fight for iowa

who u should fight rvb freelancer version
  • York: York’s a great guy who could also probably like, rip you in half but tbh I feel like he’s that guy in the group who makes endless puns and dick jokes so, hey, punch him and then run away, lock a door behind you, and you’ll be fine. Fight York.
  • Carolina: I mean. I don’t know what show you’ve been watching, I really don’t. Jesus Horatio Christ on a popsicle don’t fight Carolina.
  • Washington: Wash has had the shittiest life ever. Of all time. Do not fight Wash give Wash chocolate and love.
  • South Dakota: True, South will rip you to tiny bitty little shreds, okay yeah but she got North killed and Theta lost and just... if you can fight South pls go for it
  • North Dakota: Why would you fight him. Why. North wants to give you a blanket and a cup of tea and talk about Grifball with you why would you fight him? Also if you did fight him he'd shoot you from three miles away. You're not nearly good enough to even get near him to actually fight him so don't bother. Don't fight North.
  • Texas: IF YOU FUCK WITH TEX YOU'LL BE ON YOUR KNEES FOR SURE
  • Maine: If you want death, then yes, fight Maine. But don't actually. Either he'd punch you once and you'd explode or he'd pick you up by the scruff of your neck and place you on a really high shelf or something. Don't fight Maine.
  • Connecticut: CONNIE IS A GOOD HUMAN BEING WHO'S TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING DON'T FUCKING FIGHT CT
  • Wyoming: Please rip his mustache off. Fight Wyoming.
  • Florida: That's like the worst idea ever ok look Florida is a chill honestly nice dude who will slather you with compliments and mean them but you will not last 0.0002 seconds in a fight with him. Nah he isn't on the leaderboard but that's probably cos he's like, way too cool for that shit okay don't fight Florida. Let Florida hug you.
  • Iowa: why would you do that that's like fighting Caboose except a Caboose who's never killed anyone okay it's like fighting Caboose's more innocent twin if that's possible DON'T FIGHT IOWA
  • Georgia: Yeah go ahead fight Georgia he seems like a dick. Also he probably sucks I mean we all know what happened to Georgia you might even win. Fight Georgia.
  • Ohio: bruh don't fight Ohio, set Ohio up with Sherry
  • Idaho: ehhhhhhhhhhh I feel like that would be a dick move. Don't fight Idaho.
  • Utah: how can you fight utah you don't even know what utah looks like
Who you should fight: RVB Freelancer edition

Connecticut: Shit man I mean??? Why would you?? She’s just trying to do what’s right and she saw how fucked up pfl was so like. Leave her alone??? Do not fight Connecticut.

Carolina: holy fuck man do you really think you can live??? She’s a badass and could kill you??? Also like she’s been through enough, she lost practically everyone just. Fuck. Do not fight Carolina.

Florida: haha. Dude. You did see this guy like. Pull a fucking hatchet out of his shoulder and keep fighting, right? Why would you think this is a good idea. Also like he’s so good to everyone and super positive even tho he could kill you in like three seconds?? Do not fight Florida.

Georgia: Don’t. He’s already pretty much the joke aboard the MoI (“You don’t wanna end up like Georgia!”) and he got flung through space I mean. If you want to punch him go for it but. Be nice. Do not fight Georgia.

Idaho: You can punch Idaho. But only once. Any more than that and you’re just cruel. Fight Idaho.

Iowa: Fuck you pal!!! Why would you want to do this!!!! Leave Iowa alone!!!! Do not fight Iowa!!!

Maine: HAHA. WOW. You’re really considering this, aren’t you. First of all, ask yourself this: WHY??? Why in god’s name would you want to fight Maine????? Fuck!!!! Not only is he super tall and probably buff as shit, he’s a huge nerd and has been through enough!!! If you wanna punch someone punch Sigma!!!! Leave Maine alone!!!! DO NOT FIGHT MAINE!!!!!!

North Dakota: North once shot a guy in half. He also uses two sniper rifles at the same time like what the fuck is with him?? What is with this unnecessary dramatic flair?? Why is he such a nerd??? Punch North once. Right in the got damn face. Fight North.

Ohio: Why would you? Girl’s just trying her best to get noticed. She’s a huge nerd but I mean there’s nothing wrong with that and she owns it so?? I mean, on the other hand she might be into being punched? There’s that whole thing with Sherry so? Fight Ohio?

South Dakota: Holy FUCK!! WHY?? South could kick your fucking ass!!!!! Do not!!!!! This has bad idea written all over it!!!! Do not fight South!

Texas: haha. Hahahaa. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. OHHHH MY GODD???? YOU’RE ACTUALLY CONSIDERING—IM CRYING RN HOLY SHIT. HOLY FUCK DID YOU SEE WHAT SHE DID TO THE REDS + TUCKER??? DO YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU?? DO YOU??? THIS GIRL HAS A SONG DEVOTED TO HOW BADASS SHE IS OKAY IF YOU FUCK WITH TEX YOU’LL BE ON YOUR KNEES FOR SURE DO NOT FIGHT TEXAS!!

Utah: I mean….I guess?? Idk he almost suffocated when he got the domed energy shield so I mean? Maybe don’t? If you want to tho I won’t stop you. Do not fight Utah?

Washington: Fuck!!! You!!! Leave Wash alone!! He’s done a lot of shitty stuff in the past but at least he’s working toward doing not as shitty things!! He’s a pretty cool dude who lost all of his friends!! Leave Wash alone!!! Do not fight Washington!!

Wyoming: Fuck with that mustache literally who wouldn’t want to. If you want to punch Wyoming I won’t stop you. Fight Wyoming.

York: He’s already dead!!!! Stop!!! He may have really bad pickup lines but just!!! Don’t!!!! He just wanted the best for his friends!!! He’s a nerd!! That’s why he was paired with Delta—THEY’RE BOTH HUGE FUKCIN NERDS!!!! Do not fight York!!!

2017 IIHF World Championships U.S.A. Roster

Wingers

#10 Anders Bjork (Notre Dame Fighting Irish/Mequon, Wisconsin)

#12 Jordan Greenway (Boston University Terriers/Canton, New York)

#13 Johnny Gaudreau (Calgary Flames/Dubuque, Iowa)

#18 Christian Dvorak (Arizona Coyotes/Palos, Illinois)

#27 Anders Lee (New York Islanders/Edina, Minnesota)

Centers

#7 J.T. Compher (Colorado Avalanche/Northbrook, Illinois)

#9 Andrew Copp (Winnipeg Jets/Ann Arbor, Michigan)

#14 Nick Bjugstad (Florida Panthers/Blaine, Minnesota)

#15 Jack Eichel (Buffalo Sabres/North Chelmsford, Massachusetts)

#19 Clayton Keller (Arizona Coyotes/Swansea, Illinois)

#21 Dylan Larkin (Detroit Red Wings/Waterford, Michigan)

#29 Brock Nelson (New York Islanders/Warroad, Minnesota)

Defensemen

#5 Connor Murphy (Arizona Coyotes/Dublin, Ohio)

#6 Daniel Brickley (Minnesota State University Mavericks/Sandy, Utah)

#8 Jacob Trouba (Winnipeg Jets/Ann Arbor, Michigan)

#55 Noah Hanifin (Carolina Hurricanes/Norwood, Massachusetts)

#65 Danny DeKeyser (Detroit Red Wings/Detroit, Michigan)

Goalies

#35 Jimmy Howard (Detroit Red Wings/Syracuse, New York)

#37 Connor Hellebucyk (Winnipeg Jets/Commerce Township, Michigan)

#40 Cal Petersen (Notre Dame Fighting Irish/Waterloo, Iowa)