell You About The Silmarillion (pt 2/12)

PREVIOUSLY:  Once upon a time the One God created helper spirits and they worked together to create the planet and then God woke up the Elves and the helper spirits invited them to live on the West side of the planet.  Most of the Elves agreed to go and started building cities and making cool smithing things. The smartest of the Elves made the shiniest rocks ever out of some holy light and Fantasy Lucifer stole them and fucked off to Middle-Earth, which got a whole lot of Elves riled up and stormed after him and a bunch of them in particular were bound by an Oath they swore to get them back at any cost, including a whole lot of murder.  They were not well-liked because of this, but since they were fighting Fantasy Satan, you kind of had to work with them.  Mostly.  But still.  They fucked up a lot of things for a lot of people.

This post grew triple in size when I went back to add in a little more, which will not always be the case, some of these are going to be short and snappy, dammit!, but Elrond was one of the reasons I wanted to do this, so, you know, let me sum up the horror that is Elrond’s life!  And by “sum up”, I mean “just assume I’m crying about it as I type this”.

(p.s. please know none of this is in order other than, “so what Elf do I want to cry about next?” as this is aimed at explaining connections between them rather than telling the story of the Silmarillion in order.  I’m not quite that far down the rabbit hole, dammit.)

So.  Elrond.  The story of Elrond’s life is basically this:  He and his twin brother were born in Middle-Earth, late in the First Age (which was about 6,500 years ago) to parents named Earendil and Elwing.  Now, their mother (Elwing) has posession of a Silmaril because it’s been passed down through her family (long story, but basically her ancestors wrested one of them away from Morgoth and it caused a lot of death and murder, but they kept it because a) they’re literally sacred so people have a hard time parting with them apparently and b) they felt FUCK THE FEANORIANS because of all the murder and death they caused they no longer have a right to them), which is why eventually the Feanorians are going to have to say, “Give it back or we’ll be forced to attack you.” because the Oath allows no less from them.

The Silmaril is holy to these Elves so they won’t give it up and the Feanorians attack the city that bb!Elrond and bb!Elros are living in that their parents are lords of.  They’re descended from royalty on both sides, which is usually probably pretty neat, but I imagine it’s less neat when the Feanorians come calling and you’ve got a giant target on your back.  Elwing (their mother) manages to escape with the Silmaril (if this sounds familiar, SHHHH WE WILL COME BACK TO THAT LATER) but Elrond and Elros were either left behind or probably assumed dead (which was a reasonable assumption because of context) but instead were captured by Maedhros and Maglor (first and second sons of Feanor) and taken away from there and raised by those dirty rotten no good Feanorians.  Eventually, though, Maglor came to love them so dearly and so he set them free.

We know very little about what actually happened during this time, but you’ll pry some headcanons from my cold dead hands.  (Ie, that because Elves VERY FIRMLY LOVE THEIR CHILDREN, look, this is fantasy, certain things can be true across the board like that, so of course Maglor loved them and they loved him and I just imagine that it was tears all the way around when they had to be sent away because People Were Looking For Them, another surprising downside of being royalty!)

We don’t know how long Elrond and Elros stayed with them, it could have been a year or two or twenty or possibly more (probably less than that, though? it’s hard to know because they’re Half-Elven children) or how specifically involved Maedhros or Maglor were in their lives, but given the tragedy of the whole situation, it’s a lot more deliciously ouchy if you go with the idea that Elrond and Elros came to love them in return and were heartbroken at having to struggle with loving the Feanorians and the horrible things they did.  It’s even more deliciously ouchy when you know that we don’t know if Maglor ever actually died, because he just sort of wandered off to walk along the shoreline and he might still be OUT THERE and Elrond has to deal with knowing his foster-father might be out there and can’t find him, wouldn’t even know how to handle bringing him someplace safe because too many Elves would be too angry at Maglor, and yet MAGLOR RAISED AND LOVED HIM???  So, pain all the way around.  That’s Elrond’s life.

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