fight for sanity

"It is hard."  Really? It's hard?

By far the single most exhausting thing about life as a trans person is managing the constant psychological weight of gender dysphoria.  It’s hard waking up every day and fighting for your sanity against an incessant barrage of images, commentary, language, and cultural habits that regularly insist against your gender in a thousand intentional and unintentional ways.  That being said, easily the second most exhausting thing about life as a trans person is how even the people who love and care for you the most feel the incessant need to remind you how hard it is to treat you and your gendered identity with respect.

Here, propriety would normally demand of me that clarify how I mean no offense to those who love and care for me who happen to be reading this article, or that trans people as a group mean no offense to well-meaning friends and loved ones.  But I will not apologize, because an offensive gesture is offensive whether you mean it to be or not.  Without choosing to wallow in unhealthy resentment and anger, I cannot and will not pretend to not be hurt when I am.

Because the bare fact of the matter is merely, as I have said before and as I will say again, that referring to a trans persons with a name or pronouns that do not match their insistence is an act of fundamental disrespect.  Corollary to this though, it is important to understand that trans people, like all minorities, should not apologize or need to apologize for demanding respect.

It is discouragingly self-centered of friends, loved ones, and allies to remind the trans people in their lives how difficult it is to respect them.  For the most part, this is because being trans brings with itself its own host of social, financial, logistical, and relational difficulties, many of which are invisible to the cis people in our lives.  Matters which are simple and routine for cis people like buying shoes and underwear, getting carded at the liquor store, and using public restrooms become incredibly tedious, difficult, expensive, and dangerous for us.  We must not only navigate our own dysphoria, we must shop for over or undersized shoes and clothes at inflated prices, and furthermore navigate the more toxic facets of the adult masculinity and/or femininity that we take on without the advantage of an adolescence in which to experiment with those identities in safe and healthy ways.  Often too, given the overwhelming unemployment or under-employment our communities face, we must do all of this on budgets which are restrictive while fighting institutional and social bias which literally makes a joke of us time and time and time again.  All of this is to say that it is, objectively and without self-aggrandizement, very hard to live life as a trans person.  This not even to mention that it is awkward to have to ask for your friends and loved ones to recognize your gender.

So then, when someone I love reminds me how hard it is to respect me, it hurts.  Honestly, having to write that sentence feels sad on its own.  And for trans people, it’s hard honestly to understand the difficulty.  Often, our transitions enable us to feel unbridled happiness for the first time in our lives, which only makes it harder.  When I’m working so hard at simply existing as a woman, and seeing so many wonderful internal and external results from all my labor, it’s discouraging and invalidating to be told that it’s hard to recognize the person I know myself to be.  The questions become an unsettling background: “am I not trying hard enough,” “does this person just not actually think of me as a woman,” “is it because of the way I look?  My voice?  My anything or everything?”

I don’t know.  I don’t understand the supposed difficulty, but I’ve got enough other things to worry about in my life.

Besides, trying to understand is just so hard.

  • brad colbert:nate fick?? nah I hate all the officers, what a — [trips] [hundreds of thousands of photos of nate fick spill out of jacket] w-what a fucking ivy league prick- I- these aren’t mine I’m just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen I just listen fuck [thousands of pictures of nate fick scatter across the floor] shit fuck I’m holding them for everyone else in bravo 2 just listen

anonymous asked:

I want to know but at the same time I don't want to spoil myself of pitchs reaction so I'll just wait and suffer

And I hope days get better for you with whatever your dealing with

Look at it from the bright side, you’re not alone who’s suffering.

I want the story to continue as badly as you do. But when life gives you trouble, you gotta deal with those first. Stop the burning fire, then write fanfics.
We’ll get there, I promise.

sangerosa asked:

"If you dislike me so much, why do you keep coming back around?"

          His smile flattered at the question, but it
          did not
wither. Asking such a question
unexpected in they’re short time
         together. Day and night, his own 
         was a fight for
sanity. This being didn’t
         even know a
FRACTION of what living 
true hell was.

         Having to relive NIGHTMARES. 
         Finding monsters in the deepest
darkest corners of your mind. No
understood his pain. Yet, he
         wanted to
know he stayed with him?
         Why he always kept coming back.
         as well as vice versa? Well, he’d
         of course have a
million answers,
         but decided to give, the most

      Hmm… well, everyone needs 
demons as yourself.

My scars atoned, the dark faded away. To me you looked, a life time of promise fed from a handful of pitiful lies.

The hand that pulled me to shore, is the hand that lead me to my grave. An actress you were, as you read the script of my heart.

These scars stain my skin as the memories never fade, with God as my witness this fight never ends. My sanity is no more as my conscious fades.

—  Kei Bland

gothskele asked:

✖ There you go little buddy

Meme- Accepting

For every “✖” I get, my Muse’s “Darkening Meter” will rise by 10%, driving them more and more insane! If you get them to 100%, you get a small drabble of their final moments before being completely enveloped!


There is a distressed sound of pain as he glitches out.
Thoughts race in his mind. The voices becoming one of
his own thoughts now. They’re too overbearing. Drowning
out his own small thoughts of reason. He’s losing the
fight for sanity.

Aubrey Plaza, Dan Stevens, and Jean Smart are Cast In ‘Legion’ FX Networks’ New Pilot collaboration with Marvel Television

Aubrey Plaza, Dan Stevens, and Jean Smart are Cast In ‘Legion’ FX Networks’ New Pilot collaboration with Marvel Television

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By Linita Masters

Los Angeles, February 4, 2016- Aubrey Plaza (Parks and Recreation), Dan Stevens (The Guest), and Jean Smart (Fargo) will join previously announced cast member Rachel Keller.

Dan Stevens will be playing David Haller, a diagnosed schizophrenic. David has been in and out of institutions since he was young is in a continual battle to fight his way back to sanity. But an encounter…

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what do you do?

What do you do when you see and feel your dream slipping away? What do you do when you’re required to be someone and something your not in order to fulfill someone else’s needs and desires? What do you do when you can’t seem to stop operating out of fear and sheer panic? What do you do when you’re the only one fighting to maintain your sanity and peace? What do you do when you cant seem to detach? What do you do when everyone else says “it’s not personal” but for you it’s nothing if not personal? What do you do when you try hard to not be selfish and complain and be a negative unproductive force, but you don’t know what else to say or do to be heard and taken seriously to the point of prompting change for the better?